Behind our smiles

Chapter 4

Recently I have been having this feeling where I try to understand the reason behind my actions ..there are some stupid things I've done , some uncalled for , some irrational behaviours but I still find myself doing it

I calll this lost in the moment. You know really why regret something you once wanted....when I look at my past I wish I could just erase it and sometimes I wish I could not ,

but the urge to erase is it is more higher tho it's pretty f****d up if you want to know , well that bring us to this moment , I got a text from my dealers this morning Jackson

He is a pretty shady person okay what am I saying he deals drugs of course his shady well apparently he has a new substance for .I guess he doesn't know I'm just back from f*****g rehab

But it's so tempting to use but I'm trying not to giving in to it I've been clean for 6 months not that I was an addict really I just took molly , Percocet, oxy's. I did not really have a problem with the pills I could control myself

But Jackson is a shitty dealer all he cares about is money I mean of course he cares about money but we used to be close and feel f*****g sad that he hadn't heard for me in six months and all he is worried about is money

Sighs well I guess I'll just go to the stupid mall Chloe wanted us to go to ..I wasn't planning on going really

But this text turned me off

And I need to be around people because I can't be alone right now