The Survival

Chapter 22

Chapter 22

I wake up freezing. I can’t feel my butt, my arms and legs, my hands probably emigrated to somewhere cold and my face must have stalactites.

I wrap the blanket tighter around my body, but it doesn’t provide me any warmth. I open one eye to see how dark it is, the sky is filled with stars and the forest is quiet.

It’s still night.

I curl into a ball and rest against Ha—

Turning my head to the side I see an empty spot, I palm the ground and found that it’s cold which means that he left for a while now.

I blink my eyes and try to focus my vision, I see Beth, Sarah, Ed, the bonfire and…

This time I squint my eyes and brush my hands over my face. Seated close to the burning fire, is Nathan. The dark night doesn’t help me detect the figure standing against the dancing flames, but his mops of curls betray him.

I rise from my sleeping site and walk to him, the chilly air has an effect on my body, making it freeze to the bones. I stumble a few times, because of my numb feet, cause of my still sleeping form and obviously thanks to my clumsiness.

I approach him very slowly, trying not to make much noise and wake up the others and especially not to scare him.

He is so tense, you can see the muscles on his back stretching his black t-shirt and since his head is buried in his hands, and his biceps are popping out.

“Nathan?” I touch his shoulder softly, as I guessed, this part of his body is just as stiff as his back. He turns to me quickly, surprise is written on his face. Not saying a word, I sit by his side, enjoying the warmth the fire can give me.

“What are you doing here?” He whispers, his eyes piercing through me while I maintain my gaze on my pale hands, trying to make the blood to fluid.

“I came to check up on you, yet the real question is... what are you doing here?” I pause at the ‘you’ letting him know that I’m determinate to have an answer. A truthful one that is.

I put my freezing hands under my blouse and try to warm them up. However, I’m stopped by a large hand covering both mine, “Nathan, you’re so cold.”

My hands are so cold from the temperature that I can’t feel basically anything, but his hands are so icy that I can feel it, “For heaven’s sake Nathan. What got into your mind?” I take my trembling hands out of his grasp and pull the blanket around our bodies.

“Kate, I’m fine, I don’t need it.” He tries to take it off of him.

“What you need is a punch on the face. Look at you Nathan.” I’m being too harsh with him, but it’s for his own good. His hair is covered with snowflakes, just like his eyelashes and eyebrows. His lips are purple, not having a sign of the soft pink that I love. His body, even though tense, is shaking, and his hands…

“I’m sorry.” His emerald eyes looking into mine. I move closer to him and grab one of his hands while caressing his face with the other.

“You look like a ghost, Nathan.”

“Jezz, thanks.” He gives a soft laugh, making me see his beautiful white teeth but only for a short period of time, a frown appears and his shoulders sag.

“What’s wrong?” He is getting me worried.

“I’m just thinking.” His head turns to the night sky enjoying the view, while I do the same, although my stars at the moment aren’t white but green, an emerald kind of green, and my guardian angel isn’t looking down at me, from Heaven to the Earth, he is actually by my side. The most beautiful and exotic creature I’ve ever encountered.

“I don’t like when you think. You seem like you are lost.”

“Lost in my own world.” He shows me a smile.

“Come back to me.” I whisper.

“What?” He tilts his head and looks at me with his mouth open wide.

“Your world at the moment isn’t the same as mine. You’re right beside me, yet I feel like we’re in opposite poles of the planet. You aren’t here with me.” He bits his lip and narrow his eyes, never breaking eye contact, processing the words I said.

I face the bonfire and reach my hands towards it. Maybe if I touch the flames, the burning sensation will cause my body to warm up. A puff leaves my mouth, and I see it disappear right before my eyes. When I was younger, I used to puff all the time, especially when it was winter on one of those snowy days. I would pretend that I was a dragon and was spitting fire instead of air. The memory causes a smile to form on my face.

“Have you ever noticed how fast the night changes?” Nathan speaks by my side. Following his gaze, I see the starry sky.

“What are you talking about?” Maybe the cold affected his brain.

“See that star over there? The big one, with two small ones under it?” He points to the star that he is talking about. It takes me awhile to find it, but when I do, I nod, and let him continue, “Yesterday, it wasn’t shinning that bright.”

“Yesterday? You woke up in the middle of the night to look at the stars again?”

“No, yesterday I noticed while we were having dinner. Today, I needed to think clearly. When I was younger and I had to make important decisions, I would look up at the sky and see the stars, my mom would say that they were smiling at us, showing us their pearly teeth, that’s why they’re so shinny.” He laugh but it’s not a happy one, like I’m so used to hear, it sound tired and heartbreaking.

“What’s upsetting you?” I try my luck again. I don’t want to push him to tell me what’s wrong, but I want him to know that I’m here for him, whenever he needs me.

“One day I’ll tell you. I promise.” He replies me with the same answer I gave him about my draw.

“Fair enough.” I put my hands in between my legs and squeeze my thighs together, while covering half of my face in my jumper.

“Tonight’s chilly.” He grabs a stick and moves the wood on the bonfire so the flames will not burn out.

“No s**t Sherlock. You state the inevitable.” I laugh a little too loud, I look around making sure that the others are still sleeping.

“I can’t feel my hands.” He whispers with a frown settled on his face, making a little wrinkle appear in between his two eyebrows, right above his nose. Instinctively, I grab one of his hands and kiss his palm, passing the little warmth that my lips can provide to him, and then grab the other making the same.

I look at him from under my eyelids and wait for his reaction. This can either go well or wrong.

He can be surprised, liked my action or disliked it. Simple.

“I can’t feel my thumb.” His hoarse voice reaches my ears, at the same time that he puts his big finger in front of my lips.

Not waiting much time, I give the tip a small kiss.

“I can’t feel my cheek.” I place my hands on his chest and I reach his cheek, I give him a feather like kiss, but I let it stay on his skin longer than previous kisses.

“My forehead.” I would be dumb if I didn’t know what he is doing. Not protesting, I raise my body a little so I can give him a kiss there. It may be cute to see a tall boy and a shorter girl, but Nathan is around 5’8 / 5’11 and I’m 5’2.

“My nose.” I kiss it and let it linger there, just like I did with his cheek, I can feel his cold hands grabbing my cheeks and for some reason instead of feeling a wave of cold, I feel hot, like I’m a damn volcano waiting to erupt.

His thumbs make circles on my cheeks and I feel as hot as lava. The gentle movements, this sweet play that we’re having, all of it, is making my heart blossoming.

I retreat but only enough to see his eyes. They gained a dark colour, making his eyes look like a pool of liquid green, they look even more magnetic then I think they are.

He opens his mouth to speak and I know exactly what he will say.

“My lips. Kiss them.”

Should I?

The question pops into my mind and plants itself there. Like a weed, it poisons my brain, my ideas and above all my reactions.

It’s an important question. Do I really want this kiss to happen?

Yeah. You do. My heart speaks.

Think about it carefully. My brain voices.

Should I? I ask myself and try to come up with something.

My body and heart say yes, but my mind says no.

It’s 2 against 1, so should I? What if the minority is the right one? I feel like I’m split in two.

You almost kissed him. Twice. What’s so different this time? Now, he wants to kiss me. I know that he wants it. He specifically told me to kiss him.

What if he only wants a make out session and nothing more? You’ll be broken, and your walls will go up again, you’ll end up like the same girl you were after Steve’s suicide. My mind answers my question.

Nathan has been kind to you since day one, he’s funny and sweet, he’s your protector. He is all you wanted. Someone that loves and cherishes you, that was what you have been waiting for.

Steve was a good guy at first till his demons came out. My brain refutes my heart.

I feel like the character in those stupid movies, where you see an angel on one of your shoulders and a devil on the other. My heart is the angel, because it’s telling me to do what I want, because let’s admit it, I really want to kiss Nathan. My brain, being the devil, is refuting my heart and making me doubt my actions, it’s showing me that now, at this moment, everything is perfect, but what will happen after?

I broke from my thoughts and from the fight that my brain and heart are having when Nathan kisses my forehead before dropping it against mine.

“Stop analyzing everything. You don’t have to do it. I don’t want you to feel obligated to it.” He speaks in a gentle way.

See? He cares for you. He is putting your happiness first – My Heart x

Or he is just making you think that so he can get into your pants – My Brain x

“It’s not it. I do want to kiss you.” My eyes are close, I’m not capable of looking at him. He just asked me to kiss him and I denied him. Yes, I didn’t voice it, but my actions showed it.

“What’s the problem then?”

“I don’t feel ready.” My voice is so small, and I know that if he wasn’t this close to me, he wouldn’t be able to hear it.

He stays quite for a while, probably thinking about his next words, his thumbs make circles on my cheeks, providing me some warmth. He brush his lips against my nose. “I’ll wait.”

My eyes open immediately, and I realize that Nathan is already looking at me, “You what?”

“I’ll wait till you’re ready. I don’t want you to rush it up.”

“What if you wait for so long that when I’m ready, I’m an old lady with thousands of cats?” I ask him.

“You’ll be the most gorgeous old lady that I’ll have the pleasure to lay my eyes on.”

“But w-what if the science develops so much that I decide to live forever?”

“I’ll become a sexy vampire just like that one from the Twilight.”

“What abou-“

“I’ll be there. No matter what it takes, how long it takes. I’ll be there, and I’ll wait.”

Surprised, would say little. I’m stupefied, stunned, dumbfounded and much more. I can definitely say that I wasn’t expecting that answer... at all.

“Come here.” He taps his lap. Still overwhelmed I sit slowly in his lap, and after I adjust, he wraps his muscled arms around me.

“Why me? Why having so much trouble because of me?” I turn my head over my shoulder so I can look at him.

“You deserve everything. I might not know what you have been through, since you haven’t told me, but your eyes show how much you... suffered.” I remain silent.

“The eyes are the mirror of your soul. That phrase is undeniably appropriate for you. Although you don’t feel safe, or ready to tell me your past, your eyes express the pain you feel. That’s why I love to make you smile and laugh. Because you became a different person, more radiant, livelier, more you.” He grabs a piece of hair that fell from my messy bun.

“You’re one of the most beautiful, most lovely and most amazing people I met. I’m not saying this just because. Every word that is leaving my mouth... Is true. You deserve to be happy, to feel loved, and I want to show you that, I want to be the one able to make you smi-“

“Nathan please, stop”

“Too much information?” He inquires. I send him a glare that says, ‘You think?’

“Come on. Time to sleep.” He grabs my hips and lifts me from his lap.

“I thought time to sleep was around midnight, not... whatever time it is now.”

“A change in the routine is always good.” We walk back to our spot, he sits down, and I rest against his body.

“You know that I like you, don’t you?” The words leave my mouth without my consent. I wasn’t going to tell him this, not now at least. I can’t believe that I just told him that I liked him, he probably thinks that I’m and i***t, and who am I to judge him, he is th-

“I know.”

“Sexy boy say what? I m-mean... uhmm, knock knock?” If I could I would be face palming myself at this right moment, I’m so f*****g stupid, my mind must have a direct tube to my mouth. So, when I think about something, I immediately say it.

“Who’s there?”

“Nathan, that wasn’t... you don’t... ugh. You know that I like you?”

“What can I say, I’m a really charming boy.” He shrugs.

“Hey, I’m the charming one here.” I slap his chest.

“Our babies are going to be so beautiful.”

“What has gone into your head? Goodnight Nathan.”

“Night cupcake.” Needless to say, that I slept with a smile on my face.