The Night I Woke Up Beside You

[SEASON 1] Chapter 21: Too Good To Be Bad

His mind went completely blank. It must be an illusion. Perhaps. It was all too surreal... He didn't really kiss her, right? But she felt his lips brushed over hers. Briefly... Light-feathered. His straight nose touched hers and she felt chills as she slowly closed her eyes. She still could not understand why she was not stopping it but when she felt him kissed her firmer the second time, she ignored everything else.

She kissed him back. That surprised him but he did not pull away. He felt her hesitating as she hitched a breath and he kissed her gentler, letting their lips softly brushed against each other in a slow play. He suddenly felt like this was all too good to be even real but when her hand suddenly grabbed the front of his shirt as she pulled him closer, that was when it finally dawned on him.

It was definitely all real. 

He can never mistake that sensation. The physical touch of their lips as they moved over each other, the feeling of her cheeks as his hands cupped them, and the warmth of her surrounding him. She was real. And just with that, the awareness that it was definitely her, that it was her familiar scent that was filling his senses as he closed his eyes and breathe in for more, he ignored all the warnings ringing in the back of his mind. He went with the flow. 

I don't give a damn.

He was choosing to let loose despite the flashing signs that his mind kept hinting to him that this was all too wrong. This was not the right way to let his emotions ran him over and this was not the intention he had in mind in the very beginning. He even had promised himself not to go too far. He put walls to keep them apart. He set the distance but something in him just snapped all of a sudden at that moment. 

Something just totally snapped.

He could clearly see how terrible this might turn out once it was over, but he refused to face that reality. He was already mentally telling himself, to "screw it". He was not going to put a lid on it anymore. He honestly wanted to kiss her. Right from the start. Right from when he saw her walking through the hallway during middle school... way before Charles had even noticed her. He wanted to tell her that she is so damn special and so beautiful, and she deserved so much better. 

Better than him, but he still wanted to be the best for her. No matter how stupid and impossible that sounded, he just wanted her to feel how terrible it was for him to keep himself away from her... And now, it was all just pouring out. 

He knew he had already crossed the line. There was no turning back. He can't ever really undo what was already done now. He kissed her. And it felt so special... It was out of this world. How could something they both believed was too wrong for them to do felt so incredibly right just like this?

How can a kiss feel like fireworks exploding inside your body? How can it be too bad if it feels like an incredible burst of warmth spreading all over your chest and bubbles flittering and filling you from the pit of your stomach up to your ribs? 

This was how a kiss should feel like when you really feel so much love for someone. It was not just the tingling feeling that you would feel from your lips. It was not just the sweet brush of one's skin to your skin nor the tickling movements of one's fingers touching your cheeks.

And it was more than that... Even more than just all that. It was ALL JUST REAL.

And as that slowly washed over his sanity in a split of a moment, turning every fantastic feeling surrounding him into a much more vivid and believable sight as he slightly pulled away and blinked his eyes open, he was soon awakened to the harsh result. His mind shut off. For a few moments, he felt totally nothing. And he just froze, holding his breath, unable to step away from her because he did not have the guts to. He can only stare. And only then, did he finally take notice that both of his arms had already found their way around Regina's waist. 

That left him duly responsible as several inconclusive feelings passed over his face while his eyes quickly returned their attention to her flushed face. And like a switch, he was, once again, swept away.

She's so beautiful.

She still had both of her eyes closed, and she took her time, trying to process everything. And after a moment, Regina inhaled sharply. She could feel his gaze and there was not that much space between them, yet she still did not push him away even when she was fully aware of what just really happened. 

They kissed. For real.

Realizing how the past events had turned and twisted around into this now, she immediately concluded that it was her fault. Ryan should never feel any romantic interest in her, not even an ounce of attraction at all because IT NEVER HAPPENED IN HER OLD PAST. That was impossible and there was only one logical explanation of how this happened now. 

This must have been one of the consequences of her own actions. When she had willfully changed her relationship with Charles and tried to prevent what could happen to Ryan in the future. Because obviously, if she were to be asked, Ryan would have never ever kissed her like this... Like he really likes her and he means it and he was such a good kisser... BUT WAIT, that was also kind of bad. SHE SHOULD NEVER THINK OF THE KISS AGAIN OR HOW HE WAS SUCH A GOOD KISSER OR HOW---

SCRATCH THAT. Regina, calm down. You should get a hold of yourself again. Your train of thought wasn't really heading in the right way back there.

She must think of this objectively. She knew she was partly guilty for not even trying to put a halt to the kiss before it got deeper. That was another mistake and she refused to recall it all over again. But this was really turning weirder than expected.

Something had really changed at this point. And she felt too guilty all of a sudden. It only took a few seconds--just a mere few seconds to count in two hands--for her to quickly resort into a state of panic and utter regret. Ryan had seen every confusing and mixed feeling transitioning on her face as he watched her the whole time... 

And then she was pushing him away, consciously rubbing her lips with her palm. Terrible chills ran down through her spine, she felt goosebumps all over her shoulders but she could not really tell if it was in a good or a bad way. She just tried to shut every emotion first.

She had to get a grip. And it was not helping at all letting him touch her so closely and affectionately that way. She stared at him with a blank expression. He could not read her now. But he wanted to know what she was thinking... He could tell that she was regretting everything but he did not want to let the guilt overwhelm what happened.

To her... To forget was what she wanted to do.

But not for him. Ryan had already changed his mind. He was going to make her fall for him.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------to be continued