Working.

chapter five

“Life really is hard, huh? Please promise me you’ll stop playing those games, Ol.”

Ollie nodded absentmindedly. “Okay” she croaked out.

Juno pulled her in for a brief hug.

“You’re going to be fine, Ol. I know you. Please get a job. Take care of yourself. Rediscover you. You don’t deserve this life you’re living.” Juno said with a pensive look.

“And unlike Wendy, I’m really running out of money.” She laughed, slapping her hands on her knees. After this, Juno stood up to also pack up her things that were spread all around Ollie’s apartment.

Just as she was about to leave, she bent down to face Ollie at eye level.

“Please don’t baby voice me. I get the memo.” Ollie said flatly, already anticipating how her friend would talk to her next.

“Oh, okay.” She responded. “Bye!” Juno said, bidding her friend a goodbye as she grabbed her boots from the door and left.

Ollie scoffed half-heartedly, finding the situation humorous but not so much to wipe away the thoughts she had on her mind.

She sat in silence on her floor, her dry smile dropping. Her eyes were on the tv, but in no particular way fixated on the movie as she was deep in thought. She had her legs out in a v shape, her dirty bottoms being a testament to neglect, unlike the overstretched t-shirt she had thrown on when she heard her friends pounding on the door earlier that Saturday evening. Ollie sat like a defeated soldier that night – which in a sense she was.

She had asked herself so many questions. Why did she actually not want to move on? Everyone had to eventually, she thought. Ollie nodded in agreement to her friend’s previous words. Why give up on her life just because a man did not love her as much as she had loved him? Did she really think her past self – and present self, were not good enough? After all, he explicitly pointed out that Ollie wasn’t the problem in the breakup. Their values didn’t align and it was made apparent at some point in time of their engagement – hence it was called off. There was no reason for her to ruin herself for something she had not done

Ollie sat still for a moment occasionally reaching up to scratch her month old cornrows; the room quiet except for the hum of the TV. Her friends’ words played over in her mind, clear now, in a way they hadn’t been before. They had a point, even if it stung.

It wasn’t like she hadn’t known she was stuck, but hearing it from them felt different. She didn’t want to admit it, but maybe this was the push she needed.

She stood up, rubbing her face as the realization hit her. It was going to be hard—hell, it already felt overwhelming—but staying where she was, avoiding the change, would be worse.

She glanced around her apartment. It had been too long since she felt like she was in control. Maybe it was time to start figuring out how to take that back.

The table where they had all had their dinners came to mind. She stacked the four plates, one on top of the other, and took them along with the glass dish to her kitchen.

On getting there, she was met face to face with the mess her friends had left when cooking. She, however, refrained from cursing under her breath, being reminded of the intervention that had been staged for her. She dropped the dishes at the sink – which she couldn’t actually do. The only feasible way for her to drop the glass and ceramic kitchenware without having them break was by putting them on the counter top.

Ollie had initially intended to start her redemption arc by clearing her coffee table only, but over the next couple of minutes she collected dishes from all around her house. Every time she discovered one, she discovered a new type of smell, and boy was she glad when she looked under her bed and didn’t find any more of them. She took her dishes and her loudspeaker with her to the kitchen, and began to clean.

She listened to artists she hadn’t listened to in months – her last listens on some of them dating back to as far as when her engagement was broken off. It had begun to drizzle outside, setting the mood. Ollie danced in glee, scraping at her plates whilst simultaneously soaking the ones with stubborn stains in hot water and soap.

In what felt like no time, she was done. Ollie patted herself on her back, which she felt was embarrassing, so she stood awkwardly in her kitchen, riding the wave of, well, first hand embarrassment.

She took her loudspeaker to her crumb laden loveseat and brought it to her chest as she sat down. Ollie scrolled through countless of playlists, loving the happy-go-lucky vibe going on in her apartment. A random suggestion came to mind, and soon, she was playing one of her favorite songs from the girl group she had loved as a teen. Her eyes began to tear up – and odd sense of melancholy filling the living room. She had never imagined that a song that was essentially about a teen girl stalking her crush would make her cry, but there she was – tears falling down her grinning face.

Ollie dragged her hand down her face and wiped her tears, sniffling. She practically jumped up after that and danced around her coffee table with reckless abandon, the moonlight illuminating her home in colors through her mosaic window privacy screens. She paid no mind to the mess of chips on the floor where she stood, nor did she her television she had left on or the emails tagged as urgent that popped up on her phone. She was simply where she needed to be. In her own little bubble of sanity.

It wasn’t long before the song ended. Ollie stopped hopping around her living room and panted, a crazed smile on her face. She shook her finger in the air and bent over in half, placing her hands on her knees as another melody danced around the room. Her body still buzzing with energy, she straightened up and took a deep breath. There was a feeling of relief in her chest, like a weight she didn’t even realize she had been carrying had just been lifted, even if only for a few minutes.

She glanced around the room, suddenly aware of the mess she had made. Crumbs littered the loveseat, chips scattered across the floor, the TV still on some random show she hadn’t bothered to turn off. Ollie chuckled to herself, shaking her head.

"Well, guess I’ll clean that up later," she muttered, her voice still tinged with a playful exhaustion.

Her eyes caught the faint glow of her phone screen flashing in the dark, another urgent email notification blinking at her. She picked it up, but paused before opening it. The weight of whatever it was, the pressure that had followed her all day, could wait. Right now, she was content in this brief moment of chaos, of freedom.

Instead of reading the email, Ollie tossed her phone back onto the couch and stretched her arms wide, letting out a long yawn. The night was young, and maybe, just maybe, tomorrow would be a little brighter than today.

She went to her room and pushed her clothes off her bed – clothes she had brought out in a hurry when her friends had come over. A solemn feeling washed over her temporarily. Not wanting to burden herself with more mental loads, she pushed it to the back of her mind and walked into her bathroom to brush for the night. She took note of all the expired products there, and decided that she’d replace them when she got a job. Yes… a job. She had not had one in a while.

The remembrance of the loss of her job had also brought up the memory of something else she had given up: Church. Albeit not the most religious girl, she had enjoyed church a lot. This she had stopped going to, though. Her local church was a tight knit community which she had enjoyed, but it all turned sour when she had gone to the house of God to pray, and there they were – gossiping.

Ollie nodded to herself as she gargled on the unnecessarily minty mouthwash Juno had bought her – because dental health was one thing she refused to let Ollie let go as a dentist herself.

When she was done, she stepped out of her bathroom with great intentions for her Sunday. She’d go to church, get back to clean more parts of her apartment, and start job searching. Ollie set an alarm for the next day and flopped down onto her covers – which were long overdue for a change – with a smile on her face. Nothing would have prepared her, though, for the surprise she was met with the next morning.