Say I love you

16

Stepping out of my bathroom, steam still floating in the air, my towel carefully wrapped around my chest, I discover Anna and Stacy lying on my bed. The clacking of keyboard keys echoes through the room as they fight over the last potato chip sitting in a pile of empty bags. Their crystalline laughter echoes in my ears, but my face remains frozen, unable to form even a smile.My eyes rest on them, their childlike expressions contrasting with the weight on my shoulders. The memory of what happened with Jordan in the car obsesses me, torments me, haunts me. I feel the burden of guilt growing heavier with every passing second.I know I should keep this secret to myself, bury this uncomfortable truth deep inside. But the pressure is becoming unbearable, suffocating. I feel like I'm going to implode if I don't release this crushing weight.So, with a trembling voice, I let the bomb out to my friends. The words escape my mouth, revealing the truth I've been trying so hard to hide. I confess to them that I let Bradley kiss me, the man I used to call every name imaginable. Big jerk, arrogant, pretentious, boring, rude... The list is long, endless. And yet, despite it all, I succumbed to his advances.Silence fell over the room, broken only by the distant sound of keyboard keys. Surprised looks of understanding and compassion fall on me. I feel naked, vulnerable, exposed. But still I continue to free myself, letting the words escape my mouth with speed: "I let Bradley kiss me, and I kissed back. I invited him into my room after I came out of his. We kissed again, and he saw me almost completely undressed... And worst of all, I let him slip his hand into my panties, if you know what I mean."Anna leapt from the bed like a feline on the hunt, assailing me with questions with disconcerting intensity. Meanwhile, Stacy, eyes wide with disbelief, holds back her gesture, one last piece of potato chip dangling near her parted lips, frozen in a moment of captivating stupor.- For f**k's sake, tell me EVERYTHING," she exclaimed, jumping out of bed in turn. I'm already regretting telling them, because I know they're not going to leave me alone for most of the year with this story.- What do you mean, he fingered you?Perverse as Anna is, I knew it was the only word she'd be interested in. I regained some of my good humor at their interest and smiled excitedly: - This i***t pretended he wanted to help me win Jordan's heart, and don't look at me like that, I'm not stupid. I asked him why he wanted to help me and what he stood to gain in return... Guess what he replied? "You seem to be a good distraction."- Yes! So what happened? He gave you the "I hope you're good in bed" line or something? Because he claimed Jordan liked experienced girls?"I could have sworn she'd been there when it all happened if Bradley hadn't locked the door when we entered his house: "Sort of," I replied, surprised by her knowledge of the details of this rocky story. He had based his Machiavellian plan on a simple kiss, wanting to test my limits, to find out what I was worth. But the whole thing turned into a nightmare when my mother, supposed to return two weeks later from her trip, made a surprise appearance outside my room. Luckily, I'd had the presence of mind to lock the door, but panic had taken hold of me.I begged Bradley to hide under my bed to avoid confronting my mother, but the traitor took the opportunity to blackmail me, threatening to reveal our little secret.The girls burst out laughing, their eyes sparkling with amusement, but I felt trapped, torn between fear and anger. I wanted to smile, to have fun like them, but the image of Jordan, his face distorted by anger, haunted me. His black gaze froze my blood, depriving me of all comfort.- Anyway, because of him, I don't think I stand a chance of going out with Jordan anymore.