A love like yours

Life's uncertainties

I haven't slept since my conversation with Smiso in the weekend hours of the morning. He said that he conspired with someone, but the question is about what? My head feels like its going to explode as I sit here racking my brain, trying to find answers. What did he mean by that? I'm hugging knees, feeling the the walls are caving in. Like my organs are failing me, like I'm about to collapse anytime now. I refuse to believe that it's my parents he conspired with. It has to be Rey... Rey did this! He took my child away from me! He did hint at being nasty, bit I didn't think he hated me so much! I didn't think... I thought I had it under control, that royalty would stay with me and that Rey was just bluffing, well, not bluffing per se but I thought he wouldn't at least play clean, with lawyers and courts not like this! I take a good moment to cry about the loss of my daughter and accept defeat. Evening I love seems not to think twice before hurting me, forgetting that I have their best interests at heart here. I've stood by Rey in the sunshine, the rain, the storm, the snow and wind. I gave him peace when it was cold outside, when there was a storm. Assured him that it's going to be alright everytime he needed to hear that. I proved my love and loyalty countless times to him so him to do me dirty like this is a low blow. I thought he knew by now how his much I loved him. I ever thought we'd come to the end of our breathtaking love because of one simple f**k up. A slip of the tongue. Whoever put a curse on me must have died a long time ago because. I just can't fathom how things can go this bad in one person's life alone when other people are living their best lives with nice life problems. Some people's problems go along the lines of choosing what car to drive on a particular day. Me? I've had one hell of a journey and if it is indeed true that with great struggle comes even greater success, then boy! I'll even qualify to be a millionaire if I ever get myself out of this mess.

Maggie

And the award for biggest f**k up of the year goes to... Me! For being the worst mother in the whole world!

I should my daughter off thinking thsy I'd have communication with her but I wasn't using brain when j cane to that conclusion. When has it ever happened like that? I should've stayed marriage, not to say that I'm not happy here because... I'm loving the stamina and money! I'm being treated like a the queen of England! If not better but I still feel like I should've either stayed for her sake or at least try to get her back together with Rey. Now I don't know what she eats everyday, that's if she's getting fed wherever her and Smiso went. To have "Messed up" would be better in this situation than what I went ahead and did. I destroyed everything with one wrong move and everything came crashing down like domino's Invading disappointment, a gold digger, lover of men and I deserve bad things. I wish I'd get a sign from the keepers of my life so that I can know if she's doing okay or not. At the end of the day, I'm still here longer and I love her. The doctors said she'd never make it because I'm HIV positive but she did. She's healthy and strong, proving to me that miracles do happen for those who believe.Her smile would light up room, forcing her father and I to smile even when we're going through tough times. She was the glue that held us together and kept our marriage going strong for most part of it. Now all of that is gone. I've given my pride and joy up for a man. How hypocritical of me. We're the first to complain about men being poeee hungry but now I'm giving them that power over me. To have their say and do as they please because I am a desperate woman. I lost all my values and morals intact ghetto process of. selling Amber off and I hope that we'll meet again some day so that I can ask for her forgivess because that's all I ever do. ask for forgiveness after disapointing her.

I'm coming baby! I say to them man that's called for the fifth time now.

Reece

Every day that passes without me having my daughter here feels like I'm going insane. I feel like I'll see walk through the door to greet me with that beautiful smile of hers, or I'll see her I'm the kitchen trying to burn my house down with these recipes she always wants to test. I've failed again, once and I liked her out and now I've lost to some boy. I failed to protect her like a parent. I should've gotten here sooner, forgotten about Maggie because nothing was going to come out of that and I knew that as well, but I didn't. I could've, should've done all these things but I didn't and it cost me a very valuable possession. My daughter. Not a day goes by without me wishing that she could hear me when I say I'm sorry, without me hoping that I'm not just lighting candles, that she at least feels a sense of calmness where I do, that I can be able then, to be with her in spirit to make up for my physical absence in her life. Disappointment from someone hits, but disappointment from your own family cuts deep. I've let her down. She was supposed to be looking to me to be her protector and her guide but now all I've become is a disappointment to her. I hope my child feels that my heart is bleeding for her. And more than everything, I hope she finds peace.