Supernatural One Shots

Practice

Dean x Reader

The reader finds a way to ease their guilt about messing up on a hunt.

Warning: form of self-harm

"Alright, we'll be back in about a week. Call if you need anything."

Crossing your arms you simply nodded, "Yeah Sam I know, you've said that three times." He gave you a small smile, "Right, sorry." Picking up his duffle bag he made his way towards the steps leading to the front door. Dean walked out of the hallway and slung his bag onto his shoulder, "You gonna be okay here?" You had told the boys you weren't feeling great and thought it'd be best if you stayed behind on this hunt and just relaxed.

Smiling you pushed Dean towards the door, "Yes Dean I'll be fine. Now get going before that vamp takes another girl." Shooting you one last look Dean climbed the stairs and shut the door behind him. The moment it closed the smile dropped from your face and tears stung the back of your eyes. You weren't actually sick, you were hurting. Last week you and the guys went on a hunt for a vengeful spirit causing trouble in an old abandoned farm house.

No matter how many hunts you went on you always had a hard time dealing with it when you screwed up, especially if you lost someone. And on that hunt you had screwed up big time, and almost lost Sam. He had figured out the spirit was the mistress of the farms original owner. When she threatened to tell his wife about them he killed her and buried her body in the basement of the house. When you got to the house you had the salt and lighter ready while the boys had their rock salt guns.

After digging for awhile you eventually found the body and had just started pouring the salt when you were thrown across the room. The lighter flew from your hand and under the furnace in the corner. Looking up you saw Sam and Dean both shoot the ghost, Dean looked towards you to check you were okay. "I'm good just keep watch!" Using all your strength you pushed yourself up and ran over to the furnace, feeling around for the small rectangle.

While his back was turned Sam didn't see the woman appear behind him, but you did.

"SAM!"

He turned around at the sound of your voice but was too late, the ghost flung him into a brick wall and you heard his head hit with a sickening crunch. Dean yelled and shot the ghost again, running to his brothers side. Finally you felt your fingers brush the lighter. Gripping it tight you shot up from the floor and ran over to the body. You tried once, twice, three times to light it. Looking up you saw the woman appear behind Dean who was holding Sam's head in his lap. Finally on the fourth try you got a flame and threw it onto the body, the ghost screamed as she disappeared.

"Cas get your ass down here!" Dean yelled. Blood was dripping from the corner of Sam's mouth and all you could do was stare. The sound of wings signaled Cas had arrived and he quickly leaned down to press two fingers to Sam's forehead, a second later he gasped and sat up. Dean looked relieved and you continued to stand there, frozen. He almost died, and it was your fault.

Naturally neither of the guys blamed you, they both said what happened was scary yeah but it came with the job. You just acted like you agreed with them and pretended everything was fine when they were around. But when you were alone all the thoughts and feelings would come crashing back. Your going to mess up again, and probably get someone killed next time.

Now that you were alone in the bunker you decided you weren't going to let the voice in your mind win. The guys were right s**t like that happened all the time, it was nobody's fault. You started walking around the bunker, just exploring. Realizing suddenly you'd never really looked at everything in the bunker and desperately needing a distraction.

Say what you will about the Men of Letters but they definitely thought of everything when they built this place. In addition to the usual assortment of bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchen, and library, there were also many other rooms in the bunker. In a lower level of the garage you found a shooting range. It was equipped with booths as well as stands to pin targets too. You also found three offices, all of which needed a good cleaning but were otherwise in great condition. What caught your attention the most though was a large room in the back of the bunker. It was about the size of the library but instead of bookshelves it was lined with mirrors and the floor was all padded.

The thought of having a training room made you excited, you loved practicing moves and by doing this you would definitely get the distraction you needed. Running back to your room to change into leggings and a tank top you were tying your hair back into a bun when you heard the familiar flutter of wings. Looking up into the mirror above your dresser you smiled, "Hey Cas what's up?"

The angel tilted his head as though he heard something, "Hello Y/N, I came to see how you are doing. Sam and Dean said you were not feeling well."

Wincing you turned around, "I'm fine Cas, I'm not sick or anything." You shot him what you hoped was a convincing smile. He continued to look at you as though something was off but finally nodded. "Yes I can see that you are fine physically. Why are you dressed like that, are you going to sleep?"

Shaking your head you started walking towards the door, "No I was going to practice in this cool room I found. Come on I'll show you." Castiel followed you back to the training room. When you arrived he looked around and nodded his head in approval. "This seems an appropriate place for one to train." You smiled, looking around, "I know, its great! I just wish it had some equipment to use instead of having to just practice moves. It's always easier practicing on a dummy or with a partner."

Realization came across your face as you looked at Castiel, "Hey Cas, do you have anywhere you need to be today?" The angel looked at you and seemed to think for a moment, "No, things have been somewhat quiet in heaven and the Winchesters do not seem to need my assistance on this hunt." Grinning you walked over and looked him in the eyes, "In that case would you mind being my practice buddy? It would help my training if someone else was here."

Cas squinted his eyes, "I would be honored to train with you Y/N, but will I not have an advantage with my strength?" You shook your head, "No that's a good thing. Look Cas I don't want you to take it easy on me. I want you to fight me just like I was anyone else. In order to be sure I can handle myself I need to know I can fight you fairly, understood?" He seemed a little apprehensive so you tried again, "Besides, you can heal me if I'm hurt right? So anything that happens will be fine, just don't kill me."

This seemed to appease the angel, "Okay, I accept the role of helping you train. Shall we begin?" Walking to the middle of the room you assumed a fighting stance while Castiel simply stood there watching you. Turning to your left you tried to hit him with a spinning back kick but he easily dodge the blow and knocked your leg away. Immediately you followed with an elbow to the face which luckily caught him in the jaw. Tilting his head he then punched you in the face, you both heard and felt your nose break. "s**t! Nice hit Cas," you said as you held your nose. He lifted two fingers to your forehead, "Do you wish to continue?"

It's not like I don't deserve to get my ass kicked. "Yeah Cas, let's keep going."

Four days and one dead twilight wanna be later Sam and Dean pulled up to the bunker. "Damn its good to be home!" Dean smiled as he climbed out of the car. Sam chuckled, "You sure your glad to be home or just glad to see Y/N?" Dean shot him an annoyed look, "Shut up Sam." They walked inside, setting down their bags by the bottom of the stairs they were surprised by how quiet it was. Usually when you stayed home either you were sitting in the main room reading or there was music coming from your bedroom. Exchanging looks they set off to look for your.

After coming up empty in the kitchen, garage, and bedrooms Dean began to get nervous. Your car was here so where were you? Suddenly both men heard something coming from the end of the hall. They both knew about the practice room and figured it must be coming from there. Opening the door they were surprised at what they saw. You had just tried to punch Cas when he grabbed your arm and kicked you in the stomach. Letting out a grunt you dropped to the floor.

"CAS WHAT THE HELL!" Dean yelled as he ran to you.

Once he reached your side he noticed the black eye and blood you had all over your face and clothes. Looking around he saw the stains on the floor signaling even more blood loss. Your eyes widened as you took in the fact that Sam and Dean were home. Quickly sitting up you held your hand out to Dean signaling him to help you stand. He pulled you up and put an arm around your waist to support you. "Hey guys, how'd the hunt go? Did you kill the vampire? "You tried to act like nothing was going on, but neither brother was having it.

Sam locked eyes with you, "Y/N, what the hell is going on here? Did Cas attack you?" Dean shot Cas a look like he was ready to take him out right then. Violently shaking your head you pushed off of Dean to walk over to Cas. Reaching him you put a hand on his shoulder, "No guys! I swear it's not what it looks like. Cas was helping me train. I found this room and figured while I wasn't hunting it wouldn't hurt to practice and Cas agreed to be my partner." Looking at the angel you smiled weakly, "Um, Cas you mind?"

Looking at you realization came across his face as he lifted his fingers to your forehead. Relief washed through you instantly making you sigh and close your eyes. Opening them you noticed Sam and Dean were still looking at you as though you had two heads. Looking around the room you noticed for the first time just how much it resembled a crime scene. "Sorry about the mess, I had planned to clean it up before you guys got home."

Finally Dean seemed to break out of whatever trance he was in, "Why the hell would you want to willingly let Cas almost beat you to death? How many times have you two fought? It looks like the red cross threw up in here."

You shook your head trying to act nonchalant, "Just a few times."

Cas looked at you, "That is incorrect Y/N, we have fought for hours everyday for the past four days. Do I need to heal your head again?" Sighing you shook your head, crossing your arms you shot the angel a look, "No Cas I'm fine. But we really need to work on your lying."

Dean seemed to get angrier, "You've been letting Cas kick your ass for FOUR DAYS!"

You winced slightly, seeing this Deans face softened. Walking towards you he stopped right in front of you, taking your hands in his he looked right into your eyes. "Look at me and tell me this is just training." Looking into his green eyes you felt tears form and tried to fight them back. Dean noticed and pulled you into his chest, hugging you tightly. "I knew you weren't sick."

An hour later you were coming out of the bathroom, too busy drying your hair with a towel at first you didn't notice Dean sitting on your bed.

"Y/N"

Jumping slightly you turned towards the voice, "Jesus Dean don't scare me like that." He just sat looking at you. Finally you sighed and went to sit beside him, pulling one leg up underneath your body you turned to face him. You looked down at your lap and began picking at your fingernails. "I didn't want to go on the hunt cause I was scared I'd screw up again." Dean continued to look at you as though he had expected you to say that, which he had. Putting his hand on the bed beside you he leaned onto it, coming closer to you.

"Y/N what happened wasn't your fault. Sam just got the crap end of that deal. It happens in this life, we never know when a hunt is going to be our last. I mess up all the time, and yeah it feels shitty and you feel like your only hurting everyone. But you need to realize the good that comes out of it. We stopped that spirit from hurting anyone else, he's fine and everything worked out."

You looked up at his face which was only a few inches away, "What if it doesn't work out next time. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you or Sam and it was my fault." Dean leaned forward until hi s forehead rested against yours. Closing his eyes he sighed, "If that day ever comes I want you to remember something, no matter what happens or why, I'll always be there for you. And so will Sam. We care about you and don't want to see you beating your self up. Or having Cas do it for you." At this you opened your eyes to see him staring at you.

Leaning back you wiped away a tear that had escaped, "At first it really was just practice. But after awhile I started to feel like I deserved the pain." Grabbing his hand in yours you sighed. "But I realize how stupid that is, and I'm sorry." Dean smiled and brought his other hand up to tilt your face upwards, "Always remember I'm here. No matter what your important to me and I love you. Please don't let something like this happen again, just talk to me."

Sitting stunned for a moment at his words you finally realized he was waiting for a response, "You love me?"

Grinning Dean just moved his hand to the back of your head and pulled you forward, "Hell yeah I do." Your lips crashed against his and you smiled into the kiss. Bringing both hands up you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled yourself up against him. After a moment you both pulled away, smiling wide. "I love you too Dean, and I promise to always come to you. No matter what."

A/N: I know sometimes that voice in your head can be a real b***h, telling you there is something wrong with you, your not good enough, or that no one wants you around. Always remember you are worth so much! You matter to someone and most importantly you matter to yourself, keep your head up and continue moving forward.

Love you guys!