make the world go round

dear me

Dear future me.I once thought it was impossible to feel alone, I mean how could i? I was surrounded by people.. I have the perfect life or at least that's what other people see. Or maybe that's just what I want them to see. Because it's easier that way. Easier than admitting you have a problem and telling the truth and being judged and ridiculed and made to feel isolated and self secluded. Made me feel like I'm not normal.. Whatever normal is.

The truth is, I'm at a point in my life where I'm tired of pretending, I'm tired of feeling alone, I'm tired of being tired.. I’m tired of living.. And I know what some people will be thinking. “ she's faking it! She's just looking for attention, which gives her the right to feel depressed” but that's the funny thing about depression. It dosent give a f**k who you are and it dosent give a f**k what i think or what you think. It's a living nightmare, a virus that infects the mind killing any bit of hope in its path… but it's no one's fault though. Sometimes we just get so caught up in everything around us that we forget what’s right there in front of us.

Some people say that depression and self harm is just a cry for help. But that is so far from the truth, the only cry for help is if you believe that there is help to cry for. The thing about today is that no matter what happens the sun will always rise and there will be a tomorrow. Pain and hurt are only temporary but the decisions we make are final. There are no do-overs, no take backs, no second chances. What's done is done. And it is our family and friends who have to live with those decisions. They are the ones who we affect the most. And even if you can't smile right now, or even if you're too tired to get out of bed. Just know that there is always something to look forward to. And despite everything that has happened, my life or anyone's life is never/ not a sad story. And if you don't see it right now, someone is always watching, listening and caring. So don't ever give up! And when you're at your lowest and you feel like you can't go on, just remember you're never alone.