Chapter 15 Keeping It to Herself
812 Words
The next morning, Lily woke up with one thought in her head.
She was in love with Ethan.
For a few seconds she just lay in bed staring at the ceiling, hoping the feeling would somehow disappear.
It didn’t.
If anything, it felt more real than it had the night before.
She buried her face in her pillow and groaned quietly.
This was exactly what she had been trying to avoid.
For months she had ignored the signs, made excuses for herself and pretended it was just a crush that would eventually go away. Now she knew the truth.
And the truth was dangerous.
Because loving someone didn’t mean they would love you back.
By the time she got ready for school, Lily had made a decision.
She wasn’t going to tell Ethan.
Not now.
Maybe not ever.
She would keep her feelings to herself and protect the friendship they already had.
It seemed safer that way.
At least that’s what she told herself.
When she arrived at school, Ethan was already waiting outside the classroom.
The moment he saw her, he smiled.
“You’re late.”
“I’m not late.”
“You are by three minutes.”
Lily rolled her eyes.
“Who even counts that?”
“I do.”
Of course he did.
Normally his smile would have made her happy.
Today it made her nervous.
Because now she knew exactly why her heart reacted every time she saw him.
And she hated how obvious it suddenly felt.
They walked into class together and sat down.
For the first time in months, Lily found herself being careful around him.
Careful about what she said.
Careful about how much she smiled.
Careful about how long she looked at him.
It was exhausting.
During lunch, Sophie noticed almost immediately.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re acting weird.”
Lily sighed.
“I just need to get my head together.”
Sophie’s eyes narrowed.
Then understanding appeared on her face.
“Oh.”
Lily immediately knew Sophie had figured it out.
“Oh what?”
“You finally admitted it.”
Lily looked away.
That was enough of an answer.
Sophie sat beside her quietly for a moment.
“So what now?”
“Nothing.”
“What do you mean nothing?”
“I mean nothing.”
Sophie frowned.
“You’re not going to tell him?”
Lily shook her head.
“No.”
“Why?”
Because she was scared.
Because she didn’t want to lose him.
Because she wasn’t ready to hear him say he didn’t feel the same way.
But she couldn’t say any of that out loud.
So she simply shrugged.
“It’s better this way.”
Sophie didn’t look convinced.
Neither was Lily.
The rest of the day wasn’t easy.
Every time Ethan talked to her, she became too aware of everything.
His smile.
His voice.
The way he always leaned closer when he wanted to tell her something.
Things she used to enjoy now felt dangerous.
After school they walked home together as usual.
Ethan was talking about something Daniel had done during class, but Lily barely heard half of it.
She was too busy trying not to stare at him.
“You’ve been quiet all day,” Ethan suddenly said.
Lily looked up.
“Hm?”
“I said you’ve been quiet all day.”
“Oh.”
“That’s not an answer.”
She forced a small smile.
“I’m just tired.”
Ethan looked at her carefully.
For a second she thought he might keep asking questions.
Instead he nodded.
“Okay.”
But she could tell he didn’t believe her.
When they reached her street, they stopped like they always did.
“This is me.”
“Yeah.”
For a moment neither of them moved.
Then Ethan smiled.
“I’ll text you later.”
Lily nodded.
“Okay.”
He walked away and she watched him go.
The funny thing was that nothing had changed.
Ethan was still Ethan.
The same boy who made her laugh.
The same boy who stayed up talking to her until midnight.
The same boy who somehow understood her better than most people.
The only thing that had changed was her.
Because now every moment felt heavier.
Every smile meant more.
Every goodbye lasted longer.
That night she opened her notebook and wrote one sentence at the top of an empty page.
Some feelings are safer when nobody knows about them.
She stared at the words for a long time.
Then she closed the notebook.
Maybe hiding her feelings was the right thing to do.
Maybe it would protect her heart.
Maybe it would protect their friendship.
But deep down, Lily already knew something important.
The more she loved Ethan, the harder it was becoming to pretend she didn’t.
- Writer
