she’s back
889 Words
Without her, the library sounds wrong.
Jungkook didn’t know a place could have a sound until it went missing. It’s the absence of her shoes on tile. The absence of the door shushing at 3:17am. The absence of the return slot clicking 30 minutes later.
He doesn’t know her name. Doesn’t know her major. Doesn’t know if Y/N is even her real initials or if she just picked them for the library card. He doesn’t know her age. She could be 22. She could be 30. He doesn’t know where she lives, where she goes after 3:20am, why _The Bell Jar_ is her religion.
He knows she wears a navy hoodie. He knows her hands shake when she takes the book. He knows she presses her thumb into page 47 until the paper gives up.
He knows the library is colder when she’s not in it.
That’s it. That’s the whole file. And it’s enough to ruin his nights.
Night 5. 3:17am.
Nothing.
He doesn’t stand anymore. Taehyung was right. He was sitting in her chair. Pathetic. Now he sits behind the desk like he’s paid to. Like he’s normal.
He doesn’t look at the door. Looking didn’t make her come back the last four nights.
3:48am.
The door opens.
He doesn’t look up.
It’s not her. It’s never her. It’s Monster Energy guy. It’s a drunk freshman. It’s Minho coming in early. It’s Facilities finally fixing the bell.
So he keeps his eyes on the computer. _Introduction to Astrophysics_ has been returned 3 times this week. Same guy. He’s not learning. He’s failing with commitment.
Footsteps.
Not to the drop slot. Not to the shelves.
To the desk.
They stop in front of him.
He still doesn’t look up. If he looks, it’ll be Minho. If he looks, it’ll be someone asking where the bathroom is. If he looks, it’ll be anyone but her, and he’s too tired to do the math on his face again.
A hand sets something on the counter.
He sees a sleeve. Navy. Too big. Cuff frayed.
His breath goes bad. Goes wrong. Forgets how to be air.
He looks up.
Y/N.
She’s here.
Hair wet again. Snow or shower, he doesn’t know. Eyes on the counter. Not on him. Same as last time. Like the last four nights didn’t happen. Like he didn’t sit here until 6:22am waiting for a ghost.
He freezes. Not scared. He’s never been scared of her.
He freezes because his body doesn’t know what to do with happiness after it’s been gone. It’s like coming inside after hours in the cold. Your hands don’t work right. They hurt from the blood coming back.
She doesn’t say anything.
_The Bell Jar_ is on the counter. Not from the slot. From her hands.
She’s holding it out. Not dropping it. Holding it.
He takes it. Fingers don’t touch. She’s careful.
He should say something. _You’re late. You’re back. Where were you._
All of those are wrong. All of those are his.
He scans it. The beep is loud.
_Beep_.
Y/N, Card #847291
_The Bell Jar_ – 49th checkout.
She still doesn’t look at him.
He opens his mouth. Closes it. Opens it.
“You—”
She flinches. Small. Like he moved too fast.
He shuts up.
She takes the book. Turns.
“Wait,” he says. Again. i***t. Same as last time.
She stops. Doesn’t turn around.
He can’t do this. Can’t do four more nights of waiting. Can’t do another note. Taehyung’s voice is in his head: _You don’t get her to come back by leaving food out._
“Are you okay?”
Stupid. Invasive. Not his business.
She’s quiet for so long he thinks she won’t answer. Thinks she’ll just leave and make it five nights.
Then: “No.”
Hoarse. Same as before. Maybe worse.
She doesn’t elaborate. Doesn’t owe him that.
He nods. Like she can see him. She can’t. Her back is to him.
“Okay,” he says.
She leaves. Door shushes.
3:20am.
He sits down.
_The Bell Jar_ is gone. She took it. She didn’t drop it in the slot. She checked it out.
49th time.
She said “No.”
That’s more than she’s ever said to him.
More than _Don’t tell me what to do._
He puts his head in his hands.
The radiators clank.
3:47am.
The slot clicks.
He’s on his feet before his brain catches up.
_The Bell Jar_.
He opens to page 47.
No new note.
Just the old ones. Hers: _Don’t tell me what to do._
_Don’t._
His: _Then tell me what to._ – gone. She took it.
Under her _Don’t_, new pencil. Smaller. She had to press hard to make it show up.
_I’m sorry._
Jungkook closes the book.
Sets it on the cart.
Doesn’t touch it again.
6:22am. Minho comes in.
“She came back,” Jungkook says before Minho can say he looks like s**t.
Minho blinks. “The girl?”
“Yeah.”
“Huh.” Minho looks at the cart. “You gonna shelve it or keep being weird?”
“Put it back,” Jungkook says.
Minho takes it.
Jungkook watches him go.
She said no. She said sorry.
She came back.
He doesn’t know what to do with that.
But he’s not writing another note.
Not tonight.
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