Garfield

Rachel

Rachel

I don't know why I left the mall early that day. Or maybe that's not true. Maybe I should have asked myself why I ever went back to him. He clearly wanted to spend the day with me, but I just couldn't. He seemed preoccupied...lost. He seemed cold and distant and truth be told a bit shallow, like he was searching for something, and whatever it was, it had more to do with him than it ever had to do with me, or loving me.

I liked Louis the moment I met him in the office. I was the new, hazel-eyed brunette girl, and he showed me around and introduced me to everyone. He seemed cold at first, like he was just doing it because it was his job, but then I saw that spark in his eye. Faded, but there. I liked that spark. I figured there was something else below the surface, under that hard exterior. And besides, he was an attractive man. He was tall, well-built and had handsome features. Part of it was pure lust I suppose, wondering what was under that nice suit of his. But I've never been the type of woman to let lust control my actions. I wasn't going to be the naïve new girl that got swept away by the handsome guy at the office. Superficial charm wasn't my thing. But then he invited me to Xaio Ping after work.

He never seemed so genuine, so...human, as when he started to explain this little Chinese restaurant to me. "I love Chinese" he said. I guess it's cause it's something that comforted me since I was a kid. I wasn't really fond of the other kids, I mean they didn't mess with me, but I didn't have any real friends either. And after school, sometimes I'd come home and my parents would bicker. I wasn't fond of that either. And then I walked into this little place.

I know it's stupid, but it felt like walking into a different world. They put so much into the ambiance; it feels like escaping to ancient China for a while. There's intricate designs on the wallpaper, and the huge rug on the floor. There's oriental fans tethered to the walls and sculptures and paintings of old temples on mountains. Paintings of lakes, ponds, waterfalls and Chinese flora and fauna. To me, they're like windows to another world. And there's a little Buddha fountain glimmering with shiny coins, new coins and old coins. And they still have the fish tank, the one with the huge goldfish. Sometimes I used to just sit for hours staring at those pretty goldfish swim. Don't judge me"

"It's not stupid" I said "And I'm not judging you". That was when he smiled at me. It was a real smile. That was the first time I felt something between us.

"The staff were always so nice to me. They still are. Well, they know me pretty well now. I like how nice they are to kids" he continued. "There's always been a little mint bowl out in front. They told me the name of the place means "Little Peace". They have a TV now, but sometimes I still just watch the fish when the local news is on."

And then I saw the little place and I fell in love with it too. He was right; the family that owned the place was very generous and kind. They gave huge helpings of everything and they even let you sample the food. It was a real walk back in time. "Hey Louis!" said the pretty Chinese woman behind the counter. "I see you brought a friend".

Then one day he changed.

He came to the office looking solemn with that strange, distracted look. And I saw him look at me more like a piece of meat than a person. Although to be fair I wouldn't say it was exactly like a piece of meat. It was more like, a prize he wanted to win for himself. And then things started moving so quickly between us, too quickly, almost as if he felt time was running out.

I guess I went along with it because I felt like somewhere deep down, the man I had feelings for was still there, and I turned out to be right, but it was too late for us by then.

I lay next to him in bed, letting him hold me from behind. I think he was holding me to comfort himself more than to comfort me, but I let him. He kissed my neck. Then he asked the question "Will you be my girlfriend?"

I turned around and faced him, looking into those sweet, brown eyes. We were a hot couple, both brunettes and good looking. We'd be the envy of the town, and my parents would like him. I knew that. And I wasn't getting any younger. I was 25, and he was 27. I wanted to start a family as much as he did. I caressed his face gently. I did have feelings for him, and what would it hurt to say yes? I would be his girlfriend, not his wife after all. "Yes" I said, and kissed his forehead. He fell asleep, holding me.

We were dating for two months. I would stay with him on and off, sometimes for weeks. That's how I noticed it, that he seemed more and more distracted and almost afraid of something. I tried to ask him about it but he wouldn't tell me. He wouldn't tell me much actually. I enjoyed the s*x a lot. The first time we did it he was a bit awkward; I could tell he wasn't used to it. But it was sweet, and he got better, so much better. I could tell he was a pleaser. He could really satisfy me, and he loved being inside me. It seemed like he could keep going for hours, and that's the way I liked it. I wasn't worried when he came in me because my birth control had always been pretty effective. That's how we spent most of our time, and I wasn't really sure that was a good thing. I was right. My family did like him and his family liked me. Everything seemed right. It seemed right but, it didn't feel right.

Every other week he told me he was going to hang out with a high-school buddy; he had a rare name, Garfield or something. Yes, I think it was Garfield. And I thought maybe he just needed to spend time with the boys. Because whenever he came back he seemed lighter, happier. I could see the spark again. When he came home from his rendezvous with Garfield and I was there he would take me and spin me around and kiss me, and he would be smiling. I would see that glisten in his eyes coming back. I wished he would go out with Garfield more. Maybe that's just what he needed. One day, when he came and span me around, an oldie started playing on the radio, unchained melody by the Righteous Brothers. And we decided that would be our song. Until one day he told me he wasn't seeing Garfield anymore. He told me he ended the friendship. I wondered why he never let me talk to Garfield; he was the one friend I never got to see. Louis wouldn't even invite him over. I wanted to meet this mysterious Garfield and thank him for keeping my boyfriend happy, and now suddenly he was telling me it was over between them and that it was a good thing.

"How is it a good thing? I don't understand" I asked him

"You don't have to understand, but it's what's best for us"

"Yes, I do! You never talk to me about anything that really matters to you!" I screamed. Then I covered my mouth as quickly as I'd uttered it. We'd never been in a fight before, and I didn't want to start now, not over Louis' old high-school friend. Besides, that's not what it was really about.

He looked at me, coldly. "Is that how you feel? You think we need to talk more?"

"No!" I said, and then immediately regretted it. Yes, yes of course we need to talk more! I thought. But deep down I knew I didn't want to talk more. I knew he would try to do it if I said yes, talk more. But I also knew that it would be a means to an end for him, a means to getting the prize, me. I wanted fun. I wanted s*x. I wanted a good time with Louis. But did I want a relationship? Did I want him to be the one I would talk to and fight with and fight for? This is the first time I really thought about it. I sighed. "No, not right now. I just had a long day at work. I don't feel like talking"

He sighed too, and then he nodded "Yeah...me too" and then he walked off, and so did I, back to cooking, not because Louis asked me to. I cooked when I was sad, angry, mad and even more so when I was happy. I just like to cook. It soothes me, especially baking. And eating my food soothed Louis. I was baking pumpkin pie, one of Louis' favorite deserts. And eat he did. We both ate at the dinner table across from each other, and said nothing.

The six months after that were cold. The only warmth I felt was his d**k inside me, but even that was getting cold. He wanted s*x more and more now, for comfort I suppose. I could tell it comforted him. But the glisten was gone. The spark was completely gone. He seemed frantic, as if he was trying to do too much. He'd started applying to different colleges to do medicine. He'd started going on trips. We started travelling more, and everyone was envious of how I'd found a man who was so ambitious and wanted to take me to see the world. But it wasn't about me; it was all about him and his ego. If it was about me, he wouldn't be afraid to show me his flaws, and I wouldn't feel like he was hiding things. He took me to the beach in Miami. To the outside world we looked like the perfect couple, lying there on the sand together. Then I saw something on the ground, shining, reflecting sunlight harshly in my eyes. At first, I thought it was a mirror. "Hang on a sec" I told Louis, "I want to check that out."

"Sure" he said

I followed the light and saw that it was an iridescent seashell. Gorgeous, I thought. I picked it up and examined it. I knew I had to take it home with me. I checked on the inside, empty. Beautiful on the outside, but empty. I looked at Louis. Just like us, I thought.

It was November, Louis birthday was coming up and I started planning a party at his place. I would have planned a surprise party, but he didn't like surprises very much. Especially not nowadays with how anxious he was becoming. Still, I wanted to make this birthday special, because I planned to break up with him. Maybe not the next day, I would give him some time, and some space too maybe. But eventually I'd have to break the news that things weren't working out. That it would be best if we were apart. I would even be friends with him, friends with benefits maybe even, but we were not lovers, and I think somewhere deep down he knew that too. In fact I wasn't sure Louis could love anybody in the state he was in. He needed help. Some sort of help, emotionally, psychologically maybe. He came up to me and caressed me "What you doing honey?" he said and in that moment I rethought the whole thing, because part of me did love him. Then I saw the seashell laying there on the kitchen counter and that was when I knew for sure I had to leave him.

I decided I knew just what would make his birthday special. I might be leaving his life, but I wanted to leave him better off, not worse. I thought if I invited Garfield, they could work things out and figure out their differences, perhaps with my help. I was a good peacekeeper. He seemed as if he lost something when his old friend left. I knew Louis probably wouldn't like it, but Louis didn't seem to like anything that was good for him. So I decided that's what I needed to do.