The Night I Woke Up Beside You

[SEASON 1] Chapter 9: Can We Be Friends?

Would it be too cunning of her to actually do this?

She turned to take a quick peek at the person who was sitting next to her, the steering wheel moved under his hands as he smoothly drove down the road nearing their neighborhood. It was almost dusk, the sky was a little darker than when she had walked down the sidewalks on her way to the Queen's about an hour ago. The nightfall was slowly sheltering the purple swirls of the afternoon sunset, extending far ahead into the horizon, the streetlights had been turned on. Few more blocks and they will soon be reaching their houses. The car radio had been playing a faint 80's kind of love song now on a very low volume in the background. 

Lyrically romantic, but obviously not quite that fitting for the gloomy atmosphere blanketing around them. 

She tried to make herself comfortable. It was very fortunate that Ryan had "friends"--or whatever he thought would have fit in that category for him. Because just a few moments after she had asked him to take her home, he was already dialing some number in his phone and started talking with someone who out of nowhere, just easily lent him this customized old Impala model. Something she never really expected. And apparently, she was quite too impressed when she had taken a good look at what he had brought with him and saw the ride he was going to use. Very high-end and must have been customized quite a lot of times now, not that Regina knew anything that much about cars. But just one look from its very shiny exterior and on the spacious leather seats inside with the refurbished steering wheel and the sleek-looking dashboard, it was obviously pretty expensive.

But that was not the entire thing that Regina was most concerned about. It was the fact that she was doing this all again... For the second time, with Ryan. Going home, that was. And now it felt like it had been a really bad decision, she realized.

Ryan had remained quiet all the while, looking a little somber, wearing that placid expression with a grim undertone in those unreadable dark eyes as he looked straight ahead through the windshield because he did not really know and he never really wanted to say a single word yet. He was still musing, thinking, of why he was doing this all tonight. And he tried to come up with reasons excusable enough to explain his unusual obedience in granting Regina favors for two times in a row now, ever since last night.

Today. Again.

He was helping her out again. But although the first one had obviously been out of conscience because there was no one else she could have run to and it was already quite too late for her to go home by herself, it did not count as something he would be deeply guilty of. He was just being kind, and he only felt obligated because she was also Charles' concern. He was his friend, after all. He was just trying to help, no other intentions, just purely out of generosity.

But the second one? Today? Ryan was not very sure anymore... He did not want to think too deep of it yet. But maybe, he could blame the really very narrow alleyway, the way she had pressed close to him, how she had looked at him with that overwhelming vulnerability brimming in those pleading eyes, and that really sweet fragrance. That very sweet citrus scent of hers filling the air and quickly blinding his senses. She made him lose some logic back there.

And he's a complete i***t. That's why. And he felt quite disgusted by his own weakness as he realized that. How many times does he have to remind himself to stay away from her? Charles, remember? He's your friend, in case you've forgotten again, Ryan.

He really had to get a grip. This was something that was now turning quite troublesome for him and he knew he had to control himself. Any moment... Any moment could be a little too risky while being alone with her. Stop doing her favors, Ryan. But can he really make himself stop? That was the question. And as he stole another glance of her from the corner of his eye, she did not even show any sign of discomfort. She looked comfortable and she kept glancing back at him, and he felt even more conflicted. This was bad, he grimly thought to himself as he gripped the steering wheel harder. This was really, really, bad.

Regina did not know how to explain why they were together again. Yet there she was, sitting on the passenger seat, watching him from under her lashes, feeling a bit burdened to say something to him. Would he even want her to explain? There was nothing else to say anyway. This was a very strange situation, yet it felt too awkward to break the ice.

She felt terribly guilty. She knew that this was all too wrong, to use him as some sort of protective wall to keep her away from Charles. He's his friend. She should never put Ryan in between this entire mess. She knew that she had been taking advantage of his kindness ever since last night when he had appeared right there in front of her and looked like someone she could have relied on. Just like today.

But that was really wrong. She should have not dragged him away with her. Again. Yet at that very moment, she had been immediately swept in by those dark eyes and she had been desperate. It made her feel like she could trust him completely. And she was actually considering him as a good friend.

But still, it was so wrong. 

"This will be the very last time," she said out of the blue, and she did not even realize that she had uttered those words to him while she had been thinking too deeply. Ryan was a bit taken aback, his eyes quickly shifting from the road then to her before it flitted back again to the view of the red light turning on from a distance.

He pressed the brake, the silence settling instantly. And he did not say anything... Because he was just too nervous. What was he supposed to say now? And what did she mean by last time? He frowned over the words. Last time for what?

"I'm really sorry for dragging you into this whole mess, Ryan," She added after a long pause, sounding deeply regretful. "I should have never taken advantage of you. With what just happened... it's... I was out of my mind. You're his friend. And that's very unfair for you."

Ryan tensed up. He was instantly hit by a sudden wave of his guilt that quickly overrode his own thoughts until it all eventually faded into a blurry mess. He did not really know why she had to say sorry. But by the sound of her words, she actually meant them. He can't really tell what she was thinking now though, he could not really see her expression. She was looking out to the window on her side, her face hidden from his view, the back of her head haloed by the glowing light from the bright lamppost on the sidewalk beside the road. Ryan was still unsure of how to respond back because it felt like the words had been stuck down deep in his throat. He could not get it out. He kept glancing at her then back to the road, and then to her again, then back to the traffic light.

What the hell was he doing?

"It's going to be the last time tonight," she repeated again, but this time she did it with a sigh, then as if she had finally decided that there was nothing more to say, she moved and turned to look his way. Ryan paused, his mouth partly opened, just as he was about to tell her something back. But then he caught the change of the traffic lights from his peripheral vision, the green glow was now on. And he got distracted by the honk of a car beside him, so he shifted and focused on driving again. However, the unsaid words were still there just lurking in the back of his mind.

It's okay. He was about to tell her, but she seemed like she really did not need him to say any kind of reassurance after all. She was smiling but it did not reach her eyes. But she felt like it was all just final. There was nothing else to say.

Ryan contemplated. He was still not quite satisfied with keeping his silence. He tried to slow down the speed, while he pondered and pondered and pondered, trying to come up with a good thing to tell her. It felt like he should say something. But just as he was about to finally speak, he immediately realized that he had already run out of time. The car finally pulled up on the side of the road. 

They already reached the front of their houses.

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"Thank you," was all that she could ever really say. What else could there be? There was nothing else that could have been more appropriate to conclude this entire conversation and that won't ever be taken out of context afterward. She just wanted to extend her gratitude. And when Ryan did not say anything, she looked away and quickly got the view of his black motorcycle still sitting on their lawn, untouched.

She bitterly smiled. She actually forgot about it. And with that thought dawning on her mind, she shifted over her seat and stare at Ryan again, "I'm still not giving back the keys."

She was actually pretty serious about it. Not until he's twenty-two. She had to do it, no matter what. She still had to save him from his death.

Ryan just let out a dry chuckle, breaking the momentary trance he had been in. Her voice had quickly snapped him back to reality as he distractingly looked at her, his eyes a little unfocused but he was smiling. Then he sighed out loud.

"I already guessed, you wouldn't." he seemed to thoughtfully accept, and then with a raise of his brow, he quoted her own words, "Not until I turned twenty-two, right?"

She smiled back. Yes. She almost wanted to say that out loud but the warmness in the air had stopped her from saying anything. The mood had shifted between them but unlike a while ago, it was no longer too rigid and uncomfortable. This one was pretty way intense in its own way. Not really too discomforting, but not nearly relaxing enough that Regina started to feel strange. 

His deep-set gaze made her stomach flutter in a rush, swarming butterflies out of nowhere, and she held her breath for a second because she could almost feel it bursting.

"So, this is it then?" Ryan soon found himself saying, although he already knew the answer to that. He was still trying to ease down the atmosphere because it felt a little too sentimental. Like saying goodbye. And he was never really good at saying goodbyes.

"Yes," Regina said, sounding breathless, as she shook her head to get rid of the way she had been hypnotized by those dark eyes and remembered that she still needed some air. Then she smiled awkwardly. before adding, "It had been really fun, you know. Although it had only been two days, it was still nice. I don't think you ever really tried to admit it, but you aren't so bad at all, Ryan."

"Really?" Ryan intoned, scoffing slightly as he gave her a look of disbelief.

"Yeah," she said, chuckling, "You're a really good person. And I think you just don't give yourself that much credit. If you actually tried not to be too late in class and really show up for attendance, maybe you could have ended up being a student model after all. Not that I'm imposing it on you though. You don't really seem like a morning person so I guess, that would be just my wishful thinking now."

"A student model?" That was horror, apparently, for him. And he looked very appalled at the idea as he shot her a very displeased sneer from the driver seat.

"What?" Regina's brows rose up, giving him a pointed stare, "It's not that bad."

Ryan scoffed again and quickly looked away with a mild scowl. "That's not me."

And that was also true, and Regina found herself softening as she immediately realized that. And then, after a short pause, she said to him, almost like a faint whisper, "I know."

She could just tell.

Ryan felt something hit him with a burning tingle inside his chest. When he heard her say that soft, affectionate, "I know", it gave him a surprising rush of warmth seeping through the very core of his soul. He was immediately swayed, affected, dizzy from how she had sounded when she said that until he found himself looking at her face, very closer this time. He could not really understand why he was feeling a little too emotional for some reason, but he did. Then she met his gaze, and it stopped there for a few more seconds. As if trying to tell her something. It was warm, when she said it, it made him feel really warm inside.

But that short yet intense moment between them had been cut off right away, when Regina dropped her eyes and broke the stare, feeling the fervent need to just end it. She was soon grabbing the door handle to open her side so she could get out. The gaze was just getting quite very warm for her to handle anymore. But before she could even set a foot out of the car, she turned to express her gratitude again.

"This was really nice of you, Ryan." She said, holding the door open as she looked over her shoulder to Ryan. Ryan simply smiled, and this time all the hint of mischief had been gone in his eyes. What had been left there now was some kind of unfamiliar affection that Regina can't really determine well enough to know what it really meant. But she tried not to think too much of it, she did not want to feel even more confused with all of this now.

"Thank you," she just uttered instead.

"It's okay," he shortly said, smiling much wider. And this time, he had finally said it, the words that he had been holding back since the moment he heard her apologizing. But all for a different reason now. He was trying to be thoughtful.

"I hope we could have been friends," Regina voiced out in a faint sad note, and her lips curved into a bitter smile as she looked away. And Ryan immediately frowned back at her. That did not sound quite right to him though.

"We're friends," he tried to correct her, and it sounded more like a demand. And Regina just gawked at him with a startled expression, warily gazing from her seat.

"Are we?" she blurted, almost out of skepticism. And Ryan suddenly laughed. He was taken aback and partly amused at how she had looked utterly surprised to hear that they were already in that stage of familiarity. But really, since when?

"I drove you home two times in a row, you had the keys of my motorcycle which is now currently still parked on your front lawn since last night, and we're already on the first-name basis," Ryan explained, almost as if answering her thoughts, looking out of the windshield, as he tried to give a rundown of reasons why he was considering this as a total development, "Doesn't that make us friends now?"

Regina started laughing too. Clever. And it was funny, ridiculous at some point, but he really tried to make it sound so reasonable. And then she replied, "Well, I guess we're already friends. If you say it that way, then I would have to agree."

"We're friends," Ryan emphasized, feeling the need to repeat those words at her. And she nodded back, laughing again because she heard how much he meant it. He was really a good friend. But she knew they can't really continue this anymore. Favors. Helping and driving her home. It will all just complicate things between him, her, and Charles. They can't do this anymore. Not ever again.

She should know by now that being friends with Ryan will only do much worse to her current situation, regardless of how reliable he could be. Regardless of what awaits them in the future. It was not just right at all. 

She looked at him for a few more seconds, and he just stared back, almost reading her thoughts. And maybe he already knew them. He was just trying to make this less awkward. She was no longer going to ask him for another favor. After this, she will move on.

And since there was nothing else left to say, she eventually moved and got out of the car. He did not say anything back, he just watched her from the driver seat. Then just before she was closing the door behind her, she stopped and took one more chance to bend her body and stare at him through the gap of the opened door.

"One last thing," she said, smiling cheekily, "Do me this last favor, Ryan, and please just get your damn motorcycle out of our lawn tonight. If you don't want my dad sending you lawsuit papers about a trespassing case for some ridiculous cause of distrust, you might want to save yourself some trouble, and get it safely stored inside your own garage instead. Thank you."

She walked away after that, shutting the door behind her--a clipped sound of finality. And she never dared to give him one more glance over her shoulder. Yet she could still hear him laughing. The sound of his voice resonating towards her until it slowly disappeared when she finally reached the front door of her house and heard the sound of the car engine rumbling back to life. And that was the end of it... The short yet very meaningful friendship between her and the bad boy. 

Although it seemed like he wasn't really that bad after all. Or so, that's what she had thought. At the time.

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