Rainbow Central Complete Series

Chapter 12

Jo

JoWe chose a place near the bus stop, picking a table at the window so we could keep an eye on the busses coming and going. The little café was warm and cosily busy. I ordered a hot cocoa, trying not to worry about all the money I was spending on unessentials. Budgeting was hard, especially when Ellie had money to waste, and not something they taught in high school. Why? That was a mystery to me.

I took a sip from my scalding hot drink and glanced over the glass rim at my best friend. She’d ordered a cocoa too, but with a lot of extra whip. Someone had been generous with it and piled it so high, it caught on Ellie’s nose.

“You’ve got something here,” I chuckled, touching my own nose.

“Oops.” She wiped it away and licked the cream off her finger.

I quickly averted my gaze. “So… What else are you up to this weekend?”

She shrugged. “Not much. I also got an assignment I need to do. So that. And then the party.”

“Right. The party.” I stirred my drink to cool it off. “So some people from Platypus are going to be there too. Reggie included…”

“Oh. Cool, cool. I look forward to meeting her. So, question. Are you and Reggie… You know. A thing?”

“What? No, no, no. We’re just friends.”

She drummed her fingers on the wooden table. “So she’s not your type?”

“I don’t even know what my type is.” I gulped, quickly taking a drink so I could hide behind my mug. The cocoa was way too hot and the sweet, velvety beverage left a sting on my tongue. “I’m only just figuring this all out. It’s all very confusing, okay?”

Ellie reached across to touch my hand. “You know you can talk to me about anything, okay? When did you start thinking about this all?”

I gulped, staring at her hand on mine. Her fingers were long, strong, but soft. I wanted to intertwine our hands but resisted the urge. I couldn’t let these feelings out, ever, or they’d ruin our friendship.

Slowly, I pulled my hand back and grabbed hold of my mug. “I guess I’ve always known. I know you don’t like me talking about Reggie but she was so open about being into girls, it was really refreshing. I told you that she mistook us for a couple, right?”

Ellie nodded. “Yes, so funny.”

“Yeah.” I masked the sting of her words with a smile.

I stared at the steam of my cocoa whirling up, trying to gather my thoughts. A waitress moved past us to serve the two women at the table next to us and even though they were sitting quite close, I couldn’t hear anything of their conversation. Reassured that anything I said wouldn’t travel further than our little booth, I continued. “I guess the conversation with Reggie really struck a chord with me. Then when we went to that party together, it just confirmed it. It was just… so much fun. There were so many different girls. All kinds of types, really. And I just kept looking at them.”

“I look at girls sometimes,” Ellie quipped.

“Yes, but I didn’t just like their clothes or their hair. It was more than that. I wanted to hold hands with them, be near them, kiss them.” A guilty blush rose to my cheeks as I described the things I wanted to do with Ellie too. “I watched two girls kiss and it just clicked.”

She smiled. “That’s cute. So… Anyone you like?”

You.

You.Obviously, I couldn’t say that. I didn’t even know how to reply to her question but as I sought for an answer, I spotted my bus approaching. “Eep, that’s my bus!”

“You’re going?”

Eager to get out of this conversation, I rushed up. I fumbled with my purse and put enough coins to cover my drink on the tabe. “Sorry, I really have a lot of homework to do.”

“O-Okay?” she stammered.

I made a weak attempt to hug Ellie goodbye but with the table in between us, it didn’t quite work. Probably for the best. I hurried away, barely catching my bus. Only when I was one the way home, I could feel how tense I’d been.

I released a long breath as I stared out of the window, watching the old houses of the city pass by. It was a beautiful place but it felt empty. Students came and went, giving the city an ever changing character. This was a place of growth, discovery. Not even I could escape that and yet, part of me wished I’d have stayed in denial. The world would’ve been easier if I conformed and fit in. Part of me wanted to keep on pretending but what good would that do me?

We passed a large church with stone ornaments and statues, and I looked away. I was never the religious type but I knew a lot of people there wouldn’t accept or tolerate my sexuality. I just wasn’t in the mood to be confronted with that.

The bus kept going and the church blurred as it disappeared out of my field of view. People kept coming and going, all minding their own business. A bus full of strangers but when I looked at my reflection in the window, I was the strangest of them all.

My art assignment I had to turn in was supposed to show my teacher who I was but I had no idea how to portray that. Would I figure it out if I spent more time with Platypus?

I hoped so.

The bus doors hissed open as we came to my stop and I got off. It wasn’t until I stood in front of my dorm that I realised I’d done the walk on autopilot.

I was in my head and there was only one way to get out of it. I hung my jacket on the hanger and went straight for my art cupboard. I had some nice thick paper with my name on it.

Rummaging through all my supplies, I dug out my old bottle of Chinese ink. It was massive and I’d used it for years without ever getting to the bottom.

With my paper taped down and my ink and water in little bowls, I painted my worries away. I summoned thick, dark clouds for my frustration and thin, elegant lines to empty out my brush. The ink bit into the paper, greedily devouring the white like obsessive thoughts. Nothing I could do would stop the ink from spreading out, all I could do was give it space so it wouldn’t ruin the rest of the painting.

I pulled the tape off the corners of the paper, throwing the first project to the floor to let it dry. I followed up with another sheet and let my brush dance over it, letting my thoughts flow freely.

It wasn’t until I was done that I realised I was staring at Ellie’s dark eyes. Her gaze piercing and intense, the same way whenever she looked at something she liked.

I sighed, staring at the painting. I was trying to get her out of my head but not quite literally like this. Annoyed, I put the painting aside and rinsed my brush in the sink. This was supposed to help, not make things worse.

Annoyed and frustrated, I flopped down on my couch and as I reached for my phone, a message from Ellie was waiting. I opened it and the selfie we took earlier popped up. She’d captioned it.

My heart throbbed as I blacked out my phone and put it face-down on the coffee table. We did look cute together and that was the whole problem.