The Night I Woke Up Beside You

[SEASON 1] Chapter 4: Too Fast For Rebound

He was having a hard time concentrating on the road. 

Ryan shifted a little over his seat and took a deep calming breath because he was getting a bit uncomfortable as it went longer. The weight against his back was getting very much harder to ignore and every now and then he had to resist an urge to pull up and make a stop. Why was she leaning too much? He could feel her breathing against his nape. She was pressed too close. He gritted his teeth, trying to keep his eyes straight ahead, while he drove a bit much slower this time than he had wanted to. Every time he would attempt to accelerate the speed, his own mind would flash these warning signs over his head, making it hard for him to ignore it all. This was strange. He was actually too threatened to even dare and go over 70 mph (miles per hour), which was way too slow for him to go on his bike. 

This was too annoying and very weird.

He had never been this overtly cautious while riding his motorcycle, even when he had someone else sitting behind him, but now he was just suddenly too scared and anxious about this very unfamiliar warmth he was feeling behind him. He kept hesitating to go faster. The speed was not satisfying him and he was losing the thrill yet he can't really do anything much about it right now. He was too conscious of his movements. And every time he would try to ignore it, he would still find himself focusing on what was sitting behind him... Or rather, who was sitting behind him.

Don't mind her, just drive, he forcefully told himself once again for the nth time now, getting a little more impatient to finally reach their destination. Just get her home safe, then leave so we can all move on.

On the other hand, Regina did not even mind the time nor the situation. She was just too oblivious about everything else. In contrast to what Ryan had been feeling at the moment, Regina was actually way more comfortable to be there behind him, slowly forgetting all about what had happened in the past hour, in her life, and how she even ended up with him. All she cared about at the time was the smell of Sandalwood filling her senses along with the cold refreshing wind blowing over her face. 

Dead or not, this was comfortable, she dreamily thought. Maybe this was all just a dream, after all? 

No, this is not a dream anymore. 

She knew she was still in the past, and she was still in her sixteen-year-old body and she was riding a motorcycle with the bad boy in front of her now. Riding on a motorcycle... that's right. She had been reborn and she even broke up with Charles. That was really new for her and Regina still could not believe it. She was single again, and she was sitting on a motorcycle with her arms wrapped around the body who both belonged to the infamous Ryan Townsend. 

She felt renewed. No one would ever really think Regina Harding had that in her. She would never even dream of this herself. Yet here she was, enjoying every second of it. She never even expected him to let her ride on it at first. She did not really know him that enough to completely trust him for her safety, but for some reason, the way he had been driving and did not mind that she was with him, made her feel very secured. She could not really explain it well but she trusts him now, even way more than anyone she could think of this time. 

And he seemed like he was not really that bad after all. 

He did not even try to take advantage of her. He was actually way more tolerable than she had thought. Although he did complain and looked annoyed when she asked him for a ride, he still acted quite nice enough to take her home. He might not admit it, but he was actually a really good guy, and Regina smiled upon realizing that. She suddenly remembered the last time she really talked to Ryan before she went back here in the past, and it felt like it had been so long ago. She could no longer remember what they had talked about at the time, but it might have been something to do about college. It was just a few months after their high school graduation and before Regina had started living together with Charles during their freshmen year in college. 

She remembered seeing Ryan in that usual black get-up he always had been sporting on, and he had worn his hair long too. He looked way more mature than how he was right now. He was surreal in her memory as if she wasn't really remembering him correctly. But tonight, he was real. And he actually spoke to her for more than ten words, which was strange because she was not really that good at talking to guys before. She never even thought that she would even get to talk with someone like him if this was really her without the ten years ahead of the future in her mind.

Who knew that she could actually be this brazen and reckless too?  When she saw Ryan a while ago, it made her recall what will happen five years from now. And as soon as she started thinking about that, she ended up wondering if she could ever really do something to change the future--not just her own future but others' too. Maybe if she can do it for herself, she could also change the future for other people. And as she pondered more of this, an idea suddenly came into her mind and Regina quickly found another thing that she could take advantage of in her current situation. This could actually be a really good chance for her to do something better. If she could change her fate just like how she did a while ago... Then she could do it to anybody.

She looked up and stared at the back of Ryan's head, thinking of what she could do for him. She can change his fate too. And with a sad look on her face, she found herself holding onto him much tighter so she could reassure herself that this was all real and he was very real. He was still alive. She closed her eyes as she felt his warmth. She realized that she still got enough time to avoid the future that was coming near. This time, she won't just change her fate from getting a painful heartache, she would also change Ryan's fate...

She would save him... from his death.

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The moment they had finally reached her house, Regina was already feeling sleepy. Ryan pulled up right in front of the driveway and immediately turned the engine off, expecting Regina to leave right away. But she was still not moving behind him, her hands tightly wrapped around his waist and her head pressed against the back of his shoulder. Ryan was starting to feel very uneasy so he tried to remove her hands as he reached back for them.

"We're here now," he told her, carefully freeing himself from her while slightly shaking her awake. He sounded more like he was demanding and Regina suddenly missed the warmth when he pushed her away. She leaned back and sat up as she looked around and sighed.

"That was quite a ride," she remarked after a moment, and she tried to get off from the bike as she grabbed Ryan's shoulder to steady herself while getting down from her seat. "I admit, I actually enjoyed that. It was really nice of you to take me home, Ryan. Thank you." 

"Huh," Ryan muttered with a dead look on his face as he turned to look at her. "You think I'm nice just because I took you home? That's gonna be the last time it'll ever happen."

"Not anymore?" she asked, faking disappointment as she stood beside his bike with those sad puppy eyes staring up at him. Can you even resist this?

"Get over it," he told her, rolling his eyes. "I'm going home."

He should better leave now since being with her just made him lose his cool back there. He should really stay away from her from now on. Ryan started to leave, reaching for his keys in the ignition so he could get away from there. But before he could even touch it, Regina beat him to it, stealing the keys in a swift motion, running a few steps further to her house before turning around to look at him.

"Hey, what the hell?!" Ryan was more shocked than angry to even react right away as he glared at her from his bike. "Give me back my keys!"

He started to move to her, but she quickly dared to skip a few more steps behind her, almost near now to the front porch as she teased him back by twirling the keys around her finger and said, "I'm confiscating this until you turn twenty-two."

"What?! What the hell are you saying?!" Ryan growled, his face scrunching up as he sneered at her.

"Just think of this as me keeping you from getting hurt in the future," she told him, briefly telling the truth while partly humoring him with a grin on her face, "It's a win-win situation. You get to save money from gas and you don't have to worry about getting into any kind of accident."

"Oh, you think this is funny?!" he was now off from his motorcycle but still stood angrily near it and stared her down from afar. Even from a distance, she still felt intimidated by him. "Give it back. Now. You know that you're stealing right?"

His authoritative tone made her feel a little frightened as she hesitated from where she was standing, preparing her escape in case he would suddenly bolt towards her. She slowly took a step backward, while keeping an eye on Ryan.

"It's not stealing," she defended, smirking back and added, "I'm just keeping both you and your bike safe, don't worry." Then without hesitation, she suddenly turned and sprinted her way into her house, running as if her life was on the line, opening the front door in a rush and closing it heavily behind her. It was not even that far of a distance, but she was panting so hard when she finally got inside. Then she heard Ryan shouting outside in their yard, his loud voice faintly drowned by the thick walls inside their house.

"Damn it! Harding! Get back here!" He kept yelling, but she already knew that no matter what he did now, he can't really do anything about it anymore. She already had the key. 

"What the hell was that?" 

A voice suddenly popped out of nowhere and Regina jerked and gasped as she turned and saw her older sister, Madeliene (Maddy), standing by the doorway to their living room. She was looking at Regina with a deep frown and both of her hands were placed on each side of her hips. 

"It's just Ryan," Regina quickly answered, catching her breath as she cleared her throat when the words came out croaked.

"Ryan?!" Her sister's eyes widened, "You're kidding, right?" Maddy started laughing at her words with an incredulous expression on her face then added, "Seriously? Ryan Townsend?! You're funny, Reg."

"I know," Regina smiled awkwardly, not really sure how to explain everything so she just nervously tucked her hair behind her ears with both of her hands. At this point, she was just more startled by the fact that she was talking to her sister again. How long had it been since the last time she had seen Maddy? Regina suddenly remembered that it had been way before she got engaged to Charles. They did not even talk that long. Maddy just came to visit their father once in the hospital and their conversation had been quite cold. Things had gotten very distant between them since Maddy left the house for college and lived in another state. Regina had been hurt at the time, and now it felt strange to laugh with her again.

"Harding!" Ryan's voice suddenly roared again and  Regina woke back to present and watched Maddy as she approached the window beside their front door to peek through the blinds and check what the noise outside was all about. Then her eyes instantly went wide and her jaw dropped when she saw Ryan Townsend really standing right there on their front lawn beside his huge motorcycle with an angry scowl drawn on his face. He was glaring in the direction of their door and Maddy quickly stepped back from the window, gulping nervously.

"s**t. It's real," Regina heard Maddy cursing out loud, and Maddy stared at her with a look of disbelief, "You're not kidding. He's really outside! Ryan Townsend's outside!" she said this in a loud whisper, pointing a finger to the window, and Regina did not know what else to say because it was what it really was.

"Don't tell me you went home on that bike? With Ryan Townsend?" 

Regina could not really tell if her sister was angry or just completely shocked about it all. But she was looking at her with severe anticipation and Regina hesitated for a moment before answering. She took a deep breath and calmly faced her sister as she said, "I did."

"Wow," Maddy almost applauded, gaping back at Regina as if she no longer knew her, "Dad would totally spit nails."

"I know," Regina replied with a roll of her eyes, "But he isn't home right?"

"He'll be late," Maddy answered with a smirk and she casually laughed, shaking her head. Then she turned and took another peek through the blinds to check the front yard and let out a squeal this time, jolting Regina as she watched Maddy from behind.

"He's still there," She told Regina, her face filled with utter delight as she turned and look at Regina with a huge grin on her face.

"He's angry," Regina said with a sly smile, raising her hand that was holding the key to show it to Maddy and said, "I just stole his keys, so he might stay for a while and wait. But we gotta hide this from him."

"Oh, you didn't!" Maddy's giggled so loudly, sounding too excited as she said, "How could you?! You evil witch!" And she started laughing again and playfully hit Regina on the shoulder while Regina also laughed back.

"Don't tell dad," Regina then said to Maddy, and Maddy just snorted.

"Alright, I'm not gonna rat you out if you tell me how you ended up going home with Townsend tonight," Maddy offered as she stepped away from the window and raised a brow Regina, "And don't even dare to leave anything out. At all. You better tell me everything."

"Everything?" Regina paused.

"Yes," Maddy said right away with a sure nod and repeated, "Everything."

"Well, there's actually one more thing I think I need to tell you too," Regina said in a hesitant voice, looking unsure about telling the rest of it but she knew it was just going to be a matter of time before her sister finally finds out and hears about everything else at school. 

"What?" Maddy pulled her head back a little and looked at her anxiously, "What's the other thing? What did you do now? Is it a crime?"

Regina sighed out loud. "No, not to that extent," she corrected, swallowing the lump in her throat before adding, "But it might be a bit too important..."

"Important?" Maddy frowned deeper, "Why are you suddenly scaring me? Just tell me what it is." And Regina took another deep breath.

"I broke up with Charles."

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"YOU ARE CRAZY."

Regina sat over her bed inside her room with a long face. She looked tired after she just spilled the beans to her sister Maddy (but of course Regina had still omitted the part where she knew she had traveled back from the future and woke up next to the cheating bastard before she broke up with him). And Maddy's remark was understandable. There were really no other words that were fitting enough for what Regina just told her.

She was crazy yet she can't really confess the very real reason behind her own decision because Regina knew that if she did, she would really be just as crazy as anyone would think of her right now. So she just kept her silence instead, masking it all with a grim face. Yet her sister had looked mad, or rather, even way madder than needed, and she shook her head disappointingly at Regina, clicking her tongue.

"You must be out of your mind," Maddy muttered in disapproval, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned back from where she sat on the chair in front of Regina's dresser across her bed, and sighed loudly, "That's a perfect dude you left in the cold out there. And you don't even have a good enough reason to break up with him. What's wrong with you? Everyone knows you're crazy about him. So why would you do this now?"

Maddy made another disappointed groan and added, "I don't really get it. I mean, you were practically head over heels for him since forever. And you could not even shut up yesterday while telling me all the things you were going to prepare for this big special night with him... And wait a minute," Maddy stopped, sitting up as she leaned forward with her eyes going wide as if she just remembered something so important and she gaped at Regina with a perplexed face, "You told me you were going to give your virginity up for him... What happened to that? Don't tell me..."

Trailing off, Maddy watched Regina as she let the silence hover in the air between them. She waited for Regina to deny her suspicions but when Regina just simply looked down, blushing in crimson red as she avoided her eyes, Maddy almost wanted to howl.

"Oh my goodness," was all Maddy could say out loud because she was lost for words when she realized how complex this whole situation was now. She just stared at Regina with a look of total shock and equal dismay and uttered, "I don't know what to say anymore."

"You don't have to say anything," Regina softly replied in a small voice. Cause really, there were no other words to say.

"No wonder he's so against it," Maddy then said after a moment. 

"I'm not taking it back," Regina defiantly replied with a firm tone as she looked up and stare at her sister. It did not matter if he was going to beg her again or come chasing her around at school after tonight, because she had already decided that it was over. There was no use in getting back together again.

"But why?" Maddy loudly asked, giving Regina a look of disfavor because she still could not understand, "How can you break up with someone you love this much and just not want them anymore?"

How does someone do that? Regina felt the question hit deep into her heart as she caught herself speechless. Maddy was right. Why? Why would she break up with someone she had loved for all those years now? Ten long years of committing to this one guy she had thought the whole world of and she even turned a blind eye over everything else around her. She must be insane, right? Why didn't she just try to work everything out with him again and give their relationship another chance to fix the future? If she was too scared to get heartbroken, maybe all she needed to do was to meet things halfway with him. Wasn't that the reason why she was suddenly brought back here in the past? To give their relationship another chance? Maybe she was doing this all wrong because she was too driven by her own pain and anger... But then, it was not just him cheating. It was the whole ten years that she had spent with him where every decision she had made in her life was done because of him. Not for herself... but for him.

It might have been too much, but Regina realized that she had never really done anything that came from her own pure interests and desires. What she did all this time was to depend on what could actually make him happy... But as it turned out, making him happy had just made her completely miserable. And through all those things she thought in just a few minutes, Regina came to a conclusion and brought her eyes back to reality, seeing Maddy watching her in silence from a distance.

"Are you okay?" Maddy asked her when their eyes met, a concerned frown appearing on her face.

Regina went momentarily meek and after a slight pause, she finally said, "It's because I want to love myself more."

She found herself admitting these words without thinking and she looked at Maddy with nothing but a sad smile and teary eyes. And it must have been the sound of her voice or maybe the way she had said it out loud with that strange faraway expression on her face, and before Regina could even realize what was going on, Maddy was already there sitting beside her on the bed, her arms wrapped tightly around her as she gave Regina the warmest hug she could ever offer.

"It's fine," Maddy gently whispered as she patted Regina lightly on the back and said, "It's not wrong to choose yourself."

And Regina felt its sincerity. Her words might be just simple but they meant everything. She did not want to feel invalidated. She made the choice because it was what she felt right at the moment. Regina chose to end everything from the very start because deep down in her heart she knew--she knew--that she can never really change herself and her future if she kept clinging to that kind of love that did not make her feel complete.

This time, she was going to choose herself first... And perhaps, change for good. Yet despite feeling a little more optimistic about her final decision, there were things that Regina knew she still had to face eventually.

"What do you think will happen tomorrow?" she worriedly asked when Maddy pulled away.

Maddy raised a brow at her and briefly chuckled, ruffling Regina's hair, and said, "You just have to face it all. What's said and done had been said and done. You can't ever really turn back time, can you?"

It was a rhetorical question yet inside Regina's head, she almost wanted to laugh but did not have the energy to do so. If only you knew, she thought to herself instead. She wouldn't even really believe it could be possible if she wasn't here now worrying about all of this.

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"Could someone try to explain to me what a huge black motorcycle on our front lawn was doing there?"

That next morning, after a long night of going over the whole strange experience to which Regina immediately found out after she woke up this morning that it was still all not in a dream and she was still stuck in her sixteen-year-old body with the complete memory of her twenty-six-year-old self living inside her, she sat on the table at their kitchen with Maddy on the seat next to her and her father sitting across her, looking ten years younger since the last time she had seen him.

She almost wanted to hug him and cry on his shoulder and tell him what happened, but Regina knew that it would be just weird. This was the past now, and she had to live in it again as if it was her present all along. She and Maddy exchanged glances as soon as they heard what their father had asked them about. And she frowned over the fact that Ryan just left the bike there. When none of the two sisters answered, their father spoke again.

"I got home late last night and it was already there," he told them, without even looking up from the newspaper he was reading on his lap. Typical morning routine. And Regina immediately missed seeing this version of him. Then her father asked again, "Whose, is it? I don't remember giving either of you that big enough allowance to buy yourselves something like that."

Even if he did, he would not ever really expect them to buy such a thing. Maddy snorted and Regina shot her a glare from her seat. Then their father finally looked up and gave both of them a stare.

"So who will confess about it this time?" he probed, but he did not look angry at all. He was just curious. "Is it from that Summers' kid? The one who plays ball?"

Maddy choked on her food. Regina simply looked away. The very mention of Charles' name immediately gave her a queasy feeling inside that Regina instantly lost her appetite. That's right. Her father had already known about her relationship with Charles since last week because Regina had initally introduced Charles to him right away for formality. And now that she thought of it, she immediately felt awkward telling him about the real status after last night. It was weird that she could not even tell her father that she and Charles already broke up because if this had been the future, she would never get to say it to his face.

If this was ten years from now and she did not really die, no one would ever really think that she and Charles would ever break up. Because it never even happened before ever since they had started dating until they got engaged. No one had ever really thought that it would be possible... Until now.

"It's not Charles'," Regina suddenly found herself saying, sounding a little more confident because she felt like she needed to at least address this now because it was important for her that her father would know... for some reason. "It's Townsend's."

"Townsend?" Her father's brows drew together as he looked at her with an incredulous stare. Maddy started coughing and she reached for the glass of juice on the table. Regina did not even blink. It was obvious that her father was skeptical about hearing the name Townsend since there was really no one else that she could have referred to except the boy who lives in the house across theirs. And everyone in the neighborhood knew Ryan Townsend. He was infamous for being a troublemaker and he always gets into fights. Anyone would always have something bad to say about Ryan, and every parent did not like the idea of him associating with their children. He always had a bad record although Ryan never really cared. And up to this day, Regina's father would never have commented anything about her friends or the people she chooses to socialize with until she had mentioned Ryan over their breakfast this morning.

"I don't like that kid," he stated the obvious and squinted his eyes like a very strict father then added, "Tell him to put that thing away. Or else I'll report."

Maddy suddenly laughed, stealing everyone's attention on the table to her.

"That's funny, dad," she remarked with silly enthusiasm, chewing a bread in her mouth, "You'll report about a motorcycle trespassing in our front lawn. Really classic."

"This isn't funny, Madeleine," their father argued sternly, slightly raising his voice and firmly added, "I don't like either of you getting close to that kind of kid, you hear me?"

"Oh, don't worry," Maddy said in a carefree smile as she shot Regina a knowing glance from her seat, "It's not me you should be worried about, dad. I'm not the one."

Then their father darted his eyes from Maddy to Regina and then vice versa. He was still unable to comprehend the point, until finally, Regina spoke in a faint voice.

"It's me," she admitted, looking down to her untouched plate as she set the spoon back on the table, "I stole Ryan's keys last night."

"What?!" Her father could not even barely hear her but he froze when she said the last few words and gaped.

"It's a charity case," Regina said trying to ease the entire mood with an apologetic smile directed towards her father across the table when she looked up, "Don't worry, dad. All we need to do is to keep the bike until I return the keys to him. Trust me... He's not a friend at all."

But for some reason, deep down, Regina knew she was not really telling much of the truth.

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