Facing Crossroads

XXII - Secrets

                                                             Theo

Christmas Vacation.

“You’re not telling me something,” I heard my mom say, her voice calm but inquisitive.

“And how long have you been watching me?” I kept tagging the prices to the shelves, trying to act cool.

“Something’s bothering you, honey,” she said. “What is it you’re not telling your mom, huh?”

She was teasing. Apparently, Sandy went to our house while I was with the trip with the rest of the Drama Soc members. She had a talk with my mother and though I didn’t what their conversation was about, it felt strange to know she was doing such act.

“Really, mom, you wanna go there?” I asked. “What is it that you’re not telling me?” I retorted, remembering she had been talking and having communication to my father again as well.

She frowned. “Do you want to talk about Sandy?”

Sighing, I shook my head. “It’s over.”

“I thought she wanted to get back to you?”

I stood up, towering over her and snatched the order slip from the table. Usually, some of our neighbors or those outside the village phoned us in and gave us a list of groceries, then I would deliver it to them. It was rare for someone to show up in our store to buy something.

Scanning the list, I picked the items from the shelf, putting it into the basket.

“She wanted it to be a secret. A secret relationship. I had enough of that, don’t you think?”

My mom dropped her gaze to the floor. She knew what I was referring to. My father kept me a secret from the organization. I knew he meant well, that he wanted us to be safe, but it wasn’t good enough of a reason for me to accept it. They labeled themselves as brave men but couldn’t grow a bone to stand up for their child.

That’s contradicting to their honor.

“Until now, I am his dirty secret, but I think sooner or later everyone will find out. Which reminds me… I thought you promised not to talk to him?”

She cleared out her throat. Guilty. “He wanted to make things right, Theo.”

I forced a smile, staring at her. “Make things right.” I nodded, considering it. “And how he will do that? Yeah, Thomas gave us a shelter here. He sends us cash to shut our mouth. And after my graduation, he wanted me to move again, this time, out of the country. Is that how he make things right? By continually hiding me, buying our freedom?”

My mom gazed up at me, her eyes filling with tears. I mentally kicked myself, knowing that I caused part of her tears. But I couldn’t help not saying anything.

“Those men,” I continued, my voice breaking. “Ruined your life, mom.”

“Your father freed me, Theo,” she hissed, hurt reflecting in her tired face. “He saved me! And yes, our life is maybe not as happy as we wished it would be, but we’re way better than my situation before.”

“It’s not what ‘saving’ looks like, mom!” I muttered, gesturing my hands to her. “He should have freed you from himself, not drag you further to his pit.”

“You don’t know anything,” she whispered, her hand pointing at me. “You don’t know how better I am now because of your father. Because of you. Why can’t you see that? Your father loved us and he will do anything to keep us safe. Especially you!”

I shook my head, knowing she would always go back pitying herself and would die protecting Thomas.

“Mom, as long as we’re playing into their hands, we are never free! We’ll never be better. Just because you’re not in that hell hole anymore doesn’t mean you’ve been saved. He brought you to his own hell, and that man is the devil! You have to wake up from all of this!”

She raised her hand at me and I prepared myself for a slap that never came. I could see it in her eyes, though, that she wanted to hit me. I crossed the line.

Tears rolled down her cheeks, lips trembling. “He is still your father.”

I felt anger rushed through me, twisting my gut. Only I knew the truth. “No. He’s not.”

****

“You still there?”

I let out a heavy sigh, as if the weight of the problem would lighten. “Yeah, still here.”

“You sounded sad,” Shay said on the other line. I heard a bark and she shushed Cheerio. “Cheerio said hello.”

“Well, hello too, big guy.”

She laughed a little and I welcomed it, letting my head focused on her sound.

“Theo, are you okay?”

I blinked, asking the same to myself. “Yeah. Everything’s fine.”

“Too bad,” she replied, clicking her tongue. “I would have sent you a hug if you’re sad.”

That made me smile. “I changed my mind. I feel so sad right now.”

She laughed some more and all I could do was to imagine what exactly her reactions were.

“Well, it’s payback time,” she muttered. “Just tell me what will make you smile and I’ll do it for you.”

My stomach tensed, imagining what it felt for her to wrap her arms around me.

“How about a hug?” I heard myself say. I felt myself tensed even more and I wanted to kick myself for saying that.

She cleared out her throat. “You want ice cream tonight?”

“Mmm, sure.”

“Meet me at five in ice cream deals,” she said. “Then I’ll give you one tight hug, scriptwriter.”

I chuckled, unsure if she was telling the truth. “You’re not kidding?”

She sighed. “Why don’t you see for yourself? Besides, it’s my turn to be nice, right? So whenever you’re sad, just tell me. I’m your girl.”

My girl.

I was sure she meant she was the girl to call whenever I needed to let out some frustrations, not that she was mine, literally.

“I’ll keep that in mind, Shay,” I replied.

****

“What would you do if someone’s trying to buy your freedom?” I suddenly blurted out. Out of anyone, I knew Shay would be able understand. After all, we were at the same circle.

We were at ice cream and waffle deals, sitting on the same VIP table just like last time. She was wearing shorts and a sweatshirt and I had to admit that she looked extremely pretty tonight.

She raised an eyebrow. “Huh, what do you mean by that?”

I leaned closer to her. “Say that someone wanted you to live to a different country and never return.”

“Why would they want to send you away?”

I shrugged. “To protect their dignity.”

“That’s bullshit, Theo,” she replied, swirling the plastic spoon in her banana split ice cream.

“My father wanted me to go to New York after graduation,” I mumbled, feeling my chest heaved. “I’m like his dirty secret.”

She froze, eyes fixed on mine. Her rosy cheeks made her looked flushed. A stray of her hair strand went to her mouth and I automatically reached out to her face to tuck it in behind her ear.

I swallowed. “Remember what I told you before? That I knew some people like your father. My father is like that too.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Faustino…” she whispered my surname. “I can’t remember which family you belong to.”

Shaking my head, I let out a sad smile. “Faustino is my mother’s last name. My parents are never married. That’s the reason why I was kept hidden in their organization.”

Shay pressed her lips, eyes twinkling with anxiety. “Who’s your father, then?”

Lucky that we were the only customer at this time of night. I propped up my arm on the round table, resting my chin on my palm. “If I tell you, you might run.”

She frowned and I could tell she was annoyed at my answer. “Why don’t you try me?”

Looking at her warm eyes, I knew deep in myself that I could trust her. She would keep my secret safe. “My mom said that my father is Thomas DeLuna, from the Rusco family.”

Her eyes grew wide, clearly shocked. I braced myself for her to run away, to distance herself, to tell me to leave her alone. But she said nothing as she stared at me and her expression was hard to read.

“Your family is my father’s enemy…” she whispered so low I almost didn’t catch it.

“My mom is my only family, Shay,” I replied, looking away. I didn’t want to see her confused eyes, as if she was contemplating whether to walk out of what.

I heard Shy sighed. She composed herself, sitting straight. “I’m sorry, Theo. I know it’s just you and your mom.”

We let silence filled the air as we quietly eat the sweet dessert. After that, we went outside the store and scanned the street, seeing Christmas Lights on each corner, illuminating the ground.

We started to walk and I honestly didn’t know where to go next. She trailed behind me and suddenly, I was afraid to look back, anxious to see her gone. Just like most people.

Then I felt a soft warm hand on mine, tightening the grip. Shay jogged to cope up with my long steps and I halted, surprised to realize we were holding hands. She adjusted our hands and I smiled, knowing her small hand was a perfect fit in mine.

And just like that, she closed the gap between us as she wrapped her other arm around me. Everything felt like a slow motion and once again, the ground seemed to tilt, about to eat us down. I circled my arms around her, holding on to her strength, sniffing her powdery scent.

“You’re not going to run?” I mumbled.

I felt her shake her head. “Try harder if wanted me to run away from you. I think we’re both stuck in a situation we never wanted to be in and the best we can do is to find the strength to move out of that, right?”

Oh God, she made me smile.