Garfield

The Proposal: Louis

Louis

After two months of dating Rachel I knew I had to break things off with Garfield. Guy was such a desperate dope, how could he not see that I was seeing someone else? That I'd barely return his calls and I was always busy. I'd see him maybe once every two weeks and I had her car parked in my garage for Christ's sake. But he just wanted to see what he wanted to see. And f**k him. I don't need him. Why would I? So why is it that I couldn't tell him sooner? I'd go out with him, we'd have some laughs, yeah, and it always ended in a kiss, and I always told myself, next time I'll tell him, and then the next time.

I met him at the mall, at that spot where we had our first "date"; call it that if you will. I sat in the same spot as the first time, by the small two-chair table at the edge of the food court by the balcony, overlooking the large fountain downstairs and called his cell number.

"Louis?" he said, in his usual enthusiastic voice. His enthusiasm never died down, and I think it was starting to grow on me.

"I'm there" I said

Silence for a while as he was figuring out what I meant, and then "The Falls" he said "Our first date"

"Yeah, I'm at the Falls" I said, I don't know why my eyes felt glazed over.

He came in the mall with a bright yellow and red hoody and a striped top, looking like the clown from the McDonald's commercials, especially with the wild brunette curls. The most embarrassing thing he'd worn yet. So why was I beaming from ear to ear?

He got to the table and just stood there, and we stared into each other's eyes for a while. He was smiling too.

"Sit" I said

He sat.

"Garfield, I love hanging out with you, I love being with you and I don't ever, ever want that to stop..."

"Me neither" he interrupted "I just want to spend every moment with you and..."

"Shhh!" I said "Just shut up"

He just looked at me

"We can't be lovers, I..."

"You're seeing someone"

I stared at him, stunned

"You really think I'm that stupid, don't you?"

I didn't answer. The truth was I did. He nodded as if to accept this fact.

"Yeah, I thought so. You think I don't see her car, parked by your house? You think I don't hear her voice on the other side of our phone calls?"

"So, then why did you stay?"

"I stayed because every moment I spent with you made me happy, and I feel like maybe that's all that matters in this crazy world. I know you don't want to spend the rest of your life with me. But my mom always said, it's better to have loved and lost than to have never...have never..." His eyes started welling up with tears. "I love you, Louis, and I know you're too selfish and stupid to see it, but someday you will, and I'll move on, and I'll keep living my life doing what makes me happy with or without you. I'm hoping one day you can do the same."

Maybe I was the stupid one. I thought. I'd underestimated him. All this time he knew and it was hurting him, but he'd rather stay and be with me because, because it's what made him happy in the moment. I thought for a split second that maybe being happy mattered more than my bucket list. But I couldn't afford to think like that. Not when time could be running out. I couldn't afford to waste my time with some hippie fool.

"Garfield, I want you to be there with me when I get married, I want you to be at my kids' soccer games. I want you to be the one I go golfing with after I retire. I love you. We could be best friends. We don't have to end this. Don't be so stubborn Garfield. You're being selfish!"

He laughed "I'm being selfish?"

"I need you in my life" I said, and I took his two hands in mine and begged him with my eyes.

"Louis...I can't be there at your wedding"

"Why not?"

"Because if I have to sit there through your wedding I'll feel like I'm suffocating, seeing the one person I ever fell in love with being ripped away from me by some b***h just because she has a p***y and I don't. And I think I would strangle the living hell out of her. So don't you dare invite me to any f*****g wedding" he said. And then he pulled away and walked off, only stopping to utter some final words. "And don't call me. It's over."

I closed my eyes and stared down at the table, flooded with guilt and fear and shock. He wasn't as naïve as I thought. I couldn't look at him. I didn't want it to end like this. He was hurt, he was angry. Maybe he'd come to his senses eventually and calm down, and then we could talk again, but for now it really was over. Maybe I did love Garfield. But I wanted a kid, one that was mine, that came from me. I wanted to get a girl pregnant, I wanted to experience that, and there was no way Garfield could give me that. If you think that's selfish then fine, I was selfish. But that's what I wanted. This was my life and I had to live it for me, the way I wanted to.

I know she wanted to know more about me. She knew there was more going on, Rachel. But I knew if I told her she just wouldn't understand. How could anybody understand? A grown man like me, intelligent, resourceful, and I had never been superstitious, and here I was scared shitless of a prediction by some cheap gypsy next to the Chinese place. Luna wasn't even there anymore. She'd moved her business somewhere better I'd heard. I saw her on TV once, but changed the channel immediately. I felt embarrassed that I was afraid of her. I wanted to be with Rachel and I thought telling her would ruin my chances. It would make things complicated and, if it turned out the whole thing was a farce, well I could just tell Rachel then. But not now, not when it was all so real in my mind.

I asked her if we needed to talk more and I was relieved when she said no. She screamed at me for the first time, and I was scared my house of cards was falling down. I just wasn't ready to talk, wasn't ready to turn it into an argument, especially since I planned on proposing to her the very next day, today.

My mother and father had given me my grandmother's diamond ring. They so wanted this to work out. They loved Rachel. They thought she was a darling, and beautiful too. Actually, everyone thought that. We were the envy of the town. That certainly wouldn't be the case if Garfield was the "bride". I would never see that precious family heirloom if it was Garfield, and if I'd been honest with Rachel about my feelings and let her know everything about me, she wouldn't want me anymore. How could she? She was perfect, perfect body, perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect eyes, perfect friends, perfect family, all the way down to her sweet, sultry voice. She was intelligent, talented and loved by everyone she met. How could I show a woman like that my true colours? The truth was I was a little intimidated by her. I felt out of her league. What would she see once the mask came off? A sexually confused weirdo with paranoia? Probably. And then I'd die alone, with no kids, and disappointed parents. My parents had always expected so much and I just couldn't live with myself if I'd let them down.

What better day to propose than on my birthday? There wasn't much Rachel liked more than planning social events, especially the food. And she was a way better party planner than I was. She certainly had more friends than I did. She would be busy all day cooking up a storm and looking up recipes and party games and how to entertain guests. She'd be sure to make the day memorable for everyone, and she'd be distracted enough so I could collect the ring from my parents, tell them and a few others about my plans to propose, and plan what exactly I was going to say, what I was going to do.

The party started at about 5pm. We went through the whole happy birthday song by 7, then it was mostly alcohol and games until about 8. I was having a blast. That is until I saw a familiar face in the crowd like a ghost, haunting me. Was it what I thought it was? It was. Garfield. He noticed me noticing him and smiled at me. No, this isn't right, he can't be here. Why would she invite him? That b***h! I ran into the kitchen where she was preparing some cocktails for her friends. "Rachel!" I yelled "Garfield? You invite Garfield. Really? Why would you do that?" I grabbed her shoulders before I could realize what I was doing.

"Ow! You're hurting me!" She had a frightened look in her eyes

I gasped "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"

"Just go" She said

I don't know why I still decided to go through with it, after what I had done. I guess I figured it was now or never. So I gathered everyone together in the living room. Everyone was there; my mom and dad, who already knew what was going to happen and her parents too.

"So everybody, I have an announcement to make to somebody in this room, somebody very special to me."

Love, is like a rollercoaster, it starts off slow, and then before you know it you're zooming in and out through unexpected turns. Yeah, it has its ups and downs but with every passing turn you get to unravel a new part of each other, parts you didn't even know were there and parts you grow to love. Well, I've grown to love every part of you. And I know I haven't always been the best to you, and we've had our ups and downs. But the way I feel about you has stayed the same since I met you, and that is, I think you're perfect. And I want you in my life, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to keep learning about you and unraveling you. And that's why I gathered everyone here, because I want everyone to know that. I've been ashamed of a lot of what I've done in my life but meeting you, that wasn't one of them. You've shown me some great times and helped me become a better man right here, and under the covers. I could see her smile a little when I said that and the light come back into her eyes. Never mind that the whole crowd laughed too. I put on unchained melody on the sound system. I saw her blush when I did, I liked that. "Our song" she said, covering her mouth, her eyes welling up. Tears of joy?

"So I only have one thing left to ask" I said, looking at her. Then my attention shifted to Garfield, who was sitting solemn faced among the crowd. My heart raced, my chest pounded as the anxiety built up inside of me. I turned my focus away from Garfield. I had to do this, whether Garfield was here or not. "Rachel" I said "Marry me"

As soon as I said that Garfield got up and stormed toward the door. I didn't think, instinctively I followed him. "Garfield, wait!" I grabbed his arm. It was only after I got to him I realized how awkward this all was. I looked behind me at the crowd, at Rachel, and they all looked back at me, waiting, confused looks on their faces. They mustn't have known how to feel. Then, before I could decide what to do, Garfield pulled away from me violently and marched right up to Rachel. He got so close to her I was afraid he would hurt her. "I hope you know what you're getting yourself into!" he yelled at her, piercing the silence violently. Then he headed out and slammed the door so hard I thought it might break. The room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. Rachel just stared at me.