Uncontrollably Falling For You

Chapter 8

April fourth. My birthday. I was turning seventeen, and I was pretty happy about it. Only one more year before I could buy cigarettes for myself. Sure, Brody and Felix could buy them for us, but still. I wanted to be able to on my own.

I sat outside, listening to the birds sing, as I smoked a cigarette. It was in the upper 50s outside, and it felt nice. Mom was letting me stay home from school, since it was Tuesday. I wasn't even sure what I was doing up so early. Maybe because she woke me to tell me I didn't have to go... so I decided to smoke a cigarette before I went back to bed.

"Hey, Mark!" Jayla greeted happily as she walked through the back door. "Welcome to the couple months of the year where we share the same age," she snickered. We were born only about nine months apart. My mom got pregnant with me right after Jayla was born, poor her, and then she had me a little early. She took a seat next to me and lit her cigarette.

"Yeah," I laughed, taking a drag. "Mom's letting me stay home today," I told her.

"Huh, lucky you! How was I the unfortunate one that popped out of Mom's snatch in July?" she huffed. I crinkled my nose in disgust with her word choice. "God, I can't wait for this school year to be over..."

"Yeah, me neither. Soon. Kinda," I sighed, thinking fondly ahead. It would be so nice to have summer break, as it was every year. Summer was usually full of us drinking and f*****g around. I, of course, played video games for many of those days.

"Not soon enough," she grumbled, taking a drag of her cigarette. Once I was finished with my cigarette, I decided to go back inside.

"I'm going back to bed," I told Jay. "Hopefully your day goes fast." I grinned at my sister as she rolled her eyes.

"You know it won't!" she whined. "I'm so jealous of you." She gave me a smile and I headed inside. I walked upstairs and laid down in my bed. I checked my phone to see nobody had messaged me before taking my glasses off and closing my eyes.

>

I slept until about noon. I sat up in my bed, still feeling groggy, and put my glasses back on. Everything came into view, my room rather bright. I stretched my arms over my head and grabbed my phone. I looked to see I had a message from Olive. 'Hey, you're not in class today.. so I just wanted to say happy birthday! I love you!' The message read. I sighed, feeling slightly guilty. I'd been kind of avoiding her the best I could without making her suspicious ever since I realized my feelings for Felix.

'Thanks! I love you too!' I texted back. I could fake my happiness through a text, at least. I peered out my open window to see the sun was shining. It looked very nice out, and judging by how my room felt, I would say the temperature was perfect. I stood up and grabbed myself a cigarette out of my pack. I headed downstairs, careful to stay quiet since my mom was sleeping. I headed out the backdoor and took my usual spot on the bench.

I lit my cigarette and took a deep drag in. I checked my phone again after a few minutes and was surprised to see a text from Felix. I stared down at the message in front of me, 'Happy birthday, dude!' It said. I was honestly surprised he'd even remembered it was my birthday.

'You at school?' I sent, my brow furrowing as I waited for the reply.

'Nah, not today.' He replied quickly. I took a drag of my cigarette, staring down at my phone.

'Me neither.' I hesitated before sending the text. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to suggest we chill or not. I would have loved to hang out with him, but at the same time, I so badly wanted to forget about my terribly wrong feelings for him.

'Can I come return your game? I've had it for so long I feel kinda bad.' He texted after a couple minutes. Christ... It was so difficult to say no to him.

'Sure. But I really don't care how long you have it, dude.' I replied, half hoping that I could make him change his mind about bringing it. I guess it would be nice to see him, though...

'That's alright. I'll bring it. What time works for you?' He asked. I let out a small sigh and tapped my foot against the ground, taking a drag of my dwindling cigarette.

'Leave in like 20 minutes at least. My lazy ass just woke up.' I admitted. It didn't take long for him to reply.

'Haha, sounds good.' I stared at my phone briefly, my heart beating quicker than usual, before setting it in my lap. I took a final drag of my cigarette before tossing it into the fire pit. I pulled my glasses off my face to rub my eyes, wondering why I insisted on torturing myself.

I stood up after a few seconds and peered around the back yard briefly before heading back inside. Titus was right there to meet me, jumping up as I walked across the kitchen. Sometimes it amazed me how excited he was to see me when he'd seen me minutes earlier... Eventually, after almost falling quite a few times because of him, I made it into the bathroom. I took a piss, brushed my teeth, and put my contacts in. I then headed to my room to get dressed. I pondered over what to wear far longer than I should have. He doesn't give a f**k what I wear... stop being an i***t. I sighed to myself, feeling aggravated, and settled with some dark red pants and a Pantera t-shirt. It wasn't cold enough outside for a hoodie.

I looked at myself in my mirror for a moment before exiting my room and heading back downstairs. I prepared myself a cup of coffee as I usually did, Titus right up against me. I leaned down and kissed him on the top of the head, petting up and down his neck. It made me feel better to have him by my side as I tried to settle the war going on inside my mind. He didn't give a s**t who I liked.. and he didn't judge me.

Once my coffee was done and in a mug, I headed back outside, this time with my dog in tow. I sat down in one of the chairs around our fire pit and pulled out my cigarettes again. I took a sip of my coffee and peered up at the sky. Clouds were beginning to over take the sky, shielding me from the sun that had been shining earlier.

It was quiet out, which was fine with me. I was guessing everybody was at work or in school. I glanced over my shoulder at my large, black Great Dane to see he was in the back of the yard repeatedly picking up large sticks that had fallen from the tree overhead. I grinned at him, wishing I could be so easily entertained, and turned forward in my seat once more. I took another sip of my coffee and pulled out my phone. A half an hour had already passed since our conversation. 'Come out back when you get here.' I texted before slipping my phone back into my pocket.

I felt groggy, despite how much sleep I'd gotten. Maybe that was the problem... But, then again, I'd felt so run down over the past few months. Maybe I had too much conflict going on inside me. I groaned out loud at the thought and rubbed my eyes. Maybe I should have been more straightforward in telling him not to come over.. But will avoiding him really change anything? No. It won't.

I took the last sip of my coffee and set the mug down on the ground by my feet. I then pulled out a cigarette from the pack in my lap and lit it. Just as I took my first drag, I heard footsteps coming from the walkway leading from the front of the house. I looked up to see Felix by the gate, pulling it open. He put his hand up in greeting.

"Hey," I called, causing Titus to realize somebody had arrived. He let out a loud, single bark, and bounded over, practically hopping the whole way. Felix stopped walking as soon as he realized Titus was coming full force towards him, and braced himself. I couldn't help but laugh as he was nearly knocked over by my jumping dog. "Jesus Christ, Titus!" I laughed. "You'd think after four years we could have taught you not to do that!" I watched as Felix fussed over the Great Dane, a smile on his face. He made his way over to me, Titus's excitement yet to cease, and handed me the game that was in his hand. "Thanks, glad you liked it."

"Yeah, man, it was really fun." He grinned and took a seat in the chair next to me, Titus placing his head in his lap the best he could. I grinned as he soon turned so that he was sitting between his legs, back facing him. Felix exchanged an amused glance with me.

"He really likes you. Maybe I should be jealous," I snickered and took a drag of my cigarette.

"Well, they say animals are very intuitive to awesome people," he said matter of factly. "What can I say?" I laughed at his cocky behavior and shook my head.

"Yeah, yeah...," I snorted with a grin.

"Looks like it might rain soon," Felix said after a moment of silence. I looked up at the sky once more and nodded. It was definitely getting darker around us.

"I hope it does," I sighed. I loved the rain. I much preferred a gloomy day to one filled with hot sunshine. Felix nodded in agreement, reaching forward to pet Titus. I took another drag of my cigarette, releasing the smoke from my lungs slowly.

"You get anything for your birthday?" he asked, pulling out a smoke of his own.

"Some money. That's it," I replied before smirking in his direction. "What'd you get me? Cough it up."

"I gave you your game back, that's what I got you!" he laughed, taking a drag of his cigarette. I watched as he blew the smoke slowly out of his nose, ending with it partially escaping from his mouth. I averted my eyes, finding it annoyingly attractive when he smoked. I cleared my throat, knowing he couldn't hear what I was thinking. I still found it awkward, though.

"Alright, fair enough." I grinned and leaned back in my seat, trying to shake off my unease. "I'm waiting for the new Persona to come out. Once it does, you prolly won't be hearing much from me." He laughed.

"Yeah, I can't say I blame you... I'm gonna try and get it too." Felix ashed his cigarette to the side of him, trying to keep the smoke from blowing towards Titus. "It looks fun as s**t!" I nodded in agreement, taking a final drag of my cigarette before tossing it into the fire pit. I looked up at the sky once more, the clouds slowly rolling in.

We sat in awkward silence for a bit.. Well, it was awkward to me.. not so sure if it was to Felix or not. He finished his cigarette before speaking. "One more year and you can start buyin' your own cigarettes," He snickered. Titus's tail began thumping against the ground as soon as Felix spoke, which made me smile slightly. "Then Brody and I can stop getting them for everybody."

"Yeah, I know. It makes me feel kinda bad," I sighed. "But at least Jayla can buy them for me in a few months."

"Ah, yeah. I almost forgot," Felix snorted, reaching forward to pet Titus's head.

"I can't wait to be 21, though." It felt so far off. I couldn't f*****g wait..

"Me neither, dude. I just wanna be able to go pick out my own s**t," he laughed. "No more Old Crow or fuckin' Bankers Club gin..." I shuddered at the thought of the horrid liquor. "There's cheap s**t out there that doesn't always make you wanna puke!"

"Yeah, well, Brody's dad doesn't have the most sophisticated tastes, clearly," I said. As I finished speaking, I felt a rain drop fall on my shoulder. I looked up once more and it was indeed beginning to rain. "You feel that?" I asked.

"What?" Felix asked, and just as he spoke, the sky released its torrential downpour right on top of us. "Jesus Christ!" Felix laughed and all three of us jumped up from our seats. We rushed to the back door and I opened it, stepping inside quickly. I slid into the kitchen, having to grab onto the wall for support, which caused both of us to laugh. I'd been barefoot, stupidly enough, and the kitchen floor was very easy to slip on when wet...

"Gotta love that great PA weather, huh?" I snickered, gathering myself up.

"How did we get so fuckin' wet in the few seconds we were out there?" he asked, running his fingers through his hair to get rid of some of the moisture. I shook my head, slightly astounded, and looked over to see Titus shaking his whole body, sending drops of water flying. Luckily he didn't have much hair to collect water.. I peered out the window briefly to see it was still coming down heavily. I shrugged.

"Well, shit... did you wanna watch a show or something?" I suggested, unsure of how to entertain him.

"Yeah, sure," he replied brightly, wiping off the remaining water on his arms. I led the way into the living room and took a seat on the couch. I watched as Felix hesitated before taking a seat on the opposite side of the couch from me.

"What'd you wanna watch?" I asked. He shrugged.

"I dunno.. you tell me. It's your birthday," he snickered, smirking over at me. My stomach twisted and I averted my eyes. I sighed, irritated with myself, and decided to put on Attack on Titan.

We sat in silence, watching the TV show. Felix seemed quite content, and Titus came to lay between, or rather on top, of us soon after it began. I couldn't help but peer over at him periodically as we watched. I don't think he noticed, but he looked so relaxed and comfortable. It made me glad that he could be like that around me.. If only he knew how badly I wanted to scoot right next to him.