The First Time

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

     As it turned out, he had caught the attention of Nonso’s girl right from the day he met her in his company at his apartment. Right from that day onwards, she’d been asking after him unwittingly disclosing her feelings for Kelvin.

     Nonso later narrated to Kelvin that it got to an extent that she started asking him why he doesn’t pay Kelvin a visit which he knew he does though not in her company. It all implied that she would be too glad to accompany him to where Kelvin lives. That was the genesis of mistrust between the two and finally, it had spilled over to him the cause of the problem. 

      Kelvin felt all these were out of sheer jealousy. Now and then, he would attempt to find out if in any way he had unintentionally contributed to the developments. It is not funny. As he thinks deeper about it he gradually felled into a deep thought. His subconscious mind was already at work probing his conscience.                                                                         

     “Kelvin, honestly speaking, I would give you that benefit of the doubt. However, I would still not exonerate you completely,” came the salient voices in him.

     “How do you mean?”

     “You’re quite aware of the psychological impact a girl feels when she is ignored or rather not paid enough of an attention. You simply kills her. The female folks thrive with attention,”

     “I don’t think I have anything to answer for that,”

     “You do Kelvin. In fact, that’s the very area where the conflict emanates from,”

     “I just don’t get you,”

     “It’s not as easy to be explained. I do agree with you. Because most of the attentions were not your makings.

     But deliberately ignoring every look of admirations is not the best way to handle it. I must say, you remember these are natural. Not every look of admiration is harmful. Some might be genuine, sincere, and innocent, others might not be,”

     “I do agree with you but how am I to discern which is not harmful. Must I have to investigate each of them before I could really discern which is worth the attention? Would that not make me a flirtatious kind of person?”

     “I know how you feel. All the same, that doesn’t call for such a hostile attitude of not paying good attention at them as if they’d offended you previously. That wouldn’t be fair, especially for what you stand for and uphold. Remember, they too are human beings like you. Even if they live a life different from yours, they could still come out useful. Change is a permanent thing. People can make a total turnaround towards a better life in the future. Would you not be happy to see them on the same side as you in the future? Every human deserves to be given a sense of belonging. That can only happen if you give them a chance,”

     “You’re making me look callous. You know am not a bit that?”

     “Not really Kelvin. We humans many times hastily get engrossed deeply in our personal point of view of a particular matter. We end up ignoring either deliberately the fact that there are indeed two sides to a coin. In so many instances, out of ignorance, we deny ourselves the need to take a balanced and objective view of the real situation. Sometimes too, it might be that we simply found ourselves in an awkward position. That can make us act out of desperation by trying to protect the little of self-dignity and self-relevance in us. We overreact to some situations that we in oblivion deny ourselves the good which could come out of it if we handled it with a deep sense of maturity. Take a close look at these colleagues of yours.

     Most of them, even though they don’t share your faith and views, do admire it. They simply found you a wonderful company to be with. They can’t resist being with you, talking to you. Though caution should be your watchword I knew that you wouldn’t find it funny if everyone decides to ignore or the worst pay less attention at you when you’re just being sincere with them. Would you?”

     “I wish I could bring my mind completely to your point of view. You are quite correct I must admit. I can’t bring myself…. I mean...you know what I mean?”

     “You have to Kelvin or at least make a try. I knew you inside out as a caring person. You share fellow-feeling, kind and compassionate person. All you need is to get rid of you this poor thinking that everything that has to do with the opposite s*x had to do with promiscuity or immorality. You’re enslaved to that ideology. Can’t you see that it even affects your ability to interact with even some females who share your faith?”

     “But these girls are always filled with fun things in their heads. I just can’t give away any false impressions. I just can’t go on repeating myself,”                                                                                          

     “Is that why you are, if I may say, emotionally distant? I understood your feelings. I knew too well that sometimes you make commendable moves to right the wrongs by extending your warm arms of companionship as possibly as you could. But you make things worse by withdrawing instantly away from your efforts. Why? You’re afraid of making a mistake? Or being found out compromised?”

     “You want me to go on to give someone an impression, which was never meant?”

     “Because you rarely do what you ought to do and that’s why whenever you do them, all ears would want to hear it and all eyes to see it. Can’t you see what I mean? You’re not feeling free. You’re inhibiting yourself. This is not the real you. You’re living a life of another person’s script. I wonder who is writing that script for you. There’s nothing better than living your real-life free from the fear of making a mistake. Whether you like it or not, you’re bound to make it. When you make a mistake and learn from it, you grow,”

     “I don’t want to make a costly mistake that will burn my conscience with guilt. I prefer to trade cautiously,”

     “Of course, that’s right. But you need not be living in the fear of making a mistake. Does that not make you pretend to be the real you? Was that the real reason behind you making yourself inaccessible and distant? So what do you expect a girl who surprisingly caught your rare attention to do? I think you would want to play around with her? No! She would be instantly be celebrating her fortune. Can’t you see what you mean to all these people? Don’t think I am just trying to judge you or inflate your feelings and ego. I am laying down the fact for you. There are some things about you that make them comfortable and rave for you. I can’t say for sure if it were your looks; your sober human looks or just the way you are. There’s this air of self-confidence and a sense of responsibility in you that draws them to you. For whatever it was that draws their attention to you, just try to be a real friend. There’s no harm in being a friend to someone or a person of the opposite s*x,”

     "Am always scared of what people will think about me. I feel bad really,"

     " I understand that. That's the effects of fear though it could be a healthy if the intentions are good, helping you to know your limitations, and appreciate your humility," 

     “I will do something about it,”

                                                                                       Peter

     Peter was naughty and lacks respect. Kelvin learned he and his father weren’t on good terms. They don’t see eye-to-eye. That must be the reason why his father had taken him all the way from the Northern part of the country precisely Kaduna down to the East. This action was to make sure he wasn’t within his eye-sight, at least Mekus hinted on that in his presence.

     Kelvin was of the impression Peter was suffering from a poor sense of self-worth. He wants to do what his mates were good at doing. But he finds himself totally weak to proceed on anything he had embarked upon. Peter will approach him with tails of how he so much admired a girl and how he could not succeed in w*****g her just like any other boy. As in most cases, Kelvin would decline any assistance each time he comes looking for his advice and tips. He was a daydreamer of some sort. Though he has so many great ideas on what he wants to accomplish but with little effort towards seeing them come true. He was that type of human who builds skyscrapers in the skies. Become wealthier than Bill Gates and utterly rules the world in their world of fantasy.

     Those characters and behaviors were escape routes out of his distressing feelings. Instead of working at being realistic at solving his problems he relishes the pleasure of daydreaming about having them all solved. Kelvin saw how his unhappy estranged relationship with his father was always affecting his life.

     He rarely exercises patients at things. In spite of all these, he was quite a funny kind of person in his own way on the benefit of the doubt though.

     He sees music as a carrier. He dreams a lot of making a debut someday. He was indispensable with his radio sets from which he blasts songs of his favorite music artists. He was friendly approachable and a community person too.

     What drew him close to Kelvin was Kelvin’s poetic writings and song compositions prowess. Kelvin too was a music lover. He had that raw talent of scripting song lyrics and composing them. It had thrilled Peter to discover that Kelvin shares his dream and as such Kelvin soon won his respect and admiration. Kelvin, however, never enjoyed his company and did his best to restrict it as much as cordiality would allow. He managed to tolerate him and his unpredictable behaviors.

     He had the brains and that was a plus to him. But for his lifestyle, as was with the others he was not inclined to settle down on his studies and utilize his gifts.

     Kelvin knew Peter was disappointed in him for not striking a rapport with him. It puzzled him too why Kelvin would not want to associate himself with the activities prevalent in the environment.

     Peter was full of self-pride, which Kelvin deduced was a kind of a last resort to hold his head high in spite of all odds. It became his greatest undoing as he found himself less agreeable with most people. It was this vain ego that probably hindered his much-needed improvement in his relationship with people. He found it a hard thing to humble himself and to stop living in the world of fantasy.

     He spurns at any attempt to chastise him. He would be so disrespectful and rude without any slightest atom of reverence. His unruly behavior countered negatively on his self-respect. Self-discipline was the last word in his dictionary.

     In time, he made himself the black sheep in the boys’ quarter. He soon found solace in the hand of a diminutive girl named Gladys.