Missing You

Chapter Twenty-Three: Is Anyone There?

After they cleaned up their items, they headed back down. About thirty feet from the bottom, Nina was repelling when she felt the rope snap and then she was free falling. As people gasped and she heard Zeke yell, “Nina!” She reached her hands out for anything, feeling her hands get scrapped on the rock. Eventually, her hands curled around a ledge, and she held on for dear life. Once she stopped falling, she took a few deep breaths and closed her eyes to center herself and held on tight to the ledge as she fought to get her swinging body under control.

Then slowly, they all watched as she climbed the rest of the way down without assistance from a rope. When she reached the bottom, they all went over to her to make sure she was okay. Nodding, Zeke hugged her tightly and then went to take a look at her hands. She had scratched them pretty good and had even broken several of her nails. Going back to his truck, he cleaned the scratches on her hands, put some ointment on and then wrapped them. After he wrapped them, he looked at Nina, “Are you trying to kill yourself?”

Nina looked at him, “Hey, that rope snapped! Do you honestly think I wanted that to happen?”

“Didn’t you? I mean, what the f**k are you doing, Alpha? You have managed to go bungee jumping, swim with sharks,” counting on his fingers with both his hands, “hand gliding, sky diving that was one step away from death, and now this. I would say that you have a f*****g death wish going on in that head of yours.”

Nina looked at him, “And so what if I am? Don’t you and the rest of the Pack every time you guys go on a mission?” seeing him back down. She continued, “Why couldn’t you all just go to a regular college and become businessmen? Huh? But no. You all decided to go to West Point and then onto Ranger School. If you all had just done something normal, I wouldn’t have to worry about you or them going on a mission and never returning. I wouldn’t have had to worry about Tiny and now look, he is gone too. But that is not what he or you or they chose.” He lowered his head, “Ain’t that easy, is it? So don’t you f*****g dare stand there and lecture me about having a death wish, Warrior,” and moved away from him and got in the cab of his truck.

He packed up his first-aid kit and told his group goodbye. He then got in the truck and started the engine. Silently, he drove them back to his apartment. When they got there, he parked and quietly said, “I’m sorry that you are hurting. I’m sorry that there is nothing that me or our brothers can do or say to help you. I wish I could take your pain away.”

She unbuckled and opened the door. As she moved to get out, she said over her shoulder, “None of you can help me,” and got out of his truck and made her way up the stairs to his apartment. He slowly followed and let her in, knowing that they actually could end her pain with the one thing they all knew because of their security clearance. Silently, she went into her room and showered and prepared her luggage to leave the next morning. That night, Nina didn’t sleep and thought she heard something. Getting up, she quietly went to check on Zeke to find that he was asleep.

Hearing it again, she checked his truck outside through the window to find nothing and checked to make sure that the front door was locked. Not finding anything, she checked on Zeke one more time and went back to bed. Finally laying down on her side, she finally drifted off to sleep.

What she had heard was Draven sneaking in to see her thinking that she was asleep. But when he found out she wasn’t, he watched her check on Zeke and quietly hid in his closet. Hearing his heartbeat rapidly in his chest, he controlled his breathing to make sure that she couldn’t hear him and waited for her to go back to her room. Finally, an hour later, he snuck his head in to see her soundly asleep. Quietly, he went into her room and laid down next to her. He saw the bruises on her hands and arms, he saw the band aids wrapped around the fingers that hid her broken nails. He wished that he could take her pain away and reveal himself. But alas, his mission debriefing was still under review. At this point he didn’t care, he just wanted to return to his life and return to Nina.

As she lay there sleeping, he spooned her from behind wanting to hold her and kiss her. As the time neared for her and Zeke to get up, he got up instead and let himself out. Nina woke a few minutes after he closed the door and went to get ready to head back home. After she dressed and had her coffee, she said goodbye to Zeke and took an Uber to the airport. There, at the last minute, she changed her ticket from California to Texas to see Gabriel. He was stationed in west Texas, in El Paso.

A few hours later, he was meeting her at the airport and knowing that she didn’t want to hear another lecture, he just merely hugged his sister, kissed the top of her head, took her luggage, and led her to his truck where he took her to his apartment. For the next two days, he just watched her sleep and eat and enjoy the silence that he gave to her. They had dinner without speaking, they watched movies and television without having to say anything. That was how they connected.

On the third day, was Valentine’s Day. Gabriel knowing that this day would not be easy, he instead arranged for an event that would take her mind off of that day and hopefully off of Draven. When she got up, he told her to get dressed in jeans and to make sure that her hair was up. Nina took a shower, and dressed in jeans, a green long sleeved Henley shirt, a pair of Frye boots she bought there in El Paso and put her long hair up in a braided updo.

When he joined her, he was also dressed in jeans with a button up shirt, and he had on his own Frye boots. Smiling, he said, “Come on, daylight is wasting.” They got in his truck, and he drove them out to a ranch. There she got to ride a horse and see it get re-horseshoed and helped to get the stalls ready for some boarding they were going to have. Then Gabriel found her feeding a horse an apple and put his arm around her shoulders, “Come on, Alpha. I have a surprise for you.”

He led her out to the corral where the owner was releasing a small bull. “What’s this?” she asked as she climbed the fence to see better.

“His bull. He uses it for training. He has a rider coming out to train in about an hour. I thought you would like to see it.”

She looked at the bull and then at Gabriel, “He is awfully small.”

“Well, his rider is small like you. Apparently, some women are trying to break into the bull riding in the rodeo. You know, trying to build their own women’s bull riding division.”

She looked at awe at the bull, “Can I try?”

He shrugged, “I don’t see why not. But let that professional teach you the steps.”

Sure enough, an hour later, a small woman with light pink hair drove up with Bon Jovi blaring from her speakers. They watched as the owner coached her in the proper technique and form and she was able to hold on for about four seconds. Eventually, Nina was able to talk the owner-s***h-coach into telling her what to do and how to do it and about another hour later, they found Nina sitting atop the small bull as it bucked.

She held on as they showed her and gently spoke to the bull as the men that prepared the bull into place. A few second later, the gate was pulled opened, and he was released. Nina held on in the proper form and was determined to ride this bull. As he bucked trying to throw her off, Nina was determined to stay on him even as her hand was sore from her rock climbing fiasco. The owner looked at Gabriel, “Does she always do s**t like this?”

He watched his sister, “No. Just recently.”

“She is damn good. A natural.”

“Don’t tell her that.”

“Why’s that?”

Gabriel watched her, “Because she has a death wish right now and my brothers and I are trying to indulge her impulse control issues in a safe way. Though they don’t always turn out that way.”

He smirked, “I can see that,” and then blew his horn to tell Nina that she had made the eight second ride. She then braced as he bucked and released his rope and then jumped off his back and ran for the gate as she was instructed. When she straddled the fence as the bull calmed down in the ring, she smiled and removed the glove that she was wearing and waved as everyone cheered her on.

Once back at his apartment, Nina showered and got dressed in her black leggings, a black long sleeve Henley shirt, and put her hair up in a messy bun. When she joined Gabriel at his table, he set a few slices of pizza and a salad in front of her and then poured her a glass of red wine.

“Did you have fun today, Sissy?”

She nodded and bit into her pizza, “I did. That was fun. I can mark riding a bull off of my bucket list.”

He smiled, “The owner was ready to sign you up as a potential competitor.”

She sipped her wine and shook her head, “No, thanks. I feel for that poor bull. Having his poor nuts tied up for entertainment, definitely not my cup of tea.”

He laughed, “You were pretty good though. Just if you uh, wouldn’t mind, getting Wolf off my ass. He has been texting me relentlessly about letting you ride a horse, much less a bull. He wants to put me on notice.”

“I’ll handle him. And just in case he forgot, you didn’t let me do anything. I do what I want to do when I want to do it.”

He raised his glass to her, “I hear that.”

They finished their meal and then sat down to watch a movie on the television. Seeing that Nina was asleep, Gabriel covered her with a blanket and kissed her cheek before heading to bed. That night, Nina dreamed that Draven was sitting next to her and holding her hand as she slept. But of course, she knew it was not real. Getting up the next morning, she made coffee and sat waiting for Gabriel.

When he woke up, and joined her, she handed him his own cup as Crowder “Ghost” played softly in the background. He looked at her, “Are you okay, Sissy?”

She shook her head, “No. I’m not. But I will be,” raising her turquoise filled eyes to his green ones, “I just need you and the rest of the Pack to understand that I am mourning, and this is the only way I know how without completely shutting down and letting it consume me.”

“This is not how you handled Tiny when he died.”

She shook her head, “No. I had Draven to help me and now that he is not here, because he is the one that is gone, I need a different way to remind myself that I am still alive, and this is my way of doing it. There is no right or wrong way to mourn. I just need to do this in my own time so I can move on. And I will, I just need time.”

Gabriel then produced his phone to show that all of the brothers were connected to the same phone call. He said, “Did you all get that?”

Nina smiled at him in thanks.

She heard all of the brothers confirm. Gabriel then said, “Good. Now let’s consider this matter closed. Alpha is not crazy or asking for a death wish. She is mourning and when she is ready, she will be ready. Not before then. So, stop sending people to watch her or watch over her. I am tired of seeing people lurk in the shadows and shit.”

Nina sipped her coffee and then looked at him when he said that, “Wait. What does that mean?”

He waved her off, “Bye, bros!”

They all said goodbye and hung up. Nina asked him again, “What does that mean?”

He shrugged and picked up his coffee, “We have all noticed that when you are traveling or visiting one of us that someone is following you.”

She felt her heart lurch, “What?”

He waved at her, “Hey, don’t be shocked. Did you think that Wolf would just let you travel without eyes on you? He, like the rest of us, just want to keep you safe. That is all. And now that he knows we know, he can call them off.”

Nina felt slightly better and nodded. “Wait. Who is they? Odin Valhalla?”

He ignored her question and hoped that the name she said didn’t set off his facial features to show he knew what she was talking about, “So, you leave tomorrow, right?”

She nodded.

“I think I have one more thing we can do together before you leave.”

She lowered her coffee mug, “What do you have in mind?”

An hour later, they were driving into New Mexico and on their way to White Sands National Park where they went sandboarding. Armored with their sandboards, gloves, masks and goggles, they were ready as they climbed their way to the top of a sand dune. Gabriel put on his Bluetooth speaker so they could enjoy some tunes as they sandboarded. He smiled to see Nina smile as she pulled her mask and goggles on and then jumped from the peak down the sand dune on her sandboard as “I Believe In A Thing Called Love” by the Darkness started playing. Both she and Gabriel, fell multiple times and got up multiple times. By the time they got back to his apartment, Nina was tired and sore from their day. They ate a quiet dinner of Chinese delivery and went to bed. In the morning, Nina got dressed to get to the airport and after sharing a cup of coffee and a hug with her brother, she got in her Uber to get home and he went to work.

A few hours later, Nina touched down at LAX and took another Uber home. When she got inside, she closed the door and took in a deep breath inhaling the scent of Lemons in her house. Then tiredly, she took one more shower, checked her sugars and laid down on the couch for a nap as Netflix “Santa Clarita Diet” played in the background.

One night a few days later, Nina’s paddle boarding group invited her and Misty out to go to a concert for the David Crowder Band. She agreed since she had just finished her latest novel and had nothing else to do and none of her brothers had called her to join her on any excursions. They were all still worried she had a death wish. And she still had a feeling that someone was following her.

She dressed in a pair of overalls with a light blue tank top underneath and her pair of maroon Chucks. After putting her long wine-colored hair up into pigtail buns, she was ready. Misty, with now long purple hair in waves, a pierced septum, with black lipstick and dark eye liner outlining her blue eyes, pulled up in her Jeep Liberty, “Let’s go, mamas!! The night is young!”

Nina closed up her condo, leaving lights on as she went. Once at the concert she had a great time listening to the music and loving the energy from the crowd. When they got to their seats, they were about ten rows from the front and sat down. Their seats were right by the aisle. Nina was excited as her seat was the one in the aisle and she and Misty were able to talk to people across the aisle. They talked excitedly about what they saw and what songs they couldn’t wait to hear. As the seats started to fill up, the air was already electrified with the people and the excitement of the concert itself.

A few minutes before the concert was due to start, four seats that were in the aisle across from her and Misty were empty. They both thought it was weird since the Crowder concert was sold out. Nonetheless, when the lights went down, people screamed and cheered as the band took their places and the music began. As Nina turned to Misty as they sang “Run Devil Run” together, they could see the empty seats fill in, out of the corner of their eye. The aisles were even full as people got out of their seats to sing and to dance along.

As they sang and dance, Nina could feel eyes on her. Not wanting to gain yet again, another stalker, she kept her eyes to herself and would only look at Misty and the girls as they enjoyed themselves and the concert. On Crowder’s first encore song, he performed “Lift Your Head Weary Sinner”. It was electrifying. Nina stood next to Misty raising her hands in praise and rocked out moving to the deep beat with clapping and stomping her feet and sang along with the crowd. As the lights flashed, she felt eyes on her. Through the side of her eyes, she could see a man standing still, watching her. Ignoring the feeling she was getting, she went back to the music and sang along with the lyrics, “All who've strayed and walked away, unspeakable things you've done. Fix your eyes on the mountain, let the past be dead and gone. Come all saints and sinners, you can't outrun God. Whatever you've done can't overcome the power of the blood.”

Nina closed her eyes, letting the tears come as she let the music fill her body and soul, and she felt as if she was finally letting Draven go. Misty seeing her tears enveloped her in a hug and held her tight as Nina felt like she finally exorcised her demons. The next encore song was “Red Letters”. As she turned to see if she was being watched, he was gone.

As Crowder was performing the song, there was a slight commotion across the aisle with the guys that showed up late. Nina could see a small group of four men comforting one of the men that she had felt was the one staring at her from across the aisle. She wanted to go and comfort him, but she realized it was ridiculous since she didn’t know him.

The last song that Crowder played was an upbeat one, “Good God Almighty”. As her and Misty clapped and sang along with the song, she could feel eyes on her again. Again, she opted not to turn to face the man that she could feel wanting to stare holes into her body. She was secretly glad that he had recovered from whatever emotions he was feeling. Nina and Misty turned to each other to sing “Tell me is he good?” and responded with “He’s good”. “Tell me is he god?” and responded with “He’s god.” And then they all sang, “He’s good god almighty!”

Nina looked over to the group of men, but the one that had been watching her was no where in sight. She could tell that they were working men. As she started to wonder if they knew Draven, she immediately dismissed it. When the concert was over, Nina listened to Misty go on about the concert. As they neared her condo, Nina turned to Misty, “Do you mind if I crash at your place tonight? I just have a weird feeling that if I go into my empty condo, I’m gonna lose it.”

Misty nodded, “Of course, mamas,” and hugged her. Once the light turned green, she turned her Jeep towards her place a few miles away. Nina laid on her couch once there and let her exhaustion overtake her. In the morning, she woke to smell coffee. Pushing up off the couch and letting the blanket fall in her lap, she looked at Misty as she served them both a bowl of Greek vanilla bean yogurt and fruit with two cups of steaming coffee already poured.

“Good morning, mamas. How’d you sleep?”

Nina sat down at her bar and looked at the inviting yogurt, “Good. Thanks for letting me crash. I was just . . . weirded out last night. When we were at the concert last night, I just got this feeling that someone was watching me.”

She nodded her head, “I saw him,” handing her an insulin vile to replace her almost empty insulin pump.

Nina swallowed her bite of yogurt, “You did? Oh, good. I am not hallucinating,” and took the insulin starting to fix her pump and herself and testing her sugar levels.

She put down her cup of coffee, “I am not sure why you would get creeped out, he was hot! Like melt my panties hot.”

“Really? It just felt off. Weird.”

“He was hot. Beard, built like a brick wall, tattooed sleeve, baseball hat, dressed in jeans, a skull t-shirt, and black Chucks. He was looking at you so intently, like he knew you.”

Nina shook her head, “I was afraid to look at him. I don’t feel like being stalked right now. I am just getting over Draven, or at least I would like to think so, and I have a date with that doctor from the New Year’s Eve party, Greg. I mean I figure I owe it to him. He has waited weeks to take me out on a date.”

Misty wagged her eyebrows, “Tonight, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you know where he is going to take you?”

Nina shrugged, “He said dinner and a movie. I guess we shall see.”

Misty and she spoke more, before she took her home to her condo. They walked in together since they were meeting their paddle boarding group in an hour. Nina stopped and inhaled, “Do you smell that?”

“Smell what?”

“Men’s cologne.”

They both inhaled, “I don’t smell anything mamas. Come on. Get dressed. We are going to be late.”

Misty followed Nina into her bedroom and they both changed into swimsuits with shorts and tank tops with razorbacks. Nina left her pigtail buns and grabbed her bag for the beach which included sunscreen and such. They parked next to another Land Rover that was green, that belonged to their friend Colleen. She got out of her Rover with a smile, “Y’all ready! The other girls are here.”

They gathered their belongings and went to find their group. They enjoyed their day on the water and at the beach. Later on as they loaded up, “Are you excited for your date?”

Nina was securing the paddle board, “Yeah. I guess.”

“You guess? Why guess?”

She shrugged, “I don’t want to give it more than that.”

“Understandable. Well, come on, let’s get you home to pick out something fabulous for you to wear.”

As they entered her home again, she kept getting a feeling like she was being watched. Together they checked everywhere, and nothing was out of sorts or place. Going into her closet, they chose a pair of black capris and an aqua blouse that opened in the back with a light white fabric covering up her back. “Alright mamas call me when you get home. Tell me all about the date with the doctor!”

Nina smiled and hugged her, “Thanks. Will do.”

Misty left and Nina got in the shower. Once she got out, she blow dried her hair into soft curls. Going into her room to her clothes, she inhaled again and could smell the cologne. Cautiously she checked her home again to find nothing. Still feeling out of sorts she got dressed and applied her makeup. Greg came to get her and took her to eat sushi. They made small talk about family and college. Feeling eyes staring at her, she casually looked around but didn’t see anything. Greg noticed, his curly black hair looking inviting, “You okay?”

She cleaned her mouth with her napkin, “I just felt like someone was watching me.”

“Ah, just someone that is jealous of your beauty. I’m telling you, you are beautiful.”

Nina smiled, but felt like he was just saying it, “Thanks.”

They made more small talk about his job as a plastic surgeon and Nina talked about one of the last times she had to go to the emergency room, before her attack, but stopped halfway through the story since it had Draven in it. Distracting herself, she looked at her pump and saw that it was almost empty.

“Oh, s**t,” she said.

He put down his chopsticks, “You, okay?”

She showed him her insulin pump, “I need to get home, my pump is almost empty. I got so busy today, I completely forgot to fill it back up.”

“Yeah, sure. We have time between the movies.”

They finished their dinner and he drove her back to her condo. He escorted her back inside and looked around her living room as she filled up her pump. He made comments about her pictures, and she responded politely, but she knew they would never be more than friends at that point. She wasn’t attracted to him. She finished and cleaned up, “Sorry about that.”

“No worries. Shall we?”

They went to the movies and watched the latest romcom movie. Nina enjoyed her popcorn and avoided having him put his arm around her as she sat away from him. When the movie was over, they went and had coffee. This time, Nina enjoyed a green tea latte and held the paper cup with both hands. They walked along the stores window shopping. As she went to blow on her latte to drink it, Greg made his move and kissed her. Nina couldn’t say that it excited her, but she was grateful for the human contact. She hadn’t really kissed anyone or been with anyone since Draven.

“I’d like to see you again, Nina.”

She nodded, “Sure.”

“How’s Friday? Eight o’clock. We’ll try your dancing club. I’ve always wanted to learn to Swing dance.”

She smiled, “You got it.”

He took her home and kissed her again at the door, “Until Friday.”

She nodded, “Friday.”

She watched him walk down the stairs to his car. She closed the door and leaned against it. Closing her eyes, she let her tears fall, she realized that Draven was gone, and he was never coming back. She was just waiting for him to jump out and say that it was all one big joke and that she belonged to him. But, she realized that this was reality. He was gone and she was still here, and she was going to have to give Greg a chance if she had any hope of moving on. He had been patient with her so far. Slipping off her black ballet flats she went to change out of her clothes and into her pajamas. Grabbing a blanket, she moved to her living room and turned on a movie. She fell asleep on her couch in minutes.