Jigsaw Pieces

Amelia - A week later. Thursday

I always believed that life was simple. People made things complicated when they stopped thinking about others and focused on themselves. Maybe that was naïve of me, thinking that people had a natural inclination to genuinely care and look out for others. Clearly, I was the naïve one.

I’d zoned out listening to the staff briefing that morning whilst simultaneously trying to avoid eye contact with Matt. He had called me on numerous occasions after we went out together to the theatre a week ago. He had also tried to find me in school but luckily Jane knew the repercussions of the night and kept him at bay.

‘Amelia, you need to call the police. Did you call an ambulance? Or get yourself checked out at the hospital? What if you had broken something?’ She was pacing up and down her classroom, something she did when she was trying to think things through. ‘I’m so angry right now, I could kill him! Why didn’t you call me?’

I was sat on the front table, propped up with my hands with big red puffy eyes, with the events of the previous night rolling off my tongue in her classroom.

‘You know I can’t, especially after last time,’ was the only answer I could provide. She huffed and shook her head as she sat down opposite me.

‘Amelia, how can I help you?’ She was scared for me; she always had been. I could see the anguish and the fear in her eyes. She was my Head of Department, my boss, as time went on, my confidant.  I’d tried to hide my bruises from her, but somehow, she always knew. ‘You’re forgetting about the 1st  I achieved in my Psychology degree,’ She’d joke,  but we both knew that despite being the one I trusted; she couldn’t help me. It had to be me.

‘Amelia, can we have a chat? I’m free this period too,’ Matt touched my arm lightly, snapping me out of my thoughts. He’d already checked my timetable. Damn it. Feelings of guilt washed over me, I’d been avoiding him and his calls for a week now and it wasn’t fair. I could see his eyes waiting patiently for an answer. I nodded and picked up my keys and diary and walked along with him to my classroom down the hall.

Matt was attractive with his blonde hair, flopped to one side which he always ran his fingers through. Unintentionally, he would always tell me. His blue eyes were mesmerizing. His cheeks were always flushed, even when we had our serious conversations. He was just short of 6-foot-tall and I was 5’5 and yet somehow he always called me short despite my killer heels.  He’d always compliment me on my work attire which I found hard to believe but then I found myself making more of an effort to please him and carefully thought about my outfits. It had been a long time since I had cared about my appearance maybe that was what gave it away. He was a newly qualified Maths teacher and he clearly had a lot in common with a newly qualified Psychology teacher. He was respectful and kept his distance as he knew I’d ended my relationship with Daniel at the end of the summer holidays, but our living situation remained unchanged due to the contract I was committed to.

When things between Daniel and I were great, I had still been reluctant to move in with him so compromised and decided to get a two-bedroom ground floor flat. He was never happy about the two bedrooms, but somehow, I’d managed to convince him.

‘Amelia, are you OK? I’ve been trying to call you for over a week. Have I done something wrong, I thought we had a really good time?’ Matt sounded nervous as the questions rolled one after another. ‘Did you have a good time?’

He was right, we did have a really good time. The show was great, we’d laughed and held hands whilst watching the show. He made me feel comfortable and safe to be with him. During the intermission, he’d led me out, waited for me to use the bathroom and bought us two lattes.

‘I can’t drink alcohol if you’re not drinking,’ he smiled. We’d bumped into some of our colleagues and all stood together chatting about how great the first half of the show had been. I’d flinched slightly when he put his arm around my waist but then relaxed when our eyes met and I saw the reassurance I needed. We never spoke about my home life, but I was convinced that he knew. He used to make a joke at how jumpy I was but then gradually stopped as if the penny had dropped. We spent a lot of our free time at school together, marking work, planning lessons, going out for lunch, and chatting about life and insignificant things. I was comfortable with him. I was in denial when Jane used to rib me during briefings and tell me that Matt couldn’t keep his eyes off me. He was attracted to me; he’d confessed to me and it felt good to know someone still found me attractive. It took a lot of convincing from Jane who told me that it would be good for me to get out and have some fun, even if it was never going to be anything serious, so I did.   I looked at him and smiled.

 ‘Nothing is wrong, and yes, we did have a great time.’ Relief washed over his face. I sighed, knowing he deserved my honesty. ‘I had a great time.’ I paused. ‘I’m not sure how it’s going to affect Daniel, he’s not great with the idea of me seeing someone and... and... which I can understand, it’s not great living with your ex now really is it?’ My attempt at lightening the tense atmosphere with a joke failed miserably when I saw the look on Matt’s face. ‘Maybe we just take things slow?’ I looked up at him from behind my thick lashes. ‘Let’s slow down go back to spending our time together at school as we did before, that was great and fun.’ It was a statement rather than a question. Matt wanted us to move forward, to the next step, spending time together at school wasn’t a ‘relationship’ according to him whereas my definition of a ‘relationship’ no longer existed. He was looking for something in my eyes before he conceded and nodded. He must’ve found it; his blue eyes gave away the disappointment he felt. I tried not to hold his gaze for too long as I frantically tried to think of something to discuss.

‘I’m going to get some coffee; would you like some?’ He interrupted my thoughts. A wave of guilt washed over me, knowing I’d hurt his feelings and yet he still offered to bring me back a coffee. I knew he didn’t want this conversation to end but there was something about being in his presence that made me feel at ease. He didn’t deserve to be treated this way, so I nodded and gave him a smile. He looked pleased as he walked out of my classroom and down the corridor towards the staffroom.

My thoughts drifted back to that evening with Matt as I logged onto my laptop and organized my desk for my three lessons ahead. He had been a gentleman, meeting me in the car park, shielding me from the crowd with his arms out beside me, his protective arms around my waist, keeping me close, reassuring me he was going to keep me safe that night. He’d walked me back to my car with his arm still around me, pulling me close to his warm chest, protecting me from the cold. We found my car after giggling about something completely arbitrary that had nothing to do with the show. We always found something to laugh about and usually it was at his expense, but I knew he could take it. It was when he made attempts at making jokes at my expense that didn’t turn out so well.

‘I’ve honestly had a great time this evening Matt, thank you,’ I’d laughed again, ‘And my face really does hurt!’

I couldn’t remember that last time I’d laughed so much. I took my car keys out of my small side messenger bag not realizing Matt had taken a step towards me. He guided my face towards his gaze with his finger under my chin. We stood there, staring into each other’s eyes, feeling the cold breeze between us. He stepped forward, closing some more of that distance, and caressed my cheek with the back of his hand.

‘I could stare into your eyes all night Amelia,’ I looked down at my shoes, hiding behind my thick lashes and my hair, where he knew I was smiling. I could never take compliments well.

He was romantic and said whatever came to his mind, regardless of the consequences. He always told me my eyes told him everything when my lips didn’t. I knew when my lips contradicted my eyes that he also knew too but never pushed it. He guided my face up again and moved my hair to reveal my face. I bit my bottom lip and followed his gaze down towards my lips. He took another step forward eradicating any space that existed between us. I rested my keyless hand on his chest as if to stop him from moving forward. He cupped my face into his hands and leaned forward to brush his lips against mine. He kissed me, gently and slightly unsure at first until I kissed him back. He relaxed and pulled me closer. One hand slid around my waist and the other intertwined in my hair. My free hand traveled up to the back of his head, holding him as the kiss became more passionate. We both pulled away together. He rested his forehead against mine as we caught our breath.

‘Can we do this again?’ He whispered softly.  

‘You want to kiss me again?’ Not missing an opportunity to embarrass him

‘Erm, yes, of course, I mean, no... not that it wasn’t amazing, I could kiss you all night but I... I. don’t just want to kiss you... I want… time… with you...’ He looked at me, searching for the right thing to say. I’d burst into fits of giggles into his chest as he’d wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer, and started to laugh himself. ‘Will you stop making jokes at my expense, just this one time please?’ He was extra cute when he was nervous, and it was so easy to embarrass him and catch him off guard.

I grimaced at the memories of how the night ended for me at home but tried to hold onto the feeling of his arms around me as he walked back into the classroom with our coffees.

‘Would you like to go out for lunch today Matt, I’ve only got three lessons today’ I smiled at him, remembering how he made me feel. I wanted to make it up to him. He deserved it. What do I deserve? I pushed those thoughts to the side.

‘Yes! Let’s go that place where we can sit in, I’ll call ahead and order for us.’ He was happy, his eyes lit up. Always so thoughtful.