The Beach Retreat

running

Once I settle in the old beach house, I start to relax a bit. I smell the salty breeze filling the room and a moment of calmness washes over me for the first time in days. The sun is going to set in about an hour, now would be the perfect time to take the small boat out on the bay.

Ricki and I sit in the boat. It barely rocks us into a rhythm while the sun slowly falls. Ricki stares into the wind as if he’s enjoying a romantic date with his woman. Funny, that’s how Maggie and I used to look while we enjoyed these times many summers ago. Just being together, not saying anything. That used to be enough. Now, I have Ricki. My little man. The best and only good thing that came out of the relationship.

I remember I had the worst flu in my life. Maggie was taking care of me. I was crying like a baby. She asked me what I needed. For some reason I said I wanted a puppy. She laughed at me and rubbed more menthol on my chest, gave me something to knock me out for a few hours. When I woke up, Ricki was cuddling me. She went out and got me a puppy. I couldn’t believe it. Since Livin’ La Vida Loca was playing on her phone when I woke up, we named the new addition Ricki… after Ricki Martin.

Maggie was spontaneous, passionate, sexy, magnetic, fiery, unpredictable, and so good in bed. Unfortunately, those qualities can bite you in the ass if you’re on the bad side of her. Being good in bed only bit me in the ass when she cheated on me, multiple times. My fault for staying after the first time.

Ricki looks at me as if to tell me it’s time to start heading to shore. We shouldn’t be on our little boat in the dark. We can go on a quick walk, go to bed early and go on a nice morning run. A definite need for both of us.

At the break of dawn, Ricki and I get our gear on and walk by piers. We start out for Ricki’s morning relief, so there’s no interrupting our plan to exert our bodies to exhaustion. If I nap, I want Ricki to nap as well. A tired dog is a well-behaved dog. Not always in Ricki’s case, but I try my best with my little guy.

Fifteen minutes into our run, we pass a familiar area. One of the store fronts. It’s where Maggie and I used to get our cheesesteaks the first night on our trip. My mind goes back to when one of the old workers winked at me while handing me our food. I smiled politely, as every customer should. Jersey shore summers take a toll on the vacationers, or Bennies, as the townies call us. I can’t imagine what someone that has to work on the boardwalk goes through. A polite smile goes a long way.

Maggie didn’t think so. She took it as me flirting with a woman that was probably straight and not even my type. She threw the uneaten sandwich at me, screamed profanities in front of a crowd, and stomped away like a child. The rest of the week got worse as the time progressed. She purposely flirted at the Tiki bar, man or woman; she didn’t care. The same behavior was displayed on the beach. As a matter of fact, half the vacation I spent with Ricki at the house.

One evening I decided I wasn’t going to waste my time inside sulking. It was my vacation too. If Maggie was going to be a b***h about a simple smile, I was going to have fun at the pier. I was going to enjoy rides by myself and bring home a cheap prize by spending way too much money trying to win it. After all, isn’t that what a vacation is for? Spending money on nonsense?

I got to the pier, sat at the game with the water guns, trying to fill a balloon through a clown’s mouth. I lost, of course. I always sit at a clown with a balloon stretched so much I can move a couch into it. The bell rang for the winner. A woman wearing basketball shorts and a tank, short dark shaggy hair, looking happy to win a prize, most likely for another woman, turns to hand over her extra-large banana.

I watch to see who she’s trying to woo with this silly thing. Maggie. Wow. I call out to my so-called girlfriend. She looks at me, but turns back to the butch and smiled at her. She grabbed her hand and walked the opposite way. I’m not sure if this was to prove a point or not, but I proved a point by going back to the beach house, clearing out the place. Locking it up and going back up north.

I considered our relationship done. It wasn’t, because I took her back two weeks later, but she mentioned on that video how I abandoned her down the shore. She never mentioned that woman she left me for. She never mentioned her infidelities. Our relationship was volatile. She doesn’t say anything about throwing a hot sandwich in my face and flirting, ignoring me, running to others over a polite smile to a food industry worker.

My mind keeps drifting as I’m running down the pier, my feet speed up and my breathing is heavier. My eyes are burning. My vision is blurry. I realize I’m crying. I stop running and begin to walk. This running on the pier is overrated. It doesn’t take away the hurt Maggie is still causing me. Her video cut me open, ripped my scars that I thought were forever healed.

Brandi Rainey is not the wonderful, caring woman she makes out to be. She was the love of my life at one point. But she sucked me in, day by day, then turned on me when she knew I was vulnerable and done for. Textbook abusive behavior. I fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. I hate to admit it. Especially to all of you, but I need to make sure that nobody else falls for this woman and lands in my shoes.

Brandi, at first, made me feel special. She told me I was beautiful. Made me feel it too. She texted me or called me out of the blue every day, making sure I knew she was thinking of me. Looking back, that was probably her making sure I was around. Slowly, things turned. Small things. I saw her eyes wander. I let it go. I thought it was nothing. Then flirty smiles. I thought she was just a nice, happy woman. Then maybe, that was just how she was. A flirt. But if I had a wandering eye, not even to anyone in particular, forget it. World war three. She was my world at this point so I let it go. I gave her what she wanted, even when I didn’t want it.

I never saw a future with anyone but her. When I thought about her angry at me, I cried myself to sleep. I was so worried I hurt her feelings, over nothing, over little things, over something insignificant. It still made me cry.

Yet, when she abandoned me on our vacation, flirted with other women, used me for her pleasures when I wasn’t in the mood, got angry for things out of my control, I still loved her.

The words are still verbatim in my head. She insinuated she wasn’t into sleeping with me and I forced her. She outright said I am an abuser. There is plenty more on that video. She is gone. Her motive was what? I can never ask her. She killed herself. I doubt it was because of me. We broke up such a long time ago. The more I think of the video and her words, the more I do blame my actions. My guilt sours in my mouth like bile.

It’s time to head home. “C’mon, boy. Let’s go back,” I turn to my little man. Wait, he’s not there. I don’t hear his panting or barks. I look up ahead and don’t see him. I turn back, not there either. “Ricki! Ricki!” I cry out, tears already shower my face from guilt of Maggie, now I have to grieve the only true love loss. “Where could you have gone?” I whisper.

I head towards the pier where the seagulls like to torture the tourists eating funnel cakes. I never understood the fascination of funnel cakes with birds but Ricki loves to watch the birds chase the bennies while they scream for their lives dropping the sugary treats. If Ricki is fast enough, he gets to lick the plates. The cakes are basically gone before the plate hits the ground with the ‘gulls.

“Ricki! I know you’re over there!” My calves are on fire at this point, but my boy is gone. I’m not having that. He’s my only solace in this world. As much of a pain in the ass as he can be, he’s loving, entertaining and takes care of me only the way he knows how. “Ricki!” I look to the left, under the dock, I see a woman bending down, roughhousing with…could it be? I think it is. I run faster to get to them.

“Oh, Ricki, how did you get all the way over here? You scared me you beautiful little man.”

The woman looks up. Wow, talk about stunning. Sparkling black eyes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a thing. She’s wearing board shorts and a bikini top, probably was trying to go for a swim and Ricki the latin loving pup tried his charm on the beautiful woman. It seemed to work. I’m going to have to disappoint him. “Hello, I take it this is your dog?”

“Oh, yes. I’m sorry. He got away from me while we were on our run this morning. He’s never done that before. I kinda zoned out. Thank you for finding him for me.”

She stands up, facing me. Ricki is unhappy with the lack of attention of his new friend. He rubs his face against her shin, calling for more rubs. “It’s okay, cutie pie. I’m sure I’ll see you again,” she bends down a bit and scratches his ear. I think he just smiled. My magical little weirdo.

“I’m Brandi. His name is Ricki. We own a beach house down that way,” I thumb gesture behind me.

“Nice to meet you. My name is Charlotte. You can call me Charlie. I live a few miles down the road. I come in the mornings before you bennies wake up. Easier to surf that way, ya know?”

“Yeah, I do,” I chuckle. I can’t stop staring into those eyes. Which is a feat considering her bangin’ body. I’m not sure how to keep this conversation going but I don’t want to leave her. “I’d like to thank you properly for finding my dog. Are you free for lunch later?”

“Actually, I have work this morning. If you run everyday on this route, I’ll be sure to see you again soon. No need to thank me.” She flashes me celebrity worthy smile. This woman is too perfect for me. She can’t be single. My gaydar is pinging off almost as loud as a fire truck siren. Not that it matters if she’s in a relationship.

“Yeah, we run just about every day. By the looks of things, your new crush over here will definitely be looking for you.”

“Huh?”

Oh s**t, she thinks I’m talking about me. “Ricki. He’s totally in love,” I point to my boy, laying on her feet, staring up at her like she’s a doggie biscuit.

“Oh, right,” she giggles and shakes her head. “Yeah, well. I need to hit the water if I’m going to get to work on time today.”

“Okay, I’ll see ya around,” I clip Ricki’s leash on his collar, pull him away from Charlie’s side. We hesitantly walk back home. This retreat is looking better and better by the second.