That Four Letter Word

A is for Attitude (part 1)

"OH you definitely are the 'Anxiety Energy' of the group, Maeve," Jo laughed out looking at this picture of group dynamics. "I think Connor is 'Too Much Energy' for sure or 'Dumb Energy'."

"No way Connor is dumb. He's in accounting remember?" I said looking at Jo and Trish who were sprawled on my bed. We decided a girl's night was in order while waiting on Abigail and even Lyric to come over.

"Aw f**k, I forgot he's kinda nerdy. I think Abigail is 'Emotional Energy'," we all nodded at that with a laugh. "Oh Trish is 'Comfort Energy'. You give safe mom vibes." I agreed pulling out sweatpants and a matching pullover to change into. "Oh Lewis would be 'Weird Energy'" Trish loudly agreed to that. "Oakley is definitely 'Angry Energy' because he was always swinging on people. If Oakley Kent had a theme song it would be 'Knuck if you Buck'." I felt myself laughing hard enough to fall on the bed.

"Well you've got Lyric. She gives 'Calm Energy' and Tucker gives off 'No Energy'. He seems like a stressed out dad," I stated seeing Jo's cheeks glow at the mention of Innocent's Lost very own vocalist. "That means we only need someone with 'Dumb Energy' and 'Quiet Energy'."

"Honestly I think we are good on quiet and dumb. We are all loud in our own way and no one is dumb." Trish said putting her feet on my headboard while looking upside down at me.

"Agreed. God I miss when things were simple though. High school was so long ago and things seemed so easy back then," Jo spaced off with a smile on her face. I miss all the football games, and going out after school and even going to Oakley's to mooch off his rich parents." I envied Jo's outlook of her past years. High school was full of confusion, drama, and well things I never wanted to think about. I was growing into my awkward body with boys only noticing me for having thicker thighs and my chest finally growing a little. I also was considered the quiet goth girl that intrigued people. They always wanted to see if I would say 'Rawr' or bark at them. I wasn't like that all, but even so the kids that were were some of the nicest kids on that campus. "I still can't believe Oakley was your first kiss." The teasing in her voice was apparent. I heard a gasp from three voices. I turned seeing Abby and Lyric in the doorway before they screamed "NO WAY!" Trish never heard this before which was crazy from how long we've been friends.

"It's no big deal..."

"It is seeing as how badly he wants you hopping on his d**k like a horny rabbit." I looked at Abigail in shock. She wasn't a super dirty talker, but she seemed adamant on gossiping about the tension between a certain Kent and I.

"He does not."

"DOES TO!" Multiple girls say in unison. "Look he's been obsessed with you for as long as I've played bass with him," Lyric admitted causing me to groan facedown into my bed.

"She is in denial," Trish stated getting a 'yup' from Jo. I rolled my eyes before peeking out.

"Y'all wanna hear something wild..." I mumbled before all four girls were in my face in a matter of seconds. I backed off getting nervous now. "Uh well.. I accidentally butt dialed him while I was touching myself." They all screamed asking for more details. "I mean like I was f*****g a dildo and next thing I know Oakley f*****g Kent is controlling my every move on the phone. I don't even know why I let him," I covered my face in embarrassment.

"Cuz you wanna f**k him, duh?" Jo stated matter-of-factly. She always has to be right and I can't even deny the truth this time. I'm usually the one never talking about any s****l encounters I have, but here I am wanting to spill everything to the room full of girls I hold dear to me.

"Nuh-uh, that's not it Jo. It's more than that. I bet they are both in denial about being in love with one another." Lyric stated eyeing my reaction.

"Ooooh that explains a lot," Abigail chimed in.

"Why did I invite y'all over?" I deadpanned standing up heading to the front for wine and movie time with the girls.

***

The Asshole

You busy?

I looked down at the message that was sent this morning. It was around noon while I was at work stocking shelves. It was super slow at the store, but I didn't want to distract myself with anything that had to deal with a dark morally grey man like Oakley. The store looked perfect, but I was trying to do anything to keep my mind off what Lyric had stated the other night. Did I have deep feelings for Oakley? I mean he did so many things for me that I would never expect anyone else to be able to do. He was supportive in his own way and there when I needed someone. I bit my lip looking at the phone again.

"f**k it." I pressed the little phone under the name and waited for it to ring.

"I'm guessing you were busy." I smiled at the playful tone in his voice. He was so different now. In the past, he would answer 'What the f**k do you want?' or 'f**k off'.

"I'm at work," I whispered lowly even though the store was empty. He hummed in response waiting for me to continue. "Wanna come over for drinks and take out?" I found myself asking. I needed to talk a bit more with him about things.

"Hm, sure. I'll bring my spennanight bag," he joked and I laughed softly. "Kidding, but I'll be there. Send me the address and I'll see you around... six-ish?"

"Sounds good, Kent."

"It's a date." He hung up and I stared at the phone blushing. Date? What happened to just friend?

I closed up and headed home with the wine and bag of takeout to see Oakley on a bike this time rather than his car. He slipped his helmet off waving and I felt my thighs clenching at the sight. I hopped out showing the bags and he helped carry them inside. I unpacked and he got out of his riding gear before heading to the kitchen to wash his hands and help. After everything was situated we brought our food and glasses to porch and sat enjoying the silence.

"Why'd you invite me over Caro?" He was always so straightforward, but for once I was happy.

"We should talk..." I took another bite of my beef bulgogi and getting some liquid courage. "Back then we were really confusing. I could never tell what we were to one another..." He hummed in agreement. "But what I want to talk about is... what do you want now? To be friends or hookup or... more?" The last word came out quieter than the others. I heard his fork clatter against his place softly.

"Honestly Maeve, I have no clue," I looked over to see him looking down at his plate. "We were always... confusing as you put it. I just couldn't help kiss you the other night. The phone call... seeing you at the bar... I am obviously attracted to you."

He was staring at me now as I held my glass by my lips. I took a slow sip feeling some spill down my neck which his eyes followed. I grabbed a napkin wiping it up feeling myself heat from embarrassment or the alcohol.

"Well the feeling is mutual." I stated which seemed to shock him. "Don't seem so shocked. You're hot." He started laughing which was a sound I could really get used to. "Stop laughing. I'm just saying you're hot. I've seen you naked before remember?" His eyebrow raised.

"I look a whole lot different now, Caro. But I've gotten a close look on how your body has matured." This conversation was not going where I was planning for it to go but now I was placing my glass down and walking over to him. Why? I had no clue, but I had this strange confidence thinking about what all the girls had said a few days ago. He wanted me. He's attracted to me. Why not see where we go with it? It's not like back in high school. I'm not some insecure little girl anymore. I'm a confident woman who knows what she wants, and what I want is to have Oakley deep inside my p***y making me forget about any and all responsibilities for a couple hours. He placed his plate on the table beside him while I raised my hands to the back of my dress unzipping it.

"Have you now?" I softly said feeling my heart rate speeding up as the fabric pooled to my feet. I think he was more shocked that I wasn't wearing anything underneath the dress more than me being so bold.

"Now I have." His hand reached out grabbing my thigh pulling me forward. Here I was naked in front of this man out in the backyard where my neighbors could see, but all he could think about is having those pretty n*****s against his tongue. And he did just that.

My hands tangled into his hair as my back arched. He hooked his arm behind my leg pulling me onto his lap without getting tangled in the fabric at my feet. "Oak..." I breathed out his name roughly in urgency. He grinned into my skin before slowly applying pressure with his teeth which caused a gasp to escape. His other hand gripped my waist pushing me down into his lap which showed his urgency just as much as mine. His lip kissed, sucked and left marks on my chest trailing until he had the other between his lips.

"f**k your body is just so f*****g beautiful, Mae," He whispered against my flushed skin. My fingers gripped his hair until his head was tilted up toward mine. Our lips connected and we both let out a groan from the tension we both were finally able to release on. He stood up making sure my legs were secure before going back into the house. He made his way into the bedroom where he laid me down enjoying the view as he removed his clothes as well. He was right. He looked a whole lot different. He was art. His body was definitely more mature and the tattoos covering his body made me envious. His hand reached out grabbing my thigh and moving me until my head hung off the side of the bed. I had a feeling of what was about to happen and couldn't stop the grin on my face when I saw his c**k. It was average length but the thickness had me question how that ever was in me in the past. He was rocking a piercing on the underneath right under the head. He noticed my reaction before stroking it at my eye level. "It's a frenum piercing. You'll love it." He pressed the tip against my lips which I couldn't help stick my tongue out to taste. "Good girl, Maeve."

He slowly inched his pierced c**k into my throat. My eyes watered and my lips felt stretched to the max. He pulled out leaving drool spilling down my cheeks. He groaned at the image before shoving it right back in. "f**k Maeve, you're such a dirty little slut taking my c**k like that. I never imagine you'd ever be so willing to strip for me, and now you're practically begging for me to f**k this throat like a cheap whore." His degrading words I thought would hurt, but they only caused me to moan against his shaft that continued bruising my throat. "Such a filthy slut you are, Caro." His hand reach down squeezing my throat in surprise causing me to gag. "Yeah that's it. Choke on it. f*****g choke on it til you can't breathe." My legs clamped together in need of some pressure or release. My hands reached his hips gripping as I tried to take all of him like he wanted me to be. "Good f*****g girl. Look at you clamping those thighs. You want me there don't you? You want to c*m on my c**k just like you begged on the phone? What was it you said? You-" thrust "Need" thrust "It?" He groaned feeling my throat tightening up as I struggled to keep him in. He pulled out seeing drool bubble and spill past my lips leaving a mess. He grabbed the back of my neck lifting me up until I was laying on the bed correctly. My breathing was erratic in the best possible way.

Oakley was nowhere near done with me.

***

March 2013

"I'm doing champagne." Jo said pulling a pretty dress out. I hummed at the decision. It would look amazing on her. Lewis, Connor, and Oak followed behind with a bored expression. "Mae Mae, I think pink would look good on you." I heard a snicker and a snort glaring at the two culprits. Oak looked disinterested, but his gaze went toward the black dresses.

"I'm thinking black, Jo." I could see her cringe.

"I mean... like goth black or like Angelina Jolie in a black gown?" She tried to weigh my options. I just shrugged before walking to the section. A lot were giving funeral vibes which I didn't wanna seem too... conservative for once. I noticed Oakley walking down the aisle next to me in boredom. Ours eye met and I blushed trying to focus on anything other than sharing my first kiss with him. It had been hard trying to not think about it every day since. He wasn't as dickish with me as he usually was and I kept finding myself looking at his lips. He caught me staring a couple times giving me a weird look and I just would say he had something on his face or that his ugliness was distracting which he would pull my hood down teasing me back.

"Stop letting Jo dress you all the time. Those girly colors don't suit you." I glared up at him seeing him lean on the rack I was currently sorting through.

"I don't let her. She has better taste than me is all," I said mostly trying to convince myself. She did pick out cute things, but if they were in black or maybe earth tones I'd prefer that. My hands grabbed a tight fit gown with a slit and thing spaghetti straps. I found my size grabbing it before continuing.

"I dunno about that..." Oakley pressed on as I found a laced corset style with a slit as well. I think I like slits in the skirt because I've alway liked my legs. I grabbed that as well before taking the two to the fitting room. He followed taking a seat on the chair opposite of the room I was in.

The first looked great, but it didn't fit my chest right. The cut was too straight and wasn't flattering at all. I sighed taking it off going into the second. It was amazing, but I struggled zipping it all the way. I peeked out seeing Oakley playing Candy Crush. "Can you zip me?" I whispered and saw him nod. He popped in and zipped me up before I turned and walked past into a three way mirror. I smoothed it out looking smiling at the option. I looked over at Oakley who just stared. "Oak? Oakley...?"

"HOLY s**t YES!" I turned to see Jo smiling at my choice. "I was questioning black, but that is SO you, Maeve," I felt warm at her compliment before seeing Connor whistling and Lewis nodding making a comment about me being his date instead.

"Sorry boys, I'm flying to prom solo this year," I stated confidently before looking in the mirror again. I looked back to Oak seeing him take a seat back at his spot. His cheeks were a notable red but I walked over for him to unzip which he did before going in to change. I called my mom telling her the dress was on hold for her to come pick up after work. We made our way to the mall food court enjoying milkshakes from Chick-fil-a.

"That dress is perfect for you, Maeve," I turned to Oakley as he stared at his phone. I smiled softly bumping my knee against his. He's been a lot nicer lately... it was weird. "Thanks..." I replied softly.

***

Prom 2013

The music was loud and decorations way better than Homecoming. Now I knew why everyone said 'wait until prom'. The music was actually good without the corny DJ at the other dances. There was a nice display of food and everything seemed so elegant. We all came as a group other than Oakley who said he'd show up whenever. Currently we were at our table chatting waiting for more people to show up. I noticed a figure walk in and saw Ji-Ho with Olivia wrapped on his arm wearing Pepto-bismal pink. I'm so glad I didn't choose pink. I got compliments from many and it felt nice feeling so pretty for once.

"You're Mae Caro, right?" I turned seeing a guy I usually see hanging around Lewis all the time. He was taller and his hair braided back in a clean style. He wore a classic tux but in all white. It was quite opposite of my dark attire.

"Maeve," I corrected taking his hand awkwardly. He nodded smiling before taking a deep breath. "Did you need something...?" I asked hoping to get his name.

"Oh shit... my bad. I'm Marcel. I'm in the same grade as you, but you're in all those AP classes. I was actually talking to Lewis about you. He's always boasting about yall's little group, but he says how cool you are. Saving animals during the oil spill and volunteering at shelters." My cheeks warmed at this discovery of Lewis being so fond. He was always a jokester, but knowing how much he cared was always nice. Marcel had a really nice smile. It was warm and I couldn't help return it.

"OAKLEEEY!" I heard Connor's voice over the loud music and looked to see Oakley come in dressed in an all black tux with his hair slicked back. He widened his arms spinning in a circle as Lewis and Connor pretended to bow down to him.

"Now that's one guy I don't get how he fits in with you guys," Marcel stated a bit of confusion and dislike displayed on his pretty face. I opened my mouth to defend, but realized he was kind of right.

"Oaks not all bad," I said, but Marcel didn't seem to catch it while the group of boys approached. Lewis kissed the top of my head while Connor wrapped an arm around Marcel. Oakley stood off to the side looking around observing the place.

"Hittin on our beautiful Mae Mae now, Marcel?" Connor teased seeing how Marcel laughed nervously. Oakley's calm face turned stone cold looking over Marcel which only made him more nervous.

"Connor I may or may not have been planning to hook them up for the night..." Lewis let the truth out wiggling next to me causing me to flush.

"Uh... excuse me," I mumbled escaping the boys looking toward a hallway for a second. Oh god. I should've known. Lewis is always pushy with setting up dates. I leaned against the wall groaning as I pulled my phone out.

"You good Maeve?" I looked up to see Oakley. Great. Another boy. I groaned and looked him up and down. He looked... really good. My eyes met his which held amusement before zooming into his lips. f**k. NO. I shook my head and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Yes, but I'm here to be single for prom so if you could tell Lewis to chill that would be great." He only gave me an eye roll and stepped back. "What? What's with the attitude, Kent? I thought we were friends..." He started chewing on the skin of his lip nervously.

"We are friends, Caro. Guys like Marcel are the good guys though. Tonight your single, but maybe consider something with him in the future." I was surprised by his advice. He wasn't like that, but I felt a bit disappointed saying Marcel was a good guy. So what was Oakley?

I moved from the spot on the wall heading back toward the group. "Marcel? Would you wanna go dance?" I asked pointing my thumb to the dance floor. I noticed Jo's eyes widen and grinning like a mad woman.

"I'd love that, Maeve," he offered his arm and I gladly took it walking past Oakley who gave me a nod. I honestly thought I would feel a bit more on edge near guys I didn't know, but Marcel was so warm and I felt good for once. We ended the night and I surprised the both of us when I gave him a peck on the cheek and my phone number to plan a date in the future. I walked down toward the parking lot with the group and saw Oakley walking toward a car. I followed for some reason and wrapped my arms around his neck from behind.

"THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU" I kept squeezing hearing a laugh before letting go. "Can I possibly ride with you? They are all gonna end up making out in the limo." He nodded opening the door to this cute black Sedan. "You got a new car. Cool cool."

"It's a birthday gift," Oakley said starting the car. I got quiet realizing the date and my eyes widened.

"Oh my god Happy f*****g Birthday! I feel so stupid," I said smacking my head with my palm. He laughed lowly again and looked over at me before reversing.

"It's okay Mae. Prom was a big deal and I had fun for once," his voice didn't match his words and I felt like maybe we needed to make this day last a bit longer.

"Go to the beach."

"Huh? It's late. I'm dropping you off at home."

"Go. To. The. Beach. Kent." I glared at him and he scoffed changing directions toward the destination I demanded.

He pulled into a spot watching me unbuckle my heels and stepping out the car. He groaned getting out as well taking his shoes and socks off. "What are we doing here Maeve?" I smiled back at him and turned Pandora on finding some music to dance to.

"You my glorious gloomy birthday boy are going to dance with me. Since you didn't get a chance to earlier because you are too cool to dance," I rolled my eyes at the image of him looking disgusted at dancing between the groups of kids we went to school with. "There is no one around. Just us." A Bruno Mars song softly played from my speaker and I grabbed his hand pulling him into the sand. He didn't say anything to object. It felt weird being shorter than him now after wearing heels that had me at eye level most of the night. His hand found my back and the other my hand as we swayed to the song. I was honestly impressed that he was doing well, but remembered all the small balls his family hosted for Mardi Gras. "This is nice." I sighed contented as he pulled me closer. "Happy Birthday, Oakley."

"Mhmm, thanks Maeve," he whispered into my hair feeling things he never thought he'd ever feel.