The Girlfriend Experience

Chapter 3—Regretful Day (3)

My mind stopped for a good while. Everything that had just happened either played on repeat in my head or it prevented itself from comprehending such occurrences. It was going all at once in my mind. Not even a second had slipped without me being completely dumbstruck by his actions.

I knew and was aware of those kinds of actions; those touches, those lingering stares and those mischievous smiles, that touch of his lips as if he really was sensually claiming me. Those were arguably his ways of getting someone’s mind and heart.

He was a well-known player, not even a day when I had never heard girls on the campus swoon over him. He was a natural playboy.

But what was unnatural for me was that I managed to get his attention. Did I pass the qualifications and standards of the cassanova?

It's not that I was hoping, I frankly did not care if I made it on the list or not. But I was curious about what made him want to toy with me.

Perhaps it was his way of making me pay for what I did to him.

“Are you alright?” The thoughts in my head were stopped abruptly by the resonant yet smooth voice beside me.

In an instant, I was pulled back from my thoughts. The buildings from outside the car window pass before me. I felt the motion of the vehicle through my body, my hands gripping the seat belt tightly without my realization. I looked around for a moment, the dark black interior of the car snapping me out of my haze. The tanned and muscular arms gripping the steering wheel, and the blonde hair ruffled as if it was just from the bed, the blue eyes that glanced at me for a second.

“Earth to Jen?” he reluctantly asked, gazing back at the road.

Right, I forgot. I was in the car with him.

“Uh yeah.” I mumbled.

After Christopher left me outside like a pathetic and confused loser, I spent most of the time drowning in my own thoughts until Chad came into the driveway. I would have forgotten everything when I stepped into his black sedan, but that wasn’t the case at all.

It wasn’t as easy as being said or thought.

Christopher Sterling was a curious case that I shouldn’t be minding right now.

Yet, here I was, thinking about it.

“You look bothered? Are you sure you didn’t lose it, and regret it now?” Chad implied seriously, between the laugh that was threatening to spill.

I frowned. “Tsk, the day is regretful.” I rolled my eyes, dryly responding to his comments.

“Based on your mood, I can’t even tell what happened.” He chuckled nervously, and I felt his gaze for a second until it was gone.

Sighing, I felt my body felt the aftermath of abusing bottles of booze in one night. I was surprised that I was even still aware of what was happening last night despite being close to hammering my head.

“I am pissed.” I hissed as I brought my hands to my face, frustratingly running through my hair.

“Ohhhhh.” I heard Chad whisper abruptly as if he was aware of what was coming. “I sense a rant coming.” He singsonged under his breath.

“I mean, am I not that attractive? Like how can a guy refuse to have s*x?” I exclaimed frustratingly, my voice was high from how high the volume had risen. “It's not like I am forcing him—I mean, its kinda happened that way, but that wasn’t the point!”

“You got turned down?” He laughed loudly, his body jerking forward as he gripped the steering wheel. His eyes were so full of amusement, and when he looked at me for a little moment I wanted to rip his face off by the way he was looking at me like I was a clown.

“Shut the f**k up!” I yelled, smacking him in the shoulder on which he hissed in pain. “I get it! I jumped him, and even a guy could be hesitant when a girl they don’t really know throws herself at him, but it was clear that I wanted to sleep with him! And it's not that he was clean or something. If anything, he might have forced someone before too.”

“And you think that's a valid reason to force him into bed too?” Chad chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief.

“No! I wouldn’t be surprised if a lawsuit suddenly arrived in my way!” I replied, already sounding pissed. I glared at nothing but the road, my head was constantly showing me the face of that man, my scowling face could not get any angrier.

“I’ll visit you in jail.” Chad commented in a teasing manner.

“It's not funny!” I shot back, hitting him once again. “I thought I was going to lose my virginity last night, and finally reclaim control over my life, but it feels like I just got f****d hard by my own life instead of getting f**k!”

Chad burst out laughing, his loud voice almost penetrated through the car and through my eardrums. The heaviness yet light touch of his tone made me cover my ears. He was having fun listening to my anger, and from the way he was loosely gripping the steering wheel, and an accident was about to occur.

“Drive safely.” I sternly warned in my whining tone.

“Sorry, sorry.” He coughed a few times, clearing his voice as he tried to cease his laughter. “Maybe you weren’t his type.” He shrugged playfully, grinning like an i***t?

Not his type?

Would someone who isn’t interested in you do that?

Did Christopher kiss me outside that house for nothing? Clearly, this was not me being delusional or hoping that he was at least curious about who I was. I mean it’s not that I was hoping for a particular answer about that kiss he just gave me earlier. Certainly, a man like him had his own idea of what woman he wanted in his bed. And surely, I wasn’t near that list of qualifications. However, when you kiss someone—logically, you thought of doing that and then your body would react to that thought, thus resulting in you acting on that idea. So if I wasn’t his type at all, he wouldn’t have that thought of kissing me, and it wouldn’t result in him acting upon that.

So, why did he kiss me all of a sudden?

And he mentioned me stealing something from him. I grew up in poverty, but I would never steal. And if I did, what did that kiss have to do with it anyway?

So, was I his type?

What am I even thinking? Of course, I am not! He probably just kissed me in retaliation for kissing him twice that night! It doesn’t mean I was his type—

Wait a minute! If I am not his type, then why would he let me kiss him last night?

I remember him refusing me, but I clearly remember him kissing me back nonetheless. That meant he wanted to kiss me too. That meant he allowed that kiss to happen.

So why did he not take my virginity last night but take my kiss? He kissed but he wouldn’t f**k?

I was getting more offended the more I thought of it. And it might sound as if I was clearly contradicting myself by questioning his refusal after claiming I was thankful it didn’t happen, but it was a curious case. Because what was so wrong with me that he didn’t want to take me right there, defenseless?

And he had to follow me out just to kiss me the next morning?

Who does that?

“f*****g cassanova.” I cursed under my breath.

“What?” Chad interrupted my thoughts, asking me curiously.

“Nothing, just f**k that stupid guy!” I replied angrily, biting my lower lip in frustration.

“Yeah, something you failed to do.” Chad snickered, he was not even trying to be sly at it, but laughed in front of my face for the second time today.

“If you don’t stop,” I threatened under my breath, without any warning. I groped his left thigh and grasped it so hard that he could feel my nails under those jeans. He hissed in pain, squirming uncomfortably on his seat, and if he wasn’t driving I would have continued.

“So, what’s your plan now?” He asked after a moment.

I heaved a deep sigh. My eyes traveled to his figure and back to the road. The sun was shining, peeking through the window. The road was lit up by its golden rays. People were walking by peacefully, some were running. In every direction, people were busy with their lives, people who had plans.

I, on the other hand, as we drove nearer to the main campus to which a class I was supposed to be in at seven a.m, left no trace of plans other than the regrets of last night. The regret of not fulfilling my plans, and regret of having that plan. Maybe my plans were set to fail in the first place. Maybe, deciding on my own without finding the value and profits I could have was deemed to.

Maybe I wasn’t fit to claim control of my life, and forever let the essence of money control me.

“Just...” I muttered quietly, already steamed down from my outburst from earlier. “Just drop me in the campus’library. I might get extra cash for another sideline.” I breathed lazily.

“Another job?” Chad asked quietly, far from the energetic voice he had. The tone of his voice was mellow and curious, his eyes shifting uncomfortably. "You sure you’re not overworking yourself?"

“I needed the money,” I simply answered.

Always.

That has always been my answer to everything that related to it. There were no lies underneath it, money has always been the reason for everything, to me.

“Let me at least get you some breakfast.” He offered kindly, the softness in his voice was already enough for me. He was always considerate and kind, despite how asshole he could be, but at times like this, he was a solid companion.

“I—“

“My treat!” He immediately interrupted. He probably sensed that I was about to decline for a particular reason he had always heard for a long time.

I smiled defeated, without looking at him. The cloud above my head disappeared for a moment. Although I never liked those words as an offer, somehow it made me feel a bit secure. That there were people out there who would willingly offer their shoulder for me.

But, I couldn’t let myself accept it no matter what.

“Thank you.” I whispered, looking down at my feet.

“So, where should we stop by before I drop you off the lib—“

“Its alright.” I cut him off with a smile.

His eyes flickered with hesitation once he saw me smiling at him. My own lips were trembling because of how hard I was forcing them to stay stretched. And perhaps he wasn’t convinced about my fake smile, yet it always let me have my way.

I saw the light of his blue eyes drop for a second, he immediately averted his eyes on the road without saying anything. Instead, he drove in silence as I stared out the window. I must have hurt his feelings again by refusing his offer. It wasn’t that new about this friendship of ours—no actually nothing was new to anyone who knew me. Not once did I ever let them use their money on me, unless if I asked for it and promised to return it.

“We’re here.” Chad announced under his breath, halting his car in front of a modern two-story building. I looked up out the window and saw the familiar red and brown paint on the walls, along with the campus name.

“Thank you. I’ll give you the gas money later.” I assured him, softly giving him a small smile before opening the car door.

“You know you didn—“

I couldn’t hear what he had to say as I left.