21
1021 Words
Wait.
No.
Holy f**k.
Were the robot and Maddie a thing?
“So how do you two know each other?” I ask, trying to sound casual.
Maddie says, “We’ve known each other since we were kids.”
But at the same time, Robert is providing more interesting detail. “We dated on and off for ten years.”
I stare at Maddie in horror.
Ten years? She dated this animatron for a decade?
Which means—oh f**k—she slept with him.
No wonder she’s celibate! That block of ice could freeze the libido of a porn star!
Maddie’s smile is tight. Without looking at me, she says, “Well, it’s been a treat catching up, Bobby, but I must be going. Mason, why don’t you and Bettina get better acquainted? I’ll get a ride home with Auntie Waldine.”
“Nooo.” I catch her by her arm as she starts to bolt. Smiling, I draw her back against my side. “Brunch, remember?” I make up a hasty lie. “We were gonna talk about my friend who might need your service.” And I need to know all there is to know about you and Mr. Spock.
Bettina perks up and inserts her t**s into the conversation. “I can’t imagine any friend of yours would need a matchmaker, Mason,” she says sweetly, pushing out her chest in my direction.
Normally, I’d be all over this woman like stink on s**t. Maddie was right. She’s exactly my type.
Except my d**k has zero interest. Less than zero. In fact, I think shrinkage is occurring as we speak.
I’d chalk it up to being in church, but I know my d**k better than that. I could get it on in the Vatican in the middle of Christmas mass if I needed to.
Now I might not be a genius, but I know that if my d**k is on strike, there’s only one reason.
And that reason is looking up at me and blinking her big brown eyes in shock.
She says, “But…” and glances at Bettina, who pounces on the opportunity.
“What a wonderful idea! Yes, let’s all do brunch together!” That makes Waldine throw her head back and cackle like a witch.
The woman’s nuts.
Maddie’s expression darkens. She hesitates a moment, then lifts her chin in that stubborn way she does. Her lips thin, the hideous pink lipstick she favors doing nothing to reduce their full, feminine appeal.
Fuck, I’d like to bite those lips. I’d like to make them part on a moan.
A rush of heat to my head makes me dizzy.
“Ow!” Maddie pulls her arm from my grip, scowling at me.
“s**t, sorry,” I say breathlessly, trying to steady myself as I stare down at Maddie. She has little indents in her upper arm where my fingers dug into her flesh.
What the hell is wrong with me? I’m acting like a caveman!
Waldine cackles louder.
Robert clears his throat and says politely, “I’d love to call on you soon, Maddie, if you don’t mind? Maybe we could have lunch this week and catch up?”
Looking distracted as she rubs her arm, Maddie mutters, “Sure.”
He’s so pleased by that he almost levitates. When he shoots me a victorious glance, I smother the urge to punch him in his nose.
“Should we all take one car to brunch?” Bettina’s so happy she’s almost chirping.
Waldine says, “Oh, no, I can’t go. I’ve got the…” She hesitates, glancing at Maddie, who’s looking at her with big, pleading eyes. All Maddie gets is a grin before Waldine goes on. “The thing. That thing I always do on Sundays after church.” “Thing?” says Maddie pointedly.
Waldine makes a queenly, dismissive gesture with her hand. I get the impression she has no idea what she does on Sundays after church but won’t admit it.
So it’s dementia. That explains a lot.
For some reason, Waldine’s dementia makes Maddie angry. Her eyes flash, her chin juts out farther, and she squares her shoulders like she’s about to ride off into war.
Angry Maddie is incredibly sexy.
I imagine her telling me off wearing nothing but a flimsy nightie, those brown eyes flashing at me instead of her crazy aunt.
When another wave of heat settles over me, Waldine snorts. She walks off without saying goodbye, chortling to herself, the big ostrich feathers on her hat bobbing as she goes.
“Is it safe to let her drive by herself?” I ask.
Maddie watches her aunt leave with an expression that’s half love and half murder. “Yes. She never falls asleep behind the wheel.”
“I meant will she be able to find her way home?”
Maddie looks at me like I’ve been smoking something funny.
“Oh, don’t worry, Mason,” says Bettina, sidling up to me and taking my arm. “Waldine’s perfectly capable of driving home. Now, is that rumor true I heard about the Pioneers getting new uniforms? Because I, for one, happen to favor the silver and black.”
I’m engulfed in a cloud of cinnamon and vanilla perfume. She smells like a cookie. I’m sure that’s as calculated as everything else about her.
She leads me away from Maddie and Robert, who’s smiling at Maddie like he knows what color panties she’s wearing.
Which he probably does.
Never in a million years would I have thought I’d be jealous of a robot, but here we f*****g are.
12
MADDIE
M
en are imbeciles.
After stopping to sign a few autographs outside church, Mason swaggers over to his car with Bettina hanging from his arm like a leech. Honestly, I’d like to give him a
smack for being such a cliché. But the man is only my client, not my friend, so I need to keep it professional. I’ll just observe the two of them at brunch and give him my coaching feedback later.
- Writer
