A Meth Induced Tribulation

Chapter Four

4 JUDGEMENT BEGINS

This is like a nightmare every day. It was just a dream. I couldn’t be that lucky. I have asked to see my children and it has taken so long for me to even sustain a place to see them. it as if someone or something has been holding me back from my own life. I feel I have been drugged. I feel like I am being watched sometimes. even simple task have become hard some days. I know I am not crazy. I have somehow opened my mind’s eye or something has opened it. I need to shut it BECAUSE it is making me mad (crazy). I threw out my tarot cards and the crystals I got from kent. i have been praying and reading the bible more so i can get closer to God to see if he might be able to help me. no one else can it SEEMS. they are too judgmental and scared. so am i, though. I wish everything was normal.

haiku #2

such a twisted life this is. dark in every corner…..

you almost suffocate in it. its like a weight on your chest or a monkey on your back. bent and broken and all out of sorts!

satirical journal entry #2

what a grim reality we face. I mean take a second and really look around.

It's pitiful this life

this world we all have grown so destructive gnashing away at each other's backs like it was a born instinct.

We are taught to love for what?

Love is so hazardous to our health.

It poisons our way of looking at life rationally. It is just a nice way to call someone a crazy, psychotic weirdo.

It should not exist.

things would move along quite smoother in its absence.

Love is a death sentence or in life it is a padded cell.

No human should be exposed to its deceptive nature.

Teach indifference, not love!

poem # 1

Jamie stood in silence staring listlessly at the calm bayou below. the water was almost glowing green as it carried leaf after leaf miles from their trees of origin.

haiku #4

Sterile hands hold my heart

numbing it through and through

at moments i can not

monologue # 1 04-27-13

i have a lot to say but I never get to say it. the words flutter in my mind and yet as mouth begins to open they fall dead and fall short and tumble down into my soul. pressure causes this “emotional pressure”. it is almost as if every muscle i have locks up and pulls each syllable down one by one. weigh the pros and cons everyone says. well that is easier said than done. at times he lights up my world yet at time he darkens my soul. the ultimate damage comes apathy is present. it devastates my existence almost annihilates on my decisions. should i stand by his even when he bails on me or should i extricate myself from all this TORTURE?

Self-analysis # 2

I can honestly say I am so sad in the way I allow myself to be talked to and treated.

chapter conclusion

Ms. Self-destruct

I live in a glass house and i throw rocks, very large ones! boulders deadly earth shattering boulders that would make a hadron collider look like AN m-16 during the fourth of July.