Uncontrollably Falling For You

Chapter 14

The worst thing of the year had begun. School. God, how I hated it. I was a Junior, and I was beginning to realize that all that bullshit people told you about freshman year being your worst was a lie. Every year was just as bad. It was Friday, the second week of school. We had a three day weekend, too, thanks to Labor day. I always thought that was so stupid.. why not start school after Labor day?

Olive had been weird ever since the beginning of school. Well, s**t, she'd been weird before that too but it seemed to come and go. Ever since classes started, she wasn't talking to me very much. She would hardly text me... and when she was talking to me, she seemed irritable. I needed to do something about it. I had plans to confront her about it, but I hardly saw her with my new class schedule. It was like she was avoiding me in the halls, too.

As I walked around the school that Friday morning, I couldn't help but feel like everybody was watching me. It was a little more extreme than normal... People usually looked at me and my group of friends with disdain, but this was different. I would walk past a group of people talking, and they would suddenly hush their voices. They were talking about me. I knew they were.

As the day went on I beginning to become more and more suspicious. I could hear the whispers. I rolled my eyes as I walked to lunch by myself, scowling at the floor as I went. If this is how the year was gonna go, I wasn't very pleased. Luckily, this term, I had lunch with Jayla. Only my sister this time around... but at least it was with somebody. I sat down at the usual table and waited for her to come from her class on the other side of the school. I wasn't in the mood to eat a bagel- my appetite was diminished from my agitation. I glanced over my shoulder to see a group of girls from my class with their eyes on me. They immediately looked away when they saw me turn. I rolled my eyes and sighed. I couldn't deny that I was beginning to feel nervous.

I heard loud, fast footsteps come up from behind me, causing my shoulders to tense, and soon Jayla was swiftly taking a seat in the chair in front of me. "Mark!" she hissed, leaning in close, her ice blue eyes wide and intense. What have people been saying about me...? I had a sinking feeling in my gut. "What the f**k is all this s**t going around school?" Her eyes were filled with worry. I frowned in confusion.

"What do you mean? I haven't heard anything." Of course I knew people were talking, but I hadn't actually heard what they were saying. It seemed like everybody but me knew what was going on.

"Are you gay?" she asked bluntly. I felt all the color on my face drain, probably looking like a deer in headlights as I stared ahead at her. Evie! How could she have done that to me!? She scowled at me. "Jesus Christ, and you couldn't tell me?" she asked, sounding hurt.

"I didn't say yes, did I?" I growled through grit teeth, trying to keep my voice low. She shook her head.

"No, but your face did!" she hissed back. "I know my brother, dammit!" I sighed, averting my eyes away from hers. "So is the other part true too, then?" she asked. Oh, shit...

"W-what other part?" I dared to ask, looking back at her. I could feel panic rising in my chest. She leaned in a bit closer, her eyes intense.

"That you're f*****g Felix?" she asked frankly.

"What? No!" I objected. That was the truth... we hadn't f****d. She gave me a doubtful look and shook her head.

"Little brother, be honest with me," she ordered, sounding dully annoyed. I rolled my eyes, wanting nothing more than to escape the situation. I could feel my face beginning to burn.

"Jay, I'm sorry... We aren't f*****g but we've been... kinda... seeing each other. I wanted to tell you but I was scared of what you would think," I spat very quickly and quietly. She nodded and sat back in her chair with a heavy sigh. After a couple moments of looking lost in her own thoughts her eyes snapped back to me. She reached over and punched my arm decently hard. It made my muscle sting.

"I'm sad you would think I would be mad at you for that!" She snapped, crossing her arms. I was extremely relieved she didn't seem to be pissed off. I smiled weakly and shook my head. "I wanna talk more- but I feel like it should probably wait until we get home... away from wandering ears. Everybody is talking about it!" I sighed and buried my face in my hands.

"God f*****g dammit!" I growled. This is not how I wanted to come out.

"How did anybody even find out?" Jayla asked quietly. I looked up at her, unable to hide the misery on my face. It was so foolish of me to think I could trust my best friend...

"I told Evie," I snapped bitterly. She shook her head, her expression matching my feeling on the matter. She was always protective over me.

"That f*****g b***h. Wait... aren't you still with Olive?" she asked, looking perplexed. I nodded, feeling disgusted and ashamed with myself. I hadn't broken up with her fast enough... but how could I have ever thought four months would be fast enough? f**k me. "Oh, s**t, Mark." She shook her head again. "This is gonna be a damn mess."

"God f*****g dammit," I breathed, rubbing my temples. My head pulsed painfully and I knew a stress headache was on it's way.

"Seriously, I wanna beat the f**k out of these people. They're being assholes!" She began to rant, and it went on for a while, about how everyone was making fun of me for being a 'faggot', or for her having a 'faggot brother'. I sat there, unsure of what to say, and tried to comprehend the situation better. I was shocked. Shocked and worried about what was going to happen. Half way through her rant, I decided to text Evie.

'You know you pretty much ruined the rest of my high school life, right?' I asked, rolling my eyes to myself. I was surprised when I got a rather quick response.

'I didn't tell everybody.. I only told Olive. But quite frankly, all of this could have been avoided. It's your own fault.' I read the text and could have screamed in aggravation. That was true, but I still didn't think that made it any better.

'I thought you were my best f*****g friend.' I sent.

'I am your friend, Mark...' she replied. I snorted with laughter.

'Not anymore. I don't think a true friend could ever do what you did.' I hesitated before sending. It was never easy to let go of people... but Evie had deeply betrayed my trust. I shoved my phone into my pocket and continued to listen to Jay blab. Soon enough, lunch was over, and we were heading to our last classes.

I came to my history class and took my assigned seat. I decided to stare at the wall, unable to bare any more of dirty looks. At least the wall wouldn't give me any sneers...

"Hey!" I soon heard Holly's voice from beside me. I forced myself to look over with a small grin.

"What's up?" I asked, though I think I sounded more glum than intended. She shrugged.

"Nothing much... feel like I gotta bring up the elephant in the room, though... are the rumors true?" she bluntly asked, tapping her fingers against her desk top. I rolled my eyes and looked over at her.

"What do you think?" I asked. She smiled and shrugged.

"That's pretty f****d up of people to be spreading s**t like that around that isn't true...," she said, not sounding very convinced. I was fucked.. if Olive, my girlfriend, and Evie, my best friend, were the ones spreading the rumor- who wouldn't believe them?

"Yeah, I know... This day has been an absolute s**t fest," I sighed, rolling my eyes again at the thought.

"Sooo... are you and Olive still together?" she whispered. I snorted with laughter.

"We haven't officially broken up, but no, I don't think we are...," I muttered. "Why would I wanna be with somebody spreading f*****g lies around the school about me?" She nodded, a crooked grin on her face.

"Well, if it makes you feel better, the rumors aren't all bad... Word is he's pretty hot! You gotchurself a good one!" she laughed. I stared at her incredulously, willing myself not to flush. He was hot, but that was beside the point.

"What? Ew, dude!" I snapped, though that had taken me aback. "He's my friend..." I shook my head.

"I'm just saying, Mark...," she began quietly. "It's okay to be who you are..." She shrugged a shoulder. I stared at her, my brow furrowed lightly. I was about to protest, but the teacher began speaking. Maybe she was right. Everyone heard about it, so what was the point of hiding it? God, what would Rhett think?

Class went painstakingly slow, and I felt like ripping my hair out. I'd gotten the usual 'I'm bored, so I'm gonna talk to you' text from Felix, but I chose to ignore it. The last thing I wanted was Holly peeking over to see me texting him. Eventually, the bell rang and everybody rushed out. I hurried to get away from Holly, not in the mood for more questions. I rushed through the halls until I came to my locker to put my s**t away. This year my locker was closer to the main entrance, which I was thankful for. I walked towards my destination, keeping my eyes to the ground. I didn't want to talk to anyone..

I was soon standing by Jayla's car, impatiently waiting for her. I decided, as much as I didn't want to, I needed to text Olive. 'We have to talk.' I sent. Boy, did we need to talk...

It didn't take long before I saw Jay walking across the grass to get to her usual parking spot. She unlocked the doors and we both got in. My shoulders were so tense I was pretty sure it was visible. I knew she was going to ask questions She let out a long sigh before starting the engine. We both pulled out cigarettes for ourselves, as per usual, and lit them.

"So...," she began as we backed out of the parking spot. I hesitantly looked over, raising my eye brows in question. "I wanted to ask you this at lunch, but I thought it would be better not to. How long have you two been dating?"

"Dating?" I echoed, my brow furrowing. "I don't think I would call it dating if it's a secret."

"Alright, whatever. Seeing each other, then. How long?" she repeated. I took a drag of my cigarette.

"Since May," I admitted quietly, slowly blowing the smoke out of my nostrils.

"Damn!" Jayla gasped, eyes wide. "How the hell did you keep that a secret from me for so long?" she snorted. I shrugged.

"I have no idea... I honestly feel like if everybody had been paying attention, it would have been kinda easy to figure out..." I sunk down in my seat, taking another drag.

"So has he been into dudes this whole time?" she asked.

"Apparently. He said he didn't want people to know, so he started having flings with girls," I explained.

"Wow... that's bizarre," she said softly. "So you like him?" She glanced at me, taking a deep drag of her cigarette. I nodded, a sheepish grin forming on my face.

"Yeah- unfortunately, I really do," I murmured. "I didn't mean for things to go on for so long with Olive.. well, at first I didn't think Felix and I were gonna keep seeing each other. But when I realized... I should have left her," I groaned. "I just didn't wanna lose her friendship... and I didn't want to have to lie to everybody about why we broke up." I shook my head. "I wasn't ready to come out."

"Well, at least you don't have to anymore, right?" Jayla snickered. I laughed.

"Yeah, I guess that's one way to look at it," I snorted. "You don't know how hard it was to not tell you, dude. I tell you fuckin' everything.. I thought you would be pissed, though."

"Seriously, why would I be mad?" she hissed, sounding offended.

"Because it's him!" I explained. "Obviously!" She shook her head.

"I don't give a s**t who you're with, as long as you're happy... and you clearly weren't happy with Olive, just saying." She ashed her cigarette out the window. "It makes sense now that I think about it..."

"What does?" I asked.

"Felix being gay or whatever. s**t was weird when we had our thing...," she told me. "I guess I really can't hate him for that," she grumbled. Jayla hated admitting when she was wrong.. about anything. So I was surprised she was saying that. "When are you gonna talk to Olive?" she asked.

"I don't know. I texted her, but she didn't answer," I growled.

"You gonna tell mom?" She glanced at me, grinning.

"Of course I will," I sighed, not even thinking about her. We didn't have much more of a drive until we would reach home.

"So... did you guys... f**k or anything?" Jayla snickered. I scowled over at her.

"No, we didn't f**k!" I snapped. "We did other things... but I don't wanna go into details," I laughed.

"I didn't ask for details, you sicko!" she protested, her smile widening. I pulled out my phone to look at Felix's text from earlier once more.

'What are you doing?' I asked, though I was unsure why. Every part of me wanted to see him after my awful day, but I knew I had to do other s**t first. We soon pulled into the church parking lot, and I was relieved to be home. We entered the house, greeted by Titus, and took seats on the couch.

"Still no answer?" Jayla asked. I shook my head, checking once more.

"Nope.. I really wish she would. I at least wanna f*****g break up- not just leave it unsaid." I shook my head and put my phone back into my pocket. I glanced over towards the stairs as I heard the sound of footsteps. Soon my mom was at the bottom of the steps.

"Hey, guys," she greeted us happily as she took a seat in an arm chair. "Why the long faces?" she asked, which immediately caused Jayla to smile.

"Welll.... Mark?" she pretty much threw me under the bus. I scowled over at her.

"What the matter?" Mom laughed.

"Nothing," I groaned, rubbing the back of my neck. "It's just- a stupid f*****g rumor is going around school about me...," I hesitantly admitted. She raised an eye brow.

"A rumor? About what?" she asked.

"That him and Felix are gay together," Jayla blurted out. Oh god... Sometimes I couldn't tell if she was trying to be a b***h or help me. A smile immediately spread across my mom's face.

"Oh?" she questioned, her eyes flickering over to look at me. "Are these rumors true?" My stomach dropped. I stared at her, feeling once again like a deer in headlights.

"W-well... maybe...," I muttered, fiddling my hands together.

"Sweetie, I know," Mom said bluntly, warmth in her voice. My brow furrowed and Jayla and I exchanged shocked glances.

"Huh?" I asked dumbly. "What do you mean?" I c****d my head to the side slightly.

"You're my son... and I've been home a few of those nights you had him over. You really think I couldn't figure it out?" she smiled, but I felt embarrassed. "I see the way you two look at each other.."

"Oh...," I breathed, my face feeling hot.

"You don't have to be embarrassed," she snickered. "I was just waiting for you to come to me and tell me. I wasn't going to ask." I certainly did appreciate that.

"Am I the only one who didn't know?" Jay whined, crossing her arms loosely over her stomach.

"No!" I snapped. "Evie was the only one I told," I growled, sinking down in my seat.

"Uh-oh...," my mom sighed. "So Evie started it?" she asked. I nodded.

"Evie and Olive," I laughed bitterly. At that moment my phone buzzed.

"Oooooh...," she whispered. "So you never told Olive?"

"No, and I don't wanna hear about how horrible it is. I already know," I snapped, feeling defensive on the matter.

"I wasn't going to, sweetie. You learn things in your own way." She shrugged. "Lord knows I've done some shitty things," she laughed. I gave a small grin to her and nodded before pulling my phone out. I was expecting the message to be from Felix, but to my surprise, it was Olive.

'About what?' she asked, which made me wanna rip my hair out.

'You know about what. I want to talk to you in person.' I sent quickly. I didn't want to waste any time, so I sent, 'come over.'

"We're gonna talk about s**t today," I explained. "As much as I don't want to, I think it needs to be done..." I swallowed nervously at the thought.

'Fine. I'll come over now.' Olive messaged back. Now? I wasn't sure if I was ready.

"She's coming over now, actually...," I said quietly as I stared at my phone.

"It'll be fine, Mark. Think about how relieved you'll feel once it's done, right?" Jayla tried to help me feel better. I gave her a weak smile and nodded.

"Yeah... I hope so." I sighed and stood up to walk into our front room. I took a seat on an arm chair close to the window so I could keep an eye out for her. My phone buzzed again in my pocket and I pulled it out. Felix...

'I'm not doing anything interesting. Why?' he replied.

'Just wondering. I was in class earlier when you texted me.' I sent. I took a deep breath and looked back out the window, waiting for her car to pull up into the parking lot. My phone buzzed shortly after I sent my text.

'Yeah I know. Wanna do something later?' he asked. I couldn't help but grin. The thought of seeing him after my awful day made my stomach warm.

'Yeah, probably.' I replied. I wanted to see how things went with Olive first.

'Just probably?' he texted just as I saw Olive's car pulling up. I shoved my phone back in my pocket. I knew he would suspect I was with her.. and I was, but not in the way he was worried of. I didn't care if he would get mad- because I knew that would all go away once I told him the truth. I took a deep breath and stood up from my seat, feeling very reluctant to meet her. I didn't want to bring her inside.

I opened the front door and began walking towards her car, shoving my hands deep into my sweatshirt pocket. I watched as she got out and leaned against her car, her cold eyes watching me with every step. My heart was pounding, but I didn't want to show her how nervous I was. "Mark," she spat bitterly once I was standing in front of her. I groaned inwardly as I looked at her. She looked so f*****g pissed off... and rightfully so. "When were you gonna tell me your big news?" she growled, wasting no time with small talk. I rubbed my eyes quickly and shook my head. I didn't know what to say. "Can't even say anything to me?"

"What do you want me to say?" I snapped. That seemed to set her off a little.

"Do you have any idea how f*****g stupid I look right now!?" She yelled. Yes.. I did. "Do you know how many f*****g times I was called a beard today?" My eyes widened and I put my hand over my mouth to cover my forming smile. "Mark!" she snarled incredulously.

"What!?" I snapped defensively, stifling my laughter. "I'm sorry, but that's funny!" I snickered, trying to collect myself.

"It's not f*****g funny!" she shrieked. "You made me look like an absolute fool!"

"I'm sorry!" I yelled back, irritation already brewing in my chest. She was the b***h who went around with my supposed best friend and told everybody in the school I was a fag.

"Sorry?" she snorted. "Three months, Mark? Three months!" She stared at me, eyes wide. Little did she know, it was actually longer.. I could see the hurt behind the anger in her eyes, and it made me feel guilty. "Like, what the f**k? I thought something was going on for a while now, but Felix...?" I peered around quickly to make sure nobody was outside. "I would have never guessed that... and now I look like the f*****g dumb ass who's been dating a f*****g closet gay for the past three months- maybe even longer!"

"Trust me, Olive, if I could change it I would," I growled through grit teeth. I took a deep breath, shaking my head. "Do you really think I can help it, though?" I snapped.

"No, I don't Mark.. but you could have at least f*****g left me," she sighed, exasperation clear in her voice. I nodded. I knew that was my biggest mistake with the whole situation.

"I know... and I really am sorry," I attempted to convince her. "But come on... you and I both knew something wasn't right from the first time we f****d. At least I knew." I shrugged a shoulder. She nodded, the hurt and pain becoming more evident in her eyes the longer we spoke.

"I'm not mad that you're gay, Mark... or even that you're with Felix," she sighed. "I'm f*****g mad that you led me on like that for so long." She shook her head.

"I was scared Olive.. I don't want to be gay," I admitted. She snorted with laughter.

"Yeah, well, you are... clearly..." She bit her bottom lip, and I noticed moisture developing in her eyes. "I love you.. I just wish you could feel the same," she said softly, shaking her head slowly. That caused a whole new ripple of sadness and guilt to run through me.

"I do love you," I attempted to assure her. "But it was never going to work." That's when the tears began flowing down her face. "Come here.." I gently grabbed onto her shoulder and pulled her into me. I was surprised when she wrapped her arms around me instead of pushing me away. I brought my hand up to the back of her head and held onto her tightly as she sobbed into my chest. I honestly did feel bad. She didn't deserve any of it. "I'm sorry," I murmured again. "We can still be friends." She shook her head.

"No, we can't," she whimpered between sobs. "I don't ever want to be around you again." It stung to hear her say that, but I understood. It would be easier for her to let go of me if we didn't have any contact. "I'm sorry for telling everyone at school," she apologized quietly. I didn't know what to say to that.. So I decided not to say anything.

Olive soon let go of me and wiped her eyes. "I have to go," she said quietly, sniffling. I nodded. "Good luck, Mark." She turned and opened her car door.

"Olive," I called before she had a chance to sit. She turned her head to look at me expectantly. "I do care about you... I'm so sorry..," I reassured quietly. She nodded, her eyes not leaving mine for a couple long seconds.

"Take care, Mark." With that she got in her car and backed out of her spot. I watched her drive through the parking lot until she turned down Front Street. I let out a deep breath and pulled out a cigarette for myself. I definitely needed one after all that. I lit it and took a deep drag in, staring up at the cloudy sky. As awful as things seemed, I knew they would get better. I no longer had to feel guilty every time Felix and I were together, and I no longer had to feel guilty for being with Olive since she was going to be out of the picture.

I finished my cigarette quickly before crossing the street back to my house. I shut the door behind me to see Jayla and my mom sitting oh so indiscreetly on arm chairs in the front room, both staring at me as I entered. I knew they had been watching me from the front window.

"So!" my mom breathed. "How did it go?" She smiled over at me. I gave a crooked grin with a shrug.

"Fine... I guess a little better than I expected." Relief washed over me as I realized it was over.

"I'm proud of you, honey." She stood up and gave me a tight hug. I laughed lightly and hugged her back.

"For what?" I questioned.

"For not being afraid to be your own person.." She let go of me and looked me in the eyes. "Especially at your age." I nodded. I was afraid, though. I had just been forced to let everybody know the truth.

"Thanks, Mom," I muttered. She smiled and nodded. Jayla stood up and ruffled my hair roughly.

"Good job, Mark! Not being a p***y for once!" she laughed. I cast her a playful scowl as I moved my hair back into its usual position.

"I'm not a p***y!" I growled, though admittedly I was a p***y in that whole situation. I had no idea how I let it get so far.

"Sure you are! I need a cigarette," she announced as she headed towards the back of the house. Mom cast me a small smile and shook her head at my vulgar sister.

"If you ever need to talk about it, I'm always here," she reminded me with a shrug.

"Yeah, I know you are.." I gave her a crooked grin as she nodded and walked into the living room. I let out a heavy sigh and took a seat in the armchair by the window. What a f*****g day... I pulled out my phone, remembering I'd never answered Felix. He was probably getting antsy. I was surprised when I looked and he hadn't sent me an impatient text like he so often did.

'Wanna come over now?' I texted Felix. It didn't take long for him to answer.

'Yeah. I'll be over soon.' I grinned down at my phone briefly before putting it away. It was going to be weird having him over knowing everyone in the house understood what we were to each other..

After about ten minutes of waiting, I decided to sit outside on the front step and smoke another cigarette. Just as I was finishing, his familiar car pulled into the parking lot. I flicked the butt out onto the street and released the last of the smoke from my lungs. I stood up as he began walking towards the house.

"Hey!" he called as he crossed the street. I put my hand up in a lazy wave. Soon he was standing on the front step area with me. He raised an eye brow. "What's up?" he asked. I smiled at him, and before I could resist, I wrapped my arms tightly around him, burying my face in his neck. It took a moment before he hesitantly let his hands rest on my back. "What are you doing..?" he asked quietly.

"Everyone knows," I whispered.

"Wait, what do you mean?" he asked, sounding bewildered. I pulled back and grinned at him.

"About us..," I said quietly. His brow furrowed, still looking confused. Without another word, I led us inside. Titus jumped up from his lounge on the floor and ran over to us immediately. Jayla and my mom were sitting on the couch, looking in our direction. I awkwardly walked into the living room, peering back at Felix to see he had the most unsure expression on his face I'd ever seen him have before.

"Hey there...," Jayla said deviously, a smile forming on her lips.

"Hi...?" Felix greeted back, glancing at me, his shoulders visibly tense. I had to admit, it was pretty funny to see him so uncomfortable.

"So- you're going from sister to brother, huh?" my mom added, amusement in her voice. I couldn't help but cringe at her words.

"Mom!" I hissed and she and Jayla began laughing. Felix cleared his throat and I felt his hand pat my shoulder.

"Well, what can I say...?" he said playfully yet awkwardly. My mom cracked up.

"Ah-ha! I like him, Mark!" she snickered. I could have smacked my palm against my face at their behavior.

"Alright, let's go," I grumbled before they had a chance to keep embarrassing me. As we walked up the stairs, my mom continued with the inappropriate jokes.

"Hey, don't get too crazy up there! At least I don't have to worry about either of you getting pregnant!" she called. Felix burst out in genuine laughter at that. Once we were in my bedroom with the door shut, he turned to me, a small frown on his face.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Well...," I began with a sigh before sitting down on my bed. "A couple months ago I told Evie about us...," I admitted sheepishly.

"Really?" he asked, tentatively sitting next to me. "You never told me that."

"I know. I didn't want to tell you... She kinda pissed me off... but I guess that's why she's been so bitchy towards us lately," I explained. "So today, at school.. A f*****g rumor was spread about me that you and I are fucking." I shrugged. "So, basically.. I was forced to come out to Jayla, my mom, and everybody else at school." His eyes widened as I spoke.

"f**k, man... I'm glad I'm not you!" he snickered, a smile forming on his lips. "So Evie told Olive?" he guessed. I nodded.

"She sure did... and then they told a bunch of people at school, who then told more people, and so forth." I rolled my eyes at the thought.

"So you and Olive aren't together anymore...?" he asked hopefully, his smile widening.

"Obviously," I snorted. "I don't think I wanna talk to Evie anymore, either.."

"I'm sorry it had to happen that way, but not gonna lie.. I'm pretty happy you're done with her," he snickered. I knew he would be.

"Yeah," I sighed. "I am too, actually.." I felt much better than I thought I would. I looked over at him, my feeling of affection a bit overwhelming. He was so perfect... He was my idea of perfection. Even with his flaws, his scars and his vices. They all fit him so well. He was truly a unique person, and I should have been thankful all that time that he chose me. I couldn't stop myself from leaning over until our lips connected. I could finally kiss him without feeling any guilt. And it felt amazing.

Somehow I ended up on top of him, straddling his hips, kissing him. "So do you wanna be with me now?" he breathed. I smiled, biting onto his bottom lip.

"Of course I do..," I whispered. As much conflict as I felt about being gay, I couldn't deny how blissful he made me feel. Why would I want to fight that?