My Favorite Shade Of Love

Chapter 1

    Addeylina's Pov :

        LOVE. A four lettered word that I no longer believed in, even though I grew up surrounded by it. Love had suffocated me, absorbed me to the point that when I found someone I had loved and thought he loved me the same, he disappointed me. He hadn't loved me back and that hurt, it broke me, allowed a weakness I wasn't familiar with to seep through the cracks.

        HEARTBREAK. A ten lettered word that explained what I had went through. It engulfed me, swallowed me whole and all I felt was pain. The world was small, too small for me to have a big heart, for me to ever allow myself to go through that hurt again. But now I was running away from my pain, I hadn't gotten over it. I was ignoring it and being at home with a broken family helped in no way even if it is 2 years later.

Now here I am at college, more specifically at Harvard University riding on a fully paid tuition thanks to track. Harvard was far from home and that's how I want it, I want space, I need a break from the apologetic looks I get when I went out in public.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"I'm here for you always Addeylina."

"Talk to me Addey."

I didn't want to talk because I had nothing to say. I lost my brother. He's dead. My family, my rock, my big brother is dead and there was nothing to say because I can't bring him back. Along with his death the love my parents had for each other died. They left me far before I left them,

Love is dead.

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        I took a deep breath as I unloaded the last box from my beat up truck and turned around to be greeted with my best friend Isabella's face. I didn't drag her along with me on my run away mission, she's been here since the start of the school year, I was a month late in classes. But a girl needs a friend and she's the best and only one I've got, I'm glad she's here.

"I think you have more belongings than me." I laughed out as she puffed out a breath as if she's been carrying everything into our shared apartment. "Not my fault you brought two little ass boxes that are practically filled with books" She sneered back while she nudged her shoulder against mine.

 "We are in a new area they probably have better clothes here than back home, skittle head." I said sticking my tongue out at her while walking backwards to the apartment door. "Bitch." I heard her mutter under her breath as she pulled out a pack of skittles from her back pocket, waving it in the air.

        I rolled my eyes and turned back around carrying the box to the apartment but not before toppling over a person sending my book box flying and the mystery person letting out a splutter of curse words. "I am so sorry" I laughed awkwardly getting up and holding out my hand for him.

"Walking backwards I see." He smiled up at me, taking my hand and getting up as he began to help pick up my books. "Not paying attention to a person walking backwards I see." I said in response while smiling lightly, a real smile, a genuine true smile. Putting my fallen books back in their box I held my hand out to the handsome stranger.

"Addeylin." I stated while shaking his hand lightly, I took the time to analyze his facial features. Blonde hair, hazel eyes, an incredible figure and what seems to be a french accent. Don't let my mother catching me say this but I am a white man's w***e as of now.

"Xzavier." He said in his accent as he shook my hand, his eyes quickly scanning me up and down. His eyes lingered longer on my face as his breath hitched "Belle." Beautiful. He said as his accent thickened.

        Taking my hand out of his I saw Isabella walking my way, skittles in hand. "Well Xzavier, it's nice meeting you and I forgive you for you know...bumping into a woman walking backwards." I joked as I walked into my apartment waving my hand as a goodbye with my book box attached to my hip.

Walking to my room I couldn't help but realize I still had a faint smile on my face. "Xzavier." I mumbled to myself while sitting the box on my bed and laying next to it. Even though I doubt I'd be seeing him again I still couldn't help but wonder. Xzavier . His name echoed in my mind making me snap out of it. No attachments Addey. No attachments.

"There's a party later tonight, maybe your Xzavier might be there." Isabella said while poking her head inside of my room. A party? That's exactly what I need. I sat up from my position on the bed and looked up at her with a sly smile, "You know I love a party Hernandez." This would give me time to make new friends, and just friends nothing more, plus who doesn't like a little Friday night party.

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        Remember when I said I needed to go to this party ? Well I completely regret coming here, within the first hour Isabella had left me to get a drink and now I was lost looking for her. There were hot heated bodies all over each other, sweating, drinking, making out like this was their last day alive. I had danced with someone before I lost Isabella, a stranger nonetheless but he seemed sweet, hadn't touched me just did stupid dances with me. Surprise, surprise I had lost him too so I decided I would go and find Isabella.

"Book box lady!" I heard a voice call out from behind me. Xzavier. I just had this feeling about him, I feel like he's different. We'd be great friends, him and I.

"How's it going stranger." I turned around smiling up at his tall frame. Isabella was right about him being here, maybe he can help me look for her.

"You look beautiful." He said in a breathy voice as he stared at my face. Is this a trick ? Some elaborate plan to get me to start liking him or maybe even sleep with him?

"Thanks." I smiled while beginning to look for Isabella again, I don't know these people and I don't trust these people. Hell the party was in a house deep into the woods, not a bad party but these guys can't keep their d**k inside of their pants and decide that they want to have s*x on the wall, any and every wall.

He trailed behind me and after a while he gently tapped on my shoulder.

        "Addeylin." he mumbled as his footsteps altered. "Yes?" I asked while turning around to face him, "I'm looking for my friend and even though I came here to have a little party fun I also want to make sure she's safe." I smiled at him softly, trying to hide the worry I was feeling, it's normal for us to go to parties and to dance with people but we always texted each other if we went more than 30 minutes without contact. Always.

"Then lets find your friend." He said as he smiled, breathtaking. He is breathtaking. I kept walking with him slightly behind me. I was walking around in a strangers house with a somewhat stranger I knew nothing about and I felt safe with him. After 2 years of drama and panic attacks, of trauma I feel safe with a stranger. What the hell is wrong with me? Distance Addey, remember. Keep your distance.

After rounding what seemed to be the 100th corner we found Isabella, sitting against a wall with her knees pulled up to her chest. Panic filled my chest. Please don't be hurt Bella. I said to myself as I sat next to her completely forgetting Xzavier was awkwardly standing there.

"What's wrong?" I asked with my voice filled with worry. Holding her face in my hands I began to look her over for any sign of distress of hurt, but all she did was look up at me with hurt in her eyes. Her eyes are filled with heartbreak, and in that moment I understood enough to know that she was no longer in a long distance relationship with her on and off boyfriend. She deserves so much better and I'll always be here to be her shoulder to cry on.

        While helping her get up I looked over at Xzavier to see a blonde cuddled up in his arms. I had only been sitting with Bella for 6 minutes and he had lost interest. How typical for the French man who's incredibly sexy to have a beautiful girlfriend or a f**k buddy ? Whatever she was while he was following after me like a lost puppy.

I wrapped my arm around Isabella as we both made our way to the nearest exit. I wasn't going to let a boy I just met affect me, not after 2 years of guarding my heart. My friend needs me so she's my main focus tonight. He's a scrub, men are scrubs and until I'm convinced otherwise that is my final word.

Men are scrubs.

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        After avoiding Xzavier and escaping with a heartbroken Isabella, we went home. Home to ice cream and more than several horror movies. Isabella hadn't wanted to talk about what happened she just said to me that men are dickheads and that we should hideaway and become lesbians.

To which I responded that if I was lesbian I couldn't hideaway with her, we'd be openly lesbian for each other. Proud crime fighting lesbian lovers. We then spent the night laughing and talking to which we eventually fell asleep.

For the rest of the weekend we got packed into our new apartments, unpacking boxes, going clothes shopping because let's face it I needed new clothes. We hadn't went to any other parties that weekend and after some hours Isabella was ready to talk to me about what happened at the party, and I was right. Her boyfriend from back home had broken up with her, he didn't want to be with her anymore and even I was hurting for Isabella, she loved him.

        That talk led to many tears but she's strong and even if she isn't as much right now, I would be strong for the both of us so we replaced men with art. We would paint or sketch or hell any form or figure of art we could do, we would do it whenever we thought of men. She now has 3 drawings.

While I have 5, for the 5 times my mind seemed to scream out at me.

Xzavier, Xzavier, Xzavier. My wanted lover, my non needed love.

Now it is Monday and I am dreading classes, dreading meeting new people. I had waken up with a random attitude and I thought it was only fitting that I wore an outfit to go with my attitude so I wore a red knee-length skirt along with a black long-sleeved crop top. I could look hot if I wanted to and I could look like my usual self, calm and collected.

First impressions are everything right?

        I was taking classes in art and in law, after classes I had to convince the track coach to let me join the team, I heard she's a complete hard ass and that's how I like my coaches. I had been team captain back home, kept my team in shape and I thought we had become a family but they left the second things got hard for me, they cut ties with me and the only one that stayed had been Isabella.

Walking into my law class I took the first seat I saw empty in the back and students started spilling in, all staring at me with curious eyes as they filled the seats surrounding me.

"You left so soon at the party book box lady." a voice said, it was him, it was Xzavier.

           "My friend needed me, you saw her." I said not bothering to look up at him. Instead I took out my sketchbook from my bag and started drawing flowers. No men, no liking and definitely no loving, he has someone and I have my art. "Did I do something...." he trailed off in a confused voice as I saw him sit down in the empty seat next to me in the corner of my eye. I turned to face him for a brief moment. "Do you have a person, a girlfriend?" I asked him while I cleared my face of any emotion.

"No-" he started off but interrupted by the teachers voice which caused me to turn and face the class. Well I'm certainly not blind and he was with someone at that party, but it's none of my business because I don't like him at all. By now I had tuned the teacher out and had begun drawing on the page in front of me, filling the page with images of things from my past.

Guns, heartbreak, death.

        "Ms. Richwood would you like to show the class what has your undivided attention" the teacher said causing me to snap my head upwards and take a quick glance around the class so I sighed and shook my head yes, then stood up from my seat walking to the front of the class with my sketchbook clenched tightly in my hand. I bit the inside of my cheek and looked at the entire class.

"I'm on a man diet," I said slightly smirking as a few faces in the class fell but I didn't miss the look Xzavier gave me, he looked upset. "That means I'm not dating anyone and I'm not looking forward to." I continued while making eye contact with Xzavier, I made my way to my seat and sat my sketchbook on my desk and sat down.

I saw him lean over , "I can change your mind." he whispered which caused me to turn my head and see our noses were touching. "Xzavier, Xzavier, Xzavier. You've done nothing to show me that you can." I whispered back and turned to face the front of the board.

Even though deep down I knew he could change my mind, he could change everything. I just didn't want that, weakness.

Love is weakness.