Uncontrollably Falling For You

Chapter 15

It had been about a month since Olive and I broke up. Since then, Felix and I became exclusive. He was my boyfriend, as bizarre as it felt to say out loud. We still hadn't come out to everybody in the group... and by everybody, I mean Brody and Lexie. Everyone else pretty much knew since they went to the same school as me. I was happy that it hadn't really affected my friendships, except for Evie obviously, and they respected us enough not to blab their mouths about it. I'd asked them to be quiet about it just to make sure. I didn't think Felix was quite ready to let his good friend know, which I totally understood. I will never forget the awkward text I received from my best male friend shortly after the rumor was spread.

'Hey, man.' It was the day after Olive and I broke up, and I was sitting on the couch watching cartoons. I stared down at the text from Rhett momentarily before replying.

'Hey. What's up?' I asked and placed my phone in my lap. My heart was already beating out of my chest. He'd yet to bring it up, and I knew it was only a matter of time.

'Dude, I didn't wanna ask you this 'cause I didn't wanna be rude... but you're my best friend, right?' he texted. I snorted with laughter at that.

'Yeah, I hope... but before you even ask, yeah it's true.' I sighed and sent the text. What was the use in hiding it? It took him a long time to reply, and I was beginning to feel nervous.

When he did answer, all he said was, 'Damn!' My stomach dropped.

'Damn? What the hell does that mean?' I asked, my palms feeling slightly sweaty. I really didn't want to lose my friendship with Rhett, but his text made me realize it was a very real possibility.

'Nothin. It's just crazy. Can't believe I couldn't figure it out!' he replied. 'I didn't mean damn like eeew damn.. I just meant it's weird. Hahaha. I don't care who you're with,' he texted as I was typing a reply. My dismay was immediately replaced with relief.

'Sorry, Rhett. You don't know how nervous I was to actually tell you.' I texted. His reaction left me wondering why I'd even stressed so heavily over it to begin with. It seemed so stupid in hindsight. But, then again, I would have never guessed I would lose Evie over everything. In the end it was a good way to weed friends who weren't actually my friends...

>

It was a Saturday night in October and Felix and I were laying lazily on my bed. I had my head resting on his chest, The Toadies playing on my stereo, as he ran his fingers through my hair. I loved laying with him. He was the most comfortable person ever to sleep and cuddle with. As we laid there, I found myself pondering a few things.

"How were you able to f**k girls all this time?" I asked. "I could hardly f**k Olive even before I realized I was f*****g gay..." Felix nonchalantly shrugged a shoulder.

"Well.. Straight dudes suck d**k for meth, don't they? They f**k each other in prison to stay alive... I was just doin' it to survive the harsh, cruel world known as high school." He smirked at me. He had a point, I guess.

"Sooo... have you ever f****d a dude before?" I asked, trying to sound as casual as I could. I was genuinely curious. I could hear his heart begin to beat faster and it caused a small grin to creep on my face.

"Why? Are you asking so you can get jealous if you're not going to be the first one?" he asked slowly and suspiciously. I laughed a bit, namely at the fact that he'd given me my answer indirectly.

"No, I just wanna know," I reassured him. He let out a small sigh.

"Yeah, I have. I was with one guy in my life, well, besides you obviously. That's it. After that I was determined to make everybody sure I was straight," he told me. I believed him of course. I moved my hand down to rest across his stomach and I gripped onto him tightly. I found it pretty sad that it had to be that way for him. Nobody should have to hide their attractions towards somebody from people... but I had been doing the same thing for the past months, so I understood.

"I figured... or else I don't think you would be so good at sucking me off." I smiled and leaned up to kiss his chin. He laughed quietly at this.

"You got me there..." He let out a deep breath and continued to play with my hair. I was nervous at the thought of taking it up the ass, honestly... everything that we had done thus far had been amazing.. but nothing required penetration of my anus..

"Does it hurt?" I asked, tracing my fingers over his chest. He was wearing a s*x Pistols stamped shirt, and I liked how it felt to the touch.

"Does what hurt...?" he asked slowly.

"You know," I began, hoping he wouldn't make me say it out loud. When he didn't answer, I continued. "f*****g up the ass..."

"I couldn't tell you. I've never taken it," he said bluntly. "But, I mean, I would imagine so. Sorry," he laughed. I kind of figured when we got together that I wouldn't be the one doing the f*****g. Felix had never struck me as a bottom. That was okay with me, though. I liked him being the dominant one. There was something sexy about it.

"I guess I'll be able to tell you soon enough." I allowed my eyes to close as we talked.

"Yeah... We don't need to rush into it or anything. I don't want you to ever think that," he said quickly. I smiled at his consideration.

"I know. I've just been thinking about it. Since everything else we've done together has felt so amazing, I'm hoping that when you f**k me, it will be the same." I felt him shift slightly, so I opened my eyes. I hadn't noticed before, but I happened to glance down at his crotch, and his d**k was beginning to become a bit hard. Every time I turned him on to that point, I always felt somewhat accomplished. His hand moved from my hair to my cheek, his thumb lightly rubbing against my skin.

"I look forward to it," he said softly. I snickered.

"Yeah, I can tell," I teased. A smirk formed over his face and he shook his head.

"I'm so attracted to you, you don't even know," he murmured. "The struggle to not r**e you every time I see you is real." I laughed loudly at that and rolled off of his chest. I sat up and reached over to my nightstand to grab a cigarette.

"It will happen," I said after I lit it. "I promise." I opened my window and blew my drag out into the cool, evening air. He continued to lay in his spot, his eyes remaining on me as I smoked. I did have full intentions of going all the way, if you will, with him some day.. as long as we didn't break up first, but I really didn't see that happening. I suddenly heard footsteps outside my door, and my heart jumped. It was probably my mom coming to yell at me for smoking inside. I was just about to smash the end of my cigarette out when Jayla's voice sounded from behind the door.

"Ya'll queers better not be givin' each other AIDS in there now!" she gave the best hick man accent she could muster and then began laughing.

"Now, Cleatus, go on and get back to fuckin' 'ur sister!" Felix called back in an equally hick southern accent. I laughed at their stupidity and shook my head. With that Jayla burst into my room.

"Ya'll better be decent!" she laughed and then went back to talking in her normal voice. "No, but really. What are you guys doing tonight?" she asked, shutting the door behind her to keep the smoke in my room. Felix and I exchanged glances before shrugging.

"Why?" he asked, sitting up.

"Well, Brody is having everyone over... So I just thought maybe you guys would wanna come, since... you know. That's what we usually do." She was smiling, glancing between the two of us as she talked.

"Do you wanna go?" he asked me. I shrugged a shoulder. I honestly didn't really feel like it.

"Not really. I didn't even know anything was going on tonight." I personally didn't feel like drinking, which was a rarity.

"Dammit, Mark!" Jayla whined. "Will you go next week at least? I'll convince that motherfucker to have people over again!" I laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, that would be good. I just don't feel like it tonight. I'm lazy," I explained, ashing my cigarette. She nodded.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Fuckin' losers!" she called over her shoulder as she left. Felix smiled at me when she was gone.

"I'm so glad she does hate me anymore. I always liked her," he said happily. I nodded.

"Yeah, I think she feels better now that she knows why things went so poorly with you guys." I laughed at the thought. "It's funny because I feel like most girls would still be mad, or even more mad. s**t, I thought she was going to be. I thought, in a weird way, she was kinda obsessed with you... but now I don't think she actually was. I think she was perplexed as to why you didn't want to f**k her." We both laughed.

"Did you ever think, last year at this time, that we would be here now?" he pondered, a grin sticking to his face. I shook my head and took one last drag before putting my cigarette out.

"f**k no... Did you?" I asked. He shook his head as well.

"Of course not," he snickered, laying back down. I moved back to my previous spot on his chest, my body in the crook of his arm.

"Do you work tomorrow?" I asked. Brody and Felix had gotten jobs together at the Manheim McDonalds, much to their dismay. I got to hear about how they hated it from both of them. Felix had to get a job. Since he was out of school, his dad transferred the car insurance into his name, and refused to pay for anything for him. I was a bit surprised when he told me that. I didn't know much about his dad- or anybody in his family for that matter.. He never talked about them. He acted like it wasn't a big deal. Apparently's he'd had a few small jobs in the past, so he was kinda used to working.

"No." His happy tone immediately faltered at the mention of his job. I couldn't help but snicker.

"Well, that's a good thing... right?" I asked, grinning up at him.

"Yeah, it is... but s**t, man. I really need to find something that pays more. I need to move out. I feel like that's a long while off, though," he said glumly with a sigh.

"Well, maybe when Brody and Jayla finally decide to stop being f*****g stubborn and finally get together, we could all move out together," I said playfully. We both laughed at that. I knew Jay and Brody were still seeing each other- even though he and Lexie hadn't broken up. I felt for both of them, obviously, having been in the same situation only weeks earlier. I understood how it felt.

"I know you were kidding, but that would actually be the shit..," he snickered, running his fingers through my hair. "Dude, it's so f*****g stupid there!" he whined. "I mean, I knew it would be... they make you take out all your piercings, even my god damn plugs." I laughed at that. His ears were stretched to 7/8th of an inch. They weren't huge, but they weren't small enough that people wouldn't notice.

"I'm sure a floppy ear lobe is what every person coming to McDonalds wants to see," I teased.

"Yeah, well, my floppy ear lobes are more attractive than half the customers coming in, so...." He shrugged a shoulder and then snorted with laughter. "At least I take care of mine, so they don't look like a wrinkled butthole."

"Yeah, I know. I take care of mine, too." I leaned up to kiss his neck lightly.

"I'll look for a different job eventually.. probably sooner than later." He ran his fingers through my hair my once before sitting up. He rubbed his eyes briefly before reaching over to grab his cigarettes. "Wanna go smoke outside with me?" he asked, peering over at me. I'd just had one, but I couldn't resist temptation. I nodded and stood up without hesitation. I slipped my pair of low top Vans on. When I turned, Felix was finishing up putting his shoes on as well.

We headed downstairs together and immediately headed out the back door. Titus followed, as he usually did, and jumped up at us as he went. We were greeted by a burst of refreshingly cool air.

I walked out into the yard and glanced over at the neighbor's yard. They were all sitting out on their porch, beers in their hands. Tatia looked over at us and waved. I waved sheepishly back before lighting my cigarette. I looked at Felix to see he was smiling at her as well, not looking like he cared in the least to be seen with me. That was good, though... we were together now... I didn't have any reason to feel embarrassed now that I was no longer with Olive.

We took seats around the fire pit. Titus suddenly ran over to the fence line, his body wiggling with excitement. I looked up to see Tatia standing at the fence.

"Hey!" she greeted us happily. "Mind if I come over?"

"Nope," I called back with a grin.

"Sweet." She placed a hand on Titus's back to steady herself as she climbed the small fence.

"What's up?" Felix asked as she walked over to us and took a seat next to him. She shrugged, taking a sip of her beer.

"Nothin'. Drinkin." She leaned down in her seat and moved her hand over to pet Titus, who was still fussing over her. He took a drag of his cigarette and nodded, casting me a small smile. "What're you guys up to tonight?" she asked.

"Nothing. Just hanging out," I replied with a small shrug. I couldn't deny how awkward I felt. I'd been blacked out the last time we'd really spoken... and she'd seen Felix and I together. Since that night we'd seen each other in passing, but I tried to avoid her. Real mature, I know. But I was pretty damn humiliated.

We were chatting for a little while, our cigarettes done, when Felix leaned down in his seat and let his foot rest against mine. Tatia undoubtedly noticed it.

"So," she began with amusement in her voice. "You guys a known thing now?" she snickered, taking a sip of her beer. I immediately shifted in my seat and pulled another cigarette out.

"Yeah," Felix replied happily. "Took him long enough, but he finally came around..."

"Guys are way better, anyways, Mark," she laughed.

"Yeah, I'm coming to find that very true," I murmured and took a drag of my cigarette, undoubtedly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was turning. I looked over at Felix to see he had a wide, slightly sadistic smile on his face.

It was interesting to me how Felix chose to hide the fact that he was gay from certain people, while others he didn't seem to care at all. He still hadn't told Brody; yet he had no problem being open about it with my neighbor that he hardly knew. Maybe it was because she'd already seen us together. I wasn't sure.

"God, I still can't believe I caught you two! So scandalous!" she giggled, placing a hand over her mouth as she laughed. Jesus! Felix laughed loudly, his eye brows raising. Of course, he would think it's the best thing in the world to bring up.

"Mark was f*****g shitfaced," he snickered, adding fire to the flames.

"Yes, indeed I was. I like to not think about those awful times," I said stiffly, taking a drag of my cigarette.

"Aw! But it was sweet!" Tatia protested. "You're really funny when you're drunk, too." I stifled my laughter and shook my head. "What! You are!" she snorted, taking a sip of her beer shortly after.

"You are pretty fun, dude," Felix agreed.

We all sat outside talking for a little while. It was nice. It was relaxing. It left me wishing that more of my days could be that simple and care free. But I was a damn teenager with hormones and s**t; so those days seemed far and few between at times.