The Night I Woke Up Beside You

[SEASON 1] Chapter 13: It's Hard To Be Honest and Real

"So you want what?"

Madeleine asked this out, her eyes slightly stretching wide, her hands steady on the steering wheel as she drove the car post-shock of what she just heard. She did not want to acknowledge it all yet. But as Regina started sharing the plans she was going to do in school, Madeleine was getting a little bit skeptical about it. It was still too early in the morning, breakfast meal had not been digested yet, and Madeleine was just trying to process Regina's words on their way to the campus. She was driving much slower this time as they had left earlier than usual.

"You serious about that?"

Madeleine still felt like she was imagining all of this. It was very strange and unbelievable to hear about her sister's uncharacteristic decisions of changing things around her, about extracurricular activities that she now wanted to try out of nowhere, and on top of that, she just said something about joining the Drama club too. 

Madeleine had been holding back a sarcastic comment coming. Regina even confessed that she had been planning to do it all for quite a while now. I want to be me this time, her words. It did not make any sense, and for Madeleine, she was not really sure how to take that as something her sister would admit. It all sounded like she had always been hiding her real self.

"The drama club, I want to sign myself up for it," Regina repeated.

"Drama, as in John's, the exhibitionist, drama club?" Madeleine exhaled, she was referring to the very extravagant and loud senior student she had been sharing classes with who was the current president of the club.

"I want to write plays," Regina answered right away, looking towards the beautiful view of the yellow sun glowing brightly in the horizon from afar on its way to rise up to the sky. She kept her eyes out of the car window on her side. It had been a week since she had traveled back to the past. It felt like that ugly far future of her twenty-six-year-old self had just been a dream after all. Perhaps, her dying never really happened, but it felt real. But now she was sixteen again and had been for about more than a week. Though, it still felt so different since she already changed most of her life when she had broken up with Charles that night after she thought she really died.

And now, she had finally come to a sound decision to accept that this was the reality now. She will have to go through her entire teen life again. There was no other way of getting out of here but to re-do it all. If she had been given this chance, she should make the most of it. She thought of changing her whole life from here. It was something that she felt was important. She wanted to change the future. She was going to be what she really wanted, not what could have been best for her and Charles anymore. 

"Write plays? Write plays for Johnny?!" Madeleine pressed on, her voice unsure as she gripped the steering wheel with a frown on her face, "Who are you?"

She really did not know what to comment about her sister's sentiments and it suddenly felt like she had never really known the real Regina at all. Or maybe, this was really not her sister. Madeleine had lived with her for all of her life but this was the very first time she heard that Regina was interested in writing, or even drama and plays. She had always been the very smart kid who likes numbers and facts, the kind of kid who would end up getting a medical degree or become a lawyer in the future. This was completely all unanticipated news to her, and Madeleine was not sure how to react to this.

"I told you, Maddy," Regina replied after a moment, chuckling at how her sister sounded like it was the apocalypse that had been announced from her mouth, "I'm changing."

"Yeah, obviously." Maddy said matter-of-factly, shaking her head with a small smirk, "And this is the kind of change that I can't help but feel a little worried about. Am I supposed to get scared if one day you'd ask me where's the nearest s*x shop in town is?"

"Maddy?!" Regina snapped her head to look at her sister with a face of total shock and horror, "That's hardly the thing you'd expect I would do now. Goodness, you're going way overboard again."

Madeleine laughed loudly, "Well, I can't help it. You're going through the phase, you're sixteen, nearing seventeen. You're dropping bombs everywhere recently. I just didn't know what to expect next. And I think it's about time I should prepare for anything that you would say, in case. I mean, it's okay if you're being adventurous about things. s*x is still--"

"Oh, god. Please stop."

Regina squinted her eyes, but she still could not resist the laughter bubbling out of her mouth as she shook her head again at her sister's exaggerations.

"All I'm just saying is you can tell me anything, Ginny," Madeleine slowly drew out a breath as her voice went softer. She called her Ginny, which was pretty rare and she must be serious, "You know that I would support you, and I will be here to listen to everything."

She meant that. And Regina knew that, but something inside her made her feel that it was not just enough that Madeleine was there to listen to her.

"And what about you?" She asked away, unable to stop herself as she peered at her sister on the driver's seat. They were now entering the parking lot and looking for a vacant space. They were early so it was not difficult to spot a nearer place to park. Few students were there already, walking down the gravel road heading to the school gates.

"What about me? What do you mean?" Madeleine asked back, focusing on parking the car slowly and easier this time. 

"When will you tell me things more about yourself too?" Regina boldly inquired.

She was curious. She thought of Madeleine, back in the time they had gone distant after she had left for college. She never said anything other than she had wanted to leave. And that left a scar in Regina's heart, it felt like she never really knew Maddy in all those times. Never heard her cry or reveal something more raw and emotional than just being the same old Madeleine who had been used to jokes and non-serious bantering. They had fought that time too, and it had been really ugly. Regina wanted to see it now. The real her, the honest one. And she wanted to avoid that kind of bad future too, about not being able to see Madeleine after high school. No more talks, no more jokes. She was supposed to be the one closest to her... Her sister.

"I'm not the only one going through a phase too," Regina added after a moment when Madeleine did not say anything back. She looked at her sister and she could see her thinking.

"That's not how we work, though, do we?" Madeleine said, voice still humoring but the fun was no longer in her eyes. She was not comfortable talking about herself. And Regina sensed that.

"No, but it can also change."

"Change is, like, not really my thing, sis. But it's obviously yours, not just for me, no. I'm fine, thank you very much," Madeleine insisted. 

"But you can tell me anything too, Maddy," Regina pushed on. She was hopeful. Perhaps, this was the opportunity to make a sudden shift in how their relationship worked and how they were as sisters. Maybe it was time to change how things would turn out in the future. She wanted to make her sister trust her more, if she had not trusted Regina throughout the years that they had been together, then maybe now was the good time to start it all over again.

"I know that," Madeleine replied, softer as she whispered the words. The car had been parked without much trouble and hassle and Madeleine was startled to find it perfectly aligned in the right spot.

"I'm serious, Maddy," Regina still went on, her eyes staring forward, smiling briefly as she sighed a little, "You can tell me anything. You know I will always be here for you."

"I know you are. And that's why we're sisters, Regina," Madeleine shot her a sly smile, turning sideways so she could give Regina a glance from the driver's seat. The morning was pleasant, but it felt too awkward to be this cheesy so early in the day, "I would tell it to you if there's anything."

Regina met her sister's stare, smile mirroring hers, and she replied, "You know I love you, Maddy."

"I love you too, sis," Maddy said back, grinning wider and she let out a chuckle, looking away as she turned the engine off, "But it's uncanny now. We're so not like this at all."

Regina rolled her eyes but she was laughing too.

"But isn't this good?" Regina still ventured, glancing at Maddy with a knowing smile, "Sharing feelings and all?"

"It's comforting, yes," Madeleine nodded back, "But we really had to go. I'm going to vomit the remnants of the bacon and the eggs in my stomach any second now if you dare to say anything more. I love you's are acceptable, but feelings are too sentimental for a morning conversation."

Regina laughed again as she started for the door to get out, "True."

And before she could leave the car with Madeleine still inside, she heard her sister said back to her, in the faintest voice she could use at the moment, "Thank you, Ginny. I mean it." 

It was very rare that she would say such words with that affectionate tone in her voice, Madeleine was speaking out of her normalcy, and Regina looked over her shoulder with a startled face. She was a little unguarded, was not expecting she would hear her sister speak that way.

Then Regina found herself smiling back, the kind that she used to make when she was younger. When everything felt so easy, and nothing bad was going to happen. And she told her sister, "I love you." Once again, because it felt like the right thing to say after that. And because she wanted to make the most out of this chance.

She never got to say those words to Maddy in the sincerest way she could. And this time, she wanted to say it again, because she could. And with that, she got out of the car. Smiling again, the new day was beginning. And she was feeling even more hopeful.

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"You're not going to the game, are you?"

Lunch break came faster than Regina expected and she was sighing in total relief when it did. The classes were giving her a lot of headaches. Research papers and projects just kept piling up, this was one of the reasons why she had been really glad to become an adult. However, that was also some sort of bad anticipation, because she eventually learned that becoming an adult was way... way more exhausting.

"Game?"

Daisy looked at her from across the table with a frown as if Regina had grown another head. It was salad and chicken sandwich for lunch. And halfway through her second spoonful of salad, Daisy said, "Uh, hello? Charles's big game this coming Friday? Ring a bell?"

"Right," Regina's lips thinned. She remembered that the game was supposed to be something really important for the football team. "Of course we'll go. The whole school's going to be there."

"Really?" Daisy's pulled her head back, slightly gasping. She really thought Regina was going to decline. Her salad in her fork still midway to her mouth, "You're really going to go? I'm picking you up on that night, right?"

Regina hesitated for a moment. But she knew she had to. It's not like she really had ended everything with Charles. They still agreed to be friends... not officially yet. But he had been civil towards her since that last conversation they had. And at the very least, to her, he was still a friend.

"Yeah," Regina shrugged. She was not looking forward to it like she used to before, but she was not that rude not to show up. "Sure."

Daisy sighed, smiling. "It's nice that you're not cutting him off completely." She was still going to hope though. She had been there when their love had started and soon blossomed. Though it had abruptly come to a close, Daisy was still rooting for a good comeback. She knew how much Regina loved Charles and vice versa, even when she felt that Regina was no longer on the same page now, Daisy did not want to give up on them. Not yet. 

They were still young too. Break-ups are inevitable. Things will happen, but that does not mean everything must end coldly.

"I heard they're a thing now," Driving the conversation off from the initial topic so suddenly, Daisy picked on the tomato from her plate and popped it into her mouth, watching the shift on Regina's face as her friend frowned at her in utter confusion.

"Who's the thing?" Regina asked, staring back and looking very dumbfounded upon hearing the out-of-nowhere trivia.

"Ryan and Eleanor," Daisy answered right away, "They're actually a real thing. Everyone's talking about it lately."

Regina bit back a snort. She knew that already. That was how things should be. Apart from the break-up between her and Charles, that was one thing that she had already seen before. Future's not that different, as it appeared to be. 

"Well everyone saw what happened in the hallway last week," Regina said, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly but she was looking down on her plate, circling her fork around the remaining chunk of lettuce smeared by some dressing. "That's not surprising."

Daisy was still observing her friend, her eyes scanning every slight twitch on Regina's face until Regina finally met her eyes and she gave Daisy a look.

"What?"

"So, that's it?" Daisy shook her head, waving her hand that was holding the fork in between them, as if expecting something else, "t's not surprising, you say? That's all you're going to say?"

"What am I supposed to say?" Regina scoffed, scowling slightly and looking away.

"Well, the really strange conversation with Eleanor Gomez last week had left me the impression that something was going on," Daisy said with keen eyes, squinting them as she reached for her juice and sipped before continuing, "I mean, you did admit that you left with the Ryan Townsend for two nights in a row."

"Right," Regina said tightly, "Though left was not the right term. I asked him to take me home. But that's just it. And there's nothing going on."

At least, it already ended before something did.

"Nothing?" Daisy did not believe it for a second, "Really?"

"What are you getting at?" Regina frowned harder.

"I don't know," Daisy idled, tilting her head to a side, "You tell me. You were with the bad boy for two nights in a row. Right after you broke up with Charles too. You're single since then... and he's a bad boy."

Regina laughed at how ridiculous that sounded, but Daisy got a point. She was trying to get something out of what really happened and Regina can't really blame her friend for getting a little suspicious. She did spend some time with the bad boy, after all.

"It's just two rides, Daisy," Regina explained shortly, "It's not like I went out and fooled around with him"--although they certainly did get intimate for a different reason but not that Regina was going to tell her friend about it now, she had already decided to make herself think it never happened at all--"And we sort of just agreed not to talk to each other anymore. He' still Charles's friend, and he felt a little responsible at the time."

"Pfft," Daisy snorted, giving Regina a look of incredulity, "Ryan Townsend? Responsible? This from a guy who always makes trouble and speeds away on his motorcycle around town? I mean, he's surely showing some rebellious kind of responsibility. Don't say you don't remember the time he was almost sent to juvie because of being quite responsible in putting Arnold in the hospital for days."

That happened just months ago, a few months before this school year had started. Arnold was a jerk, and he probably said something below-the-belt or outrightly cruel to Ryan that could have ended up in that pretty bad way between them. But it's not like it had been the best way to handle an argument too... Ryan... Trouble. He never really changed.

"I know the stories, Daisy," Regina sighed loudly, "And I'm telling you, it was just two rides. He's not a good company but he was reliable and surprisingly nice when he helped me. But it's just that. We're nothing. It's never going to happen again."

Daisy considered that for a moment, staring at Regina with those assertive eyes as she took a moment. Then, she said, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Regina said with a roll of her eyes, chuckling slyly, "Very sure."

Daisy kept her mouth shut, but it still did not look like she was going to believe it right away or anytime soon. She would certainly bring it up again. Yet Regina did not care anymore. It was over. She was never going to talk to Ryan again.

She already said goodbye. Ryan had even already removed the motorcycle that had been left on their front lawn that same afternoon when she had told him goodbye. They made a mutual decision, and the only very thing that was still keeping them connected now was the keys that she had been hiding. Not until he's twenty-two.

"So you say that. You're really going to let go of the chance for any kind of romance, huh?" Daisy muttered out loud, but the conversation was coming to an end this time. Minutes ticked on and the afternoon classes were going to start soon. Regina smiled briefly, and she knew she had to look like she was sure of it. And as if just to keep the lid over it, she answered Daisy with a proud grin. 

Nice and steady, she said, "This time, it's all going to be about me, Daisy. No romance, no boys. Just me."

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