An unexpected twist of fate

Pancakes?

I was walking back home when I realized I wasn’t done, I needed to go visit her dad. Sebastian. What would I even say to him, at least with Cindy I had almost been her second child we didn’t need to talk to understand what each other was going through. For now though I didn’t have the strength to go visit him, I would do it tomorrow I thought. My walk home was a lot easier, I took my time looking at all the houses I hadn’t seen in a few months and how I had actually missed the familiarity within living in this place for my whole life. Thinking about the familiarity brought me back to how I would always walk with Marcey to and from my house and hers. It made me sad but no tears seemed to want to come out. I just kept thinking about all the times we rode our bikes along this road, how when we started jogging it would be along these roads even when we learnt how to drive it was together along these roads. How I could walk down them and not feel her company made me feel sick. I luckily had nothing in my stomach to throw up so I just tried to forget the feeling and focused on my way home. I arrived home and walked straight to my room, I didn’t feel like talking to my parents, I just wanted to sleep. I got into comfy clothes and got into my bed, I looked up and saw all the photos I had stuck on my roof, every single one of them had her in them. No matter what I did or where I went I would never be able to not see her or remember her. I thought now I would start crying but still they did not come. I just lay there staring at all the memories we had shared in our lives. Our Final spring break we were playing beer pong when I got the final shot in the cup of our opponents, we took a photo of us wearing the sashes that had been made for the winners, I think that was one of our proudest moments together. I couldn’t do any more reminiscing today so I turned over and closed my eyes.

Waking up I had not dreamt a thing, it was almost like my mind needed a break from this all and just let me sleep, it was quite serene. I walked down the stairs and smelt pancakes. Wasn’t that nice not having to cook my own breakfast. I entered the dining room and already there was three places set with pancakes stacked with butter and syrup dripping down the sides, a glass of orange juice just above the plates and some fruit in a bowl in the middle of all three places. I could hear voices in the kitchen and heard one of them say my name. I moved closer but as I did both my parents walked out of the kitchen and just about bumping right into me in the dining room. 

“Honey!” My dad yelped

“How did you sleep sweetheart?” My mother asked

“Well thanks, i can’t remember the last time you made me pancakes” I said matter of factly 

They both looked at each other and then smiled as they turned to face me, “we wanted to do something nice to make you feel better.” My mom said to me

“Well, thanks I guess.” I sat down. We started eating in silence, I’m thinking about how today I need to go see Mr Green, but I have no idea what is going to happen I don’t even know how to prepare myself. I mean I haven’t cried yet and seeing Marceys mom was extremely difficult so I guess I should be fine seeing him. I’ll just say my condolences and try to leave before he gets irritated that it was marcey that is gone instead of me. 

“How you feeling honey?” My dad asks bringing me out of my thought bubble. 

“I need to go see Mr Green today, I shouldn’t be too long, it’s only about a 15 minute walk which I’d like to do. Also the funeral is on Wednesday at 10am. I also want to make Mrs Green a nice dish, maybe a casserole. So I will probably come home after seeing him and then go to the shops to buy the ingredients.” They both just stared at me like everything I was saying was someone else speaking for me, not to lie it kind of felt like that. Almost like I had no emotions I just needed to do what I needed to do and that’s how it came out my mouth. I heard my stomach growl and realized how nice it was to have something in there. I stood up and said “I’m going to go get ready, thanks for the pancakes.”

I turned and walked away, neither saying anything. 

I got dressed in a black pencil skirt with a nice maroon shirt to flow on top. I put on my black and white sneakers as I knew the walk was a little far and I didn’t want to wear open shoes. I put on a little bit of mascara as I could see my face looked incredibly pale and if I haven’t seen Mr green in quite a few years I didn’t want to look like I’d just escaped from prison. I walked down stairs and saw my parents sitting on the couch, as soon as they saw me they stood up and rushed over. “Honey we are just a little worried about you, are you sure you don’t want us to drive you there?” My dad asks me with a genuinely concerned smile. 

“I’m really fine to walk thank you, I know you are both worried but you need to let me deal with this in the best way I know how.” 

They looked at each other worried but then nodded towards me in agreement with what I had said.

“Okay sweetheart just let us know if you need us to fetch you.” 

I hugged both of them and walked out the door. They were just concerned and I guess I could understand why. And so I set on my way to see Sebastian.