Back to You

04 | Chapter Four

B O N N I E

After mom leaves, the silence drags on for a few more seconds—neither of us giving in and breaking the tension, not wanting to lose the silent battle. I glare at Josh, daring him to break it, and he gives in. Rolling his eyes with a loud sigh, he shakes his head at me.

I follow his movements as he drags a hand through his long, sandy blonde hair, which I now notice is slightly wet, like he just showered. He leans back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest, dragging my eyes to the bulges in his arms. Man, he looks so different from the boy I knew.

Obviously, I knew he would've grown up since then, but I never imagined the way he would grow into himself. I briefly glance down at myself, noting how inferior I am to him. Looks-wise, that is. Now uncomfortable with his presence, I try to flatten out my clothes again to look less disheveled.

"I've been waiting all these years to get you alone, BonBon," he says in barely a whisper. That gets my attention instantly. "Now that I have you here, though, I don't know what to say or where to start." His eyes glance up to meet mine, his expression blank, but I see so many emotions floating around in those steely gray irises.

"There's nothing to say, Josh, just go home," I state. I can't deal with his s**t right now. I am still so angry at him, not only for last night, but for how he left me all those years ago. He pushes off from the kitchen counter, slowly walking towards me, "Bonnie, just give me a minute to explain," I spin back around, cutting him off before he could continue, and I scream back at him. "Explain what?" he startles at my tone, but he doesn't step back.

"Explain how you just left and didn't think to tell me?"

"Or how you went for four years with no contact? There is a thing called social media. Why didn't you use that?"

"I tried looking you up, but you were nowhere to be found. But then when I tried to search for you on Liv's phone, there you were. Explain that to me, Josh."

"Bonnie, please," he pleads, his face now sullen. Part of me feels bad for yelling at him, but then I remember the pain I went through, not knowing what I did wrong. I understood his mom was sick and needed to get treatment, but why did that mean he had to block me out of his life?

"No, just get out." I point towards the front door, and he acknowledges this with a single nod. I wrap my arms around my body, seeking comfort within myself. Without another word or any more arguments, he leaves.

The door clicks shut quietly behind him, and I sink to the floor. Pulling my knees up into my chest, I hold them there as tight as I possibly can, trying not to cry.

Taking in deep breaths, I try to calm my heart from beating out of my chest. My mind just wants to go back to thoughts of Josh and me when we were kids. But I'm not ready to deal with him, not yet. I honestly don't know if I ever will be.

A few minutes later, I hear a knock at the door. Hesitantly, I get up and walk over, praying that he hasn't come back for more. Opening it up, I expect to see him and blurt out, "go away, Josh-" I protest without looking up.

"You look like absolute s**t," Olivia stands in my doorway, looking as beautiful and radiant as ever. Sometimes I hate having her as my best friend. How am I to live when there are people like her that exist? Olivia would smack me if she heard me internalized thoughts. She's always telling me how beautiful I am, and I know she's right. I am beautiful. We all are in our own way. She just happens to be runway model beautiful.

"How do you always look so amazing? It's not fair-" I sigh, opening the door wider so she can come inside. She strolls inside with a massive grin on her face as if last night never happened, and I motion towards the kitchen. Olivia showed up at the perfect time. I'm about ready to eat my feelings, and I know for a fact she will be willing to partake.

The extra swing and pep in her step today makes me want to groan with envy. I swear Olivia has the highest tolerance for alcohol I've ever witnessed. It never seems to hit her as hard as it does for me or anyone else. That could have a little to do with the fact I don't drink nearly as much as her. But, at seventeen, is that really such a bad thing?

"I had a certain visitor this morning," I complain as I follow her toward my kitchen. "I guess you could say his presence ruined any chance of a good mood today." There is no point lying to Liv. She could see right through my façade.

"I thought it was a little strange you were calling me Josh. I hadn't realized I got that hot overnight." She flips her long, dark wavy hair over her shoulder and looks back to wink at me. I shake my head at her and chuckle to myself.

We reach the kitchen, and I jump up to sit on the counter, reaching for the cookie jar I know mom has stacked to the brim with all the best kinds of heaven. I sit and face her, waiting for her response, but she takes a few seconds to think before doing so.

"Okay, well, what did he want?" she questions, her hand reaching towards the cookies. I point the jar towards her for easier access, and she beams with glee. "To annoy me, I guess," I retort, angrily biting into the chocolate chip goodness in my hand.

"Okay, that makes sense, I guess. But you admit he got hot!" she exclaims, placing her hands on her hips, striking a pose with a condescending smirk. I roll my eyes at her and fight the laugh begging to breakthrough. She isn't wrong; Josh is hot. I'm not blind. But that doesn't change the fact he hurt me. Even though a lot of it might have been out of his control. The point is, he didn't do more to talk to me. He actively blocked me on all social media and ghosted me. That's why I'm so mad at him.

"I don't care how hot the guy is, he's a complete jerk," I shrug, and Olivia nods, agreeing with me. Even though every part of her boy crazy mind is telling her to refute my claims and scream back at me, 'but he's hot, so it doesn't matter.'

"How could I ever forget what he did? It was only four years ago, Liv," her smirk falls, and her auburn eyes look at me, sadness clouding them. "Four years isn't that long. Not long enough to get over him leaving me behind," I admit. She sighs and nods once.

She pushes off of the counter across from me and walks over to stand in front of where I sit. "Look, I get it," she throws her hands up in defense, "I was right there picking up the pieces of your broken little heart when he left," she was mid pep talk when she is cut off by a knock at the front door. "That better not be him," I groan.

"I'll get it, just in case it is him," before I can object Olivia is walking off towards the door. I watch nervously, hoping it was just some annoying weekend door-to-door salesman, but I knew better. We never get them around here, at least, we don't anymore. Not since my mother threatened to sue them for harassing a single woman living alone. They clearly didn't want to deal with her and her threat, even if they were empty. I knew she wasn't going to do anything about it. She just didn't want to deal with them interrupting her weekends anymore.

Not being able to see the door directly from where I sit, I close my eyes and listen—hoping that my senses will kick in and give me super hearing powers. I try hard to hear anything, but it's dead silent, and that worries me. Could that be a good or a bad thing? I don't know.

I can hear softened voices arguing, but they're too faint to make out who they belong to. Curious, I peel myself up off of the counter and wander towards the muffled chatter.

Peeping around the corner cautiously, I was surprised to see Scott standing there. His back to me with Olivia in front of him. He looked slightly uncomfortable, which was clear in the slump of his shoulders. She is holding onto his arm, gazing up at him with her doe eyes, which isn't too weird, but something about the gesture puts my alert on high.

Confused, I step around the corner, making my presence known. I wonder what's going on, because they both startle and jump apart at my appearance. It's obvious their conversation wasn't a good one. Tension fills the silent entryway. I clearly interrupted something. The look in Olivia's eyes tells me this.

"Oh Bonnie, look, Scott is here," Olivia announces, grabbing Scott by the shoulders and turning him to face me. Again, he looks uncomfortable by her touch.

"What's going on?" I ask curiously. Something is definitely up with them. "Nothing, I just wanted to see how you were holding up after last night," Scott says, now in front of me, pulling me in for a big bear hug. My favorite kind and just what I need right now. Olivia watches us, her expression completely unreadable. If I were to take a stab in the dark, I'd say it was envy, but that doesn't make any sense.

"Let's go out for lunch. That might cheer you up," Olivia pipes up, trying to turn the awkward silence around. Scott and I both turn our focus back to her, and I smile at her appreciatively. She isn't wrong; getting out of the house is probably a good thing, especially if it involves food and my two best friends.

"Food sounds amazing right now. Let me just freshen up first. I look and feel like s**t," I groan, motioning up and down my body. No explanation needed. Neither Scott or Olivia disagree with me, so I walk away to get ready.

The second I round the corner and leave them alone, I hear muffled whispers again. I stop and try to listen to what they're saying, but I can't make out any of their words. Call me crazy, but I think something has happened that they both don't want me to know about and, frankly, that's annoying.

•••

After getting out of the shower, I walk back to my bedroom, glimpsing out the window as I pass. I stop dead in my tracks when I see him. Josh is standing in his front yard, shirtless. Of course, he's shirtless. Why would you wear clothes in your front yard like a mere mortal? It's not like he's doing anything strenuous, he is just standing there, leaning against his dad's truck, tapping away on his phone.

I stare at him, well, more like gawk, and he must feel my stare because he peers up at my bedroom window, catching me in the act. f**k. That's just what I need to boost his already too large ego a little more.

I frantically look around my bedroom, desperate to find clothes to throw on so I can leave the house and get far, far away from Josh and the embarrassment written all over my face.