She Who Chases Love Away

XIV

“Do you want to eat ice cream, Tobias?”

Aunt Alicia asked when my school event ended. I had so much fun today. Her sad vibe instantly vanished when the event started. She cheerfully participated in most of the games. She even brought laughter to everybody from time to time. I didn’t know she could blend into society, not just with love I guess. We won a lot of prizes, which we shared with those who had not won anything.

“Why not?”

We stopped at an ice cream shop on our way. We ordered 5 scoops each of mint chocolate. We both loved that unpopular flavor.

“Can I ask you a question, Aunt Alicia?”

She nodded while her spoon was still in her mouth.

“Why don’t you give love a chance? You’re even lucky that most of the men you interacted with were decent, I think. Even those you chatted with on Snapchat before, no one asked you for anything indecent. That’s rare, you know. I heard from Mom how unreliable online dating platforms are sometimes.”

She looked at me seriously.

“Maybe.”

“And you know, you could win against Raphael that day. You can just ignore him until he gives up.”

“I know.”

“You even went out three times.”

One day, Raphael just swung at our house. When we left Grandma at that event, she told him our address.

“He's just a friend.”

“Why not more? Why so firm in not falling in love?”

“Because my first love betrayed me.”

“Who? How?”

“Before I answer that, let me tell you a secret. Will you be ready to hear it? This is a secret that I thought I'd bring to my grave.”

“Probably?”

“Do you know how my Dad died?”

“Grandpa? He was hit by a car.”

I said, not confident.

“Uh huh. You know, when he was alive, I had ordinary views on life. I also once dreamed of having a family of my own someday until one day when I went out with my classmates. I saw a familiar figure of a man being intimate with another woman. I called Dad and asked him where he was. He lied. He said he was at the company, busy with work. I investigated the woman. She's a single mom who, after being betrayed once by her son’s father, learned to open her heart again after so many years. You know what I learned as well? The mistress didn’t know that she was a mistress. I hate her and, at the same time, I pity her. She opened her heart again to the wrong man.”

She paused and drank half a glass of her water.

“My Dad’s cheating? I can let it go. That wouldn’t be the reason that I would turn my back on love. What happened after is the reason. I didn't know what I really wanted to achieve at that time, but I sent the woman a copy of my parents’ marriage certificate and a photo of our family. I don’t know if I want to break her and Dad’s relationship, or if I just want her to know the truth. I don’t really know. I saw how that woman's heart broke. I was just hiding near her when she opened the envelope. I saw how her emotions changed, from shock to hurt and then to madness. Who wouldn’t be mad when they were fooled?”

She took a deep breath.

“After 3 days, we received news that someone accidentally ran over him. The driver’s car malfunctioned and resulted in hitting someone. And the unfortunate victim was Dad. When I saw who the driver was? I know it’s intentional. That woman is the driver. Maybe her anger drove her to commit a crime. Then I started thinking, if I didn’t intervene, would Dad still be alive? Deep down, I felt like I was the one who killed Dad. You know, they say that a daughter’s first love is their Dad. That was the reason why my first love died. I also have this thought that if I fall in love and get betrayed again, would I also kill the man? So that’s another reason why I’d rather stay out of love’s path.”

To be honest, I can’t fully comprehend what I have just learned. I’m just a kid, after all.

“Didn't Mom and Grandma know about the connection between Grandpa and the driver?”

I asked instead.

“If your Mom knew, you wouldn’t exist. She’ll guard her heart and maybe your parents won’t end up with each other because she might end up not marrying as well. She’s more emotional than I am. She won’t be able to handle Dad’s betrayal well.”

Maybe Aunt’s right.

“And for your Grandma, why do you think I left after that incident? So Mom won’t know. I’m not confident that I won’t break down and tell her everything if I stay by her side. I was young at that time. I was a bit emotionally unstable as well. It was so painful when I left, but it was the better choice. I’d rather she thinks that I’m an ungrateful child.”

“And to answer your question about why Raphael can’t be more than just a friend, because he is the son of that woman. Our ill-fated entangled connection is more than enough reason.”

“And why are you telling me all of this?”

“Because you're just a child, you hear but not fully understand everything, so the impact is lesser. Plus, you asked. I’m just answering your questions.”

The last part is the Aunt that I know. I smiled helplessly.

“You have a good reason, but why are you still indulging Grandma with everything?”

If she wanted, she really could say no to Grandma. Grandma’s anger will eventually die down, and I don’t think she’ll really oust her daughter out of the house.

“I just feel like it.”

She simply answered, but I can feel that there’s more to it which we’ll know the next day.