Supernatural One Shots

You'd Never Have Known Part 2

It was your fault, if you had seen or heard him before he grabbed the girl you could have saved her. But you weren't quick enough, she died because you weren't good enough. A small snort from your right suddenly brought you out of your own head. Looking over somehow Dean had changed positions and was leaning with is head now resting on the seat beside your shoulder.

He jumped slightly as though he was waking up, looking around with half closed eyes he smiled sleepily at you "Hey princess." Before you could say anything he laid down in the seat with his head in your lap. At first you were too surprised to do anything, but when you heard his soft snores once more you relaxed slightly.

You were glad he and Sam were asleep so you didn't need to worry about hiding the blush on your cheeks. You couldn't help but continue to steal glances down at the man sleeping before you. He really was too hot for his own good, although you'd never tell him that. He looked relaxed and you couldn't help but smile, moments like these were rare.

After about an hour you felt Dean shift, worried he might wake up you looked down to see him frowning. Reaching down you ran your hand across his forehead and through his hair. Instantly at your touch he seemed to once again relax and even smiled. Seeing this surprised you, but you continued to run your fingers through his hair as you drove.

When you were about fifteen minutes away from the bunker you pulled your hand back, putting it on the steering wheel. A minute later you heard a groggy voice, "Why'd you stop." You looked down to see Deans green eyes slowly open and look into yours. Smiling you looked back ahead, "Good morning sleeping beauty, we're almost home." Groaning he sat up and rubbed a hand over his face. Looking around he blinked a few times to adjust to the sunlight beginning to peak over the surrounding hills.

Dean looked towards you, he noticed how tired you looked. "You drove the whole way? Why didn't you wake me up?" Shrugging you kept your eyes on the road, "You needed the sleep." Frowning Dean looked in the back seat to check on Sam. Looking back forward he reached for the bag of junk food, noticing everything still inside. "Did you eat anything?"

Shifting in your seat you nodded, "Yeah one of Sam's granola bars."

"That's it?"

Looking at Dean quickly and then back at the road you tried to act fine, "Yeah decided I wasn't really that hungry after all." Before he could say anything a voice from the back seat cut him off. "Are we there yet?"

Chuckling you grinned and looked into the rearview mirror, "Yeah Sam, five more minutes and we'll be there." He sat up and stretched as best he could in the cramped space. As you pulled up to the bunker you let out a sigh of relief, you were exhausted and could practically hear your bed calling out to you. Getting out you followed the guys to the trunk to grab your bag. Dean already had both his and yours slung over his shoulder and closed the trunk.

Reaching to take your bag you saw Dean take a step back, "It's fine, I got it." Smiling gratefully you headed off in the direction of the front door. Dean followed you through the bunker and to your room. When you opened the door he stepped inside and laid your bag on your bed. Turning to leave he smiled at you, "Get some sleep." Nodding you smiled back and waited for him to walk out. As soon as the door closed you locked it and let out a deep breath.

Closing your eyes for a second you let the tidal wave of emotions run loose. Deciding to fight back you shook your head and straightened up. Walking towards your bed you dumped out your bag and threw your dirty clothes in the hamper. Grabbing a clean set of clothes you walked into your bathroom. Your room was the only one with a private bathroom, when you and the guys first moved in it took a lot of convincing to get it. After a while though and constant reminders about dealing with feminine products the brothers finally consented.

Turning on the water so it could warm up you began undressing. Before you could step into the shower stall you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. Instead of focusing on the cuts and bruises that covered your body you couldn't help the same thoughts that always sprung to mind. God, don't you ever want to look pretty? Why don't you ever workout or eat better? I'm sure that cheeseburger you had yesterday was way more important than ever finding someone to love you. NO one is ever going to find you attractive, especially Dean. Your at least twice the size of all his hookups. Better start adopting cats now.

You couldn't stop the tears that formed in your eyes, looking away you quickly stepped into the shower. Usually you would let the warm water relax your muscles and enjoy it, today all you wanted was to curl up in bed. Quickly washing your hair and body you turned off the water and climbed out of the stall. Drying off and dressing you brushed your hair and teeth then turned off the light.

Your headphones lay on your bed where you dumped your bag, putting them on you crawled under the covers. Grabbing your phone you turned on some music and let it wash over you. As tired as you felt it took awhile for sleep to come. You simply lay there, curled into a ball. The same thoughts running through your mind as if on replay. You got her killed. Your a terrible hunter. One day your going to get Sam or Dean killed and then everyone will hate you, if they already don't.

Sam was walking by your bedroom door when he heard a small noise. Stopping he laid his ear against the wood and listened. A moment later he heard it again, you were crying. He knocked but you never said anything. Thinking you had your headphones on he tried the door knob but found it was locked. Reaching in his pocket he brought out his lock pick.

You were lying there, letting the thoughts run wild and consume you when suddenly you felt the bed move. Your eyes opened and quickly scanned to see what was there, you saw Sam sitting beside you, looking worried. Sitting up you removed the headphones and laid them on your nightstand, "Sam what's wrong, are you okay?" Turning back you were surprised when he reached forward to grab your shoulders and pulled you into his body. Laying back against the headboard he held you with your face resting under his chin on his chest.

"Your not fine Y/N, don't say you are. I've noticed for weeks the red eyes and the way you seem to downplay everything you do. Talk to me, your like a sister to me and I love you." For a moment you didn't know what to say, you were mad at yourself for letting Sam see the real you. But another part of you screamed at you wanting to tell Sam everything. He was your best friend and you knew he would understand.

"Sam I, I don't know what to say." Curling your hands into his shirt you closed your eyes and felt the tears return. Sam tightened his hold on you, he didn't rush you or pressure you to talk, he simply waited until you were ready. After a few minutes you calmed down enough to talk, "I've always had a problem with depression, ever since I was little. Every time someone would pick on me or I would mess something up, it would make me feel useless. I could never see the positive side to anything. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop, it's also really hard for me to get excited about much. If I do then it's got to be something I really love. I've never felt good enough, and when I got older it seemed to only get worse.

Each time I screw up on a hunt I know rationally it happens, we all make mistakes. But my mind yells at me, telling me it was my fault and I'm a shitty hunter. Like yesterday, I should have saved that girl Sam. She was alive, we were almost out the door and I screwed up, I wasn't quick enough." Sam sighed and brought a hand up to rub your arm comfortingly. "Y/N there was nothing you could have done, losing people is the worst part of the job. But think about all the lives we do save, we make a difference in the world and you have to realize that."

Sitting up you rubbed your eyes and face, "I know that Sam, but you don't understand. It's not only hunting that makes me feel this way." Crossing your legs you leaned on your elbows and buried you head in your hands. Sam sat up and waited to see what you meant. Without lifting your head you sighed, "It's everything, I'm not pretty, I'm not talented, I'm so pitiful I never even get hit on by any guys in the bars we go to." Lifting your head you looked at Sam.

He opened his mouth to say something but you cut him off, "Think about it Sam, have you ever seen me interact with a guy we weren't interviewing for a case?" Sam thought about it for a moment and realization mixed with confusion came across his face, "No, I guess not. But that also might be because your always with me or Dean. And I know for a fact Deans intimidated at least two men from talking to you."

Your head tilted in confusion, "What are you talking about?"

Sam looked at your face, he knew how Dean felt about you and suddenly realized you didn't know. It was always so obvious to him but maybe it wasn't to you. "Y/N, I've seen guys watch you in bars but when they get up to talk to you Dean always either sits beside you and glares at them or does something else to scare them off." This pissed you off, "What! Why the hell would he do that!"

Crossing your arms over your chest you felt hurt, "How come he can flirt with and screw every woman in every bar but I'm not allowed to talk to any guys?" Sam once again opened his mouth to speak but you cut him off again, your shoulders dropped and you let your hands fall to your laps and began picking at your fingernails. "Maybe he realized just how much of a loser I am and decided to spare them the trouble. I'm not worth it, no guy is ever going to look at me and think, 'yeap, now that's one amazing woman right there.'"

Sam felt sadness wash through him at this, the fact that you thought so little of yourself hurt him, he never knew you felt this bad. "Y/N, Dean would never think that, in fact I know he doesn't. Dean actually cares a lot about you." Looking up at Sam you felt tears again falling down your face. "Thanks for trying Sam but I know Dean only sees me as a friend. I'm not good enough to be with someone like him, he's strong, and brave, and a total goofball." At this you chuckled slightly, "But he deserves someone amazing, and one day he'll find her. You both will, and I'll be here. Hunting and killing the evil things in the world, and going it alone."

Sam realized nothing he could say would make you feel any differently, he knew from research that depression wasn't something you could simply make go away by force. It takes time and patience, he leaned forward to hug you once more, "Get some sleep." Giving him a sad smile you crawled back under the covers and wiped the few tears running down your face. Before he even reached the door you were asleep, exhaustion finally winning.

As he closed your door behind him he looked over and saw Dean leaning against the wall, the red eyes and single tear running down his face told Sam he heard everything. Before Sam could speak Dean began walking down the hall and towards the garage. Jumping into the impala he took off down the road, thinking about everything you said and the pain he heard in your voice. If he had only paid closer attention, now that he thought back he realized the signs were all there.

The days you spent in your room, not eating anything and just sleeping. The many times he caught you watching a couple across a room with an almost envious look. Even the many times you seemed too happy, like you were trying your hardest to make everyone believe you were fine but the smile you wore never reached your eyes.

Dean reached the bar and went inside, sitting on a stool and leaning forward he ordered whiskey and quickly downed the first glass, motioning for another. He began to think about the time you had spent with him and Sam, you'd met on a hunt a few years ago. Both you and the brothers were hunting the same wendigo and decided to team up. He remembered watching you roast the bastard with a fierce expression on your face, but once it was dead you switched to a softer look and helped untie the family it had taken. The little four year old girl had wrapped her arms around your neck and held on tightly.

While Dean and Sam helped the parents and teens out you held the little girl and carried her outside the cave. Once you reached the road and the police came you were walking to the impala when the little girl once again ran up and held onto your legs. Crouching down to be eye level you had given her a hug, telling her to protect her family and be a big girl. Dean had smiled watching this and realized you were an amazing woman.

After the hunt you had gone your own way, telling the boys to call if they needed anything. Dean had thought about you for seven months after that, he kept in touch sending the occasional text or calling some nights. When things became bad with Lucifer he had called and asked for your help. He didn't want to bring you in to watch you get hurt but he knew you were a good hunter and would fight like hell.

Smiling Dean took a sip of his drink, that was a long time ago. Ever since then you'd stuck with the brothers, Sam treated you like a sister, Dean secretly fell for you but never said anything. In this life no one was safe and he couldn't risk something happening to you because of how he felt. Once again getting lost in thought he went through some of his favorite memories of you. You teaching him how to bake a pie was his favorite, there was a massive flour fight during this but it was worth it to see that smile on your face. Also there was the day you decided everyone needed a break and made Dean drive you and Sam to a lake to go fishing.

Of course you'd caught the biggest fish and bragged for days over it. And then there were the moments Dean loved the most, watching a movie with you curled up beside him, your head on his shoulder. Letting you help him work on baby, you knew enough to be able to hand him the tools he needed and had even began the remember how to fix certain things. That was something Dean could never get enough of, your eagerness to learn everything. You were constantly asking Sam questions about different things that ranged from supernatural to plain old boring.

Finishing his drink Dean made a decision, laying down some money he stood and walked back out to the impala. Starting the engine he pulled out of the parking lot and began to think of how he would put his plan into motion.