[SEASON 1] Chapter 19.5: Affair
1049 Words
ELEANOR's POV [2 Years Before Regina's Time Leap]
Every day, I would wake up feeling the same thing. Feeling like the night before have just stolen something from me again. Like it did the last time. And every time, I will wake up, there’ll always be a big void inside me that I will start to miss. It might be some faint warmth lost in touch and pillows, or might be soft whispers blown away by the wind or the sound of the alarm. But all in all, it was just the same.
Nothing.
A big loss. A loss I have yet to discover and gain back again.
But how can I even gain back that something I didn’t even know what is in the first place? I sighed. What is there to recall, anyway? I felt the burden of loss as I blindly get back into consciousness. The cold kiss of sunlight burning every inch of my skin blends with the thick scent from last night. The feeling was never relieving but it filled me up with a sense of bitter satisfaction.
I stirred awake, numbly disoriented. Still half-dreaming. The room a little blurry from the first glimpse, slowly became clearer to my eyes as I adjusted to the sudden bright sunlight coming from the window.
As usual, I was again, naked. White sheets over my bed were the only thing that was covering me and looking wrinkled from last night. Upon trying to get a hold of reality, I immediately notice the pieces of clothing, undetermined whose, that were now scattered all over the floor. I already knew who it belonged to yet there were still no traces of the man in question.
I sighed again, louder this time. Loneliness had begun to swallow me into a pit of regret after having the knowledge that I spent another night with him. I once again had shared the bed with the same man that I should never spend it with. I wallowed, beating myself in it, feeling empty.
I closed my eyes and tried to recall the events that had been partially influenced by intoxication. A sudden blurred memory came to mind. it was haunting me but it left me the feeling of wanting and... Touching again.
It was warm. It was comforting.
Though I knew for a fact that it was not the same and as warm as it was with Ryan before. It never felt like that before but it still got me wanting it bad. I still want to be selfish and bad. Somehow, the familiarity of his touch, the memory of the smooth caresses, and the way he had treated every time, so sweet and so gentle. It all made me feel emotional for no explainable reason. I've been through this before. I already know the drill. Emotional attachments weren't part of it. But I still feel so disappointed. As if I was regretting the whole thing now.
It was temptation. It was a mistake. But that feeling...
It was something that still lingers inside my head. In my memory. It reminds me of something I could have called my own but I know it was impossible. It was something that I have always wanted to have for my own. It was the feeling of acceptance, commitment, of having someone who would always care about me. About how I would feel and how I would want to be treated. That feeling.
But it was all just a fantasy.
I should not be romanticizing things like this. I'm too naive to let myself believe that it could be something even more. Realizing this now, it suddenly got me so worried as the sad thoughts began piling up, drowning me with anxieties and for a moment I soon felt wetness swiping down my cheeks.
This morning, I find myself awake and crying. It was bizarre, but I could not help it. I stared blankly towards the door of my bedroom, barely closed. It looked like a black hole that had swallowed every person I have dared to entertain to come inside and onto my bed.
It was a reminder for me and I mentally cursed at it. I felt even more guilty that tears started to even pour down heavily. I blame myself for this misery and I felt like closing in and turning numb upon the realization.
And just when I was about to move and try to erase the masculine scent that had apparently stuck into my skin, a clicking sound of my front door closing from the living room jolted me in surprise. It echoed and I waited with my heart pounding hard.
I froze in my bed, as subtle footsteps were heard from the outside of my bedroom while the sounds got closer and closer. As I contemplated my reaction to the unrecognized intruder who had just trespassed my property, the bedroom door was finally being slowly opened. A head popped in.
Then a hand came next into vision, followed by a shoe. And as the person slowly revealed his identity to me. I gasped.
There, standing with two cups of coffee in both hands and a sweet smile directed at me, looking startled for a moment as he closes the door behind him, was Charles. He looked quite taken aback.
Charles. He frowned upon seeing what I looked like. He noticed my tears and his concern became apparent. Without saying a word, I just smiled and shook my head.
And just like that. Like a flash of light, vivid memories came into me. The warmth. The whispers that had made me hold tighter onto his arms.
"Hey," he greeted me awkwardly, sounding unsure and hesitant as he closed the door behind him. "Coffee?"
I couldn't really explain how intense I was feeling inside. But my heart was bursting in my chest as I felt more tears flowing ceaselessly down my face. Only two words came out of my mouth in a throaty whisper...
"You stayed."
Like a bolt of need, I jumped off of the bed, running towards him. My arms seeking that unnatural warmth once again.
The only warmth who had chosen to stay. The first warmth in the morning that I never thought I would ever need this bad.
- Writer
