Rainbow Central Complete Series

Chapter 5

Jo

JoAfter an exhausting night of small talk and awkward flirting with Frederick’s friends, I was glad to be home. I threw my bag on my couch and aimed my jacket at the coat hanger, not bothering to pick it up when it missed.

“f*****g hell,” I muttered to myself as I raided the fridge for snacks that would soak up the alchol I drank to bear the night. Ellie and her obsession with hot guys. One day, I wouldn"t be able to deal with it any more.

Munching on some leftover sausages from yesterday, I flopped down on my couch and reached for my laptop. Maybe I could watch a movie or find a good ebook to read. Or… Snippets of the conversation from earlier echoed through my head and tickled my curiosity. I hovered my fingers above the keyboard for a moment before they moved by themselves, typing out a search entry.

How do I know if I’m a lesbian?

How do I know if I’m a lesbian?I hesitated a moment before I hit enter and a list of articles rolled onto my screen. Confessions, quizzes, lists, forum answers and questions. I definitely wasn’t the only person who needed the help of the internet.

Not sure where to start, my eye landed on an article from Rainbow Today, which seemed to be some kind of lifestyle magazine.

“How I knew I was a lesbian,” I read out loud as I directed my cursor to it.

A colourful page opened up with a rainbow header and a picture of two girls holding hands. I scanned the page, reading testimonials from women. That wasn’t quite what I expected and while it was cute that these women enjoyed kissing other women, I hadn’t really felt that desire.

I clicked away from this article and selected another one from the sidebar that drew my attention. Ten Signs You Might Be A Lesbian.

A numbered list appeared on my screen.

“One. You think women are beautiful.” I scoffed. That was a dud. Everyone thought women were beautiful.

“Two. Almost all of your friends are women. Three. You see women everywhere.” I tried not to roll my eyes at this list. This was just a load of rubbish. Every girl had female friends and women were everywhere.

wereDespite not finding this list very credible, I read all the points up to the last one. “Ten. You’re reading this article.”

I gulped as I quickly closed the window, slammed my laptop shut and pushed it under a pillow. That last point struck a nerve but it was also stupid. Browsing the internet about being gay didn’t make me gay. If I knew I was gay, I wouldn’t have to consult the internet.

“Stupid,” I grumbled, getting up so I could go to bed, away from my laptop and all the uncomfortable things it was telling me. I was not gay. The only reason I was even looking up these things was because I was tipsy and bored.

That was the only reason.

onlyAnd yet, as I sank into my pillow, I couldn’t stop thinking about Ellie.

My dreams were wild and turbulent but I couldn’t remember anything when I woke up the next morning. A single glance at the clock confirmed that I’d missed my first class but I wasn’t too upset about it.

The pounding headache and my tender stomach didn’t want me going anywhere except the toilet anyway. At least I had another couple of hours and lectures I could skip before I had my mandatory Creative Art studio. It was my favourite class and one of the only one that took attendance.

I moped around my room, trying to get through my hangover for as much as I could before I had to get up. I biked to school, the cool air pleasantly refreshing, and made my way to the art studio through the shortcut Reggie had shown me.

Most of the large tables and chairs were already occupied by the time I made it to the class. I spotted Reggie in our usual corner and made my way over to her. The sunlight falling in through the large windows was blinding and any other day, I’d have loved it but today, it was just taunting me. The brightness just made my hangover worse and I was glad that my seat was in the shade.

Reggie laughed the moment I sat down next to her. “You look like I did yesterday. Had a good time?”

“Average,” I grumbled as I pulled my hood further over my head to block out the sun.

“Then why are you so hungover?”

“Because alcohol is poison.”

“Yeah, but the good kind.” She rummaged through her handbag and tossed me some aspirin. “Here, take that so you stop looking so miserable.”

“Thanks.” Without thinking twice about it, I gulped two painkillers down and followed it up with some water. “I hate blind dates.”

“So you didn’t bail yesterday cause I asked if you wanted to have more than a friend drink?”

I shook my head, immediately regretting it. “No, of course not. My best friend called because she wanted to hang out.”

“Ah, the one I thought was your girlfriend?” Reggie opened her art folder for the project she was currently working on. “How come the night was only average?”

“One of her new roommates is a hot guy and we all went out for drinks so she could flirt with him.” Slowly, I unpacked my stuff to get ready for our class. My pencil case, my phone, my current art project. I put them all on the table trying to make as little noise as possible but every sound was amplified through my hungover ears.

Reggie turned to me. “I thought you said you had a blind date.”

“No, I said I hate blind dates. Which it might’ve well been. A whole night of questions about my past and what I’m looking for in a partner by a guy who didn’t take his cap off inside. Vomit.”

Reggie snorted. “Are you sure you’re not gay?”

“Yes!” I snapped, a little too sharply.

She held up her hands. “Woah, I was just kidding.”

“I’m not a lesbian just because I don’t like frat boys.”

“Hey, it was a joke. If you say you’re not gay, you’re not gay.”

I nodded, letting her words sink in. I fiddled with one of my pencils before looking at Reggie. “But if I were into women, hypothetically. How would I know?”

“Hypothetically? I guess you’re just drawn to them. You gravitate to them. Your favourite people in the world are women. You love being around them, love how they smell, how they move. You like when they touch you and you want to touch them. You get flutters in your chest and your heart races when you’re with a woman you like and you get jealous thinking of her with someone else.”

“Hmmm…”

Reggie’s eyes twinkled. “And the whole time I was talking, you were thinking about one specific person. Hypothetically.”

A blush crept up my neck. She was right, I’d been thinking about Ellie the whole time, wondering if what Reggie said matched up with how I felt about her.

Sensing my discomfort, Reggie gave me a gentle nudge. “Hey, don’t break your head over whether you’re into men or women. Figure out if you’re into the person you’re thinking about and if they’re into you. That’s all that matters.”

“Right. Thanks.”

“I’m hanging out with some of the Platypus tonight. Unofficial meetup. You’re welcome to join me, if you like.”

I hesitated. I did come to college to make more friends and broaden my horizon, but going to an LGBT event…

“Ah, why not,” I agreed.

“Yeah?”

“Sure. It sounds like it could be fun.”

“Awesome. We hang out in Rainbow Central, do you know where that is?”

My buzzing phone interrupted the conversation and from the corners of my eyes, I spotted Ellie’s name flashing on my screen.

“Your best friend again?” Reggie inquired without even looking up from her drawing.

“I’ll be right back,” I replied, rising from my chair so I could find a quiet corner somewhere. Picking up my phone in the middle of class during high school would’ve resulted in detention but nobody even batted an eye when I left the studio for the hallway.

I swiped the green button and put the phone to my ear. “Hey?”

“Hi. Is this a bad time?”

With my back to the sun, I fiddled with the zipper of my hoodie. “I’m in the middle of class.”

“I can call back.”

“No, what’s up?”

“I…” Ellie’s voice faltered. “I wanted to apologise.”

“Huh? For what?”

“For yesterday. I got the impression that you didn’t have fun.”

I released a shaky breath. “I suppose.”

“Why didn’t you say so? We could’ve gone somewhere else or done something else.”

“You just seemed really excited and I didn’t want to ruin it for you.”

“Jo. You don’t have to go along with everything I want. What you want matters too. I’m sorry that I didn’t figure that out sooner.” She paused and I could hear her biting her nails. “Can I make it up to you?”

Even if I was annoyed at her for how yesterday turned out, those feelings never lasted. Especially not when she was so honest and real with me.

“It’s already forgotten.”

“That won’t do. How about those pancakes I promised? I can come over and make some for you whenever you’re free. Maybe tonight?”

“That sounds great— Ahh, no. I already have plans for tonight. It’s fine, I’ll cancel.”

“No, no, I don’t mean to intrude. We can do it another night.”

“Tonight is fine. I always have time for you,” I promised quickly.

Ellie sounded hesitant. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I look forward to seeing you,” I answered before the line disconnected. I put my phone back in my pocket and released a breath. While going to an LGBT party with Reggie sounded fun, I’d rather hang out with Ellie. She was my best friend after all.

I was sure Reggie would understand.