To Murder your Love

Final Conclusion

 (Bang!) (Bang!)

Two clicks of a pistol visited my night, causing nightmare to the harmony of my sleep. Everyone would be awakened by the exploding barrels, but the old man fits me down to my blanket within the brink of my consciousness to be lighted up. He's there, climbing down the stairs within the light, the one ventures out from my sight and leaving the eyes ahead of its final moments, to smiling directly to my souls. 

‘You have to decide and create not a single conflict against the blossoming flowers. Take one and leave the others upon its stalk whenever it is not yours to begin with.’

He brought himself as the commercial break of the last horrific tape I have taken out from the previous life. His brown hair elegantly swaying by the gentle wind along the coastline of my perception, even though I felt not a speck of gust within.

‘....’

Alongside the mysterious personality and his wisdom, I’m sitting against the slight-opening of my left eyelid, hoping to unveil the curtain of mystery from the gap. I overviewed this clip in many occasion, but no answer have been concluded to this day. The murderer of my past has running away from my reach, letting all the guilt over my decisions that has gone over the current of time.

‘You have seen this all day. Are you not tired of it, Yuda?’ The old man speaks, gazing upon me down the edge of my sorrow.

‘No, I want to discover her identity, and why she’s full of grudge. God! This eyes block my view!’ I pressed the glum of my sight, trying to defy all the things that happened.

"..."

I can’t believe it. In the strings of my life, there are loads of women flying across the thread of my journey. None of them clings deep to my skin, sewn a picture of romance down my heart. I am a man who can’t express long-lasting love, for me to speak up of my interest without finishing the project in a whole. You know, the sort when you dared to confess of your feelings. In this case, I am afraid to progress much further than just being a man to tell the truth. I restricted my honesty with concern, concealing my true intention from the world to marry a woman for eternity.

As my mind swells up from exhaustive thoughts, the old man gestured a nod to my doubt,‘ Tell me, Yuda. How do you know I’m God? Aside for the halo over my head, of course.’ He said while flicking his fingers for a code of something, might be one of his powers as a deity.

(Zoom!)

Truly a miracle. The gloomy darkness of my memories immediately panned out from our sight, exchanged its privilege to the green hills that replaced the mind-bending tragedy of my prior self. It is also one of the many reserved memories from my miserable life. Those rice fields down the valley, the small hut, all fits my picture of freedom and quietness from my dream that I seek as a grown-up kid.

‘So? What is it, Yuda?’ spoke the old man, bringing the last question he has brought to my plate.

‘Maybe your wrinkles? Or your....” I can’t muster words or how to better describe his majestic character. His beard is finely trimmed, with his skin shimmering by sheer of sunlight above. I can’t really describes the color, however, as the shining summer blinds me over it,” I’m out of ideas so far, but I think it’s your inner charisma at certain point.”

He mildly shakes his head to my wild guess,‘ no, it is quite not the precise answer, but it will definitely worth a try to ask the same question nicely to the girls of their feelings.’ The old men shared me his thoughts, then patting my back a few times to console,’ do not lay down a mistake anymore, Yuda. Press on and choose.’

---

The old man has given me a great example of my fatal choice. There are no boundaries on an adventure, especially to some that has yet to come. I can’t breed similar forms of tragic history, like what have to fight out for today.

It apparently started a magnitude of a fuss after Nia’s crumpled paper arrived on my desk. The daughter of a diplomat has an overwhelming interest over a peasant, such a drama for my little self to encounter. Her blue pupils are always dilated over me when we have to work together on an assignment. She plays a thread of her finely-groomed hair while I addressed my opinions over her. The list is mounting down by weeks, and straight up to the second year of our accidental gathering in the same class for the escalation of our weird relations over the period.

It almost too harsh to say that we’re just second graders up here, right? I do feel a worrisome feelings over our growth afterwards. Might be slightly under-aged to have a quarrel in love, but can’t be much younger to have one nonetheless.

---

It starts in the mid-day, close to my regulars with Devina. Her unsweet lips is blooming, almost like as a straight result of a constant hit-up against my sore cheeks. Her outstanding force of a peck has been propelled to be deeper to the bone, bashing my skulls as she put down a smash all over it. She smears a red notice, one sign of a stamp from her mouth, sometimes two on both sides. 

No, I’m not enjoying it at all, obviously. It is painful, and I’m looking forward to end it as fast as I can.

And as for today, the horror begin to swell up.

Nia Cassandra is, from my viewpoint, harassing Devina in public after an intense debate. It has been the outcome of choice of Mrs. Diandra's method. Very much different to our next-to-seat mode of a group, Mrs Diandra chose to bring the stupid ones to cooperate with the leaders of our pack. 

Might be for lifting up the failures, or messing up with the unwilling ones to learn.

“Open up the page 13 of your book, class!”

In such a fortunate occasion, I got paired with Juno Ayodhya, a quiet kid of the last row of seat. With his jacket being up and tight, He apparently doesn’t care much of the work we need to fulfill. The jumbled-up hair ties a knot to his disinterest, blocking the view of his two brown eyes in advance as it jiggles. He doesn’t even bring his pencils or anything to solve the questions in our books, rather selecting one of many utensils I have in hand.

“So, what about this, Juno? I have finished this one.”

“Me too.” Juno answers me in short. He stares to the ceiling, perhaps looking for something up there.

(Bam!)

“Why are you so mean, Nia? I’m not doing anything!”

A rattling noise has emerged from Nia Cassandra’s direction. Such a fate to mix the two of them up, and it apparently boiled down from her jealousy over my continuous relationship to the brute. She is calmly denies Devina's reddened face, playing with the feelings and overthrowing her confidence immediately with herself ignoring Devina's rant up close. 

“You’re too fat to be with my group, Devina. That’s what you have to know.” She retorts Devina’s accusation by her crisp defend, masking it with her index in front. 

It’s silly to tell someone that way of your envy, you know?

After more than minutes of their intense brawl, Mrs. Diandra, our adult-in-charge, finally gets the commotion and attempting to meddle in the chaos. Her puckered eyebrows telling me that she is also getting annoyed by the wrecks of the two, “What’s the trouble, ladies? Anything I could help?” She springs down, separates the two from a direct contact that would be happened in any seconds with her arms. 

“Nia don’t want me to work the project with me! She calls me fat!” Devina recalled. I can see tears drooling around her round-shaped cheeks.

"No I'm not! She's calling me that before." 

Damn, Nia is totally persistent to the lies. Well, It is truly the time for me to ask Devina of the truth, or the clash would happen everyday this year around. 

---

As the fight rising up, Devina changes our usual location for a fresh air. From my opinion, it is also could be for avoiding contact with Nia, because many times we have to going through their group and their glare. 

She tends to be silent, working on her routine in lesser spirit than ever before. The kiss is plain, yet showing a sense of guilt from her emotionless peck of the day. Her eyes spears to my throat in a blank stare, making me anxious on what's next in her mind. 

"..."

Devina could r**e me quite easily, frantically speaking. She has packing a ton of muscles under the layers of fat on her forearms, so I have to not overlooking her capabilities at all times. 

“What’s wrong, Devina? Is it about-“

“I don’t wanna speak about it.” She rejects my question almost instantly, bridging her lips down shut as she glances to the window pane of the school library.

I can’t let this to be continued without bringing it to a close. I have to press further,“ But I wanna know, what do you want from me?”

“what?”

“Doing this everyday, what do you want from me?”

Her face went sour by the sudden question from my end. She mutes herself out from my curiosity, and trying to evade my gaze every time I tried to look at her eyes. It is a common sign for me to continue the pressure, I suppose. 

She will spill everything out, I'm so sure of it. 

"I really wanna know, Is it about Nia?"

"No way... It's not about her...."

"So why?" 

“I’m- I’m..... I wanna make Amanda jealous.” She finally confessed towards me while looking straight to the floor down under. 

Amanda Suyono? that girl? How could she come with such decision?  From what I have recalled, the only contact I had with her is a week prior to Devina's request.... Oh, so that's that. She thinks I like the snow princess of our class. 

“Why?” I pursued the story for further knowledge. I know something must be the cause for her short assumption, ”I don’t like Amanda.”

Damn it, I have said something really wrong. 

With her muscles strained to flex, She pinned me down to the nearest bookshelf on our left,“Then who do you like? Tell me.” Her eyes abruptly sparkles from my unprepared statement. 

Ugh.... What to say.... what to say.... My life is in danger....

‘Pick the flower or leave it alone on its stalk, Yuda. Remember.’

The repetitive answer repeats by itself within my heart, but It is definitely not helping me at all.

I’m standing still in a few minutes, thinking what’s best to deny this question without hurting her too much.

Ummm.....

Yeah, it’s always better to confess right on.

“I’m only like her as a friend, like you too.” I braced myself for impact, preparing any outcomes from Devina, but nothing has banishing me from her side anyhow.

“...”

From her looks, She is in static, drown into an unknown emotions of reality. It is her first to be rejected, and for me to actually push someone off my cliff.

The mighty Devina has fallen.

“....”

I know this has to be done. I don’t want to make anyone feeling unwell with my silence, or bringing this without a true love to arise. Being an elementary schooler means one thing: studying and be good in any subject you have learned. Otherwise, let’s settle it down to business later.

Don’t forget that we’re still a kiddo. Lovey-dovey things like this one would be a source of puke to our future.

---

And there she goes, blooming herself without me the day after. She rebuilds her relations with Nia as soon as the girl finds I’m no longer there. Well, I could say she’s promoting Devina to ‘just stranger’, rather than putting her into ‘sworn enemy’ as Nia once was. They cooperate and working on their weekly assignment in time, presenting a flower bouquet that they have made from a cardboard.

For myself and Juno? We built a water rocket, furnishing the exterior with many glitters to look like it is bathing under the stars. This man actually is clever, but can’t express anything wholeheartedly to his work.

We can’t get the star, though. The two sworn enemy has it for their first time ever.

All in all, from my own conclusions, I have to be closer to this diplomat girl than to my first-kiss. The link between diplomats would be a sure-kill if it is not being issued properly, so Nia Cassandra would be the next case in-line. Hope you’ll finding someone better in the meantime, Devina.

Time to be a stalker, perhaps?