Uncontrollably Falling For You

Chapter 5

I pulled the collar of my flannel tighter against my neck and suppressed a shiver. "Can you turn the heat on?" I asked, my teeth chattering together briefly. It was the middle of December, snow flakes just beginning to lightly fall from the sky, so of course I was cold! Felix smiled and nodded before reaching forward to turn the heat in his car on.

"Better?" he asked as we pulled into the parking lot of a small cemetery on the side of the road. It was an odd location... on one of the back roads of Manheim, on a hill. I didn't think cops would drive by us, even though it was around nine at night. He cranked up his brake and put the car in neutral, leaving it running for the heat. "Don't you have a jacket?" he asked, sounding amused. Stupidly, I didn't. I shook my head, putting my hands up to the vents to soak up as much warmth as I could. He shrugged the green military type jacket he was wearing off and draped it over my shoulders. My stomach jumped slightly and I grinned sheepishly. I hadn't been expecting him to do that.

"I don't need this, man," I told him awkwardly. He smiled and laughed slightly.

"No, it's fine. I'm not freezing my ass off like you." Felix was wearing his usual red beanie, a black thermal shirt and jeans, so that was probably true. He pulled out a cigarette from his pack and lit it before cracking his window ever so slightly. I hesitantly slipped my arms into the jacket and sighed. It felt nice and warm from his body heat, and I noticed that it smelled like him. It wasn't long before I couldn't resist following suit in smoking a cigarette.

Felix suddenly reached back behind my seat, fumbling with something for a moment before pulling out a brown paper bag. I knew immediately that it was some kind of liquor. He folded the bag down just enough to expose part of the neck of the bottle. "Got some Jim Beam today!" he said cheerily before taking a sip. I grinned as he handed the bottle over to me. Wasn't my favorite, but I wasn't about to complain. I took a rather large sip, suppressing a grimace, and handed it back to him.

"How are you gonna drive me home?" I asked. He snickered and shrugged.

"I'll manage..." He gave me a sly smile and my eyes widened. "Kidding, dude... kidding. I'm not gonna get s**t faced. I promise."

"Yeah, well, even if you did.. isn't your house pretty close?" I asked. He nodded, taking a drag of his cigarette. "Couldn't we just crash there?"

"We could... but I don't think we should." A distant expression overcame his face for a brief moment. "My dad's kinda an ass," he explained sheepishly, a crooked grin returning once more. "I don't think you'd wanna meet him."

"Ah," I said in understanding. "Say no more... my dad's an ass, too." I snorted. I hadn't seen my dad for about two years, so I really had no idea what he was up to. Felix nodded and held the bottle up as if making a toast.

"To assy dads." He took a sip, and I couldn't help but laugh. "Want more?" he asked, wiping his mouth. I nodded and reached to take it from him. He took one last drag of his cigarette and tossed it out the window. "The snow looks pretty.. I don't think it's supposed to last, unfortunately." It did look really nice. There was a street light by the road, and you could see it falling vividly underneath the glow.

"Yeah. I love the snow," I told him before taking a swig of the bourbon.

"Me too, dude. I feel like so many people around here f*****g hate it... dumb shits," he snorted and I nodded my head in agreement. I peered out the windshield at the view in front of us. The cemetery was kind of creepy, but it was also calming to be somewhere so quiet. There weren't many places like that in Lititz... it was such a busy town.

"I didn't know there was a cemetery here," I said absentmindedly. I took another swig of the Jim Beam before handing it back over to him.

"Yup, there sure is." He let out a deep sigh before changing the subject. "When does your Christmas break start?" he asked.

"Next week," I replied, my stomach welling with joy at the thought. "I'm f*****g excited!" Felix laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, me too," he agreed, putting the bottle up to his lips to take a quick sip. "You got lots of plans for Christmas?"

"Not really.. Going to my grandparents, that's about it. How about you?" I returned the question. He shook his head.

"Nah. We never do anything..." He shrugged his shoulder. "We haven't really done much since...," he trailed off, his brow furrowing. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. "Holidays just aren't the same, ya know?" he murmured, his voice sounding tense. I was genuinely taken aback by this. I knew what he was talking about, though he'd never told me himself. Did he just assume I knew?

"Y-yeah, I can imagine so...," I replied awkwardly, rubbing the back of my neck. There was an awkward minute or so of silence, besides Grouplove playing on the stereo, before Felix spoke again.

"I'm gonna try to get an apartment when I graduate. Brody and I have kinda been talking about it." His tone was back to normal. Calm and content. I wasn't quite sure how to take what had just happened... part of me wanted to ask him about it. I felt the urge to help him in any way I could. I wanted to be there for him. I was always protective over my friends; I always wanted to help them. But I couldn't comfort him if I had no idea what the problem was. But then again, it was none of my business. I always seemed to go back to that.

"Oh, yeah?" I asked. "That would be f*****g awesome." I smiled at him, trying to shake his previous words from my head. He nodded, looking lost in thought as he took another swig. "Can I have some more?" I asked, breaking him from his trance.

"Of course you may!" He cast me a wide smile and handed the bottle to me. I gladly took it and forced another shots worth down my throat. I was beginning to feel a little drunk. I suddenly heard him stifle a laugh, and when I looked over he had a devious smile on his face. I raised my eyebrows in question. "I heard you couldn't tear dat p***y up," Felix jeered. That was the last thing I'd expected to come out of his mouth.

"What?" I snapped, my face immediately getting hot. He went into a small fit of laughter. f**k! "Did Olive tell you...?"

"She sure f*****g did!" he laughed. "Well, let me rephrase that.. I overheard her telling Evie. She wasn't exactly being quiet about it, though. I mean I was sitting right there! So I don't think she gave a s**t that I heard everything." Oh my god, how embarrassing! "She wants Eve to talk to you about it, since you guys are so close and all," he explained, laughter still heavy in his voice. At least that seemed to cheer him back up.

"That b***h!" I hissed under my breath. Olive and I had s*x multiple times since our first time, and I wasn't sure if I could say it was getting any better. It still felt awkward and sloppy. She even tried to give me head, but I didn't enjoy that either. It was to the point where I questioned if I even liked getting head, or if she was just bad at it. Not only was it unenjoyable for me, but I could never get her off. No matter what I did to her. Was I really that awful? I would have to explain my side to Evie next time I talked to her.

"I know, I would be pissed too, believe me." Felix shook his head, his smile finally faltering to a grin. "I wasn't always the best... all gotta start somewhere, I guess." I groaned, shaking my head.

"I know, but still! I wish she hadn't talked about it in front of people, ya know?" I grumbled.

"Who are you calling people?" he joked. "It was just in front of me." I nodded, feeling a little bit better. But out of all of my friends, Felix was probably the one I wanted to know about that the least. I wasn't sure why- maybe because he had so much experience with girls.

"I don't know what's wrong, dude," I began glumly. "I don't feel like it's getting any better..."

"Yeah? I would just give it some time." Felix suppressed a burp. "I'm sure you'll figure s**t out with each other..." I nodded before taking another sip. "Or! Maybe you never will and you'll both realize that you aren't compatible with each other!" he added quickly. I cast him a scowl and he began laughing again.

"d**k," I snorted before handing the bottle back to him. He raised an eye brow and shrugged a shoulder.

"Just speaking from experience, Mark." He took another sip before he continued speaking. "Not everyone is meant for each other. Sometimes you don't notice until you have sex." A rush of panic shot through me. What if he was right? I loved Olive... She was great. I didn't want to leave her.. Even if that's what ended up happening, I wasn't ready to give up just then.

"I'll give it some time," I mumbled, namely to myself. As if having the same thoughts, we both pulled out cigarettes and lit them. I took a deep drag, the familiar rush of tobacco hitting me as I slowly released the smoke from my lungs. I must have been more drunk than I thought. "Dude, that s**t is fuckin' me up a little," I snickered.

"Yeah... me too, to be honest. I should probably take you home after we smoke these." He took a drag of his cigarette. I nodded, peering over at him as he smoked. He was leaning against his door, his eyes fixed on the graveyard in front of us. He had a somewhat vacant expression on his face again. Something was off with him...

"You okay?" I asked before I could stop myself. His eyes snapped to look at me and he nodded, raising his eye brows in question. I shook my head dismissively and averted my gaze.

"I'm fine... just tipsy," he snickered. We both sat in silence for the remainder of our smoke, lost in our own f****d up thoughts. Once we were done, he put the bottle on the floor by my feet and backed out of the small parking lot. We headed in the direction of Lititz. From where we were it only took about seven minutes to get to my house, especially at the time of day it was. The snow had ceased, much to our disappointment. But that made for better driving conditions.

As we got closer to my house, I realized I wasn't ready for the night to be over. I didn't particularly want Felix driving all the way back home, either. "Hey," I began.

"What's up?" he asked, glancing at me briefly.

"Did you wanna stay at my house tonight?" I asked, hopeful he would say yes.

"For real?" he asked happily. "Yeah, dude, that sounds good to me. That way I don't have to drive back to Manheim tonight... plus we can drink more of that bottle."

"Exactly my thought!" I was glad we were in agreement. Eventually we pulled into the church parking lot across from my house. He parked and turned the engine off. We exchanged glances before he reached down and grabbed the bottle. We both got out of the car and headed for my front door.

I opened it and we were, as expected, immediately greeted by the bounding Titus. His body wiggled furiously, his excitement to see Felix almost uncontainable. "Hey, buddy!" he greeted, sounding just as happy as Titus looked. He bent over and scratched up and down my dog's back. I couldn't help but laugh at how excited they both were. I looked up into the living room to see Jayla sitting on the couch, looking in our direction.

"Hey," she greeted as I walked into the living room. "Nice jacket... Your boyfriend let you borrow that?" she jeered. I looked down at the jacket I was wearing. I'd nearly forgotten... I was about to make a retort when Felix walked up beside me, Titus still all over him.

"Hey, Jayla," he greeted happily, sounding kind of drunk.

"Hey...," she said a bit more dully than she had to me.

"We're drinking a little. You wanna have some?" I offered. She snorted with laughter and grinned before shaking her head.

"No, that's alright. I'm gonna go to bed soon or something," she sighed, looking back at the TV.

"Alright, suit yourself." I shrugged it off and led the way upstairs. We entered my room and shut the door behind us so that our voices wouldn't bother my grumpy sister. "Did you wanna do anything in particular?" I asked. He shook his head, pulling the bottle out of the bag. We'd already had a good bit of it, I was surprised to see.

"Nope." He twisted the top off and took a larger swig of it than he had before. I decided to play one of my Primus CDs. That was enough entertainment for me. I loved listening to music. I shrugged his jacket off my shoulders and hung it on my doorknob. It was a lot warmer in my house than it had been in the car. I then sat down on the floor across from Felix, resting my back against my bed. He handed me the bottle and I gladly took a sip. My world was undoubtedly spinning around me. It wasn't out of control, though, so I knew I was good to drink more. "So this is where the magic happened...?" he asked slowly, a wide smile creeping on his face as he went. I stared at him, eyes wide, but I was unable to keep from laughing.

"Yeah, some magic, huh?" I snorted, smacking my hand to my cheek. I shook my head and closed my eyes, trying to forget about it all. "Haven't you been in my room before?" I asked.

"Not really. I've seen it, but I don't think we've ever hung out in here before...," he told me, peering around as he spoke. His eyes soon rested on the Okami poster hanging on my wall and he smiled once more. "That game is awesome!"

"Seriously?" I asked, surprised he knew what it was.

"Hell yeah, dude. I've never met anybody else who played it." He sounded just as excited as I felt.

"Me neither. I feel like it's really underrated. Most people probably read the description and think it sounds super gay or something," I laughed. He nodded in agreement.

"Very true... what else you got?" he asked. I scooted over to my bookshelf where I kept all my games, and he followed.

"Take a look." I glanced over my many titles before taking a sip of the bourbon. Felix looked slightly entranced with my games, his eyes bright.

"Damn.. You like Persona?" he asked, glancing at me.

"Well, obviously," I snorted with laughter.

"I've never played Catherine but I heard good things about it." He pulled the game out from it's spot and peered over the case.

"You can borrow it if you want. You like puzzle games?" I asked. He nodded. "Yeah, man. Take it." I handed the bottle to him. He took a swig before going back to looking through my collection.

"Are you good at Smash Brothers?" He asked, a sly smile on his face. I shrugged a shoulder.

"I mean... I guess. Not like I used to be." I hadn't been playing it as much as I used to. It took a couple rounds before I could get back into the flow of things. "Who do you play as?" I asked.

"Well, in melee I was usually Roy... but I'm surprisingly good with yoshi, as stupid as that is. In the new one I really like playing as Ike," he told me happily. It was refreshing to talk to somebody who seemed to be just as into video games as me. I wasn't sure how the subject had never been brought up before. "What about you?"

"Me? Usually Marth," I said.

"Oh, really?" He raised an eye brow. "You play Fire Emblem?" I snorted.

"Of course, dude! Who do you think I am?" We both laughed. "I even played some of the old ones."

"Yeah, me too." He sighed and stood up. He walked over to his jacket and put my game in the pocket the best he could. It didn't fit the best, but I think it was just so he wouldn't forget it. I moved back to my spot against the bed, and he sat down across from me again.

We spent some time passing the bottle back and forth, both of us laughing like drunk idiots at nothing in particular. My eyelids were beginning to feel heavy, and I knew I was soon going to crash. "Dude, I'm getting tired." I stifled a yawn.

"Yeah, me too..." He sighed and looked at the bottle. We drank a lot of it... "Can I have a pillow at least?" he asked. I couldn't help but laugh and I shook my head.

"No pillow!" I tried to sound as angry as I could. We both went into a fit of laughter. "No, but seriously... You don't have to sleep on the floor. I don't give a s**t if you sleep on my bed... If you don't mind sharing it with me." I stood on unsteady legs and sat on my bed.

"Really?" He asked, raising an eye brow.

"As long as you don't try anything funny!" I stifled my laughter.

"But it's where the magic happens, I might not be able to resist," he joked, standing as well.

"Hey, don't make it weird right before we're gonna get into bed with each other!" I snapped with mock anger. "Do you want some pants to wear or somethin'?" I asked, standing to walk over to my dresser.

"Sure, if you don't mind," he happily accepted the offer. I pulled out two pairs of pajama pants and tossed one to him. Without much thought or caring, I changed my pants in front of him. Once I was done, I staggered over to my bed. I cracked open my window, which was at the foot of my bed, before grabbing a cigarette from my pack. My room had low windows, so my bed was actually a little higher than the bottom of it. "I'm glad you let me stay over. I had a good time. s**t ton better than I would have at home!" He had also pulled out a cigarette. "Are we smoking in here?"

"Yeah, as long as we blow it out the window we'll be fine," I told him before lighting mine and taking a deep drag in. My eyes were beginning to feel itchy, but there was no way I was gonna take my contacts out. I often slept in them and I'd yet to have a bad experience.

Once we were done smoking our cigarette, I moved to my TV to put on something for mild light. The last DVD that had been in was Avatar the Last Airbender, so I just left it on. I turned out my light and got into my bed next to Felix. It felt bizarre laying next to him but I was trying not to think about it too much. I was too drunk to care, anyways. He was my friend... not like anything weird was going on. "Hope you don't mind the TV being on...," I muttered.

"No, it's fine," he assured me. I looked up at the TV and I couldn't help but think about the last time I'd been watching it. I stifled my laughter and buried my face in my hands, a wide smile stuck on my face. "The hell you laughing at?" Felix asked, sounding amused.

"Nothing.. Just thinking about the last person I had in my bed. Now here you are." I shook my head, still laughing. "It's just so sad, it's funny!" Felix joined me in my laughter.

"You would probably be happier with me, just sayin'!" he snickered.

"You know, you're probably right about that!" I laughed. "You and I have a lot in common, and you wouldn't think I was f*****g everything with legs!" I couldn't refrain myself. I seemed to be letting all my frustrations come out. "She's so jealous, she probably thinks I'm fuckin' you right now!" I burst out. He widened his brown eyes.

"Is she really that jealous?" he asked. I nodded.

"Yeah! And it just got worse since we f****d!" I was being a bit dramatic, but at the time I didn't care. "Maybe I should just dump her ass..."

"Maybe," Felix sighed with a shrug. "But I wouldn't do it while you're drunk, man. If you still want to in the morning, by all means, go for it!"

"Yeah, I guess you're right..," I mumbled. "I tend to act before I think.." I heard him laugh quietly, but I turned so my back was facing him. I closed my eyes, my world spinning when I did so. There was something strangely comforting about being next to him. I felt relaxed. I soon fell into a deep sleep.

>

I blinked a few times, my eyes adjusting to the light. I could tell immediately that my head was pounding. I was faintly aware that I felt somebody pressed up against my back. When had Olive gotten here...? I jumped at the realization that Felix was laying next to me, not Olive. I glanced over my shoulder to see that he was laying with his back pressed up against mine. I sighed and let my head fall back against my pillow. I didn't care enough, nor have the strength, to move away from him. I was concerned that nausea would hit me if I shifted at all. Why did we have to drink so much?

I fell in and out of sleep for a while. At one point, Felix rolled over so he was on his back. He stretched his leg over so that it was resting on me, though I don't think he was conscious enough to know what he was doing. Is this weird? No! Why would it be weird? Two straight dudes sleeping in a bed together hungover? Well then why did my stomach feel so twisted...? Because you're hungover, dispshit. Yes, that had to be it. I shook the thought out of my mind and decided I would get up to take a piss. I sat up slowly, careful not to rock my stomach too much. I looked at Felix, wondering how I was going to get out of bed without disturbing him... I didn't have quite enough room at the foot of my bed to get out that way. I groaned inwardly as I realized I would have to crawl over him to get out of bed.

After thinking for a bit on how to take action, I decided to just go for it. Slowly I moved one of my legs over him, careful not to touch him. I then moved my upper body over him successfully, holding onto my bed to steady myself. Now all that was left was my other leg. I went to make the leap to get to the floor. Of course, magically, just my f*****g luck, I lost balance and ended up right in his lap, practically straddling him. Felix gasped at the sudden impact and sat up quickly, his eyes wide. I could feel my face turning beet red as we stared at each other. After a few seconds of staring, I scrambled off of him. "S-sorry, dude!" I stammered. "I was trying to get out of bed without waking you.. and I-I, well there isn't enough room to get out at the foot of the bed." He took a deep breath, holding his hand to his chest, and finally began laughing.

"You scared the s**t out of me...," he breathed. "Holy s**t, Li." He shook his head, smiling over at me. I was still quite embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you," I told him sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck. I should have known that would never happen like I wanted it to, as dizzy as I felt. Why hadn't I just asked him to move? God, I'm so stupid!

"It's fine, really," he snickered and laid back down, rubbing his temples. "f**k, my head...," he groaned. I knew the feeling. I continued my trek to the bathroom. Hopefully I could regain my composure as I pissed. I stepped into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I let out a deep breath and proceeded to piss into the toilet. How stupid could I be? Once I was done with that, I splashed water on my face, and left.

When I entered my room, I looked to see Felix was laying down again, his back facing me. I walked over to my bed and peered cautiously down at him. His eyes were closed, but I didn't think he was asleep. I was still really f*****g tired... I glanced at my clock to see it was only ten. No way in hell was I going to get up when we hadn't even gone to bed until after four in the morning. "Can I get back in bed?" I asked.

"Yeah, man.. just crawl over me again," he teased, laughing. He scooted over to the spot that I'd had previously, and I laid down closer to the edge of the bed. I yawned and stretched my arms over my head. "I can sleep on the floor now if you want."

"No, that's fine. I don't mind," I assured him.

"Are you as hungover as me?" he asked.

"I think so... at least neither of us puked," I said brightly.

"Yeah, that's true," he agreed. "Not yet, anyways."

"Prolly will now that we said something about it..," I groaned. After a couple seconds of silence I heard Felix laughing to himself.

"You're really funny, man..." He shook his head. I didn't even ask why. I knew why. I was an awkward mess. I simply grinned to myself and closed my eyes, trying to relax again. It didn't take long before I was asleep.