My Boyfriend Is Not Human

CHAPTER 4: Learning To Be Human

The next morning, Jisoo learned three important facts.

One: Dokkaebis do not know how to be quiet in the morning.

Two: Dokkaebis are terrible at being human.

Three: Dokkaebis learn about jealousy from t****k and it is a disaster.

It started at 6 AM when Ryu discovered the automatic vacuum cleaner.

Jisoo woke up to screaming. Not human screaming. Ancient-warrior-battle-cry screaming.

"DEMON! FACE ME!"

She rolled off her tiny bed and saw Ryu standing on her desk, holding her desk lamp like a sword, facing her round, innocent robot vacuum that was just trying to do its job.

The vacuum bumped into his foot. _Bzzzt._

Ryu jumped three feet in the air and summoned actual wind. Her notes flew everywhere.

"RYU! That's Roomba! He cleans! He's not a demon!"

Ryu narrowed his gold-brown eyes. "It moves without legs. It hums like a trapped spirit. It is suspicious."

"It's a vacuum! Put the lamp down!"

He put the lamp down, but kept glaring at Roomba. Roomba, terrified, went back to its dock.

Lesson one, failed.

Lesson two was the microwave.

"I am hungry," Ryu announced, opening her mini-fridge and staring inside like it was a treasure cave. "What is this cold box?"

"It's a fridge. And that's my yogurt, don't touch it."

He took the yogurt, tried to eat the plastic, and Jisoo had to fish it out of his mouth.

"Okay, we are going to heat ramen," she said, holding up the instant cup. "Watch carefully. This is a very important human ritual."

She put the cup in the microwave, pressed 3 minutes. The microwave hummed.

Ryu stared, fascinated. "You trapped fire in a small box. You are a powerful shaman, my priestess."

"I'm not a shaman, it's just..."

_DING!_

He flinched so hard he accidentally froze time.

For two seconds, everything stopped - the steam from the ramen hanging in mid-air, Jisoo blinking, the clock ticking.

Then time snapped back.

Ryu was panting. "Sorry. Loud fire-box scared me."

Jisoo gave him the ramen. He ate it in one gulp, cup and all, before she could stop him.

"Human training is hard," he sighed, chewing plastic.

By 7:30 AM, they were late for class. Jisoo was dragging Ryu across campus. He was wearing actual human clothes now - black hoodie and jeans she had stolen from Min-ho's lost-and-found - and he still managed to look like a magazine cover.

Which was the problem.

Every girl they passed stared. One took a photo.

"Who is that?"

"Is he a new model?"

"Is he Jisoo's boyfriend?!"

Jisoo wanted to die.

In Ancient History class, it got worse.

Professor Kim was talking about love letters in Goguryeo. Jisoo was trying to take notes when she felt eyes on her.

Min-ho was looking at her from two rows up, smiling.

Ryu saw it.

The temperature in the room dropped 5 degrees. The lights flickered. Jisoo's mark burned.

Ryu leaned over and whispered, voice like ice, "Why did he smile at you?"

"He's my friend!"

"Friends do not smile like that. In Episode 8, that smile means 'I want to be more than friends.' Should I challenge him to a duel? In my time, we duelled for priestesses."

"No duelling! No challenging! We are in university! We use words!"

"What words? 'She is mine'? I already said that."

"You did NOT!"

"I did. Last night. To your friend with the chicken."

Jisoo buried her face in her hands. "You are going to get me expelled and single forever."

Ryu was quiet for a long time. Then he said, very small, "Would that be bad? Being single forever? Because then... you would not leave me?"

Jisoo looked up. His eyes weren't gold or scary now. Just brown, human, and vulnerable. Like a boy who had been alone in the dark for 847 years and just learned what it felt like to not be alone.

Her angry words died.

"No," she said softly. "It wouldn't be bad."

His face lit up like she had given him the entire world.

Professor Kim's voice cut through: "Mr. Ryu! Can you answer? What was the most common gift between lovers in Goguryeo?"

Ryu stood up instantly, confident again.

"A soul-bead," he said. "When a guardian loves a priestess, he breaks off a piece of his soul and gives it to her. So even if they die, they can find each other again."

The whole class went "Awww."

Professor Kim frowned. "That's not in any record... but... that's beautiful. Where did you read that?"

Ryu looked straight at Jisoo.

"I remembered it," he said.

Jisoo's crescent mark glowed pink under her sleeve.

After class, Min-ho waited for them outside.

"Jisoo, can I talk to you? Alone?"

Ryu's hand tightened around her wrist. The mark burned.

"It's okay," she told Ryu. "Wait for me here. Two minutes. Don't summon anything."

Ryu nodded, but his eyes never left Min-ho.

Min-ho pulled her to the side. "Jisoo, is that guy... is he forcing you to do something? He looks at you like... I don't know. Like you belong to him. It's weird."

Jisoo looked back at Ryu. He was standing against the wall, pretending to look at his phone, holding it upside down.

She thought about the cold dorm floor. The shared chicken. The way he covered her with her own blanket after she fell asleep. The way he said he had never felt jealousy before.

"No," she said. "He's not forcing me. He's just... he's just not from around here. He doesn't know how things work yet."

Min-ho sighed. "Okay. But if you need help, tell me."

"I will."

When she walked back, Ryu was still holding his phone upside down.

"You held it wrong," she said.

"I know," he said. "I was listening. He likes you. I do not like that."

"Are you jealous?"

He thought about it seriously, like it was a philosophy exam.

"I think... yes. My chest hurts. And I want to freeze time and put him in the trash. Is that jealousy?"

Jisoo burst out laughing for the first time in days. Loud, real laughter that made students look.

"Yes, you i***t. That's jealousy."

He looked at her laughing, and his own serious face broke into a small, helpless smile.

"Then I am very jealous," he whispered. "Because I do not want anyone else to make you laugh like that."

And Article 3 of their contract, sitting on her desk back in the dorm, glowed a little dimmer.