[SEASON TWO] A NEW BEGINNING
1516 Words
A LETTER UNSENT [SEASON 1 FINALE]
AN INTRODUCTION TO SEASON TWO
The day she woke up and found herself brought back to the time she was sixteen, Regina knew that it was a chance she had been given to change everything. She could prevent that tragic future from happening. And when she realized that it was an opportunity for her to do over her past at once, she did not even hesitate to leave the only reason that would bring her to the absolute doom in the next ten years...
Charles.
She broke up with him. Right there and then, on the same night, when she gave up her virginity for him. It was still at the time when she had been absolutely in love and blind for him. But after going through that entire future with him and seeing how it came to an end, she figured that it should not even be that way anymore.
So she bolted. She ran away from Charles and found herself escaping with none other than... Another trouble himself, Ryan.
She was not really planning to involve the boy but now that she had, Regina had also remembered how this one particular boy would end up in the next few years. He was going to die. And realizing that his death could still change things for her new future, she had decided to save him from it. But unlike what she expected, things just began to become even more complicated than it already was. Eventually, she found herself getting closer to this new trouble awaiting. She soon saw what Ryan really was behind that troublemaker persona. Yet those were not the only things she had to face and go through. There was also the fact that a girl named Eleanor had to cross paths with her. Eleanor—the one that Charles had cheated with behind Regina's back. The one that Ryan was supposed to date until the end of their high school years before he died.
How messed up? She could not even settle herself with just one trouble at a time. But she had to force her new future just so she won't end up in the same tragedy again. She had to live her life the way she should have lived it. And with all of these things happening simultaneously just when she was finally discovering what she actually wanted to be in this new past, Ryan started falling for her and that's when Regina knew...
THIS WAS NOT JUST ABOUT HER FUTURE ANYMORE.
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***[An unpublished work of Regina after realizing that she wanted to pursue the path of becoming a writer]***
This is for the man who had loved me, but not anymore.
This is for the man who had loved me once, but not anymore. The man whom I had loved and cared so much from the future but ended up hurting me for good, and to the boy whom I fell in love with once from the past but I chose to leave for the better. This is for the numerous times he had told me he loved me, until not anymore. This is for him--the most perfect guy I had ever laid eyes on. This is for him, whose smile has always been so genuine, so flawless, that I could not even hate him that much if I try to. This is for the man who had loved me, until not anymore.
Because he hurt me.
I remember you. Yes, just to let you know. My affection had never once changed despite the hate and contempt. I knew I hurt you when I pushed you away. I remember you, us, together, all of it: the little parts, the sweetest parts, and the painful ones that left me feeling emotional when I'm all alone. I remember the warmth of your hands, the feel of your embrace, and the way you always tried to make me laugh even if I am not in the mood. You had imprinted every single moment that we spent together in my mind, making it hard for me to leave them out. I could not just chuck it away and forget because they were special. And perhaps, you meant it when you said you hated me for being so selfish. I understand why you were angry... I never really explained myself yet I left you. And maybe that is why I am writing this letter for you-- because now... I am starting to hate myself too.
It's been a while. It almost feels like we never really happened. Did we? But I am still stuck on that day you said you love me, that was real. We both thought we would make it. How foolish we were then? And when I walked away, I did that because I was scared that I might start to lose myself in the future if I still chose you.
I wish I could make it clear to you, that I was doing this only because it was the right thing to do. I don't want us to end up the way I knew we did. I did not know what I was losing that time when I thought we could make it, and now I am being swallowed by my own fear. If our future before was doomed, I hope this time, it won't be like that anymore. I'm still wondering where you'll be by then. How will you live your life without me anymore? I've been thinking of you ever since I left you, it's almost as if I'm nervous about how you'd end up.
Every now and then, I still ask myself, why? "Why did I ever let you go?" I still want to believe that I did that for us to learn how to live our own way... You may think that you still love me now but I knew already that it would grow on you and you'll start wandering off. I don't want to repeat that again and I know you'd be better off with someone who'd appreciate more of your silly jokes, silly songs, cute expressions, and obsessed phone calls at night. I had taken them for granted, to be honest. And I think I also deserve this kind of punishment... For hurting you.
Sometimes, I still get to find myself singing one of those songs you used to hum with me... I used to play it once in a while. It actually eases my mind off of things sometimes. At this point, I am already trying to move on from the ugly feelings that the future had left on me. But it keeps getting harder these past few days, I don't know why... I sometimes miss you so much. I miss the times I could just go and tell you everything that's bothering me. I really hope that time could heal everything so we could go try and be friends again. It was something that had been so difficult to erase for me, something I knew I would regret if we really completely grow apart.
I STILL LOVE YOU, but not as much as before. It's no longer as bad as before. I still love you but only because you've been a huge part of my life. I don't want you thinking I'm still hoping to win you back. It's not something we can fix anymore. We've hurt each other enough not to try and do it again. I just want to tell you that I've been regretting what I did--for hurting you. I regret doing that so suddenly because I knew that doing so had also resulted in me throwing away something really special. I'm sorry...
I just want you to hear that. To know that, to feel that... I am sincerely apologizing. It had been unfair to treat you that way. I'M SORRY.
I still hope that you would be fine from now on. I hope to see you smiling again... I hope wherever you will be in the future, you'll be completely happy and much more fulfilled in life. I know that it must make no sense to write this letter without the intention of sending them to you for the last time as consolation, but I would still believe that someday, I would finally have the courage to give it to you. In the meantime, I would try to work things out and be better. If you don't want to talk to me anymore, I understand that. But I would still hope that forgiveness and reconciliation will never be out of the question.
So here it is, I'm going to end this letter with a teary-eyed face and a small smile on my lips... I know this is the worst timing for explaining but... I'm still hoping. I've become an optimist, see?
To the man who had loved me before, I wish you'd really forgive me. Because I am starting to forgive the future you as well... After loving you for most of my life. Thank you, Charles.
Love,
Regina
- Writer
