Finding Nymphaea's Haven

Chapter Thirteen: Waking Up for Affection

POV

Nymphaea(Delilah)

•••

I had woken up to sweat being all over me. I must have been having the nightmare again. I'm not sure this time I can't remember. This usually happens after an episode. I could have the nightmare or a different one and not remember it. I could even sometimes forget what happened before the episode hits me.

I notice it is still nighttime, and Atticus is nowhere in sight. He did leave on the small lamp light he had next to the bed. A glass of water and a bottle of pain pills were sitting in front of the lamp. A small smile exposing itself on my lips. This kind gesture made me feel warm and safe.

I got up to take the somewhat baggy shorts off. I left the three sizes, too big, with the Memphis Mayfire band on the t-shirt on and my underwear. I took some medication with the water and got up. I couldn't go back to sleep. My body was between the state of wide awake and believing to be wide awake. It's kind of like being on a sugar rush just before your body crashes from it.

I look out in the dark hallway. Letting my eyes adjust before venturing out of the room. There were only three other rooms up here, but one was a bathroom. The other two had both doors open but no Atticus in them. I leaned against the sair rail to look down at the first floor. I noticed there was some light down there. Figuring Atticus slept in the living room and gave me his room.

As I head down the stairs and through the hallway, I don't find Atticus anywhere. Not even in the living room. The fireplace was lit with a low glowing fire. The only thing being light for in here and the hallway out. There was a little desk lamp that was on in his office at the desk. Still no Atticus in sight.

I felt a lump grow in my throat. Not finding him in a house I don't know made me think of awful scenarios. Of course, past trauma would take me there. I took a breath and told myself to remain calm. I kept looking for him.

I noticed down the hall that there was a door that led outside into the back. I saw some light similar to the light from the fireplace. I make my way to the door and open it.

I was utterly amazed at how the back of this place looked. The front was nothing to this. It was a huge backyard with a gazebo about one hundred and fifty feet from where I stood. It had beautiful flowers around it and a swimming hole twenty feet from it on the other side. There was even a dock that led into the water a good way in. But that wasn't the only breathtaking view back here.

There was a ground pool with a hottub to the right from me about thirty feet. There was even a patio with a grill and bar area under the covered stone rooftop to match the pillars and foundation. The stone made for the walkway and around the pool was the same but a lighter tan color. Compared to the dark mocha color on the other stone. It was beautiful and spectacular to look at.

On the left about the same distance was the sight that had me frozen in time. It wasn't the beautiful stone fire pit that matched the grill area. Or the wooden chairs circled around it to look at the beautiful backyard and woods scenery. Not even the gorgeous exotic flames that were coming from the pit as embers fly in the sky like little shooting stars.

It was Atticus. Him sitting there with his bare back to me. There was a table with a bottle of alcohol and a glass sitting next to him. His silhouette dancing in the reflection of the fire. Making him look like a mythical god. It's almost like a Beast manner from Beauty and the Beast.

It just makes him hotter and harder to resist. And that is just from this distance. Maybe I should retreat now. I don't think he heard me come out anyway. I slowly turn around to face the door.

"I didn't think you'd wake up. You were sound asleep when I left." Atticus says loud enough for me to hear. I stop in my tracks then. So clearly, he has the ears of an owl. Like damn I'm a mom of twins, and my hearing isn't sharp like this cause I was pretty stealthy.

I turn back to face his direction. Finding him still facing his back to me and drinking the liquid from the glass. I walked over to where he was. I was pacing myself there as I took deep breaths to control my rapid beating heart. I could feel the sweat begin to form in the palm of my hands as I got closer to him.

As I reached the fire pit, I made my way to the chair that was sitting to the right of him. I sat in the chair with my legs up on the chair underneath me. Luckily, the shirt was big enough to cover a comfortable amount of my lower end as I sat here.

He held out the glass to me. I thought about it for a second. I wouldn't have to get the kids until after school. I already called in with my other job. The lawyer I mainly assisted luckily answered, and didn't give me a hard time about it. Mr. Anderson even said if I showed up today, he'd kick my butt out and send me home.

I took the glass from him after I gave him a nod of acceptance for it. Our fingers brushed against each other as I took the glass from his hand. I couldn't help but feel the tingly firework sparks from his touch on my skin. Making my whole body hum in soft, sweet vibrations. If anything, this was more satisfying than the alcohol I was about to consume.

"Thank you. Honestly, for this and everything else." I say to him and give him a small smile. He looks at me and smiles back the same. Nodding his head at me.

"You have nothing to thank me for. I'm just glad I was here when it happened." He says softly to me, looking towards the fire before I could make eye contact with him. I nodded my head and looked out at the woods.

How the moonlight hit the top of the trees as they blew in the night wind. Hearing all the creatures of the forest make their sweet sounds. Singing their night song along with the wind. It was peaceful to listen to and just stare out there.

"It beautiful out there, especially at night." Atticus says almost in a hushed tone. Clearly, trying not to drown out the sounds of nature. Wanting me to hear that over him. I noticed that and perked up a bit in my seat as I looked back at him.

He's looking out at the forest, too. I was intrigued by the sounds that I was listening to. He had this satisfying smile on his face as he looked out there. As if he had forgotten how wonderful it sounded out here during this time. I couldn't help but watch him. Seeing this side of him made me realize we have some things in common. He was kind of broken like me.

He finally looks over at me after a few minutes of just looking at him. He's still smiling at me the same way he was before turning to me. I couldn't help but smile back and let out a small giggle. He let's out a laugh as I began to laugh a little too. Staying like that for a good fifteen seconds. Grabbing our rib cages as we try to calm ourselves from laughing a little harder than we wanted.

"I'm glad you're in a good mood and feeling better." He says as he sighs relievingly from stopping the giggles.

I feel my smile start to fade from my face. Turning into a somewhat serious sad expression, then. I looked at him as I gave a small smirk.

"It's been about two months since I had my last episode. I thought it was under control." I barely can say to him my voice was a whisper. I looked away and took a swig of the glass. I let out a sigh of relief once I swallowed the alcohol. If anything, that swig gave me the boost not to fall apart and be weak about discussing it.

"When did they first start?" He asks softly and cautiously. Like he was going to say the wrong word to set me off or something. I look over at him and notice his manner is patiently waiting for my response as he looks at me caringly.

"It started a year after the twins were born. They're caused by so much stress on my body and the ptsd. But I've always been great at managing them. I've never had one in front of anyone before." I stop and look away from him.

"Until today, that is." I muttered out loud enough for him to hear. I couldn't stand the vulnerability I just exposed to him already. I'm completely doing things ass backwards and I don't know how to undo it. Make it go the normal direction.

I didn't look up when I heard him get out of his seat. Taking me by surprise when he swooped me out of my seat slow but swiftly into his huge arms. Holding me there as he walks back to his seat. I still couldn't look at him. My pride was hurt more than I could admit.

We had sat back down in his chair. Letting my ass straddle him while he sat in the seat. My legs were dangling to his left side together as my hands were still wrapped around the back of his neck. He stuck his hands on each side of my cheeks. He got me to look at him then. I stare into his deep blue eyes. They were a shade darker than the normal color. He was hurting in some way. I'm not sure if it was what happened to me or what I said or if it was even me at all. Either way, he wanted me to see just exactly how he was feeling in this moment.

"Don't ever hide them from me. If you continue with me, that is all I ask." His voice was soft but firm. Like how I would talk to the twins about something serious as this. My eyes had widened then. I couldn't believe what I had just heard him say. I can't believe he is serious about this.

"Are you serious? You can't be serious." I say as I shake my head gently in denial of what he's saying. I wanted to pull away so fast, but something kept me planted. It wasn't that he was holding me. I know he'd let me up if I wanted he barely had a grip on me. Something in me wouldn't let me push it all away. Which is new for me and very uncomfortable to be going through.

"Delilah, I am dead serious. I don't care when it happens or if I'm near you I want to know immediately. We can even come up with a code word." He says as he strokes my cheeks with his thumbs. Sending butterflies to flutter in my stomach.

"Can it be 'cheekwood'?" I ask him I'm a whisper. I still couldn't believe there was someone who wanted to know when I felt an episode coming on and coming up with making a code name so no one else knew.

He nods his head at me. "I can do that. Whatever you want, I can do and more." He confidently says but also a reasuring tone to it. I smiled at him to assure him that I believed him when he said it.

He begins to stare at me intently. His eyes raoming my half-naked body. Giving me a small smile as he stares at the shirt I'm wearing. I see a hint of sorrow in his eyes, though. Making me wonder where his thoughts were taking him.

"Are they your favorite band?" I ask him as I kept looking at him.

"No, I'm more into heavy metal like Five Finger Death Punch or Halestorm. That is more of my genre and country music." He says as he lets out a sigh. Looking at me then. I could still see the sorrow in them.

I stuck my hand on his chest. Feeling his heartbeat under my palm. It was beating slow and steady. His skin was warm and soft. The kind of man that shaves his chest hair. But who could blame him? With muscles and abs like this. Plus tattoos on his chest peck and side torso. I absolutely don't mind him being hairless. If he wants hair, he can do it either way he would still be attractive to me.

"You can tell me whatever it is that's on your mind. Or you don't have to. If that doesn't work then you can tell me what you need and I'll do it." I said to him, coaxing an answer out of him. I just want to help him. He's been amazing at helping me it is the least I can do for him.

We kept staring at each other after I said that. His face comptemplating on what to say next. I knew he was thinking about his answer. His eyes were dim as if he wasn't in there. Stuck in his thoughts from my statement. I felt guilty then. I wish I hadn't said that to cause him to get like this. I wanted to take the pain away, not add on to it.

"My brother loved that band. I took him to one of their concerts and we got matching shirts. Even got them signed." He says to me in a whisper.

I could tell this was crushing him. Having to talk about his brother. Those sweet, beautiful memories are turning sour and dark quick for him now. I knew how he felt. Losing my brother was the hardest thing I had to endure by myself. No one to help me cope, no one to let me lean on. Even though it has been almost two years, it still feels like his death was yesterday.

"Can I tell you a secret?" I ask him, keeping my voice steady and not letting it sway in any way.

Atticus raises an eyebrow at me for a few seconds. Finally, he relaxed it back to normal and had a serious expression on his face. His manner almost read that he knows I have secrets, but I'm not sure if he wants to know them. He nods his head at me instead of answering me. Clearly, he's still not able to speak at the moment. I took a deep breath and then let it out. Shaking the nerves I was getting for what I was about to say.

"My brother died almost two years ago. He and I were twins. He loved this band, so much that he taught me how to play a few songs on guitar. I fell in love with their music and the genre cause of him."

I smile at Atticus while the memories of Zyverden flash in the back of my head. Feeling the love and warmth my brother had for me was irreplaceable.

It was the hardest thing to do to shut him out slowly. He knew I was doing it, too. He always could sense my emotions. He was the only one I told about the twins when they were born. I had found a safe one-time way to tell him everything that had happened. Why I shut him out why I went missing when I did. I had asked him not to say a word about the twins for their safety. That the family would try to look for me and expose they exist to the man I've stayed hidden from for this long. I even stuck a photo of them from the day they were born.

I remember writing in that letter that I love him and wish things could be different. How I messed up and now have to find a safe way for us to come home to them. I will keep fighting for us to get home to him and our family. Unfortunately, he won't be there when I uphold that promise.

I remember that eerie gut-wrenching awful feeling the morning he died. I just knew something was wrong with him. We always got that way when we were in pain. Unfortunately, I found out that feeling was right just hard for me to accept it would be the last time I felt that feeling ever again. I came to terms with it about six months ago, but it still hurts no matter what.

He looks at me with amazement in his eyes. Like something I had said sparked those dark blue eyes back to their shimmery glow. No longer being dim from thinking of his brother.

"You had a twin brother?" He says with curiosity in his tone.

"Yes, I did, and you really would have liked him. Zyverden became my dad and brother when our dad passed. He did everything he could to help out and loved us all no matter what. No one knows about him except Nia. But I didn't tell her he passed away." I said to him, and as I did, my smile was fading into a dim smirk.

Feeling the guilt not telling her is something I'll have to live with. I want to tell her, but she never got over him. She even told me once she couldn't hear if he ever died. She had stayed a ghost to him for over ten years she didn't want to know what was going on with him.

All cause she still loves him and would have taken him back in a heartbeat if she could. But in the end, he did break her heart, and she left him behind with that heartbreak.

I love my brother with all of my heart. He was my person. Someone who just knew me before I knew myself sometimes. When he decided he was going to go to the Army after graduation, it not only devastated Nia but myself. This was around the time I had met someone who changed my life for the worse. I felt like it was my fault. I had pushed him away and had said some things days before he registered.

I never told Nia about what was said. I knew if I did, she would one hundred percent blame me and never forgive me. I carry that burden because it is my demon to control and keep chained to my thoughts. Especially after she had confessed to me, he had left because she had lost the baby they created. I knew then it had killed my brother and turned him harden and harsh. Forgetting he left Nia to pick up the broken pieces. Like I said, I love my brother, but he did Nia wrong by leaving her alone. I knew I couldn't let her get hurt any further from that past.

Atticus looks at me tenderly then. He watched my face closely as he still held it. Just like I still had my hands resting on his chest. I knew he felt the same thing as I was feeling. I knew he knew that connection is something we both can't ignore for another second.

"I won't say a thing to anyone. Not until you are ready to tell the twins and Nia. But I understand what you are feeling. It's hard to be okay when you lose the other half of you." He sympathetically says to me. He's bringing my face a little closer to his.

"But sometimes we are given a second chance to have someone be our other half of us. You just have to be still and listen."

My eyes got wide after he said that. I knew there was a connection, but I'm not sure if it is that kind of connection yet. I mean, I barely know him. I can't be falling like this for basically a stranger. This is just absolutely insanity. But for some reason, my body didn't feel like he was a stranger. Even before the night we had in his bed.

Almost like a weird calming comfort, my body was feeling this whole time with him. The connection he was speaking of not only scared me but absolutely terrified me. Not because he was telling the truth. Because this connection felt familiar and pure to my soul. Just like the connection my twin brother and I had when he was still alive.

My heart began to ache from how it needed to feel that emotional connection to someone again. Realizing it had finally found the missing half of its beating rhythm. I keep looking at him, watching the way his emotions started to match mine. Calm and mourning for this connection.

"I need to feel how I felt that night in your bed." I blurted out before I could stop myself. I stuck my hand over my mouth, feeling shocked and mortified that I just said that out loud. Once again, my body betrayed me for the emotional connection I was feeling.

What he did next threw me for an even bigger loop. Instead of laughing or trying to be seductive. He pulled my hand away from my mouth gently. Holding it while his other hand began to trace my lower lip. His thumb felt the softness of them remembering what they felt like to him.

I still wasn't prepared for what he was about to say next, either. If I had known saying that set a switch off in not just him but me, I probably wouldn't have said it. But it was too late. I blurted my dark secret that was going through my head to him about him. Starting to make things feel hot and bothered.

"If that's what you want, then prove it to me, little bird."