LOST LOVE, LOST SELF

Broken Relationships

Clarice.

A ghostly lantern illuminated the clear, chilly night as the moon hung full and ripe over the trees. Its silvery radiance cast a faint luminosity over everything, turning the ordinary into something dreamy and magical. Its ancient and unbreakable pull was felt deep within my bones, serving as a reminder of the strength and heritage that made me more than human. Tonight was meant to be flawless, the result of years of sacrifice, dedication, and preparation. Graduation. I could see the bright, exciting future ahead of me, full of opportunities. I wanted to locate him tonight, more than anything else.

My partner. I would be complete with that person.

The air was heavy with the blending odors of my pack, which included wildflowers, pine needles, and the characteristic musk of wolves, and the celebration in the clearing was well underway. Music flowed from the speakers, laughter erupted, and the atmosphere was explosive. Despite everything, I managed to laugh and smile while feeling anxious on the inside. My pulse was pounding for reasons unrelated to the night's thrill.

"Clarice, there you are!" Vivian, who is my closest friend, came running up to me with shining amber eyes. As her black locks cascaded about her shoulders, she was virtually giddy with joy. Her grin did nothing to calm me, but it was contagious.

I said, "Hey, Viv," and gave her a firm embrace. She smiled and stepped back.

Her tone was soft yet playful as she said, "Are you nervous?" She was too familiar with me to be duped by my phony confidence.

"A little," I said, biting my bottom lip. "I mean, what if—"

"What if you meet your mate tonight?" Vivian interrupted, smiling broadly. "You’ll be so satisfied that you’ll neglect that you have been ever nervous." She grabbed my hand and dragged me into the middle of the festivities. "Come on, let's dance!"

Allowing her to pull me along, I let the music and the beat of the pack's happiness permeate my being. But my mind wouldn't stop racing. Every she-wolf was raised to hear about this promise, and I had been waiting for it. Your destiny was to meet your partner. It needed to be unquestionable, strong, and flawless. What if, however, destiny had different ideas?

As I tried to lose myself in the music that was pulsing through my veins, everything abruptly stopped. My heart stopped as I smelled something new, a strong cedar and smoke combination that filled the area. My wolf awoke under my flesh, angry and frantic, and my vision tunneled.

Hey, buddy.

With my breath catching in my chest, I looked across the throng and almost fell. I stared at him, and everything went away, the laughing, the music, even Vivian beside me. Greyson.

He was tall and broad-shouldered, with windblown black hair and piercing blue eyes that scanned the gathering before settling on mine as he stood at the edge of the clearing. With equal parts fear and hope, my heart felt as if it had been clamped into a vice. The second I saw who was standing next to him, the moment I had longed for and dreamed of was turned into something nasty and terrible.

The Vivian. Tucked against his side, her fingers entwined with his, was my sister, my dearest friend, whom I had selected. Totally oblivious to the tempest brewing within me, she smiled as she gazed at me. Grayson's eyes widened with a type of dread I couldn't comprehend, and his face became pale—until he wrenched his eyes from me and moved toward Vivian in a manner that seemed almost protective.

I said, "No," with hardly a breath.

It was nonsensical. The world was illogical. The mating tie between us was electric and raw, and I could feel it throbbing. It was indisputable. This was destiny, an enduring connection that held us together with more strength than steel. Grayson, however, was gazing at me as if I were a ghost or maybe worse.

"Clarice?" With her grin wavering as she glanced between us, Vivian's words broke through the confusion in my head. "What's wrong?"

I was unable to talk. I had no mobility. In my chest, a harsh, searing agony emerged. With his jaw clenched and his once-warm and familiar blue eyes now filled with sadness, Grayson took a step forward.

"Clarice," he said in a low, choked voice. "I—" He paused, speechless, and something inside of me broke.

I recognized it. Everything became horribly obvious at that one instant. Vivian and Grayson have been together for several years. I had been there for every anniversary, every tender gesture, and had seen them fall in love. Their compatibility was ideal. Nevertheless, destiny had tethered him to me.

My partner. The guy who dates my closest buddy.

My inner wolf, divided between want and destruction, howled as Grayson took a sharp inhale. "I reject you," he murmured, his words cutting through my heart like a blade. "I'm unable to... I will not subject her to this.

The breath left my lungs like a physical blow from his rejection. My knees felt like they were about to give out from the sheer intensity of the pain, which was much worse than I had anticipated. I realized that the relationship, which had been lovely and dazzling seconds before, would never completely heal, since it was a painful kind of rejection.

Vivian's shocked eyes widened. "What—Grayson, what are you—?"

Whispering, "Vivian, please," Grayson's voice broke. "I’ll explain, I swear."

However, she turned to face me, her face bewildered and wounded. "Clarice?"

It was too much for me to handle. They couldn't handle the weight of the broken link or the treachery and bewilderment in her face. I turned and went without saying another word, the jungle engulfing me as my eyesight became blurry from weeping.

The agony persisted. I felt like I was running through quicksand with every stride, the pain of rejection tearing at my gut. My breath came in ragged gasps as I staggered over roots, and eventually I fell against a tree, my body shaking. Inside of me, my wolf whined, the loss of our mate ripping at me, at her.

For what reason? Why was destiny so unforgiving?

"Clarice." The voice, kind and worried, pierced my hopelessness. Mommy. With dark, worried eyes, she knelt next to me. "I understood how you felt. "What took place?"

I couldn't make out the words, so I shook my head. How could I explain that all of my dreams had been ruined? That my partner had turned me down, that I had lost both him and maybe Vivian. My mother put her arms around me, providing a little bit of solace from the internal turmoil.

Whispering, "I'm here," she said. Clarice, you're not alone. We'll work together to overcome this.

However, I could not dispose of the nagging sensation that I had misplaced something priceless. The destiny I had anticipated vanished into ashes that night, and I turned at a loss for a way to rebuild myself.