Uncontrollably Falling For You

Chapter 9

'What are you doing tonight?' I looked away from my game to read the message. Felix... It was Friday night, and as far as I knew, nothing was happening with the whole group tonight.

'Nothing. Why?' I sent back, my stomach jumping with excitement.

'Did you wanna hang out? I have a bottle.' He replied quickly. I couldn't keep a smile off my face at that.

'That sounds awesome. Where did you wanna hang out?' I asked.

'Would your house work?' He asked in return. I thought for a moment. We'd hung out at my place before, and it wasn't a problem.

'Yeah, dude. That would work.' I replied.

'Cool. I'll be over soon, if that's alright.' It was running on eight thirty in the evening, so I was fine with that. I texted him to let him know that was fine and saved my game. I sighed and stood up, glancing in my mirror briefly to make sure I looked at least somewhat presentable. I decided I would ask Jayla if she cared to join us, though I had a feeling what her answer would be. I walked down the hall until I came to her closed door.

"Hey, Jay!" I knocked on her door. It wasn't too often she had her door shut unless she was sleeping.

"What's up, come in!" she called. I opened the door to see her sitting on her bed, a sketchbook in front of her. She was looking up at me expectantly.

"So, Felix is coming over later." Her eyes narrowed at the sound of his name. "Did you wanna hang out for a little?" I asked.

"Er.. No." She set her pencil down and straightened herself up a bit. "I think I'm actually gonna go over to Brody's soon. I won't be there all night, but hanging out with just the two of you- gotta be honest..." She switched to an exaggerated whisper. "Doesn't sound very fun." She gave me a smile and I laughed.

"Understandably." I shrugged. "More liquor for us!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." She waved me off and went back to her drawing. "We can do something tomorrow if you want."

"Sure!" I called over my shoulder as I shut the door. I was stupidly excited for Felix to arrive. My stomach kept twisting, and I was constantly looking in the mirror at myself to make sure I didn't look retarded, or a pimple didn't suddenly pop up. Stop being f*****g stupid, Mark. You're just friends with him... But still, I enjoyed hanging out with the guy.

I was hanging out downstairs as I waited for my friend's arrival, lightly tossing a tennis ball for Titus from the couch to the front room. He bounded over to the ball in two or three leaps every time due to his large size, and would bring it back quickly. I would have taken him outside to play, but Felix would be arriving any moment. After about ten more minutes of that, there was a knock at the door. Titus let out a loud, deep bark and ran over to the front door. His body was tense and he looked at me unsurely as I walked after him. "It's okay, Titus." I opened the door and as soon as he saw that it was Felix, his whole body started wiggling like an extension of his tail wag. He walked in and my dog started jumping up at him. "Titus!" I growled, grabbing onto his collar. I didn't want him to knock him over for f**k's sake!

"Hey, man," he greeted me with a smile, a backpack draped over his shoulder. He reached over and pet Titus. I let him go and he began furiously licking his hand. "It's been a little bit, huh?" he laughed. I grinned and shook my head at my crazy dog.

"So, what did you wanna do?" I asked once the dog had calmed down a bit. It was just past nine. He shrugged, a crooked smile on his face.

"Whatever. We could hang out down here or go upstairs and shit." He glanced around. "Jayla's not here? I didn't see her car." I shook my head.

"Nope, she's at Brody's," I told him, running my fingers through my hair. He snorted with laughter.

"She hates me that much?" he asked playfully, causing me to laugh.

"I don't think she hates you. She's just... weird." I didn't know how to explain how she felt about him without it sounding mean. He nodded.

"So it's just you and me tonight?" he asked, his brown eyes meeting mine. I swallowed and nodded, my palms suddenly feeling sweaty. Did he mean something by that...? Stop it! I snapped myself back to reality. If anything he had probably been hoping Jay would be home so he could hit on her or something...

"Yeah, just me. Sorry!" I laughed, though my voice cracked a little.

"No man, that's not a problem at all," he assured me with a smile. "I like spending time with you. I don't always need to be in the group." I agreed with that.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," I replied. I suddenly heard somebody walking down the stairs and looked over to see my mom entering the kitchen. She was wearing sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt. No scrubs for once! "Hey, Mom," I called and walked into the living room, Felix and Titus following behind me. Titus seemed to be stuck to his side. It was cute how much he liked him. She looked over as she got water out of the fridge and grinned.

"Hey, guys!" she greeted. "Haven't seen you for a while, Felix. How are you?"

"I'm pretty good, you?" he returned the friendly gesture.

"Oh, you know. Hangin' in there." She took a sip of her water. "What are you guys up to?" she asked me. I shrugged.

"We're just gonna go upstairs and hang out for a while. Play video games, same old shit." I decided not to mention the drinking. She probably assumed it, anyways. She nodded. "You have off tonight?" I asked.

"I sure as s**t do!" she said happily. "And tomorrow night, can you believe it." I laughed.

"Good s**t, Mom." I glanced back at Felix. "Wanna go up?" I asked. He nodded. "Alright, we'll talk to you later."

"Have fun, boys," Mom told us before we walked up the steps. Titus stayed downstairs with her, and I was kind of surprised he didn't follow. We shut the door behind us and I sat down on my bed. He took a seat on the floor a couple feet in front of me.

"So what did you wanna do?" I asked. "Play some s**t?" He shrugged and unzipped his backpack.

"I don't really care," he said. "I'm just happy to be out of my house. Anything we do is more entertaining than being cooped up in my room, trust me." He smirked and I watched as he began pulling out a bottle of Kraken rum. That was some good s**t!

"Nice!" He looked up at me with a smile. "We have coke, too, if you want some of that," I said.

"Maybe. I like this s**t by itself, too," he told me as he twisted the cap off. He took a small sip before setting it down on the floor. "Want some?" he asked. I nodded and he handed me the bottle. I tried to hold my breath as I put the bottle up to my lips. I hated the smell of liquor; it always made the s**t taste so much worse. I took a large shot and handed it back to Felix. I coughed lightly and shook my head.

"I haven't had Kraken in a long time," I laughed. That familiar feeling of warmth spread through my chest and stomach as it went down. "I love it." Felix grinned and nodded before taking a swig for himself once more. I stood up, clearing my throat, and moved to my stereo. I settled with Middle Class Rut, knowing we both enjoyed them. Felix and I had a lot of the same music tastes, actually.

"One more month and I'm done with school," Felix snickered, handing the bottle up to me as I walked by. I rolled my eyes.

"You're so f*****g lucky," I growled. "One more month and I only have two years of school left... woohoo." I waved my finger in the air before twisting the cap off.

"Don't be like that, Negative Nancy," Felix teased. "Soon enough you'll be in my shoes."

"Trust me, it can never come soon enough." I took a swig of the rum, aware that I was already beginning to feel the slight affects.

"Yeah, dude... I only have a few weeks left and I can hardly stand it." He leaned back on his palms, his legs stretched out in front of him. I set the rum down and took a seat on my bed once more. He looked lost in thought briefly before he suddenly spoke. "You don't think your mom hates me, do you?" he asked. I snorted with laughter.

"No... why would she?" I asked, my eyes narrowing. He shrugged a shoulder.

"Because of Jayla," he explained.

"No, I don't think so," I began. "She's really reasonable... Plus you're my friend." He nodded slowly.

"Alright, good," he sighed, reaching forward to grab the bottle once more. We made small talk for a little while, both of us enjoying the company, slowly becoming more intoxicated as the moments ticked by.

"So," Felix began after taking a swig. "How are you and Olive doing?" he asked. I was kind of taken aback by his question, but I guess that's what guy friends did. "Haven't heard you bitching about her for a while," he snickered. I shrugged a shoulder.

"Yeah, we're fine. Trying to work out some of our, you know... issues.." I grimaced at the thought. He laughed and I playfully scowled at him. "It's not funny, Felix!" I tried to sound angry but I didn't think it worked too well.

"What's the problem, exactly?" he asked, looking at me intently. I opened my mouth to speak but didn't know what to say. I knew what the problem was, but I couldn't tell him. I frowned, staring down at my hands.

"I don't know," I replied with a sigh. "I guess I just suck ass at f*****g," I admitted sheepishly, grinning as I spoke. That wasn't a lie. Sure, we had other problems other than the obvious, but I truly didn't think I brought her any pleasure. I looked back at Felix and he shook his head.

"Do you enjoy it?" he asked. Why was he asking that? I shrugged a shoulder with a slight laugh.

"It could be better." That was an understatement. "I feel like she's gonna leave me because of it. But honestly, I don't even like it when she sucks me off. We've been trying to do more s**t or whatever, but nothing is working." I sighed and slid down to the floor, my back resting against my bed. I reached forward and grabbed the bottle.

"Maybe you guys should focus on one thing at a time," he suggested. I shrugged again. What good would that do? "But then again," he continued, a hint of something in his voice. "You can't force something if it's not there." What was that supposed to mean? I did love Olive. I was attracted to her. That's what was so frustrating. Maybe it's because you're more attracted to the person right in front of you. I clenched my jaw together and shook the thought from my head.

"Yeah, so what about you, Mr. Flirt. You got somebody?" I asked after taking a swig. It had been a while since I'd seen him with a girl. He shook his head.

"Nope," he replied with a crooked grin. I felt slightly relieved by his answer. Why should I care, though? "I got my eye one someone," he said somewhat hesitantly. "Pretty sure it won't be too much longer..." My relief was immediately replaced with bitter disappointment. What the f**k was wrong with me? I was jealous over somebody that was never going to be mine and shouldn't be. Still, with the alcohol taking affect I couldn't help but feel swept over by his gorgeous eyes. I was also beginning to not give a s**t about my inappropriate thoughts.

"Oh," I replied, crossing my arms loosely over my stomach. Felix moved so that he was sitting down directly beside me. I looked over to see he was watching me, a smile on his face. His eyes were slightly red, and I knew he was feeling intoxicated as well. I looked forward once more, my stomach twisting as I realized how close he was to me.

"What the matter, Mark?" he asked, amusement in his voice. I shook my head and mumbled 'nothing'. God, I was drunk. How did that happen? "I think I know what your problem with your girlfriend is."

"Oh yeah?" I snorted, grabbing the bottle. "And what's that?" I opened it and took a sip. Last sip. I'm getting too drunk. I was too anxious to not drink, though!

"I think you're not in love with her anymore, if you ever really were to begin with... and if I had to give it my best guess, I'd say you're invested in somebody else now, not her." My stomach jumped and my eyes widened. It was like he was reading my f*****g mind! I didn't look at him, I didn't want him to see my shock.

"Oh really?" I asked, trying to keep myself from reaching for the rum again. "W-what makes you think that?"

"Because I know what it feels like. I'm pretty sure everyone has gone through it before... and if they haven't, they will," he sighed. I frowned and looked over at him.

"What did you do to fix it?" I asked, desperate for a good answer. He looked me in the eyes as he spoke.

"If you really wanna be happy, go for what you want," he told me bluntly. I nodded, staring back at him. Go for what I want.

"I can't have who I want," I breathed, my face twisting in exasperation. Why the f**k did I say that? Damn the alcohol! He frowned slightly.

"Why?" he snorted. "I'm sure you could have any girl you wanted." I shook my head.

"Yeah f*****g right," I laughed and reached forward to grab the Kraken. I took another swig and handed it over to Felix. "I'm f****d up!" I announced. He laughed and took a large sip.

"Me too, man." He set the bottle down and ran his fingers through his blue hair. I watched him, his words replaying in my mind. I wanted him. I wanted him so f*****g bad. I didn't want Olive. God dammit why did I have to feel this way? I moved my leg over quite indiscreetly so that our knees were touching. He glanced over, a small smile tugging at his lips. "I like hanging out with you," he told me. I nodded, letting my head fall back against my bed, and grinned.

"Me too, Felix." I tried not to slur. "We should do it more often." I shut my eyes and heard him mutter 'I agree.' We sat in silence for a little when I decided I needed to change the CD. It had already replayed a couple times. I settled for Pure Rock Fury by Clutch this time around. "What time is it?" I muttered to myself and searched for my phone. Eventually I found it and noticed I had a text from Olive.

'Hey, babe. What are you up to?' She asked. It was twelve in the morning, and she'd texted me at ten.

'Sorry. I'm hanging out with Felix. We're drinking a bit, so I didn't have my phone on me.' I texted quickly.

"Speak of the devil?" Felix asked with amusement in his voice. I nodded, rolling my eyes slightly.

"Yeah... keeping my ass from getting slain," I explained. I walked over to my bed and took a seat, only for my phone to buzz shortly after.

'Okay! Have fun!' She texted.

'I will. Good night.' I replied, not in the mood to be lovey. I tossed my phone to my nightstand and peered back at Felix to see he was taking another sip of the rum. I sighed, not being very heedful of my wandering eyes. He set the bottle down, his deep brown eyes locking with mine. His lips slowly formed into a smile.

"Did you tell that b***h what's what?" he joked, causing me to c***k a smile as well.

"I dunno.. what should I have told her?" I asked.

"That you're with the most amazing, wonderful, entertaining friend in the world, duh," he replied quickly. I slid back down to the floor beside him as he pushed the bottle towards me.

"I dunno if I should drink more, man," I laughed.

"What could it hurt?" he urged on. I shrugged a shoulder.

"Good question..." It didn't take me very much convincing before I put the bottle up to my lips.

A half an hour or so probably passed and my eye lids were beginning to feel quite heavy. "Dude, are you tired?" I asked. We were still sitting next to each other, our shoulders touching. I wasn't sure why we were sitting so close, but I wasn't complaining. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Yeah, kinda," he admitted. I noticed how bloodshot his eyes were, and I imagined mine were too. I nodded, glancing at the bottle sitting in front of us. I had definitely had enough to drink. My world was spinning around me.

"You wanna go to bed?" I asked, trying not to slur. He immediately smiled and began laughing slightly. "What's so funny?" I snorted.

"Nothing.. you look f****d up," he snickered.

"Yeah, so do you!" I retorted playfully, punching his arm lightly.

"Wanna smoke a cigarette first?" he suggested. I nodded slowly before standing. I moved to grab my pack, deciding against going outside. We both lit our cigarettes and blew the smoke out my open window. I laid down so that I was on my stomach, with my head by the window, while Felix sat next to me. I sighed, staring out at the yard. It felt good outside, something I was going to cherish while it lasted. We smoked in silence, enjoying the music still sounding through the room.

Once we were finished, I moved to turn the music down. There were still a few songs left to play, and I would let the CD finish as we fell asleep. I turned off my main light and moved to my bed. I slipped my socks off, finding it unbearable to sleep with anything on my feet, and flicked my lamp off. Felix was already laying down, his back facing me. I hesitated before laying down beside him. We both remained silence for a couple seconds before he suddenly began laughing quietly.

"What?" I asked, amusement heavy in my voice.

"Oh, nothin'... here we are again," he snickered. I laughed as well, staring up at the ceiling. There was light coming into my room from the open window. It was close to full moon, and my neighbors had solar lights in their back yard.

"I know, dude... how does this always happen?" I asked lightly. He let out a small, content sigh, and huddled closer to the wall.

"Good night, man," he said quietly.

"Night..." I swallowed roughly, peering over at him. I couldn't stop thinking about our previous conversation. I wanted Felix. As much as I had been trying to deny it to myself over the past few months, I couldn't keep doing it to myself. It had to be unhealthy...

After a song or two, Felix's breathing became slow. I glanced over to watch his side slowly rise and fall. He was definitely sleeping... I felt that familiar pull to scoot closer to him. I swallowed and turned so I was facing his back. I stared at him, feeling extremely hesitant to move. Just do it, Mark... I let out a deep breath and forced myself to scoot forward. I was so close to him, I could practically feel his body heat radiating onto me. His breathing remained slow, and I was relieved I hadn't woken him.

I lifted my hand, holding it frozen in the air by his side. I clenched my hand into a fist and pulled it back to my side. I wanted to touch him... I wanted to touch him so bad. I held my eyes closed for a moment before blinking them open once more. I let out a shaky breath and scooted forward, closing the gap between us.

Before I could change my mind, I ran my hand over his chest, my face buried in the nape of his neck, and held onto him. I felt him lift his head and clear his throat.

"Mark?" he asked, sounding groggy and dumb founded. "What're you doing?"

"I don't know..," I breathed, realizing it was too late to go back. He twisted so that he could get a better look at me. I pulled back, leaving my hand resting on his waist. His brown eyes were filled with confusion. "You're right, you know...," I said quietly.

"About what?" He asked, his brow furrowing.

"About needing to go for what I want," I admitted. He frowned and rolled over so he was facing me completely. I was waiting for it. I was waiting for the fist to connect with my face. I was surprised when he leaned in close to me, our foreheads resting against one anothers.

"What do you want?" he breathed, his mouth so close to mine I could practically taste the rum and cigarettes. My heart was just about beating out of my chest from our connection. I specifically remember Drink for the Dead playing on my stereo. It was probably my favorite song on the whole album. I'll never forget the twisting in my gut as I thought about what to say.

"I-...I think I want you," I breathed back after a few seconds. I reached forward and gripped onto his shirt, pulling his body closer to mine. I couldn't believe I'd actually said it. There was a pause, neither of us moving.

"You only think?" he whispered playfully after the torturous moments of silence. Relief washed over me, and my heart was pounding so hard I swear he could hear it. Shortly after that, he closed the gap between our mouths. I let my eyes close and I kissed him back, my mind buzzing with everything that was happening. It was almost overwhelming. I could taste the rum and stale cigarettes on his mouth as our kiss deepened. I slid my tongue into his mouth, aware that his hands were running up my back. I pressed my hips into his, wanting nothing more than to feel close to him. It was everything I wanted for what felt like much too long. I bit down onto his bottom lip, his metal lip ring clanking against my teeth. We were both drunk. I knew that, and I didn't give a s**t.

Felix pulled back just enough to speak. "I want to show you how good head can actually feel," he said softly before moving to kiss my neck. I swallowed, sliding my hand up to the run my fingers through the hair at the base of his skull. I felt his teeth graze over my skin, causing me to suppress a shudder.

"I want that too," I breathed without second thought. He suddenly pushed me so that I was on my back. As he moved down towards my crotch, my heart began beating even faster, my world spinning around me slightly. Felix undid my pants and pulled them down the best he could. Was this seriously happening? I felt powerless to it, not that I was objecting in the slightest. I was surprised that my d**k was hard at all for how drunk I was. Somehow it was up, maybe not the hardest ever, but it was up... I didn't know what he was doing so differently with his mouth than Olive, but it felt amazing. I gripped onto the bed sheets tightly, letting the blissful feeling sweep over me.

It didn't take long for me to come, and I was surprised when he didn't pull away. Olive never let me jiz in her mouth. I laid there for a couple moments after he was finished and took a deep breath in. I sat up to see he was sitting beside me, a satisfied grin on his face. "Did I succeed?" he asked, smiling. I nodded and pulled my pants up.

"Yeah," I breathed, sitting up. "I honestly thought I just didn't like head," I mumbled before scooting to the edge of my bed. I ran my fingers through my hair before standing on unsteady legs. "I need a cigarette, dunno about you." He nodded and stood up as well. We both stumbled out of my bedroom and down the stairs. I looked over to the living room as we came down the steps to see my mom sitting on the couch. She raised her eyebrows at me and shook her head with a smile as we passed. God, did she know what we just did? I hoped not. Titus trotted over when he saw us going towards the back door. I opened it and he bounded out before us.

Once we were outside, we both lit our cigarettes. He looked at me and smiled and I couldn't help but smile back. He leaned into me briefly, letting his forehead rest against mine. It made me nervous. I didn't want anybody to see us, but I enjoyed him being so close to me at the same time. I gripped onto his hip lightly for a moment before moving away.

I looked up at the stars, letting the smoke flow slowly from my lungs. I couldn't believe what had just happened moments earlier... it felt surreal. I was so drunk; I know I wouldn't have been so unreserved otherwise. Although, I couldn't have hoped for a better outcome. I took a deep drag of my cigarette and smiled to myself. "Hey, you lied, by the way..."

"Oh, yeah? About what?" he asked skeptically, a smirk on his face.

"You lied at never have I ever... you said you never sucked a d**k before." I laughed, peering over at him.

"How do you know this wasn't my first time?" he asked, sounding as offended as he could before he smiled.

"I just have a feeling." I shrugged a shoulder, a crooked grin stuck on my face as I thought about the events that had taken place only minutes earlier.

We soon finished our cigarettes and headed back inside. We both got some water and headed back upstairs, saying good night to my mom. I shut the door behind us and put my glass of water down on my nightstand before laying down in my bed. I was even more tired after all that. "You actually ready for bed now?" I asked.

"Yeah. Hopefully you can rest pretty easily after that." He laughed and so did I.

"Yeah..." I stifled a yawn and looked up at the ceiling. "You still gonna sleep in bed with me?" I asked cautiously, looking back over at him. He shrugged.

"I can sleep on the floor, that's fine." He grinned at me. My brow furrowed and I shook my head.

"No, that's not where I was going with that. I really don't mind if you sleep up here with me...," I snickered, causing him to smile.

"Oh, really?" He raised an eye brow and I laughed. I nodded and watched as he took a deep breath before laying down next to me, closer to the wall. He turned towards me and grinned. "Did you think this was how our night would turn out?" he asked. I snorted, thinking back to the moment he'd asked me to hang out. I thought it would be just like any other night drinking with him.

"f**k no," I said softly. It all felt like a dream; I could hardly believe it. "I'm glad it did, though." I felt his hand entwine with mine and I grinned to myself, allowing my eyes to close. I was drunk and exhausted. I'm not sure when exactly, but it didn't take long for me to drift off to sleep.

>

My eyes fluttered open, my room annoyingly bright. I sighed and rolled over, slightly surprised to see that Felix was indeed laying in my bed next to me, shirtless. When had he taken his shirt off...? It had felt like a dream, but it hadn't been. What the f**k. My heart nearly skipped a beat as I remembered I had never locked my door the night before. Jayla was known to burst into my room uninvited at times. I scrambled up and clumsily made it to my door. I switched the lock and when I turned back towards my bed, I was surprised to see Felix sitting up, frowning at me. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"I was... locking my door," I explained awkwardly.

"Oh." A smirk spread across his face. "What, did you want me to keep my voice down so nobody knows you're a faggot?" he asked quietly, his eyes piercing into me. I wasn't sure if he was joking or actually trying to be an asshole, but my heart fluttered slightly. I swallowed harshly, my defenses raising as he spoke.

"No... I'm not a fa-"

"I was kidding," He cut me off. "Just come back here... I promise I'll be quiet, Mark." I sighed and walked back over to my bed. I laid down next to him, extremely hesitant to even touch him. Now that I was sober and my mind was much more clear, I was shocked at how freely I had allowed everything to happen last night. "If Jayla were to hear us, don't you think she would have last night?" he asked. I frowned and shook my head.

"Well, she knew you were coming over... She probably just assumes you slept on the floor or left. Plus I don't even know what time she got home. But she comes in and wakes me a lot... so I didn't want her to find..." I stopped talking, not even able to say it. My stomach dropped as I reminded myself that I'd cheated on Olive. A smirk spread over his annoyingly handsome face.

"I don't think I'm the worst thing she could find in your bed with you. At least I look good," he laughed and I couldn't help but laugh as well. I was just in so much disbelief about the previous night, it was hard to wrap my head around.

"No, she would probably be jealous," I told him. He snorted with laughter.

"Really?" he asked. "Why?"

"Well- because of how you were like the first guy to ever say no to her," I explained and he went back to smiling, looking lost in thought. "Why was that?" I asked, curious if he knew he was into guys all this time. Neither of us had really explained anything to each other the night before.

"Because I didn't want her. I wanted someone else...," he sighed.

"Who? That girl you left her for?" I asked, genuinely curious. He shook his head before quickly shifting his gaze to me.

"No," he answered and then paused, a sly smile tugging on his lips. "I wanted you." I couldn't help but frown from confusion and bewilderment.

"Me?" I repeated, my mind feeling blown. That was over a year ago! He nodded.

"I know what I am and I've known for a long time now. I just wanted to hide it from the cruel and unforgiving high school kids." He reached forward and grabbed onto my sweaty hand. "That's why I got with all those bitches." We sat there in silence for a few moments as I gathered my thoughts. Taking in all the things he had just told me was pretty difficult.

"I-I've wanted to do this for a while, Felix...," I admitted. "But I don't know how to tell people..."

"So don't." He let go of my hand and reached up to run his fingers through my hair. "Nobody needs to know." I couldn't help but wonder if that meant what we did the night earlier was a one time thing. As much as I didn't want to admit it, the thought made me sad.

"So...," I said after moments of silence. "What do we do now?"

"Whatever we want," he replied vaguely. I shook my head, not happy with that answer.

"So you actually like me?" I asked, paying close attention to his facial expression. He wasn't giving much away, however.

"I've liked you for a long time, Mark. I just told you that," he said. I nodded in acknowledgment. "How about you? You like me or were you just experimenting?" He laughed.

"No, I do like you...," I replied quietly. It was difficult to say out loud. It was so wrong. He grinned and leaned forward to kiss me. I tensed, but kissed him back.

"You're so f*****g cute," he snickered as he pulled away. "So... what about Olive?" f**k. That was a good question.

"I...," I began, feeling lost for words. I opened my mouth to continue speaking but no words could come out. What was I going to do about Olive? Felix was watching me expectantly, waiting for my response. I couldn't stay with her after I did that... but the thought of her being out of my life made my stomach ache. I loved her. She wasn't just my girlfriend; she was my friend. I would miss her if she weren't around.

"You....?" Felix's voice snapped me back to reality, my eyes focusing on him. I sighed, averting my eyes from his.

"I'm gonna have to leave her," I finally said. I had to leave her...

"Well, from what you told me it sounds like you really aren't that into her... not to mention what we just did last night..," he snickered, a smile forming on his face that made me feel like melting into my bed. God dammit... Why does he have to be so attractive?

"Yeah...," I said, shaking my head. "You're probably right."

"What time is it, anyways?" he asked. I twisted to reach over and grab my phone, checking the time to see it was only nine thirty in the morning. My heart jumped as I saw a message notification from Olive. I decided to leave it be and set my phone back down. She didn't suspect that Felix and I hung out and ended up f*****g around together... I had nothing to worry about.

"It's nine thirty," I replied quietly, trying to hide the unease I was feeling from him.

"Did you wanna go back to sleep? Oooor..." He hesitated before continuing. "Did you want me to leave?" Leave..? He probably should have left, but my chest tightened in a way that told me I didn't want him to go.. not at that moment. I didn't want it to be over.

"No," I said lightly. "I don't want you to go." I tried to grin, but I could feel the muscles in my mouth quivering slightly, so I gave up. "Let's go back to sleep." I nestled down under my blankets more. I noticed Felix sigh as he looked at me and he did the same thing, turning so that his back was facing me.

"I'm f*****g tired," he mumbled. I was too, though my heart was beating so fast I was unsure if I'd be able to fall asleep for a while.

As we laid there, I couldn't deny the pull I was feeling to reach over and touch him. I wanted our bodies to touch. I wanted to get close... I wanted to know him in more ways than I already did. I stared at his back, moving my eyes up to the back of his head. His wavy hair looked soft, and it was resting perfectly despite our drunken sleep. I took a deep breath and reached forward to run my fingers through it briefly.

"What're you doing?" I was slightly startled when Felix spoke, amusement heavy in his voice.

"Your hair looked soft...," I admitted sheepishly. He let out a small laugh and nodded before turning around to face me.

"That's one good thing I got from my dad, I guess," he said quietly, a warm grin on his face as he looked at me. "The softness, I mean..." He let out a deep breath. I smiled and nodded, unsure of what to say. So instead I gave into temptation. I scooted forward and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his neck. I closed my eyes and gripped onto him tightly, not even caring that he didn't have a shirt on. He did the same in return to me.

"Fuck...," I breathed shakily. I felt his fingers lightly brushing over my back, and it felt as relaxing as it could considering the circumstances. "This all feels so wrong.."

"Wrong?" he echoed. I nodded.

"Yes... but I don't know if I really care," I admitted, kissing the skin on his neck lightly. I heard him snort with laughter.

"I know what you mean." He gripped onto me tighter for a moment before letting go of me. I moved back so that I could look at him. "I want to see you again," he told me quietly. "After this." I nodded, staring into his dark brown eyes.

"I do too," I agreed without a second thought, before I could change my mind and say something safe but untrue. I wanted to see Felix again. I wanted us to remain friends, and maybe grow into something more.

"Let's go to sleep, dude. I'm fuckin' tired." He stifled a yawn and closed his eyes. I nodded, watching him for a moment before I sat up just enough to slip my shirt over my head. It was getting warm in my room. I scooted close to him so that our skin was touching and shut my eyes. Everything would be okay. It would all work itself out. I just needed to keep telling myself that..