Dear CEO

Chapter 3 With or without

I feel like a zombie. The only thing I’m not as eager to do is eat, unlike them who’re going berserk to eat human brains. A small smile greets me in the mirror when memories of Derek relling Josh that if there’ll ever be a zombie apocalypse he doesn’t have to worry because zombies eat brains. My smile soon fades away when I notice purpley blue circles drawn heavily around my eyes. All natural from the lack of sleep. I sigh and roll my eyes, feeling no pity for myself. I feel irritated frequently and if I could I would just hit myself in the face. I shrug it off and smear fondation on my face, perfectly covering the nasty circles. There isn’t a time that goes by when I look at myself and don’t think about my mom. I have the exact same eye color as hers. Yellow. It isn’t really a common eye color, I know. Usually people would point it out and make comments about how they’ve never seen this before or that it’s unique. I didn’t like it at all. It made me look scary and unnatural, and that's why I’m so unapproachable. It’s me always going to them, like a friendly human seeking the attention of a scared dog.

I grit my teeth and slowly draw a winged black line on my eyelid, making sure no wobbles show. Doing this almost everyday made me an expert as it was hard to control the fine lines.

I put on the rest of the make up, with shocking pink lipstick and tie my hair in a tight ponytail. I comb a few strands into my face and admire my auburn color. I’ve noticed a lot of girls dying their hair auburn, vanishing themselves from their natural hair color whereas mine has never been dyed. I had a close call in changing it to black, but I couldn’t get it over my heart knowing that my mom would have hated it. She loved my hair. She always braided and admired it with the most pure expression.

I throw my brush on the dresser and strip down from my oversized T-shirt and sweats, changing into a short tight black dress.It hugged my curves perfectly, revealing some cleavage.

I smile at myself in the mirror, satisfied with my appearance.

“Okay.” I say, grabbing my purse and making sure everything is in it that needs to be.

“Taxi.” I call as cars blur through my vision and a yellow one stops right in front of me without even waiting long. I pull my attention away from all the cars passing by, take a deep breath, flex my mouth into a small smile and climb in the car.

“Hi!” I say, brightly, noticing the same chubby guy, wearing oversized glasses through the rearview mirror.

He gives me a snobbish look, “Where to?”

“Capella.” I say, licking my lips, feeling somewhat unwelcome at his curt nod.

I make a mental reminder to never ride with him again. Even if he stops, I’ll make a big deal out of not wanting to ride with him.

I keep my eyes outside,thankful that it isn’t raining like it alway is around here. The rain makes me feel more down than I already am, but sometimes I like to feel that way. It’s hard to explain it even to myself.

“Can you put the radio louder please?” I ask, feeling too much awkwardness to sit in this complete silence.

He sighs and I’m sure I heard a grunt under his breath as he half heartedly turn the volume button louder.

I roll my eyes, feeling repressed anger towards him. I don’t know what his problem is but it’s getting me on my nerves. I focus on the guy's voice speaking with a cheery tone on the radio, holding me from lashing out at the snobbish man.

The traffic is hectic making us go slower than usual. I should be mean to him like he is to me and make him feel bad, although it isn’t his fault. Just like he makes me feel for riding with him. I fumble with the ring on my middle finger and admire it as if it’s the first time I’ve seen it. It has this green emerald in the middle, circles with perfectly sculpted golden leaves. It was my mom’s engagement ring and there isn’t a time I take it off.

I glance at my phone, seeing no notifications for weeks. No messages, no calls. I don’t want to think about it much but it digs a hole deep in my heart.

I look at a bearded man, sitting cross legged on the ground with a dark brown guitar on his lap.

His fingers majestically strum the strings and his mouth opens and closes but I can’t hear anything. I notice an old lady putting some coins in a hat lying on the ground. My thoughts drift to Josh,who was obsessed with guitar. He would come to school with this old retro black guitar,play on breaks, collect them. He had so many, hanging on his walls, the one time we visited him.

I swallow looking at all these groups, walking and talking on the streets, entering coffee shops and fancy restaurants.

“Here is your stop.” The guy mutters, making me escape my hazy thoughts. The car comes to a stop a few miles before Capella, but the streets are packed with cars. I bite my lips and press the total amount of dollars into his open hand. No tip.

I sniff and without saying goodbye escape the car and slam the door closed hard. I hope his ears are tingling and I hope he feels the pain of me being mean to him. I wait for a window to open for a scream, but he just rides off,the car revving louder than normal.

I shake my head and pinch my cheeks. Before I start to walk down the pavement, my heels make an irritating click-clack noise. Feeling my back hunched, like I frequently do, soI walk up straighter, remembering dad’s words about how he hated it when I walked or sat like that. Despite a small group of girls shifting their attention towards me,I keep my head up high and eyes straight, trying to look confident, something I’m really not.

“Iris?” A familiar voice yells from the group of girls just passed.

I put on a small smile on my face and turn to see Lauren waltzing towards me. Her hair isn’t blonde and long anymore but instead in a short blackbob. She shags her hair as if she’s insecure about it. I knit my eyebrows together feeling like I’m looking at a totally different person.

“Iris, it really is you.” She studies me with a bright smile, and I notice how she has aged into a mature young woman.

“Lauren, hi yes. How are you?” I try to sound as exactic as she is keeping my smile tightly on my face.

She circles her arms around and hug me tightly, and I suddenly miss her and all the stuff we used to do in high school. To think only three years has passed and we couldn’t stay together.

I glance at the other two girls in the group that she came from. The one has long strawberry blonde hair, with a small mouse noise and the other brunette girl is so tall she could almost be two of me stacked on top of each other.

Lauren's eyes drift up and down my body and she pulls her light mini skirt down.

“I’m good, how are you? It has been such a long time.”

“Yeah right, I’m doing alright,thanks.” I say, trying to look legit, saying it cause I know I’m doing a lot worse than alright I almost feel a sadness rush to my heart, knowing that she was the person I usually confided in.

She twirls her big hoop earrings around in her finger, “I’m so glad.” She announces and I just nod with a small smile.

“You’re going to Capella?” She asks, pointing up the aisle where a group of people are entering talking loudly.

“Yeah,I heard there’s this band playing.” I say. I’m not actually there for the band, I’m just here because I want to but I don’t want her to get on with how much I go out these days.

“Oh yeah.” she says looking down and we start hearing guitars and people wooing in Capella. I nod and smile, drawing an imaginary half circle with my heels on the concrete.

“If you would like to join us,” she points her thumb backwards at the girls, “You’re more than welcome.”

Not knowing what to sayI nod and start walking towards Capella’s doors,looking back,making sure she follows and the other girls follow behind her.

When we enter,warmth engulfs me and alot of defocused voices. Some eyes glances at me but I hold my attention away and go straight to the bar area, whiffs of smoke entering my nose. I stand quee, trying to hold my composure in between all the drunk and unbalanced people. I wanted to come here, so I can’t be irritated. I should just get on their same level. I smile slightly at my thoughts.

“Hi there.” A tall handsome guy on the left of me, also standing in a row calls me out.

I nod and smile at him. This happens quite a lot.