Her Soldier

Chapter 17

I shook my head, suddenly getting dizzy, "I can't," I stammered out as I stepped back, not wanting to go any further. Zack looked at me.

"What's wrong?" he asked me, seeming so relaxed and calm even though we were about to fall 100 metres down. No wonder my mother didn't want to join us, it makes sense now: I'm crazy.

"I can't do this," I said more sternly, wanting to turn around and go back home. I wanted to cry. I didn't think it would be this difficult to conquer my fear. In my defence, it seemed more fun than scary but now that I'm here, I can see that it's absolutely ridiculous.

I swallowed a ball of my spit, my eyes wide, "look at me," Zack called out to me softly, holding me by the sides of my face and making me look up at him, "you can do this," he told me, trying to convince me but I wasn't swayed.

I shook my head, "maybe you can go but I don't want to," I told him, certain about my decision.

"I thought you wanted to conquer your fear of heights, Dudu?" he frowned slightly, "and at first, doing anything that scares you is not very ideal, but it must be done."

"It's easy for you to say, you're a soldier."

"Do you think being a soldier is a walk in the park? I do things that scare me on a daily basis because I realize that I can't be a victim of my own fears. Every day that I face a fear, it's a fear lost and a victory gained for me; and it's the most empowering moment you'll go through because a weight will be lifted off your shoulders. Now, let us go on there and conquer another fear of mine and a fear of yours. We can do this..." 

He let go of my face and smiled at me before he took my hand in his and we followed the staff members as we walked across the bridge between the two towers.

I refused to look down and instead focused on my breathing and trying to think of something that would ease the vomit making its way up my throat. My heart was pounding and my palms were sweating, especially the one that Zack was holding in his.

I wanted to cry but I also wanted to appear strong. I didn't think we'd make it off the bridge but when we did, we stood on a steady platform. The guides were giving us instructions but I couldn't hear anything. I finally looked down, seeing how far below the earth was and I started to cry.

"I'm scared," I admitted through uncontrollable cries as I tried to stop the shaking of my legs.

I gripped Zack’s hand like my life depended on it, "there's absolutely nothing to be afraid of," he tried to comfort me as I buried my face in his chest and he rubbed my back soothingly, "exactly an hour from now, we'll be sitting in a restaurant, laughing about how exhilarating the experience was. Two hours from now you'll even forget that you were ever afraid of hopping off the bridge. And by tomorrow you'll forget the trauma of it all because it will just be a distant memory."

I nodded my head, stepping back from him as I tried to pull myself together with long and steady breaths, "ok... Good luck," I told him with a fake smile as I looked up at him and he nodded, looking down at me.

"You'll be ok..." at that he let them lead him to the point where he'll jump off.

"Are you ready?" one of the guys asked him and he nodded, they lifted his hands above his head.

"When you're ready, jump."

I saw Zack nod, and he bent his knees a little bit before he straightened up. I saw him turn his face to look at me, and he smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back at him. He turned his body to fully face me as he gave a slight wave and like that, he let his body fall back and I gasped, watching him fall down.

I could hear him screaming before he started laughing, his arms stretched wide like he couldn't be any more free.

Minutes later, the guides all turned to me, "are you ready, ma'am?" I shook my head, my knees shaking uncontrollably as I looked down below.

I started to cry yet again, two of them came to hold me by my arms, taking me closer to the edge and I started to cry even more. I couldn't see anything through my blurry eyesight and I could feel the tears pouring down my face.

I was terrified, listening to the clicks of the metal equipment that held together my harness. I was a mess. I really wished Zack was here with me but I couldn't see him down below.

It took forever for me to stop the uncontrollable sobs that kept escaping me, "ok..." I said through my cries that were no longer full on sobs, "ok...I'm ready."

I wasn't ready, I was terrified. The two guides let go of my arms and raised my arms above my head.

"When you're ready, jump."

I looked down and my stomach dropped at what I would do. I was glad I didn't eat anything because I'm sure I was going to throw up. I closed my eyes shut, "get over your fear," I whispered to myself but I was terrified. My heart was pounding against my chest and my legs were like jelly, "now or never," was what I told myself even though I was more petrified now than I was a few moments ago.

At that I left my eyes open and let myself fall. I couldn't even scream, my voice was stuck in my throat as my eyes looked down at the fast coming ground. It felt like everything was moving in slow motion; the further drop of my stomach, the still of my heart, the wind hitting against my face- everything was slow and fully felt.

When I finally stopped just a few metres from the ground and my body just swung, the first person I saw was Zack who was waiting for me. The second the other staff members lowered me to the ground and took off the equipment I found myself buried in Zack's chest. I enjoyed the feel of his arms.

"How was it?" he asked me, concern thick in his voice as he noticed my moist cheeks.

I stopped, trying to find the right words as I got lost in his green eyes, "exhilarating," I finally said with a grin and he laughed, hugging me even tighter.

"You scared the hell out of me," he breathed out, his thick arms securely around my neck.

"I'm sorry," I apologized with a stupid smile.

"Let's go get something to eat," he told me as he held my hand and I looked down at our joined hands and blushed profusely. I didn't say anything, just did as he said and let him drag me to wherever he desired.

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