My Lust Love

Chapter 6

"Ikaw hindi ka pa babalik sa loob?" Lalo akong nabigla when he initiated a topic.

I didn't glance at him. "Ikaw hindi ka pa babalik?" I had another chance to held the reverse card.

"Hindi ako makatulog." Sinabayan ng hangin ang lamig ng boses niya. I rubbed my wrist when I felt the wind getting colder.

"So?" Nakatingin pa rin ako sa kawalan pero kita ko sa gilid ng mga mata kong nakatingin siya sa akin.

"I also wanted to escape." Sadness was heard on his voice.

Napatingin ako sa kanya. He was now looking at the see. Was he opening up suddenly?

"From what?" I decided to set aside the irritation I felt with him being mean. Maybe this was my opportunity to get to know and understand him.

"M-my love." Yumuko siya. He covered his face with his palms for a moment, he then, looked up and sighed.

My chest felt heavy; parang naramdaman ko 'yong sakit sa boses niya. My eyes went teary. Ilang beses akong kumurap hanggang sa mapigilan ko ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko.

"Why?" Pinilit kong magsalita kahit ang sikip na ng dibdib ko. I suddenly remembered the so much love that I gave to Joma.

He stressfully stroked his hair "I needed to breathe... n-nakakasakal siya." I noticed his eyes getting teary. Tumingala lang siya.

I held his back at hinimas ito. "Hey it's okay to cry."

He bit his lower lips while still looking at the sky. He didn't talk, so I decided to stay quiet. Besides I didn't know what to say anymore.

He took a deep breath. Our eyes met and I could see the tears that he was trying to hold back. Lalong sumikip ang dibdib ko. I exactly knew what he feels. Uminit na ang mga mata kong nakatitig pa rin sa mapungay niyang mata.

Umiling siya. "R-Ruby hated it."

"Hated what?"

Mabilis niyang pinunasan ang pumatak na luha sa pisnge niya. "M-mahina raw ang mga lalakeng umiiyak." Tumingala ulit siya nang may pumatak ulit na luha sa pisnge niya.

"No..." I moved closer to him and caressed his back. "Hindi totoo 'yan. Men have feelings as well. It's okay to cry Alexis. Cry and endure the pain."

He looked at me; I could see na kaunti na lang at bubuhos na ang maraming luha sa mga mata niya. I bit my lower lips when my eyes felt hotter. I could feel what he feels.

I stiffed when he hugged me. Dinukmo niya 'yong mukha niya sa balikat ko and there I felt his warm tears.

Tuluyan ding bumigay ang mga mata ko. I free my eyes from crying. Hinayaan kong ilabas ng luha ko lahat ng bigat sa dibdib ko. I rested my face to his chest and hugged him back.

Ilang minuto kaming magkayakap lang hanggang sa unti-unti ng maubos ang luha ko.

We parted from our hug. Pinunasan ko 'yong natirang luha sa pisnge ko. I tried to laugh to avoid the awkward surroundings.

"Ano ba yan, pati ako naiyak." Kinusot ko 'yong mata ko before looking back at him.

He smiled. "Gaya-gaya ka eh."

Para akong nanalo sa lotto nang makita siyang nakangiti. "Oh my gosh, y-you smiled!" Hinampas ko siya sa dibdib.

Ang bilis din namang nagseryoso ng mukha niya but at least I saw his cute smile.

"So?" He raised his right brow.

Tinawa ko na lang 'yong natirang sikip sa dibdib ko. "Anong so? Ang dalang mo kayang ngumiti. Isa pa nga, ngiti ka ulit!"

"I don't smile without reasons."

I rolled my eyes. "Napakadamot mo talaga sa ngiti 'no? Sige na nga uuwi na 'ko."

Kumapit ako sa balikat niya at saka tumayo. Medyo namanhid pa 'yong binti ko sa tagal naming nakaupo.

Inalok ko 'yong kamay ko to help him stand. I didn't understand the spark I felt when he touched my hands. Binitawan ko agad ito nang makatayo siya.

"Sabay na 'ko sa 'yo," he said.

I nodded before walking. Naramdaman ko namang nakasabay siya sa gilid ko. I slightly smiled. Ayos din pa lang may karamay na umiyak minsan; kahit papaano gumaan ang pakiramdam ko.

We stopped in front of my room. Mauuna kasi 'yong kwarto ko at medyo malayo pa mula rito 'yong kanya.

Tinignan ko siya nang mapansing hindi pa rin siya umaalis sa tabi ko. "Sige na, bye na." I waved my hands goodbye.

"Sige." Tumango siya pero hindi pa rin umalis.

I just smiled. Napailing ako bago muling humarap sa pinto.

"Ah.. Karmina."

I looked back at him with 'what' look.

"S-sorry nga pala kanina."

Napangiti ako. I almost forgot it already, pinaalala niya pa.

"Wala 'yon." I chuckled. "It's okay. Nabigla lang ako sa sinabi mo."

"Sorry I didn't mean to offend you." Now his face looked guilty. Biglang umamo ang kanyang mukha niya and it was way better than him being cold.

"Okay nga lang." I grinned and slightly punched him on his chest. "Ayan ganyan ka na lang palagi. Soft aura, kaysa 'yong masyadong suplado hitsura mo. You looked intimidating." I laughed.

He freaking smile again! Lumambot nanaman 'yong puso ko nang makita siyang nakangiti. His teeth was nice naman. Why do he always had to hide it. Binawi niya nanaman agad 'yong ngiti niya.

"You don't act intimidated the first time we met though."

"Syempre niligtas mo 'ko sa mga manyakol. Bakit ako matatakot? I was just saying it for others na hindi ka kilala. They might get intimidated."

Umiling siya at nagkaroon nanaman ng tamlay sa mga mata niya. "Ruby trained me to be this way."

My brows crossed. "Seryoso ba?" Ruby must be a hella controller if that was the case.

He nodded. For real? Kaya naman pala ginusto ng space. Mukhang sakal talaga siya kay Ruby ah.

"Hindi niya 'ko gustong ngumiti sa ibang babae; kahit makipag-usap."

I couldn't hide the amusement from my face. "What the hell? Like seriously?"

He nodded. "Seriously."

Napailing ako at natawa na lang. What was Ruby up to? Hindi ko pa siya kilala pero parang feeling ko siya 'yong tipo ng babae na hindi ko makaka-close.

"Hay naku, well wala na si Ruby, so you better act the way you wanted to act. Wag mong ikulong 'yong sarili mo sa taong hindi ka naman deserve." I tapped his back. "Let's call it a night." I suddenly felt tired.

He nodded. "Good night."

I smiled. "Smile more," I said, before closing my door.

I sat on my bed and thought of everything that happened tonight. Napatawa na lang ako nang naalala ko 'yong payo ko kay Alexis 'wag mong ikulong ang sarili mo sa taong hindi ka naman deserve'

I tapped my shoulder. "Right Karmina, wag mo ng ikulong ang sarili mo kay Joma; you had enough."

"Ang sarap ng adobo nila in fairness," Wendy said bago pa sumubo ulit ng isang kutsarang kanin at ulam.

Wendy knocked on my door and invited me for breakfast. Who am I to declined anyway, so sumama na rin ako.

"Sabi sa inyo masarap dito sa Mang Juanyo." Ngiting-ngiti naman si Paulo dahil hindi siya binigo ng kainang ito.

Wendy and I wanted to eat a pizza pero pinilit ni Paulo na mag Mang Juanyo kami.

Tamang ngiti lang naman ako at tawa sa asaran ni Wendy at Paulo. While Alexis was just quietly eating beside me.

"Oo nga masarap unlike sa kinainan natin dati. The pork steak, matigas." I spoke when I was finally done eating.

We were done eating except for Wendy na pinapanuod pa rin namin hanggang ngayon. I didn't know why she ate slower than us, samantalang pare-pareho lang naman kaming maraming kanin.

Tumikhim bigla si Paulo at lahat kami napatingin sa kanya. Nagpalitan ng kakaibang ngiti sina Paulo at Wendy.

My brows furrowed. I could feel that what they were gonna say was about me and Alexis.

"Kayong dalawa umamin nga kayo sa amin." Paulo locked his look at Alexis. "Bro wala kang itatago sa 'kin diba?"

Alexis brows crossed. "May tinago ba 'ko?"

I controlled myself from bursting a laugh. Minsan natatawa na lang talaga ako sa mga sagutan ni Alexis.

Paulo grinned, he then raised his right brow. "Wala ba?"

I looked at Wendy with 'what was Paulo talking about' look. But Wendy just grinned and shrugged.

Nagkibit balikat si Alexis. "Ewan ko, meron ba?"

Paulo bursted a laughter. "Padeny-deny pa. Nakita namin kayo kagabi. Sa dalampasigan; magkayakap." He looked at me meaningfully.

I managed to laugh and act like it was not a big deal. "We were just talking. Baka naman hindi kami 'yong nakita ninyong magkayakap, besides madilim na niyon."

Umiling lang si Wendy habang nagpipigil ng tawa. Halatang-halata naman sa mukha ni Paulo that he was not convinced by what I said.

"Naka-pink kang pajamas diba?" Paulo asked.

I looked at Alexis na nakatingin pa rin kay Paulo.

I nodded. "So?"

Nilipat niya ang tingin niya kay Alexis. "Naka-gray kang t-shirt?"

"Oo na, kami nga 'yon. We hugged pero walang malisya 'yon. Friends do hug."

My eyes danced with amusement. Did he just considered me a friend? The thought of it made me happy. Akala ko forever cold na lang siya sa 'kin. I treasured another friend from the island; I was so glad.

"Kailan ka pa natutong yumakap ng ibang babae Alexis?" Paulo sipped on his juice. "Kahit nga makipag-usap, hindi mo magawa noon." Umiling si Paulo with amusement on his eyes.

"That was in Manila, nasa Island tayo. Sinong gusto mong kausapin ko? Kayong dalawa lang?"

Lalong ngumisi si Paulo. "Pwede naman bro."

Hinampas siya ni Wendy sa balikat. "Love," sita niya rito.

Alexis' laughed. He freaking laugh! "Hindi ka naman si Ruby."

Nawala 'yong tuwa ko sa pagtawa niya when he mentioned Ruby. I didn't understand what he was trying to say pero mukhang nagkaintindihan sila ni Paulo.

"Edi kapag si Ruby 'yong nagsabi, susundin mo?" Paulo again, sipped on his lemon juice.

Umiwas ng tingin si Alexis. "Wag na lang natin siyang pag-usapan."

Paulo nodded. "Sige sabi mo eh."

Aba ang dali naman pa lang kausap ni Paulo. Akala ko siya 'yong tipong nangungulit 'pag dating sa tropa

"Pag-usapan na lang natin 'yong inyo ni Karmina." Wendy giggled.

Pinanlisikan ko siya ng mata. Tapos na nga 'yong usapan about sa 'min tapos io-open niya nanaman.

"Magkaibigan nga lang kami," mariing sambit ni Alexis.

"Oo nga." Pinigilan ko 'yong tawa ko. I didn't know why I found him funny kapag nanggigigil siya o naiinis.

"Kami rin ni Wendy." Paulo wrapped his arm on Wendy's shoulder. "Magkaibigan lang dati." He smirked.

Wendy held Paulo's hand. "Oo nga." Wendy again, giggled.

"So?" Alexis' face was still emotionless. Kaunti na lang talaga matatawa na 'ko sa pagkaseryoso niya.

"Wala lang. Share lang namin." Paulo kissed Wendy on her cheeks. Umiwas agad ako ng tingin. They were being cheesy once again.

"Ah okay." Walang emosyong sambit ni Alexis.

I couldn't help it anymore. I pushed Alexis and bursted a laugh. "Can you stop being so serious? Nakakatawa ka talaga."

Wendy and Paulo laughed as well while Alexis' brows was crossed. He looked at Paulo and Wendy, he then brought back his stares at me. "Anong nakakatawa?"

Umiling ako habang kinakalma na ang sarili. "Iyong emosyon kasi ng mukha mo, hindi bagay sa mood ng paligid. Ang saya naming tatlo tapos ikaw napakaseryoso. Come on." I slightly pushed him. "Stop being k.j man."

"Someone just spilled a tea." Luckily, Paulo supported what I said. "Alam mo bro, halika nga rito." Tumayo si Paulo at lumapit kay Alexis. He tapped Alexis' shoulder. "Mag-usap nga tayo."

Alexis puffed a breath with his bored face, he then stood up.

"Love iwan muna namin kayo ha."

Wendy smiled and nodded.

I watched the guys walked away from us. Binalik ko na ang tingin kay Wendy nang makalayo na 'yong dalawang lalake. I was just amused with how they acted. Talagang may pa-boy's talk pa ha. Sus if I knew mag-gi-girl hunting lang sila. Style nila bulok.

Wendy invited me to their room so that we could also have a girl's talk. I was also amazed with what their room looked lika. Parehong-pareho ng kay Alexis ang kwarto nila. Siguro sobrang yaman ng magkakaibigang 'to.

"Coffee." She handed me a cup of coffee. The room was surrounded by a caramel scent. Ayos ah. They also had their own coffee maker.

"Thank you." Tinanggap ko 'yong tasa at hinipan ang umuusok pang kape.

"So ayon na nga." Umupo siya sa tabi ko. Even their bed was way softer than mine. "Kahit sa akin lang, share mo naman kung anong namamagitan sa inyo ni Alexis."

I laughed sardonically. Nilapag ko 'yong cup of coffee sa side table niyang malapit sa akin.

"Wala nga, promise. Magkaibigan lang kami." I couldn't stop smiling at that thought. He really considered me a friend and I was really glad.

She looked like she was still not convince. "Hmm... Sige na nga. Hindi na kita kukulitin. Masaya lang ako na kahit papaano hindi na malungkot 'yang mga mata mo."

Napaiwas ako ng tingin. I was starting to get conscious looking at her. She was like an observant na kayang-kaya basahin ang nararamdaman ko.

"Thank you. I told you." I smirked. "Sasaya rin 'to." I felt better actually; better but not completely. Still there was a progress.

"Syempre naman. Specially ngayon." Mahina niya akong siniko. "May nagpapangiti sa 'yo." She grinned playfully.

My brows crossed. "What are you talking about?" My voice sounded defensive.

I knew she was referring to Alexis, but really it was nothing to me.

"Sino bang nagpapangiti sa 'yo?" There was a suspicion in her smile.

"Malamang kayo." I laughed. " Wala naman akong ibang kilala rito kundi kayo lang." Like seriously, I was really thankful to meet them. Kahit papaano hindi ko na gaanong naiisip si Joma.

"Ah sige." She tapped my shoulder. "Sabi mo eh." She then, smirked.

Marami na kaming napag-usapan ni Wendy. We rested our back on the headboard of their cloud like bed.

I discovered that she and Paulo met each other on a dating app then on a birthday party and that sounded really fascinating for me. Um-attend lang siya ng party, nagka-love life na siya? I mean wow.

Napag-usapan din namin si Alexis and Ruby. Now I kind of understand why Alexis was so cold. Palagi pala siyang pinagbabawalan ni Ruby na makipag-usap sa kahit na sino; minsan kahit sa mismong mga kaibigan pa nito. Kaya pala hindi rin kasundo ni Paulo si Ruby; masyado siyang mataas.

"Wendy sa tingin mo bakit nagloloko ang isang lalake?" It went to the point na lalake na ang naging topic namin.

Her lips slightly parted. She shrugged. "Hindi ko rin alam eh. Siguro may mga tao kasi talagang hindi marunong makuntento. And take note, hindi lang lalake ang nagloloko."

It took me a moment to realized what she said. Oo nga naman. I almost forgot na may mga manloloko ring mga babae. Sana karmahin na lang si Joma para maramdaman niya rin 'yong sakit na naramdaman ko.

"Oo nga 'no. Pero bakit kaya hindi sila makontento? Kulang ba 'yong binigay ng partner nila kaya they decided to cheat?"

Hindi ko pa kayang fully i-open kay Wendy na naloko ako. My question was entirely for myself. Madalas kong isipin kung saan ako nagkulang. Pakiramdam ko lahat naman bingay ko. Lahat ng pagmamahal binuhos ko na halos wala na ngang natira sa 'kin.

Umiling si Wendy. "I don't think so. Baka 'yong mga nag-che-cheat sila 'yong may kulang." She tooked a deep breath. Ayokong sisihin 'yong mga naloko kasi pakiramdam ko worth it naman sila. Walang mali sa kanila, it's just that... natapat sila sa manloloko." She bitterly smiled.

Ngumiti na lang din ako. I didn't feel worth it at all. Pakiramdam ko nawala ko 'yong kalahati ng sarili ko and I badly wanted it back.

"Worth it sila," I whispered. Right, worth it ako. Kailangan kong itatak sa utak ko na worth it ako at kawalan ako ni Joma. I should stop questioning my f*****g self.

"Oo nga pala Karmina may sasabihin ako sa iyo. Hindi ko alam kung interesado ka bang malaman pero sa tingin ko dapat mo itong malaman." I heard the hesitation on her voice. Her hands was moving on her legs; para siyang biglang nag-alangan.

My brows crossed in confusion. "What is it?"