Mr. Loverman

Chapter 1: Peculiar Glimpse

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As I woke up, I can feel the warmth of the sun touching my skin, the wind blowing from the curtains, leaving my room mellow. The nostalgic feeling of a cozy morning and drinking coffee invites me to a different journey.

I take a deep breathe, “Another freaki’n day” I groan

I make my bed before leaving my room, proceeding at the kitchen to eat breakfast. Whilst I was eating, I caught myself dumbfounded by remembering what my dream was, for that’s how I keep myself entertained every morning to keep me away from the idea that this day is going to be the exact same day that happened yesterday. I’m tired of it, really.

The second that I slowly recall my dream, I repeat it in my head, for I loved it.

I can remember that I was happily enjoying myself, no doubts of who I am. Just treasuring a moment with someone who I can’t clearly picture, we were happy, together, it felt so real that I almost never wanted to wake up, I have never felt something like that before. It is now indeed driving me insane.

“ugh, as if someone’s happy to see my existence” I groan, rolling my eyes.

I am completely aware that I am not just a usual teenager, instead I am a different one. I don’t see why some people are happy that they existed in this world, this reality sucks. I am not happy with my existence, it’s obviously clear to see why.

You see, I don’t get out much. Honestly, I don’t really get out anymore. I just hate being around people, they’re all…..odd. for me. Well, i am pretty sure god knows what I do with my life, I’m used to being alone, for the people I’ve known back when I was young was really comfortable at shutting me out, it seemed like they do it as usual. They mostly tell me things of how boring i am, and how they don’t like me. I don’t know why, I just get along with it. Maybe that’s why I see life differently.

I look at the clock, checking what time, just to annoy myself. Knowing that there’s more hours ‘till night time leads me to annoyance. I’ve always hated daytime, it’s so bright and hot. On the other hand, night time is what I mostly adore. It’s dark and cold, and also quiet. Darkness is where I find comfort, some people think it’s weird but it’s really not, it’s actually comfy.

I stand up, immediately washing the plates I used. As usual, I go back to my room. Sitting on the edge of the bed, with my mind blank.

“back in here again” I sigh.

I lie down, trying to sink in my bed as my thoughts sink in. I try to keep my mind distracted from the fact that I’m going to stay in this room for the whole day.

I trace my fingers on my blanket, trying not to bore myself. Why am I so boring? What’s so lame about me? Why does it feel like nothing is fun anymore? Sudden thoughts linger through my mind.

I have a whole day to decide what to do for once in my life, maybe get out of my room?

I roam around the house, eat, roam, and eat again…..this stuff keeps going on.

“f*****g lame!” I exclaim, completely done with this boringness.

Suddenly I noticed aunt Rebecca’s plants in the garden, of course, I’d do anything just not to be bored at this point.

“well, that took a turn” I say, with a little smirk.

Watering the plants was a great idea, not until I saw people outside. I always seem to look at them with my emotionless face, I don’t mean to be rude, just really see them like they’re all….odd.

When I was young, mom and dad, they always let me play outside, just like a normal kid. What I always do was sit down somewhere and adore whatever I see, like, the sky, trees, flowers, and most of my favourite, butterflies. At a very young age, I’m already used to being called “lame”. Kids used to throw things at me, even rocks, just to make me go away from their reality, or should I say the matter of fact that they weren’t disciplined well. I couldn’t say uneducated, that seems rude and arrogant but some of them are good examples of a bad attitude.

That’s why I chose to stay away from people that time, I expected them to shut me out just like those kids did. I never told my parents about it, I know they deserve to, but I do know that they deserve to live a happy life too.

If I told them about these situations I have experienced, they’d be mad, furious, worried. And being with them at that time, I mostly see them smiling, laughing, and always cheery. I don’t want to be the cause of  losing their joy, so I meant to keep it the way it really was.

Hiding those emotions and having no one to tell was a really bold move for me, I know at the first place that I can’t take it, but I got used to it, until it doesn’t bother me anymore. I’m actually good at talking to people, just not hanging out, I always think I’d spoil it.

Anyways, I hope that I get an improvement to my socializing skills.

After watering the plants, I look around. My hands on both sides of my hips, my messy bun holding on tight to my ponytail, looking like a hanger in this oversized tee.

“House chores it is…” I sigh

I tightly put on a new bun, wiped my hands from the water that splashed whilst I water the plants. A sudden smile appears, I won’t be bored today, but I will be tired.

“Oh boy…” I say under my breath, my smile quickly turning to disagree to this idea.

Either way, I will be having the same result of feelings. I will be tired. Even though I don’t clean this place, I always end up sleeping. It’s like I’m always tired of something, maybe it’s because I know this is going to be the same day as yesterday. I’m mentally tired.

I still think of that strange man in my dreams awhile ago, he seems….like a gentleman, I would say. It’s just weird that everything was clear in that moment, just not his face. That’s what I’ve been wanting to discover, his face, his features.

I couldn’t agree more to the fact that I was really there, with him. In that place, peaceful I might say. It’s more likely to be a paradise for me, a place that I never wanted to leave.

“what to eat, what to eat, what to….YES!” I shout, cheeringly.

A box, a big one. Something I’m certain that this is a cake. I cautiously take the box out to the table, excited to open it.

“smells like…..chocolate…” I mutter

I slowly open the box, revealing a chocolate mousse cake. With a note?

                  Katherine, I know you’re tired and sick of this place, or reality.

                 I bought your favourite cake, I hope you’ll feel better.

                                                                                                   Rebecca

I’m quite impressed, she knows what my favourite flavour is. Although we may argue sometimes, she never fails.

I grab a plate and slice a piece of cake, savouring every second of the pastry in my mouth. Also happy to have Rebecca as my aunt, she’s the best.

I wonder, if that dream will ever come back.

Also, I can’t help but think about where does aunt Rebecca finds time to buy me such things. We always argue, mostly about me.

It’s just hard to make her understand about things, sometimes I don’t even understand why I’m trying to make her understand stuff, even if I know that she’ll never get it. I at least try.

It always ends up with a heated argument, slamming doors and shouting and more shouting. I know it’s not right, the way we talk. I try to talk calmly but she always gets aggressive about it. That’s where we start shouting and yelling to each other.

Sometimes I wonder if our neighbours think she’s insane, because they don’t know that I exist. What if they think she’s shouting to herself? A bit creepy but they just don’t see me often.

I slice another piece of cake, “hmm” I hum to myself

This cake is absolutely irresistible, every bite I take is not even making me full. Can’t believe I’m eating cake at lunch though, I don’t eat much anyways.

I’m always not hungry, or not in the mood. That’s why I don’t eat often, everything just seems so f*****g tiring. I just want to die sometimes.

While I take one more slice, a certain smell starts to make me feel so….familiar.

“the hill…..” I say under my breath

the hill where I was in my dreams, it’s exactly the same smell, that’s why it seemed familiar. It ssmelled like, the trees and the grass around us, the wind, the moment that I saw myself with him was the exact same thing.

I try to act like it’s normal and try to forget it, I just can’t believe why would that happen? It feels like I don’t know something, like someone is keeping something from me.

Carefully putting the box of the cake in the fridge, I wash the plate and fork I used. But something is missing….

I immediately called aunt Rebecca.

“why is there no sodas on the fridge?” I  ask

“I don’t know, did you check the pantry?” she says

I immediately went to the pantry, rummaging the drawers and shelves. And finally, a stack of liters of soda.

“found it yet?” she asks

“yes I did, thank god..” I sigh in relief

“thank me too. dumbass” she complains

“oh, and by the way, thanks for the cake!” I say thankfully

“I know you’d love it” she says

as soon as the phone call ended, I grab a soda and drink three glasses.

“oh that was fantastic” I mutter

Since this day is going to increase lameness, I decided to go watch a movie, I saw a big spicy chips in the pantry. But first, I check around the house and locked all doors and windows downstairs. Making sure that no one robs the place and kill me.

“meh, the killing part was more interesting for me” I mutter

Even though I might sound like a scuicidal psychopath teenager, I still somehow enjoy little things in life. Such as sunsets, night sky, stargazing, reading, watching, being alone and most importantly, sleeping my ass off.

Best part that would complete my day is seeing Butterflies outside, or in the garden. They always seem so beautiful in any other way, even if it gives a sign of danger or something horrible like death, it still looks beautiful and mesmerizing. Their wings are the most amazing wings I’ve seen, it always comes out of different colours and designs.

Suddenly, something that just makes my whole day better than ever.

“a butterfly!” I call, loudly

I hop out of happiness, like a child who just got her ice cream on a Sunday after church. I watch itself fly by our front yard.

The small orange colours by it’s side, leaving the whole wings look like a sunset.

It slowly lands on the leaf near the door, I try not to scare it as I walk closer.

“hey there beauty…” I whisper

I carefully opened the door and try to stick out my index finger, hoping that it flies and lands on my finger. And thankfully, it does.

“where’d you travel this time?” I ask

i slowly try to hold it’s wings by it’s edges.

“if only you know how mesmerizing you are…” I say under my breath

lifting my hands up high as it can, letting the butterfly fly to it’s new destination.

They are so free in this world, they can fly wherever they want. Be beautiful by just sitting on a leaf, even if they don’t have any idea how beautiful they are. I wish they knew how I’m so glad that they exist.

After I’ve encounter such beautiful existence, I went to the pantry, grabbing the spicy chips and the bottle of soda, proceeding back in my room.

I place the food in my table, thinking of something good to watch. This ain’t going to be easy for me.

After hours of scrolling through Netflix, I ended up re-watching “Peter pan”

Still can’t get over about this boy, the way he looks at Wendy is very melting. Every time they get close to each other, gives so much tension. When their eyes meet and look at each other directly, is absolutely giving me butterflies in my stomach. Hundreds of it.

Hours pass by, I’ve gone tired, I haven’t even open the bag of chips or drink any of the soda while watching, but I’m tired, a sleep would solve this tiredness.

I turn off my TV and quickly grab a blanket, turning the lights off, and turning on the air conditioner, leaving the light of day coming from my window.

And then again, I fell asleep.