A Dragon's Heart

13.

I stripped off the jilbaab as soon as we got back to the castle. I noticed my room had been cleaned, and I also noticed there were a few more servants in the castle since Bilal returned.

I winced. My whole body hurt, and I badly craved a hot bath. But Bilal said he’d come for me in a moment so we could have dinner, and I didn't want to have him wait.

I was a sucker for him. For his presence. For the peace that came with knowing he was mine. That he wanted me. Maybe even more than I did. It was something raw and primal. Something I had never experienced. Never even thought I would, save for the wishes and dreams to experience something as raw as that.

And while I was not particularly happy with my encounter with the dragon queen, the thought of having dinner with Bilal crushed the feeling. Ever since Yasmina mentioned it, I had been looking forward to getting a hatchling, and when I found out that was where we were going, I felt excited at the prospect of getting one. Yet, the queen said I wasn’t ready.

Because I wasn’t one of them fully.

Because Bilal and I had yet to consummate the marriage.

While I always craved being wanted. While I always wished to experience what Natasha had, deep inside, I worried if I would be able to do it. I thought I would find Bilal’s touches repulsive, but I liked them. I wanted them. What scared the living s**t out of me, was the prospect of doing the ‘act’.

‘I am sure he’d understand once you tell him. You are a strong woman, Tiffy. And I will forever be grateful for being a part of you. Neither of those sick f***s is going to ruin your life or your marriage. You didn't give them that chance in the past, and you won't right now either. You fight, because you are my fighter.’

Jay’s words soothed the chaos in my mind. Yes, I was a fighter. I had been a fighter all my life. And just like I had scaled through different stages of life and the shenanigans it threw at me, I would scale through this as well. I just needed a bit more time to come to terms with knowing that I would do the act with Bilal at some point.

“Ready to go?” I heard Bilal ask from behind me, and I turned around to find him standing by the door with his legs and arms crossed. He only had on a pair of black sirwals hanging dangerously low from his waist, while he was bare upwards. His toned muscles and sculpted scales covered an open chest for my greedy eyes to feast on. His hair was loose, the dark waves dancing on his shoulders. No keffiyah this time as well. His left brow had a soft glint from the light, and it took me a moment to realize that it was his brow piercing. I never knew a brow piercing looked so good on a man. In fact, I never imagined having a man with a knack for both ear and brow piercings. Yet, here he is. All mine!

I swallowed, almost choking, but managed to steady my thundering heart.

I looked down at the clothes I had on before we went to the tower and groaned. Why didn’t I think to change them before he got back?

“Yes,” I said brightly. “Let’s go eat. I am starving.”

He grinned knowingly, and I wanted to wipe off that smirk from his face. But I didn’t. Instead, I walked up to him, ran my fingers lightly on his chest and walked away, having no idea where exactly we were having dinner.

He chuckled behind me, and I gritted my teeth. I need to stop showing him just how much and easily he affects me.

“Can you slow down for a moment?” he was enjoying it. The laughter in his voice said it. But I didn’t stop, neither did I turn to look at him.

He grabbed my hand from behind, bringing me to a stop. His other hand curved around my neck, pulling me closer as he leaned down and brushed his lips against mine.

“You are going to ruin me,” he murmured, his eyes burning into mine.

‘Or you are going to ruin us, mister!’ Jay snickered, rolling her eyes. ‘We need a plan, Tiffy. One to throw him off the hook like he always does to us. You know those lingeries you bought? Dress in one of them tonight and do the catwalk over to him. I promise you, he will be ruined in mere seconds. Besides, those thick thighs and…’

‘Say no more, Jay. Payback is a b***h and we’re going to make it happen.’

To him, I said loudly. “You think so?” I batted my eyes, hoping it showed off how innocent I was.

“You know exactly what it is you are doing to me, Noorie. Stop pretending,” he murmured, brushing his lips against mine. “Let’s go eat,” and with that, he pulled my hand and dragged me with him out into the cool night.

Because his strides were long, I fell short behind him. And that was when I saw it. The large dragon tattoo that covered his whole back. There was not an inch of his back that wasn’t covered in black and golden swirls of ink. The golden swirls highlighted the dragon’s scales, eyes, and crown. A beautiful mix that complimented his caramel skin tone.

“Your tattoo is beautiful,” I whispered in awe.

Bilal turned to look at me for a second before he smiled. “It’s not just a tattoo. It is an extension of Sameer. Just like the scales.”

Still in awe, I reached my fingers to a part and traced the swirl of ink. Bilal’s body jerked underneath my touch for a moment, and I felt myself grin. “I like it,” I murmured, still tracing while Bilal kept walking, my other hand clasped in his. “Wish I had something like this,” I added.

“You will,” Bilal said gruffly. “Once we consummate the bond, you will have the tattoo as well.”

My cheeks heated up, and I pulled my hands away as though they burned. Or maybe they actually did burn.

‘Oww!!! Mating? Spread my legs mister and take me whichever way you want!!!’ Jay howled excitedly.

‘Jay!!!’ I scolded, feeling my cheeks heat up again. But before I said more, Bilal came to a stop, and I felt my breath hitch as I took in the place before me.

We were in the garden, Bilal’s favorite place to be, surrounded by flowers. A red carpet was spread on the grass, candles lit and scattered around on the holders. There were a variety of covered dishes on the carpet. Sameer laid beside the carpet, staring at us. The atmosphere, coupled with the cool night breeze, made everything better, and I felt my chest cave in.

“Do you like it?”

“When did you prepare all this?” I asked, my voice shaking a bit.

“I asked the maids to prepare everything before we left. Do you like it?” He asked again.

“I love it,” I laughed. “I love it so much. Thank you.”

“Anything for you,” he murmured, kissing my forehead before he led me to the carpet. Once I sat down, he picked up a bundle of flowers, similar to the one he gave me this morning, and passed it to me before he took a seat opposite me.

I took the flowers, brought them to my nose, and inhaled deeply. “Thank you.”

He simply smiled at that and said nothing. Instead, he picked up a large tray and started to fill it up with the varieties of dishes present.

I knew what a few of them were. Roasted chicken thighs. Mandi rice, because the spice blend made it obvious. Flat bread with a yellow-looking soup Bilal poured over that I don’t know. Fruits and red grape juice.

I said nothing and simply watched as he tore the flesh of the roasted chicken with his hand, paired it with some rice, and brought it to my mouth. I opened up willingly and accepted it, the burst of flavor making me close my eyes and moan just a bit.

A loud growl made me pry my eyes open quickly, only to find Bilal hovering above me, his nostrils flaring and his eyes intense.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” he growled, and slightly startled, I unexpectedly swallowed the rice without being done chewing, which caused me to choke.

I began coughing and felt my eyes burn. Bilal filled up a silver cup with water and brought it to my lips. I took in small sips, slowly coming back to my senses.

“I am sorry,” Bilal said, his tone worried. Sameer hovered above us, the puff of his breathing and the smoke he released eerily calming me down.

“It’s fine. I am fine,” I said, waving my hand.

Afterwards, neither one of us said anything as he continued to feed me and eat in between with his hand. He didn’t speak again until we were almost done.

“We will be having dinner with Jaddah in two days. I will be going to Dar Santoria tomorrow. I will take you on the tour the day after and we can spend the day out before we go to Jaddah’s. I haven’t seen her since I came back and she invited us to her castle. Also, we leave to see the sultan a day after our dinner with Jaddah.”

I didn’t like that he was leaving. But my husband wasn’t a normal citizen. He was the commander, which made his job tasking.

“I will have to go back and forth for a while now. As the commander, I have to be close to the sultan.”

Another bitter taste surged through. Yeah. I should've expected this.

Clearing my throat, I said, “I don’t think Jaddah likes me. And I don’t think I like her either. She looks angry and scared every time I see her. Is there anything I can do to sway her?”

Bilal laughed, the sound so rich and beautiful. “Jaddah likes you. She just has a weird way of showing it. Just give it some time.”

“Will Yasmina come stay with me?”

“I don’t think so. Something came up for her. But a few more maids will have arrived by morning. I also have another present for you. Hopefully, it arrives before I leave tomorrow.”

I swallowed the knot in my chest and nodded. “I will miss you,” I heard myself say before I could stop it.

His hand stopped midway from the cup he was bringing towards me, but he quickly recovered from whatever caused the reaction and gave me some water.

“I hate that I am leaving, even if it’s just for a few hours,” I heard him say after a while. “Left to me, I’d have taken you with me, but even if I did, you wouldn’t enjoy it because I would have to spend the whole time in a war strategy meeting. Needless to say, I will be riding back as fast as I can once I am finished.” His fingers grazed my cheek before he pulled away.

I forced a small smile. “Don’t worry, I understand.” I shifted a bit, and winced, the movement causing me to remember how sore my body was.

‘And it wasn’t even the type of sore we wanted,’ Jay whined, stretching her paws.

It certainly wasn’t, I thought without letting her know.

“So, where exactly does Sameer always sleep?”

“Outside my room. He rarely ever leaves there, except for when he needs to replenish most of his energy. Then he goes to his cave, which is just a half day ride on a camel behind the castle.”

“And he can also shrink in size.”

Bilal nodded. “Although, remember that it costs a lot more energy every time he does. So he rarely ever does it." He wiped his hand with a cloth and continued. “Tell me something about you.”

“What do you want to know? I suppose you already know a lot about me considering we’ve been courting for a while.”

“I didn’t mean things like your age, favorite colors and what not. I already know those. I mean deeper things about you.”

“Oh, that,” I swallowed, looking away. Somehow, I still wasn’t ready to talk about my past with Bilal. And I didn't know why, because it was easier when I told Natasha about it. She was the only one I ever told besides my therapist. I sometimes dreamt about Elder Manze’s son and my stepfather for a whole week or more every time something triggered the memory of what happened. Natasha’s facility had helped in offering me therapy even when I claimed I was okay.

And perhaps, that was why I was still suffering through it. For too long, I pretended I was okay with what happened. That I wasn’t scarred. That not talking about it meant it had no power over me. But I was wrong. Doing that made it worse. It made the scars run deeper. It made what my mother did hurt even more. And the more I saw her, the more it hurt to look at her. It was why Jay and I developed the ‘I don't care attitude’, acting like nothing was wrong.

I enjoyed touching Bilal. I enjoy his kisses. His every touch. It ignites something deep within me. A fiery desperate sensation. But I was only able to enjoy it because I wasn't fully thinking about us ‘consummating’. Because I didn't allow myself to think too far into it. Now that it was mentioned though, I was suddenly very scared. Neither my stepfather nor Elder Manze had been able to ruin me, but they did leave me with a scar. A scar that ran too deep.

“I have a lot I haven’t told you yet. A lot I need to tell you. Wish to tell you. But I am afraid my past may taint what we have going on,” I swallowed. “I am scared talking about those dark times will plunge me deeper into the cocoons I am desperately trying to escape. I am afraid of giving into the darkness once more, and so, I want to fight it. Are you okay waiting? Just for a while? Are you okay with giving me a little time before we… con… su… consummate the marriage?”

Bilal said nothing and simply stared at me. It was an intense gaze that felt like he was peeling back layer after layer of all the protective barriers I put around myself. After a while though, both he and Sameer made a sound in their throats before Bilal stood up and covered the space between us.

Then my head was lying on his legs, as he slowly began to massage my thighs. I jerked my body, but Bilal’s firm hands held me down. The sensation was burning on my thighs, and I was doing everything I could not to let out a scream.

“You’ll get used to riding him in no time. In the meantime, I will give you a massage every time you ride him until you get used to it,” he was talking about Sameer. “I am also here whenever you are ready to tell me everything. I do, however, want you to know that nothing about your past or present would ruin what we have. Will make me like you any less than I already do. I like you. I want you. And I would give everything, even if it meant watching the earth fold so I could keep you. Don’t you ever doubt what I feel for you, Nurayn,” he finished, and I felt tears well up in my eyes.

“I can wait however long you want me to wait to consummate the bond. I want you, and whatever it is you can offer me right now. I do hope that you will let me know why you aren't ready for it yet. At your own pace, of course. That being said, we are supposed to wait a few months before we consummate our marriage. The Effendi priest who helped me with the ritual told me that. It is why I am not relocating you back to the sultan’s keep. Because I’m not sure I’d be able to keep my hands to myself for that long every time we are close. So you will stay here, and I’ll go back and forth to the sultan’s keep back here,” he paused, sucked in a deep breath then continued, “it kills me to do that, but I have no idea if I’d be able to control myself without doing that.”

The relief that flooded through me was unlike any I had felt before. I also felt sad at his predicament, even though I knew I wasn't ready for such commitment yet. “How long are we supposed to wait?”

“Three months. Nothing less. Is that enough time for you?”

I nodded, feeling my shoulders sag. “Enough time to work through my s**t and talk to you about it. Thank you.”

“Anything for you,” he leaned down and kissed me softly. “I will go to any length for you, Nurayn. I would do anything for you, including waiting. No matter how long you choose to make me wait.”

And as though wanting to emphasize what Bilal had said, Sameer stepped closer and licked the side of my face with his large tongue.

‘Everything he said and even more,’ he murmured into my head, the sensation causing my head to spin for a moment.

“Move back before you suffocate her,” Bilal hissed.

‘Says the man thinking of the numerous ways to spread her legs and…’

“I am so going to punish you if you dare finish that sentence, Sameer!” Then he let out a frustrated groan. “This is where I cut off the bond between you two until the bond solidifies. I won’t have him airing my dirty laundry to you when I can’t hear yours yet.”

I laughed, wincing a bit as his fingers sank in between my legs, just a bit closer to where I needed his touch the most, and the part that hurts the most from riding Sameer. “If that will make you feel better, Gorko am,” I replied, closing my eyes.

But Bilal whistled, and I opened my eyes. He whistled two more times before he sighed deeply. “Assad is being stubborn,” he breathed as he lifted me into his arms and stood up.

“Assad?”

“My pet bird. He’s shy around people and has been hiding since we came into the garden.”

“He doesn’t want to meet me?”

“Don’t worry. I’ll ease him into it.”

“Hmn,” was all I said, wrapping my arms around his neck. I snuggled deeper into his chest, taking in a large gulp of his scent. I could forever live with it and never get tired of it. Ever!

But a sound so sudden caught my attention and I straightened up just a bit. It sounded like something was being whispered into my ears. The hair on my skin rose as I lifted my head up and whipped around, trying to find the source of the sound.

Yet, I found nothing.

“Everything okay?” Bilal asked, looking down at me, his brows pulled into a frown.

I blinked, as though coming out from a daze and shook my head. “No. I just thought I heard a sound.”

“A sound?” Bilal asked, looking around. “I didn’t hear anything.”

“Could’ve just been my ears playing a trick on me then,” I sighed, yet the prickling sensation never left.

‘Not to be the cause of unnecessary alarm, but I can’t help but feel like we’re being watched.’

‘Right?’ I asked Jay. ‘It’s not just you. I feel the same.’

But the prickling sensation of being watched vanished as Bilal stepped into the long hallway, one I wasn’t familiar with.

“Where are we going?”

“Our room.”

“Our room? I already have a room though.”

“I said ours. Not yours. Not mine. You’ll still have that room, but the master bedroom is ours.”

I smiled. I liked the sound of that.

Bilal stepped into the dimly lit room, and before my eyes could adjust to the lightning, he was stepping through another door and I felt myself dunked into a bath of steaming water.

Pain seared through my whole body. Causing a scream to rip from my throat.

Bilal’s strong hand held me down in the water as he expertly removed my clothes, baring my whole nakedness to him. I was past being shy, past thinking that I was naked before him in a bathtub while he still had his sirwal on. The pain was too intense, causing me to cry. The funny part, however, was that there were no tears.

“I am so sorry, Noorie,” Bilal whispered, kissing my eyes one after the other. “I promise you’ll feel much better after the bath.”

I looked down at my thighs through the water and shivered. My inner thighs were chafed and raw from the ride, and it stung so bad when the water soothed over the wound. He washed me carefully with a soft sponge, being careful with the chafed area. I still did the silly cry with no tears while Bilal kept whispering sweet nothings to my ears. Later on, he stripped off his sirwal and stepped into the bathtub behind me, washing himself.

I did my best to ignore the thing poking me from behind, because I was certain now wasn’t the right time for my crazy mind to go haywire. Only problem was that while I was trying to maintain some of my dignity, Jay was doing her best to make me embarrass myself.

‘Just lean back a bit and get a feel of it. It wouldn’t hurt to try. Stop being a chicken!’

‘Just stop it, Jay. Leave me to deal with this pain. Besides, why aren’t I healing?’

‘Duh! This is not like the normal wounds or injuries I heal. It is like you asking me to take away your monthly cramps or the pain you’d feel once Bilal shows you how a real man takes a woman and…’

Scowling, I quickly cut her off. ‘Okay, that is fine. Thank you so much for your insight.’

Bilal stepped out of the bathtub, and no matter how hard I tried not to look, my eyes ended up straining towards him. From his chest, down below, below, and…

Shit! I cussed, looking away.

‘Oh my!!! WHAT A GORGEOUS SPECIMEN!!! QUICK, TAKE ANOTHER LOOK, PLEASE, TIFFY!’

‘You either shut up or I will completely block you off for the night!’ I threatened, which instantly quieted her down.

I kept my eyes closed even as I felt Bilal pick me up. Even as he wrapped a soft cloth around me and when he dropped me onto the bed. But I did pry my eyes open just a bit when I felt the cloth being pulled away, leaving me fully naked as something cool pressed against my bruised inner thighs.

It was Bilal’s fingertips rubbing something cool against the bruises.

“Sameer’s saliva is like a salve, combined with my blood and karkar oil, it hastens the healing process.”

Shy, I tried to close my legs but Bilal’s firm hands stopped that from happening.

“Relax, I am not even looking. I simply want to help,” he whispered, his voice groggy as his breath fanned the area considering how close he was leaning down.

Once he was done, I watched as he sat up, smiled down at me before he picked up a large shirt which I was certain was his and put it on me. Then he pulled on another sirwal, hopped into the bed and pulled me into his chest, his hands tightening around me securely.

“Sleep, Nurayn. We will start training once you heal from the bruises.” He murmured, kissing the tip of my nose, before closing his eyes.

First night in bed with my husband!