Jigsaw Pieces

Amelia - Thursday

Thankfully, traffic was light today and I made it back to the flat in twenty minutes. I managed to drive around the properties that were being developed. Jane was right, the estate was not far from me at all.  I made a mental note of how convenient my journey would be to and from work.  There was a Mercedes GLE parked outside. It was a weekday, and this was unexpected. I heard two familiar voices chatting away in the lounge as I walked into the flat. I dropped my bag off in my room and walked into the lounge.

‘Amelia, how are you?’ Just as I expected. Geoff walked towards me with his arms wide open. Daniel was drinking a beer with his Dad. He looked up towards me as his Dad held me tight in his bear hug. Guilt washed over his face as if he recalled the events of last week, knowing this was the first time he’d seen me since. ‘Come and join us,’ Geoff finally let go of me, picking up a bottle and passing it to me.

‘Umm, no thank you,’ I politely refused.

‘Amelia doesn’t drink Dad, you know that.’ Daniel spoke up. His voice was assertive and if I didn’t know better, he sounded protective of me. Geoff looked confused. I did have some champagne at his and Dorothy’s anniversary party summer last year.

‘Only on occasions, Geoff, otherwise it doesn’t appeal to me,’ he nodded in acknowledgement.

‘So, Jonathan has gone to see Mr. Anderson for a property we are interested in, he’ll be back in less than fifteen minutes he tells me,’ Geoff looks at his Rolex. ‘We will leave when he gets back.’ I wanted to ask if it was the new development, I had driven past but thought against it, keeping my plans to myself. ‘We’re heading back home to celebrate my mother’s 85th birthday this weekend. You are more than welcome to come Milly’ I remained expressionless as much as it was killing me inside. Daniel was the first one to call me Milly and soon after it was Geoff and before I knew it, his whole family called me Milly.

‘Thank you for the invite Geoff but I’ve got school tomorrow and I’ve got a busy week next week, so my weekend has come at the right time.’ I couldn’t think of anything else other than a plain ‘no. ‘But thank you, for inviting me’. Geoff was a lovely man and an amazing father. He didn’t deserve me anyone being mean to him. Daniel took one last swig of his beer as I turned to leave the room. I was still in my work clothes and the balls of my feet were starting to hurt.

‘Only if you’re sure Milly.’ Geoff said as I started to leave. I made my way to my room to breathe and get a hold of myself taking my shoes off as I got in. I pulled out my phone making sure it was turned off and slid it under my pillow. I removed my skirt and tights in front of my closet, looking for something to change into, something comfy would be ideal.

‘Can I come in?’ Daniel’s voice was muffled as he knocked on my door.

I was half naked. ‘One minute,’ I quickly changed into some black jeans and a purple light knitted top that I’d spotted in my chest of drawers. ‘Erm, yeah?’ I stood, making sure half of my body was shielded behind the door. I could feel the tension grow between us as I waited for him to speak. He stepped into the room and sat at the edge of my bed. I froze, still holding onto the door handle but relaxed when I heard Geoff in the lounge, instructing someone on the phone. He wasn’t far which felt comforting. Breathe Amelia, you’re not alone this time.

‘Last week, Amelia, I’m...,’ he stopped and ran his fingers through his hair. He was nervous and I wasn’t prepared to have this conversation right now.

‘I’m not dealing with this really well.’ He interrupted my thoughts. ‘I need to talk about how I’m feeling and maybe I need to get some help. Close the door please.’ I closed the door but left it slightly ajar, wanting to hear Geoff in the other room.

‘Amelia, I love you, and I hurt you. Again. I know. I don’t have an excuse for it. I was high. Chris is too much... but that’s not an excuse.’ He looked up at me. ‘I can’t be without you and it hurt me when I’d found out you’d been out on a date.’

His words stung. ‘You didn’t find out, you went through my phone,’ I corrected him. I crossed my arms protecting myself.

‘I know.’ He was shaking his head. ‘You were smiling when you were looking your phone, I knew that’s how you used to smile when I’d text you...’ his voice trailed off. ‘I don’t like the idea of you being alone this weekend.’ He changed the subject and looked straight at me. ‘We heard on the new just now that there is someone stalking women. I’m worried.’ I held back laughter, when I thought about the consequences. Being alone in this flat was far safer than being here when Daniel was high or drunk.

‘I’ll be fine.’ He held my gaze for a moment. The smoldering look he gave me almost made me blush. Stop being nervous. I could hear the cogs ticking in his head has he frantically searched for something to say. If this had been any other moment in our time together, we would’ve been busy on my bed right now, never missing an opportunity to be intimate with one another. I shook the thought away. I didn’t want to think about what we had when it was tainted with pain. He held his hand out to me. I’m sure my heart stopped beating.

‘Please.’ He pleaded, his eyes were sincere, a look I’d not seen for a while. My hand had a mind of its own and reached out towards him. He was gentle as he pulled me closer, wrapping both of his arms around my waist, resting his head against my stomach. My hands instinctively held him close. My eyes filled with tears as the familiar feelings came crashing through.  Don’t cry Amelia. Don’t cry. Daniel looked up at me and guided me to sit on his lap. He wiped away stray tears with his fingers. I’d forgotten how soothing his touch had been.

‘I’m sorry baby, I just don’t know how to be without you.’ That was it, the dam that had my tears in control was broken and they came gushing through.

‘Why Dan, why do you have to hurt me? I’ve been so scared to come near you, talk to you. I don’t understand what is happening here. I’m tired of all of this,’ I had lost all control of my tongue as the emotions possessed me. Daniel held me close and tight, shushing me, telling it was going to be OK. He pulled away and cupped my face in his hands.

‘Please don’t cry, I’ve hurt you enough.’ He kissed the end of my nose. ‘I know it might not come across this way, but I can’t see you cry.’

I’m not sure how it happened but our lips met. The familiarity of his lips was strong, allowing the passion to resurrect once again, as I welcomed him back in my arms. He maneuvered me across him so that I was straddling him, falling deeper into the passion that had awoken. His hands supported my back, pulling me closer with each kiss, holding me tight. My hands were holding his head, not allowing his lips to leave mine. We both pulled away to breath and stared into each other’s eyes. His eyes were burning with desire that used to make my knees weak. Used to. I shook my head, waking myself from the lust I felt and pulled myself out his arms.

‘I can’t do this, Dan.’ I lifted myself out of his embrace and made my way towards a corner of my room, taking cover behind my desk chair. Being close to him confused me. I knew first-hand how he could change, and I didn’t want to be too close to him anymore. Daniel remained where he was and touched his swollen lips. My cheeks flushed.

‘Is it Matt?’ He was still recovering from our kiss. ‘Are you seeing him?’

‘I’m not really sure what is happening.’ I almost whispered. I braced myself for his reaction.

‘Have you…?’ I knew what he was about to ask.

‘We’ve only shared one kiss.’

‘Fuck.’ He clenched his fists. I held my desk chair in front of me, as if it was my shield and looked towards the door.  I was conflicted, but I had no idea how Daniel was to react right now. Focus.

‘I’ve driven you away, haven’t I.’ I didn’t respond not knowing what to say. He got up, straightened his jumper and ran his fingers through his hair as he walked towards me.

‘I think I should move out Dan.’ I blurted. ‘This isn’t healthy for either of us.’ Daniel glared at me. I knew he wasn’t going to approve whenever I told him, but it was the right thing to do. I felt it as soon as I had said it out loud.

‘Did you not feel anything just now?’ I wasn’t ready to reply and looked down, avoiding his gaze. He walked towards me and around the chair. He was so close I could smell his aftershave.  I flinched as he cupped my face with his hands and lifted my head gently. His touch sent another shiver down my spine. He was looking deep into my eyes it was like he was burning a hole in the back of my head. My heart race quickened, I’m sure he felt it. My eyes searching the room for something, anything.

‘I’m not going to hurt you.’ He’d read my mind. ‘I’ve spoken to my Dad and he’s going to help me. I just need to know that I haven’t lost you Milly.’

‘Dan, that’s unfair. You can’t put that on me.’ Shaking my head and moving his hands away from my face. ‘You have to do this because you want to, not for me, it’s for you.’ I felt Daniel’s intense eyes on me once again as I looked away.

‘I’d rather die than hurt you again.’ My heart ached as it digested the words that my ears heard. I never want you to die, I just wanted you to stop hurting me. My eyes filled with tears again.

‘Dan, please...,’ I wasn’t prepared for these emotions right now. I stepped away from the desk and crossed my arms feeling vulnerable. I needed to leave this room and get away from Daniel, he was the cause of all of this. Daniel sensed how I was feeling and stepped forward, unwrapping my arms and putting them around his waist. He always used to be able to read me so well. I hid my head in his chest as tears stained his jumper. He instinctively wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head.  This is what I’ve missed, Daniel. The one person who used to make me feel safe in this world. I immediately let go and stepped back.

‘Any chance of a cup of tea?’ Geoff’s voice outside my door brought us back to reality.

‘Coming, Dad.’ Daniel took a step closer to me. ‘I never really understand Dad’s need to want some tea after a bottle of beer.’ I couldn’t hold back the smile at the corners of my lips.

‘Are you OK Milly?’ I nodded as he brushed his thumbs across my cheeks, making sure all the tears had been wiped away. Daniel planted a soft kiss on my forehead and turned to walk out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts following him to the door. I closed the door, releasing a long sigh I’d not realised I was holding. I looked in the mirror and fixed my puffy eyes with some mascara and went to get my phone. It was only turned on for less than a minute when a message from Matt came through.

Still on for that bite to eat later pretty lady. Matt. X.

 I felt guilty remembering how I’d arranged to meet Matt. I held my head in my hands, I could feel a headache coming along. Tears and confused feelings were not a great combination right now. I’m not sure. Message you later. X.

I wanted some space to think about today’s events, in fact space in general was something I needed. I decided I’d also make a cup of tea and take some painkillers for my headache, making sure my phone was completely turned off before I put it in the inside zip pocket of my coat that hung on the back of the door. It would be safe there.

‘How’s the teaching coming along Milly? You must be keeping those kids in line.’ Geoff was stood in the doorway of the kitchen with one arm in his pocket and a cup of tea in the other. He’d taken a last sip from his cup and placed it in the sink, as I poured milk into my tea. Daniel was a carbon copy of his Dad. Both were 6 foot 3, with short black hair, although Geoff was going bald, both clean shaven, golden hazel eyes, with broad shoulders. Daniel clearly got his attractive looks from his Dad who was once a great looking man in his day. Although, I’m not so sure where the dark elements of his personality came from.

‘It’s great, I’m really enjoying it. It helps being employed by my placement school.’ I immediately relaxed with the Geoff. ‘I’ve not had to start all over again in September like some of my colleagues from the course had to.’

‘Aww Milly, I’m chuffed for you,’ he smiled as he guided me through to the lounge towards Daniel who was flicking through the TV channels. ‘I’ve always thought this one’s a keeper Danny,’ Geoff wasn’t treating me any different. I looked at Daniel, of course he’d not told him.

‘She is a keeper Dad,’ Daniel agreed, looking away, avoiding meeting my gaze. I wanted to feel him look at me again. I wanted to know if there was any sincerity in in his eyes. Did he mean what he said to me just a few moments ago? Why wasn’t I convinced?

‘Come on Son, Jonathan is outside.’ Geoff stood up after checking his phone. ‘Milly, wish you could be with us, but I understand,’ he held up his hands in defense before I could reply. He held me tight and kissed my cheek.

‘See you for Christmas break.’ Geoff said as he let go of me. I winced at the thought of spending Christmas with Daniel. ‘Grab your stuff Son, I’ll give you some privacy to say your goodbyes to your missus.’ I felt my cheeks flush. Geoff, I’m no longer his Missus.

We both watched Geoff walk out of the room. I put my tea on a placemat in the table, it was far too hot to drink right now.

‘Are you sure you’re going to be OK?’ Daniel walked over to me.

‘Mmm mmm.’ I stayed where I was. He reached out and held my shoulders.

‘We’re back on Monday afternoon. You need anything just call me.’ I wasn’t sure what to think of that. I felt emotional that he was leaving me. Despite the issues and turmoil between us, this was the first time we were physically going to be apart. This is what I need.

            ‘Please don’t make any haste decisions about moving. Let’s talk when we get back.’ I nodded not fully registering what he was saying to me. ‘Put the chain on the door when I leave, OK?’ he looked concerned. He surprised me by brushing the back of his right hand on my cheek and planting a slow kiss on my forehead before he took my hand and led me to the door. On the way, he picked up his overnight bag that was waiting for him in the hallway and let go of my hand and walked towards Geoff.

‘Daniel?’ I called out to him as I followed him. He turned around and I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could without suffocating him. I don’t know what came over me, but I wanted to hold him one last time. I wanted a delete button that could erase those bad times between us. I wanted to feel safe in his arms again. I wanted it all to go way so we could spend the rest of our lives together just like we had imagined. But it felt wrong. I knew in that moment; I was right, and he was living in the past. I trusted him in front of his Dad. But in reality, I didn’t feel safe with him when it was just the two of us.

‘Awwww, young love,’ Geoff was smirking at us as he picked up the bag Daniel dropped on the ground and put it into the boot of the car.

‘We’re going to be OK baby,’ he whispered in my ear. ‘Don’t give up on us.’ He planted another quick kiss on my forehead and got into the back seat of the car. I stood for while watching the car pull away and drive down the road until it disappeared. I wasn’t sure if Daniel had turned around to take a last glance at me, but I’m sure I spotted something shuffle in the back. Nothing he could say or do would make any difference anymore.  I knew what I had to do.  

I turned my phone on and glanced over to the door making sure I latched the chain to the door. No new messages. I saw my teacup on the table, which was lukewarm, so down the sink it went.

I sunk into the sofa thinking I had every reason to believe Daniels words and if I could erase the pain and hurt, he had caused me then maybe I wouldn’t be feeling so conflicted. Stop, you’ve done this before, and it got worse. My thoughts reminded me how I’d let him convince me last time and then I suffered the consequences, but no more.

I thought back to the houses that were being developed, Anderson Properties. I googled it and looked at google images. The houses and flats looked lovely, too beautiful to be affordable was my concern. I stopped at an image of an attractive male. Mr. M Anderson. I felt like he was looking right at me which made my heart skip a beat. It’s just a picture Amelia. My thoughts of the picture clearly had gotten the better of me when the Pizza delivery man had too many boxes in his hands. I’d pressed re-order previous order instead of placing a new order. I laughed at myself, wondering how on earth I was going to manage to eat a large chicken pizza, nachos, garlic bread and wedges all by myself! Yes, I’d have some for lunch tomorrow but didn’t fancy pizza tomorrow evening either. I had an idea and pulled out my phone. 

#

I had to park further up, mainly because all the parking spaces outside of Matt’s house were taken. I turned my car off just as it started to pour buckets of rain. I checked my phone again hoping Matt had replied to my last message. 

Fancy pizza? Over ordered lots of food so it’s my treat, be at yours in 10 mins x

It wasn’t showing as read yet, so I’d decided to wait in the car, just in case he had nipped out. I didn’t want to get wet in the rain as typically, I’d forgotten my umbrella. I felt like I was an Uber eats driver with all this food in the car. My stomach growled. The smell of the pizza was invading my nostrils, calling to me to eat.

Where are you Matt? OK, I’m coming in.

 I took my keys out of the ignition and picked up the boxes with my left hand and opened my door with my right. I had to give way to a car passing me which seemed park in a space that had just become available in front of Matts house. Typical. I got out of the car and received a wet welcome from the pouring rain.

I held the pile of boxes in my hand as I walked around the car to get onto the pavement and saw someone with an umbrella walk across the car that had just parked. It was a woman; I could tell by the knee-high boots she was wearing which were from Next which looked familiar. The woman opened the gate to Matt’s house and pressed his doorbell, the security light lit the whole front garden. I know her. I froze not too far away from my car but at a safe distance that I couldn’t been seen. The rain was pounding hard causing my hair to stick to my face. The door opened and it was Matt who peered out.  

‘About time Sylvia, talk about making a man wait.’ He kissed her passionately on her lips. I blinked twice. Did I just see that right?

‘I’ll make it up to you babe.’ She giggled and closed her umbrella and walked into the house. I could hear them giggling as Matt closed the door. I started to feel dizzy. Yes. It was her. I could recognise that blonde hair a mile off.  I felt dizzy. I turned around, unlocking my car and put all the boxes in the passenger seat and ran around to the driver’s side. I couldn’t believe what I’d just seen. Oh s**t, My message! I pulled out my phone to check if Matt had read my message. There was no read receipt. Damn it. I hit the steering wheel. I wished I could recall the message just like you could recall an email. I could punch someone right now. I turned my car on and waited for a few minutes for the windows to demist. The upstairs lights lit up the street. I sunk in my seat and put my car into gear and made my way home, fighting back tears. I. Am. Not. Going. To. Cry. I told myself. 

#

My phone beeped as I cling filmed the remaining slices of pizza. I thought about what Sylvia was going to tell me when Mick had interrupted us. She was going to tell me.  Turns out I could eat a fair amount when I was comforting myself. I took my time and made myself a hot chocolate as my phone beeped again, reminding me I still had an unopened message. I sat on the sofa and pulled a blanket over me, changing the channel to Sky Witness and an episode of CSI: Miami and then checked my phone. 

Hope you’re doing OK. I’ve not stopping thinking about us since I left you. Dan X.

I’m OK. Thanks for asking.  

I was touched by his message and felt a sense of comfort hearing from him, knowing he was thinking about me, at least someone was. But I didn’t want to give him false hope. There could was longer be an us, and for the first time since officially breaking up with Daniel, I was able to think clearly. I sighed; knowing I had a lot to do in the next few days before Daniel came back, and this was my chance, but how? I took myself to the bathroom to start my getting ready for bed routine, desperately wanting the day to be over.