The Night I Woke Up Beside You

[SEASON 1] Chapter 18.7: Pain Of Too Much Love

[Few days before the car accident and Regina's travel back in time]

“It’s not important now,” he tells her. “Let’s just forget it.”

It was the very first time that they argued this bad and Regina did not want to let it all go without a fight. Charles just looked tired and done as he looked away and avoided her gaze. He was guilty... Forget it. Let’s just forget it. That’s what all he can only say right after what she had heard. The rumors, the suspicions, the pressure.

How long do they have to keep it bottled up? 

Is it really that easy? Regina couldn’t even think of a good enough reason that could make the issue easy enough to forget. That time, when she knew that they were at the peak of disagreement, she had to pause and count to three inside her head to prevent herself from saying something that she might immediately regret. She did not really want to fight with him, but she was starting to feel a little too antsy and disturbed. Something was not right anymore. And maybe a bit part of her mind was trying to give her an intuition.

She could only trust his words though and she did not want to make him feel that she was doubtful. She was worried, in fact. He had never been this too cold and aloof around her. Their conversation had already gone to something both can no longer control. Ego was now playing a part and it engulfed her into a blanket of insecurities. 

"I'm beat, Regina," he added after a moment, sighing heavily as he plopped down on the couch between them. "Can we just drop it?"

She looked at him after hearing him, her silent accusation was still apparent in her face. She was disappointed yet she tried hard not to blurt out her real feelings.

But she knew she had to say something... She had to draw the line.

"Just tell me the truth," she pleaded, tears welling in her eyes. 

“Is it really that too hard for you to trust me now?" Charles was defending back, slightly raising his voice as he stared at her with a hurt expression, "We've been together for so long now, Regina. I want to be with you. I choose you... What else do you want me to say?”

But it just sounded like he was forcing himself to. Regina can see it. His own words revealed it alone. It felt like a burden instead, and as soon as Charles realized how bad it had come out, it was already too late. This was their first real disagreement. Their first real confrontation... A very terrible argument.

“I don't need you to say anything anymore, Charles,” Regina soon replied in a softer tone, biting the words with a taste of bitterness in her mouth. Of all people, she was the only one who could read him like a book. He was not saying the entire truth. He was hiding something and that was what hurts her the most. If seeing him lie on her face hurt like this, what would she become if they really break up?

She had always been afraid of thinking about that. Separation has never been a possibility at all. But for the past few months, Regina could feel the slow deterioration of their relationship and that scared the hell out of her. She did not want to confront her doubts, but for some reason, she wanted an answer. Yet, at this point, it seemed like Charles was not yet prepared to give her anything. 

“Do you really want to be with me? Do you still want to marry me?” she boldly asked out of the blue. Her voice shaking as she intently looked at him. Charles paused, meeting her eyes and seeing how vulnerable she was after uttering those questions. He had no choice... He does not want to hurt her.

“We will get married,” He said back in a reassuring tone, concealing his thoughts. “I choose you, Regina. I will stay with you.“

But something still felt missing. And she could sense that. She did not want to acknowledge it but the gut feeling was there.

“You kept saying you're choosing me... But I still don't know what you're choosing me over for, Charles.”

“It does not matter now," he brushed it off roughly, looking a little annoyed as he went on, "Why do you have to question everything though? Stop being too immature about it.” 

And that somehow made Regina snapped back as she bit, “I’m being what?”

“You’re being immature.” He brazenly repeated.

“Is it the only thing you can say to me? After everything now, really, Charles? Aren’t you going to say something aside from it does not matter to you?” she snarled back, slightly shaken from her sudden anger.

“There’s nothing I need to say to you, Regina,” he told her briefly with finality, “It’s just you who needs to accept that not all relationships are perfect. But we'll get through it."

After those words, he let out a heavy sigh of surrender. He looked completely defeated and she could no longer say anything back.

The distance, the resentment, and the guilt. She had already expected he won't tell anything else but she never really thought how painful this would be. She never got anything out. Something was drifting them apart and it was happening. She could just tell by the expression she saw on his face. It was the same face that her sister had shown her after betraying Regina. This time, seeing it on Charles’s face made it a hundred more times agonizing.

Regina could not even choose whether to slap him so hard on the face or cry like a baby in front of him. Her gut had already been answered by that handsome face.

Their relationship was doomed.