Life Rolls On

I

I slid back in the saddle, gripping my rope tightly between cotton-covered fingers. My horse, a dark chocolate bay gelding my daughter had named Cheez-it, swayed on his feet, waiting. The steer in the chute to my right was angsty, bumping into the sides of the chute, itching to come out. I watched him shake his head, bashing horns against the metal bars and throwing snot everywhere. Looking toward my heeler and partner for the last eight years, Matthew Casey, he held the saddle horn in one hand, his rope dangling over the ground from the other that rested on his thigh. He nodded his head toward me, a clear, ready when you are gesture. Reaching up, I adjusted my hat and looked over toward the stands, picking out the usuals and zeroing in on the little girl, my daughter, who was climbing on the railings. Her dark brown curls were a tangled mess and her shirt was covered in what looked like mud. There was a swipe of dirt along her cheek. My heart gave a panicked ache, but Mrs. Cori came up behind her, easing her back down to the dirt, her little boots kicking up a cloud of dust as she landed. With a sad look over her shoulder, probably for me, she followed after the older woman.

I smiled painfully but managed to bring my focus back to the task at hand. I sighed as the steer gave another loud bellow of displeasure and crashed into the chute. Double-checking that Cheez-it was fully in the box, I nodded toward the operator, preparing myself, gripping the reins tightly in my free hand. As the chute opened, the steer lurched forward racing toward freedom, but I was moving too, inching after him slightly, inching toward the opening when I heard the loud buzz for the fourth time tonight. I had broken the barrier. "Fuck." I mumbled under my breath, spurring the horse to go faster, attempting to correct my mistake with a good run. I followed behind the steer at a gallop, heart racing, eyes wide with determination. I threw my rope and thankfully caught the horns perfectly. Wheeling around, I set him and wrapped my rope around the saddle horn. As the seconds continued to tick by, my eyes jumped from Matt and the steer, the flying rope, and the flagger watching on the sidelines to determine our fate. The rope seemed to freeze in mid-air for a second or two, is that really my heart beating in my ears? The rope fell and wrapped cleanly, perfectly around the steer's legs on the bounce. Matt pulled the rope taut, stretching the bound animal as his horse took another step or two, setting it back to the ground as he dallied his rope and looked toward the flagger, who dropped the flag.

"That was Walker Morgensen and Matt Casey with a 12.02. Good run, guys! Next up is..." I tuned out the announcer as I turned Cheez-it and followed after the steadily moving steer to the far side of the arena, the rope bouncing in my hand slightly. The hand working the derigger chute unwound my rope, letting it fall down as the steer was guided back into the chute and pushed back into the herd. I nodded my head in thanks and pulled it up, beginning to coil it and hanging it on my saddle horn. I was turning toward the gate when Matt rode up behind me. I turned in the saddle and looked at him, noticing the cool shade of blue his usually kind eyes had taken, further exaggerated by the redness of his chubby face. "Man, we need to talk." He grumbled, yanking his rope in and coiling it up.

"Not in here you don't," the hand said, "here." He reached over and opened the gate, frowning tightly. After letting us both out, he swiftly returned back to his work with the cattle prod as another steer rumbled through. When we were away from the arena and working our way back to the stalls, I pulled to the side, out of traffic, and asked, "what's up?" With my own frown as he moved his horse closer to mine. The young palomino mare was panting lightly. The acrid smell of foamy sweat and upturned dirt was strong around me, and I was painfully aware of the headache pounding in my temples. I watched as he grabbed the hat from his head and swiped the sweat away with the back of his hand. "What's been going on with you, man? You broke the barrier every round tonight, and about every round for the last three weekends." His question, I know, was only curious, but I could hear the undertones of anger he was trying hard to mask with good-heartedness. At his prodding, unconsciously my hand tightened on the reins, startling the gelding. He gave a brief snort of confusion but continued to yank up mouthfuls of grass. I grunted and looked away from the somewhat portly man I've called my partner for the better half of eight years. "Nothing."

"Don't tell me nothing, it's not nothing. You've been saying that for the last three years, since-"

"Don't say her name," I said, my voice sharp. Without so much as a passing glance, I clicked my tongue, tightening my hands on the reins, and moved Cheez-it toward the trailer, away from the floundering man.

"You be careful now, Walker. It's been storming all night and the roads are wet." Mrs. Cori clicked her tongue, her blue eyes holding a maternal worry as I adjusted my sleeping daughter on my hip. She nestled deeper into me, her breath warm against the side of my neck and her soft brown curls tickled my skin. I tucked her glasses into my pocket and carried her to the truck. I opened the passenger side door and set her down in her car seat, buckling her in with ease, careful not to wake her. She mumbled a little and turned her head to the side, craning her neck over her shoulder. I found the tiniest of smiles on her lips as she continued to dream. I smiled softly as a little piece of me broke inside, Kelly should be here right now, not me. She'd know what to do more than I ever could. I shut the door to the older model dodge as gently as I could and turned to finish loading Cheez-it, who was still hitched to the side of the trailer, the lead long enough for him to graze in the grass but just short enough he wasnt straying too far. "You know, you should really put her in the backseat. She could really get hurt in the front like that." Mrs. Cori said, coming up behind me as I threw the saddle into the back of the trailer.

"I know." I sighed, turning toward her. "But she gets car sick in the back seat and the only fix is to be up there with me. Plus, she's really small for her age and she just wants to see."

"I know, but it's dangerous." I pulled the older woman into a tight hug and in return she wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Don't worry, Mrs. Cori, I'm a good driver. All will be fine." I said, pulling away. But I didn't know how wrong I was. I kissed her forehead and told the woman, like my own mother, goodbye. Only I didn't know how wrong I was.

Music played lowly as I drove through the driving rain. The road I was on was winding, but I had driven it almost a million times. My hands gripped the the steering wheel in a white knuckle grip as I looked over at my soundly sleeping daughter in the passenger seat next to me. Magnolia Grace looked just like me, almost a spitting image with dark brown curls, gray eyes, and olive skin, but she acted just like Kelly, her mom, more and more each day. Sometimes, it was hard to tell the difference. I sighed and squinted to look through the trails of rain on my windshield, the wipers fighting to clear them even on the fastest speed which tells me they were beyond needing to be changed.

The road was washing away under me quickly, the county's quick fix solution of oil soaked sand over asphalt as the preferred driving surface was rapidly turning into mush and falling into the ditch. I held on tightly as I threatened to hydroplane, the wheels stuck in a slide. Cheez-it's scared squeals could be heard as his trailer shook, threatening to tilt. Unconsciously, a prayer was going through my mind on a constant loop as I looked from my daughter, the road, and the horse trailer in the side mirrors. As my wheels continued to give and the rain pounded harder, I resigned myself to what was coming. With one hand still gripping the wheel, I reached my arm out to thrust across Magnolia's body, a sad attempt at protection as the tires lost the last of their traction and the truck and trailer were jerked off the road roughly. It all happened so fast and I didn't know exactly what was happening as tears streamed down my cheeks and I gave up my fight trying to steer and ease the damage. Instead, I focused all my efforts on the small little girl still sound asleep despite the commotion and rough terrain.

Weight was removed from removed from the cab as the horse trailer detached and I wondered vaguely if the hitch had snapped as the truck gave a nasty crashing roll. About that time, the seatbelt I was still wearing gave me a rough tug backwards (a life saving device my ass) and cracked my head on the radio panel. I could feel warmth blossom as darkness creeped around the edges of my vision. I blinked once, twice, trying to stay conscious long enough to ensure Magnolia's safety but it was no use as my eyes fell shut and I became less and less aware of my surroundings. And as I fell away, I heard Magnolia's sweet voice, one I don't get to hear very often anymore, laced with fear yelp, "daddy!"

*

"Kelly!" I woke with a start, sitting up straight. Gray light surrounded me, along with a strong antiseptic smell that burned my nose. The thin blankey over my legs was scratchy against my skin as I moved slightly. I was confused. But soon, enough, my confusion gave way to a thundering pain which echoed it's way through my skull. Through the window on my right, I watched as lightning rippled, cleaving cracks in the crying sky. "Goddamn." I mumbled, bringing my hand up to my head, only to make the pain worse as I nailed it with a cast I hadn't realized was there. I looked down at it, the confusion gnawing along the edges of my mind as I tried to recall the day before? Wait, how long have I been here? Where's Magnolia? At that thought, I jumped up, ignoring the sparks which trailed my spine and into my head. I found the door almost at a run, my fingers fiddling with the knob, but not quite knowing what to do. It was like trying to catch a minnow bare handed at the lake, was I seeing double? "Maggie, baby, I promise I'm coming. Daddy's coming, baby girl...if only I could figure this out..." I was getting frustrated. But in a few short seconds, the door started to swing open, revealing my current girlfriend, Katherine, as she began to step in.

I looked at her, and she at me, in shock. She stood there with her usually immaculate long blonde hair haphazardly thrown into a messy bun on the top of her head. Thick locks framed her face and brushed her neck, and sprigs of baby hairs curled around her face. In place of her contacts were glasses that I didn't see very often. She wore a baggy t-shirt, probably one of mine, and christmas themed sleep pants. She looked like hell. In her hand she held her phone and a pack of mini chocolate donuts. "Walker...?" She was confused, well, that makes two of us.

"Where am I, Kathy? Where's Magnolia? I need to see her right now!" I exclaimed, my frustration from before coming back tenfold.

"Wait...what? Hold on a minute." She said bringing her free hand up to her forehead.

"No, there's no time, please tell me where my daughter is."

"She's downstairs in the pediatrics unit. She's fine...I was just down there." I didn't like the way she said the word 'fine,' nor did I like the fact that she didn't meet my eyes.

"Where's my mother?" I managed to ground out around my anger. It was obvious she wasn't telling me something. Kathering sighed and set her stuff down on the little table by the one recliner in the room. She looked back at me and moved to push me back toward the bed and the machines which were formerly connected to me. She clicked her tongue like a mother, "you're bleeding, Walker." She looked down at my arm. "Please get back in bed while I call the nurse, I'm surprised they're not already here considering you're currently flatlining. And then, I'll call your mom up here, okay? She's downstairs with Magnolia." I wanted to yell some more or at least bristle, but there was no sense. I guess I would find out in a few moments. Right as Kathy sat me back down on the bed, a group of nurses rushed in with a crash cart between them, faces set with determination, but the scene before them made them stop. "Mr. Morgensen...?" One of them asked, coming to stand in front of the group. "I guess, ladies, all is good?" The nurse, a shorter woman with dark brown hair looked between me and Katherine and then to the group of nurses behind her all geared up to revive me. "Well, then, I'm glad you're awake, I guess? And out of bed with no concern for the equipment or yourself based on the state of your arm. Lay back, Kathy, if you could give us some space." The nurse smiled sweetly at my girlfriend who backed up.

"I'll go get your mom." I nodded, frowning.

"How're you feeling, Walker? Do you mind if I call you that?" I laid back against the pillpws at her insistance and watched her snap on a pair of gloves. She grabbed my arm and turned it over, exposing the crook of my arm which was bleeding where the IV had been. The needle was still hanging from the IV bag where it hung from the pole behind the heart moniter which was offering up a continuous beep as it continued to flat line. It was starting to get on my nerves. "Annoyed. How long have I been here? Where's my daughter and when can I see her?" I started to lean up but her strong but gentle hand on my chest pushed me back further into the pillows.

"Woah, easy there, cowboy. Hold your horses, let's get you straightened out first." She raised a brow at me as she took a gauze pad and wiped at the blood that was steadily running from my elbow. Reaching into the pocket of her scrub top she pulled out a roll of medical tape, tearing a piece with her mouth she placed it over the gauze pad and continued her work. She began changing out the needle in order to reinsert it. "How're you feeling? Any pain or discomfort?" She worked efficiently, quickly finding a new vein to stick and inserting the IV, then she moved onto to check my vitals and re-establish connection with the heart moniter, thankfully she finally stopped that god forsaken beeping which was only making my headache worse. "I have a bit of a headache." I said lowly, watching her and waiting for her to tell me about my daughter, "please, tell me about my daughter, you're done with me. I don't care about me tell me about her."

"That comes with having minor brain damage," she announced casually, still pidling around the room, looking at my chart. "And anyway, I said, easy there, cowboy. In due time. Right now you are my patient and I've been instructed to care for you as such. Now, how's your arm? Your spine?"

"Just tell me what's wrong with me? Or you know what even happened." I muttered, narrowing my eyes, the frustration was back and this time it wasn't because of a door knob.

"Fine. First, I want to gauge what you remember?"

"Um pain and then black pretty much. I remember the roping I was at, I broke the damn barrier four times in a row. My head just hasn't been in the game lately. I'm worried about my daughter which brings me back to my primary question." I said pointedly.

"Walker, I'm going to be completely honest with you. You've been in the hospital for the last three days. You got into an accident on Friday night, it is now Tuesday afternoon. You were brought in and we concluded that you had trauma induced brain damage, a bit of spine damage which can present itself just as inflammation and pain, and then obviously your broken wrist. You're daughter, on the other hand, is in a coma after undergoing surgery to repair a hemorage in her brain." Her brown eyes were sad as she relayed the news that practically stopped my heart and shattered my world. And at that moment, my mom walked into the room.

"What did you tell him?"